


My Empire of Dirt

by FlyingDutchy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Civil War, Diverges after 3x07, F/F, Fix-It, Grounder Politics, Healing, People die in Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 89,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingDutchy/pseuds/FlyingDutchy
Summary: Lexa survives Titus' attempt to kill Clarke, allowing her to continue her plans for a better future for all her people. Including Clarke's.First, they have to put an end to Pike's rebellion. Even if they succeed, the Coalition is still far from stable.Her efforts in unifying her people are opposed from multiple sides. The coalition becomes a powder keg, ready to explode.When fire is set to the coalition, can Lexa and Clarke unite their people once again?Or will they rule an Empire of Dirt?What have I become, my sweetest friendEveryone I know goes away in the endAnd you could have it all, my Empire of dirtI would let you down, I will make you hurt





	1. Point Blank

**Author's Note:**

> This has been playing around in my head for a while now. So I hope you will enjoy the ride. There will be dark chapters, as the world of the 100 is anything but gentle with our favourite characters.
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes but if you see any, feel free to point them out. If something contrasts with canon, assume that its on purpose. Furthermore, I have not watched from 3x07 onward, but I have read some summaries. Safe to say, those storylines will probably not be part of this story.
> 
> Furthermore, be prepared for some grey morality. The Lexa in the show is not a paragon of virtue, she is a warlord. A 'benevolent dictator'. I can list the questionable things she's done, and this story will delve deeper into that. Lexa would murder a family, if she thought it would save five families. (like she sacrificed Tondc). Clarke is more idealistic, though not naively so. A civil war is terribly messy - like many in the US learn from their history - and all sides in a war commit wrongdoings. 
> 
> As a general warning. I will not post specific 'triggers' for chapters, but my story will contain violence, gore, but not rape. 
> 
> Title Credit: Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt". Though Johnny Cash's pulls on your heartstrings. I recommend listening to Cash's version, it describes certain parts of this story perfectly. 
> 
>  

She knew the news before she was told. She turned to face the intruder and saw the sad, hesitant look on the blonde’s face.

“When do you leave?” She asked Clarke. She felt no anger and no disappointment towards the girl that waltzed into her life and took it over by force and would leave her behind in desolation.

“Now.” Clarke said and the Commander nodded sadly, accepting their fates. Clarke walked over to consolidate her. “I’m sorry.”

It looked like the sky princess was going to continue, but she interrupted her. “Don’t be. You have to go back to your people. That’s why I…” She stopped, it was not the time for such revelations. “That’s why you’re you.” She changed what she was about to proclaim, but could still see the recognition in Clarke’s eyes. Clarke knew what she had almost said.

“Maybe someday… someday we’ll owe nothing more to our people.” Clarke’s voice was on the verge of breaking. Lexa saw the dream in Clarke’s eyes. And it would be exactly that, a dream. Both girls knew that such a dream was a lie that doesn’t come true. Clinging onto it might make it something worse. Lexa would be _heda_ until she died and her spirit passed on to the next. Her teachings told her that such dreams would be a weakness.

Still, she didn’t have the heart to disagree with Clarke. To strife towards a distant dream could be enough to keep both of them on the correct course. She no longer clung to those teachings, and the reason for the change of mind was standing in front of her. “I hope so.”

The Commander swallowed hard as she held out her arm for Clarke to grasp. The blonde grasped her arm tightly. Lexa looked troubled towards the girl in front of her. So many challenges awaited them and neither knew if both of them would overcome them intact. “May we meet again.” She decided on the Sky People’s manner of saying goodbye.

Then, instead of pulling away, Clarke moved towards her. Lexa saw brief hesitation, but that also evaporated as Clarke covered the distance between their lips. She kissed her back, but was overcome by emotions the young Commander hadn’t felt before. Lexa blinked a few times, looking at the strong willed girl in front of her as tears trailed down her cheeks. Then she felt Clarke’s pull and their lips pressed together once more.

* * *

The Commander lay awake as Clarke left the confines of their bed. A sad smile was present on her lips. “Be strong, Clarke.” She whispered, but the message was meant just as much for herself. Difficult times were coming, and the brunette wondered if the next time they would meet each other, it would on opposing sides of the battlefield.

“You too, _heda_.” She felt Clarke’s lips ghosting over her neck, her breath sent shivers down her spine. The Commander’s arms shot out and pulled Clarke down on top of her as she captured the beautiful ambassador’s lips. It felt like a final kiss goodbye, fiercer than she had done before. It left them both breathless for a second.

“Now go. You need to be across the blockade before dawn.” She saw some mirth in Clarke’s eyes as she bounced her words back at her. Lexa sat up in her bed and the furs pooled in her lap, leaving her upper body fully exposed. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes from trailing across the Commander’s body. Lexa never felt this objectified before, and she _liked_ it. When Clarke’s eyes finally made it towards her own, she smirked confidently. “You’ll definitely come back to me now.”

Clarke chuckled. “Who knew the Commander was good at pillow talk.” Pillow talk? What was- but she was able to deduce the figurative meaning. “I’ll… We _will_ meet again.” Clarke said forcefully. The blonde stepped backwards and quickly turned to leave the room, before her resolve failed her.

Lexa lowered herself back onto the furs they had been resting upon. Her eyes were taking in the dancing shadows on the ceiling, cast by the many candles in her private quarters. A few more tears escaped her eyes as she thought of Clarke, of how much she would miss her. In their, admittedly, brief time together, she had come to care deeply for the strong girl. Ever since Costia’s death, she had believed caring and loving to be weakness. And maybe Clarke was her weakness, causing her to act irrationally. But maybe, just maybe, Clarke was also a source of strength. A beacon of support for the Commander to reach goals that Clarke would be proud of. She could make a better life for her people, a life consisting of more than just survival.

As she lay there, watching the flickering candles against the ceiling, something started gnawing at her insides. A pit was growing in her stomach. It wasn’t that she was already missing Clarke too much. It was something else. Something bad was going to happen. She’d always had these feelings, and every time they signaled important, disastrous events.

Lexa extracted herself from her bed and put on her clothes. The feeling in her stomach was growing ever stronger. Hopefully Clarke had already left Polis. She would escape whatever was about to happen here. That was when she heard it. A loud bang came from the room below hers. _Clarke’s room!_

Adrenaline kicked in immediately as she rushed out the door and jumped down the flight of stairs between the floors. The Commander rolled over her shoulder to absorb the shock of the hard landing. She then heard a second bang, and third following shortly thereafter. Without sparing a second, she ran through the door into Clarke’s room. In a split second she absorbed the scene in front of her.

Remains of a shattered vase were spread over the floor. A young _Skaikru_ man, about Clarke’s age, bled from a wound in his head while he was bound to a chair. To the left of her Clarke was getting up from the ground. To the right of the Lexa, on the opposite side of the room, stood her trusted Flamekeeper, armed with a _Skaikru_ weapon. He only had eyes for the blonde girl. Lexa saw Titus bringing his weapon to bare on the center of the girl. Clarke, off balance from dodging the previous shot, was in no position to dodge the next shot.

In the tenth of the second that the Commander had to analyze the situation, there was only one thing she could do.

So she jumped forward.

* * *

Clarke had reacted on instinct when Titus opened fire. The first shot went wide, the priest was unable to control the weapon. The second and third shots were closer to target, but Clarke had managed to dodge out of their paths. She rolled out of the way, but now she knew that her luck had run out. She was out of position, out in the open, and the next shot would surely take her. She closed her eyes, and thought once more about Lexa. She hoped that the Commander could overcome this, hoped that this would not break her.

When the next shot rang, the braced for impact but none came. Except the sound of something soft collapsing on the floor. Then she heard something metallic clatter to the ground and Titus exclaim in anguish: “ _Heda_!”

Clarke turned around and saw the Commander on the ground in between Titus and her. “Lexa!” She moved quickly and, using strength she didn’t know she possessed, lifted the woman bridal style and put her on her bed. Her hands became slick with the black blood that started to soak the Commanders shirt. When Clarke finished tracing the blood towards the origin, she saw that the bullet had pierced the Commanders upper torso. Using her hands to feel the Commanders back, she could see that there was no exit wound, which was both good and bad.

“C-Clark, you’re o.. Okay?” Lexa faintly breathed out and Clarke felt her fingers trace along her face. “That’s good.”

“Keep still.” Clarke captured the Commander's hands and brought them down. “Don’t move.” She then applied pressure to the wound to stop it from bleeding. “Titus, give me my backpack, she is losing too much blood.” Clarke snarled at the grounder, who was still staring disbelievingly at what he had caused. Clarke’s shout seemingly shook him awake as he rushed to grab her stuff.

Once Clarke had received her backpack, she laid out all the medical equipment that she had with her.  She was looking for some morphine that she had borrowed from Arkadia before she left in exile. She ripped open _heda_ ’s shirt, and pressed hard on the entry wound to slow down the bleeding. Black blood slipped through her fingers as she kept them on the Commander's chest. “It will be okay, just lie still. Lie still.”

Lexa was breathing hard through the pain she was feeling. It felt as if her chest was on fire, while the strength slipped away from her and her fingers and feet were turning cold. “Don’t be afraid, Clarke.” She had to comfort the girl that was slowly losing her sanity.

“You’re going to be fine, you’re going to be fine. Stay still.” Clarke said as she applied Lincoln’s herbs directly to the wound. Clarke could see Lexa’s face contort from pain, but no scream slipped through her lips. “She’s losing too much blood.”

Titus watched as Clarke had seemingly forgotten about him shooting her. He noticed that the girl only had one thing on her mind right now: the Commander. The same Commander that hadn’t forgotten him. “ _Titus.”_

He crawled over towards the Commander he had sworn to protect. He had served four Commanders in his lifetime, but Lexa was the only one that managed to form a coalition and bring peace to the grounders. And he would be the cause of her death.

“Forgive me, _heda_.” But his request for forgiveness was dismissed.

“If I die today, you will do your job and serve the next Commander. But whatever the outcome, you will never again do anything to harm Clarke.” His leader spoke to him forcefully, despite the pain that must be coursing through her nerves. “Swear it.”

He regained somewhat of his resolve of why he had to shoot Clarke, even in her last moments, Lexa was still protecting Clarke. Clarke had gotten the Commander killed, if Lexa hadn’t jumped it would have been fine. Then Lexa grabbed his neck forcefully. _“Swear it.”_

 _“I swear it.”_ Titus was honorable, he would live by his word until the day he died. Nothing he would do would directly, or indirectly, harm Clarke. Strength seemed to leave the Commander, and the grip she had on his neck wavered as her arm dropped to her side.

“Lexa? Stay with me, it isn’t over. Your fight isn’t over!” Clarke panicked at the strength leaving the Commander. Tears blurred her vision but her resolve was still strong.

“Clarke, there is nothing you can do now.” Clarke saw tears in the corners of the eyes of the Commander. Clarke shook her head in disagreement, she wasn’t giving up on her. “The next Commander will protect you.”

Tears blurred the blonde’s eyes. “I don’t want the next Commander. I want you.”

Lexa whimpered at the pain coursing through her chest, her lips were shaking and she had no feeling her limbs, except the cold that was creeping ever closer through her chest. “ _My fight is-_.” Lexa doubled over in pain and couldn’t complete the sentence.

“Your fight is _not_ over!” Clarke had finally found what she had been rummaging in her bag for. She plunged the syringe in the brunette's body and inserted its contents into her veins. The morphine would stop whatever pain the Commander was experiencing while she would work on stabilizing her.

“Titus!” She snarled. “Take over from me, and press on her wound.” She saw the grounder hesitate a second, but then he followed her command. “If she dies, it’s on you. But I will do whatever I can to not make that happen.”

Then she moved to free Murphy from his chair. He looked at her, fearful of what she would do to him. “I’m sorry, Clarke, this wasn’t my-”

“Save it. Go to the east corner of the market. Octavia will be there and you will bring her to me.” Murphy could do only one thing and that was to follow her order. He had to make amends for everything he had put them through. Even though this was not directly his fault, he did play a part. “Whatever her protests are, bring her to me. Tell her it's life or death.”

Clarke spared him no second glance as he ran out of the room. She moved back to Lexa to check on her. The girl laying on her bed was breathing painfully, but still somewhat lucid. The morphine had not kicked in yet. Clarke removed Titus’ hands from the wound. The wound was ugly, the bullet had struck one of Lexa’s ribs and shattered on impact. Fragments had been deflected and entered further into her soft tissue. She was losing blood rapidly and if Clarke did not remove the largest fragments and stitched her up, she would bleed out. She might still bleed out before the operation was finished.

“Do you have a scalpel, thread, needles and gauzes?” She asked Titus. She saw the Flamekeeper hesitate. “Give them. Now!”

Titus grabbed a box from the linings in his robe. It was inscribed with many insignias, some symbols Clarke recognized, and some were entirely unknown. Clarke stole the box from his hands before he could protest. When she opened the box, there were all kinds of old medical instruments inside. They were well maintained. _Why did the flamekeeper have these instruments?_ “These are sacred instruments-” Titus made an attempt to get them back.

“I don’t care. I don’t care about your religious bullshit, I need to save Lexa.” Titus backed down at the ferocity. Clarke pressed her hand against Lexa’s cheeks, who still was whimpering softly and breathing hard, and looked her deeply in the eyes. “I’m going to save you. It’s going to be okay.” Clarke saw everything clearly now, she had a clear goal and knew what to do. She instructed Titus to hold Lexa down and gave Lexa something to bite down onto.

Lexa also seemed to regain some resolve. She brought her hands to the wound on her chest and held the broken skin apart, giving Clarke better access. She nodded at Clarke, telling her that she could do this.

With the scalpel, she cut the wound open a bit more, for better access. Then she took the pliers from the metal box, the pliers were inscribed with the same infinity symbol she had seen on the base of Lexa’s neck, and went to work. She felt Lexa struggle, her muscles were clenching whenever she reached in the wound to extract a fragment. Clarke wished she could have waited for the morphine to start working fully, but she couldn’t take the risk of her Commander bleeding out.

The bleeding rate only seemed to increase. _Shit_. Clarke felt Lexa’s pulse. Her heart rate was up. She was hemorrhaging. Her heart rate was spiking due to the lack of oxygen reaching vital organs, and Lexa would be going into shock. She needs to buy more time for the morphine to work.

“She has lost too much blood.” Clarke knew only a blood transfusion could save the girl. However, she had no idea what blood type the Commander had. Her black blood must be special, but there were others with black blood. “Titus, where are the _natblida_?”

“They’re away, on a training field trip.” _Damn it._ It seems that there was only one choice. “Why do you need them?”

“She _needs_ blood or she _will_ die.” Clarke explained her intentions as she requested Titus’ arm. She held an empty to fill with blood. It was going to be a gamble, but it was all she had left. Nothing would matter if she couldn’t stabilize her.

“No! That’s sacrilege. There is nothing worse than tainting the _natjus_ with other blood!” The grounder’s religious head retracted his arm and Clarke knew that, despite his loyalty to Lexa, he couldn’t betray what he thought to be his God’s rules.

“Do I look like I give a shit?” She yelled at him as she plunged the syringe in her own arm. She winced as she drew her own blood. Now she had to keep careful count of how much she drew or she would pass out and there would be no one to save Lexa. Despite Titus’ protests, he did not intervene. Perhaps he understood that the only way to stop Clarke was to harm her, and he couldn’t because of his oath to Lexa.

Clarke plunged the syringe in her own veins for a second time and could feel herself weakening as she drew her own blood. As she finished her second transfusion, she went to work to stitch Lexa up. The morphine finally kicked in and stabilized her heart rate which reduced the bleeding. Lexa’s hold on her wound relented, and her arms dropped to her side as the morphine took her into the abyss.

Clarke could not extract all fragments, and the sharp metal pieces still remaining in her body could cause additional internal bleedings, but there was no time. The bigger pieces were extracted, and the main arteries had to be closed before she bled out.

Right when she finished stitching the girl up the main internal artery that was severed, Octavia burst into the room, followed by Indra and Murphy. Indra took one look at the butcher’s scene that was the room. Black blood drenched the bed and was all over the hands and clothes of both Clarke and Titus. Clarke had managed to get a few smears on her face when she had rubbed in her eyes or cleared her forehead of sweat. _“_ What is going on here?!” Indra said as she drew her sword. Octavia looked at the blonde with uncertain eyes.

“Lexa is shot.” Clarke said and she looked straight at the Trikru general, while keeping her hands pressed on the wound. “You will take Octavia to Arkadia and extract my mother. Do whatever you need to do.” She needed someone with medical expertise, and she only knew one person that could provide it. Octavia would bring her to Polis. “Tell her to bring all medical equipment she can carry to treat a gunshot wound to the chest.”

Indra started to protest, but one hard look from Clarke shut her up. “Yes, Wanheda. We will be back in one day.” The dark skinned general turned and hurried out of the room. Octavia looked into Clarke’s pleading eyes and nodded. A silent promise to do everything that she could.

Murphy tried to ask Clarke for help, but was already forgotten as the blonde plunged the syringe in her arm again. He watched as Clarke drained her own life source to give to another. Clarke thought about asking Murphy to donate blood, but she did not know his blood type, and she did not know if it mattered. Clarke knew her own blood type was O-negative, so she should be able to donate blood to anyone—in theory. She didn’t know how Lexa’s blood would respond, and she didn’t know Murphy’s type.

“Murphy, if I were you, I would try to leave the city, go somewhere away from here.” She told the young man standing indecisive in the doorway. “A blockade will go into effect which targets all _Skaikru_. If anyone sees you here after dawn, they might kill you.” And Murphy did what he did best: he ran to save his own skin.

Clarke continued, while whispering in a quiet mantra to herself: “You will live, Lexa. Your fight isn’t over.” Titus watched while now keeping the pressure on the wound. He could still feel Heda’s heart pulsating beneath his fingers. He watched Clarke exhaust herself as she kept working on Lexa. After the fourth transfusion, Clarke removed his hands from Lexa and started stitching up the outer wound. He watched her sway both from exhaustion and blood loss. But she kept pressing on. After the bandage had been applied and she was satisfied that the bleeding had slowed, she once again grabbed the syringe to draw blood from herself.

He started thinking that maybe he was wrong about her. He saw how relentlessly she worked to keep Lexa breathing, while he could only watch dumbly from the sidelines. He had been stunned at what he had done, while Clarke immediately sprang into action when it was needed most. The blonde girl had pushed away any animosity for him to save Lexa. And now he was watching her possibly kill herself to save the Commander.

“Clarke…” He said, as if his promise with _heda_ also required him to protect Clarke from herself. “Draw too much and you will die.”

A wild look took over Clarke’s face as she looked him in the eyes. “Don’t you get it, Titus? She has to live!” Clarke yelled. “Lexa is more important than _either_ of us _combined_.”

He was taken aback. He clearly agreed with the girl, but to hear someone say that they would willingly, slowly kill themselves was unexpected. He had expected her resolve to waver by now, that every vial of blood would drain it away from her. Instead, every beat of Lexa’s heart seemed to strengthen it.

“Besides, she needs one more transfusion and I can give at least one more without permanent damage to myself.” Clarke had been recollecting the lessons given by her mother, how much blood a person could lose before losing consciousness. Her hands were shaking as she pulled the needle from her arm and put it in Lexa’s. She had estimated the amount of blood that the unconscious brunette had lost. This last bit should stabilize her.

“After this transfusion, I will likely pass out.” She told Titus factually. “You must keep counting her heartbeats. If it rises above 100 beats per minute, or falls too low, extract more of my blood and give it to her. It won’t kill me.” She commanded him with her eyes, and he could do nothing but obey. Even if it would kill her, it was worth it.

Clarke grabbed her father’s watch and counted the beats in a full minute. Sixty-five. It would have to do. She then finally sat down in the chair next to the bed. Then closed her eyes briefly.

Titus watched as the sky girl closed her eyes, and saw her body give in to exhaustion. She collapsed in her chair, but somehow managed to not fall forward towards the Commander. He was left alone in the carnage that he had caused. He was left alone to dwell on his motives, he was still convinced that Clarke was a weakness for the Commander. The Commander’s actions of today showed him that much. Everything would have worked out if she hadn’t jumped in the bullet’s path.

He would have been killed. By Lexa’s hand, of course. She may not start the war he wanted. But Lexa would have survived Clarke’s death, and would eventually overcome her grief. And then she would lead their people to greatness, as she was destined to do.

The room started to be clad in darkness as the sunlight faded from the windows. Titus was left alone with his mind, thinking about what he had done and what his future would be if the commander woke up.

 

 

 

 


	2. Racing in the Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke sent them on their way to Arkadia to abduct or otherwise obtain a certain doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had some questions regarding whether our couple survives and the answer is yes. I stopped watching after 3x07 (not simple because Lexa died, but also how) so I would never kill her off here. 
> 
> That being said, all other characters are fair game. And they don't need to be intact at the end of the story, either physically or mentally. I won't randomly chop of a limb so don't be worried about that. But, I don't fully know the details every plot line yet, so I can't say for sure what I'll do with our characters. I am not really a fan for trigger warnings as they spoil twists and plot points which are supposed to have an impact on the reader. It won't be anything truly triggering such as rape though.

When Octavia exited the central Tower of Polis, Indra was already mounted on a horse and had her horse by its reins. The chestnut colored horse seemed to sense the agitated girl and pressed its snout to her face. Octavia, seemingly still in a daze before, snapped out of it and climbed the horse.

“We will ride non-stop.” She heard Indra say. “Ten hours to Arkadia, extract the doctor, and then rush back.” _Ten hours? It normally took them over fifteen hours on horseback._

“Let’s go.” Indra said as she pressed her heels into the side of the horse and sped ahead through the busy streets of the grounder capital. The people still went on their merry ways, trading, working, fighting, and training or, in case of the children, playing. They had no idea the battle that their Commander was currently fighting. They had no idea that their city could potentially become a battlefield if the she was to die.

She steered her horse around a group of children playing ‘Commander and Nightbloods’. One of the boys played Lexa, he had her signature war paint on his face, and the rest of the children, six girls and two boys, played the Nightbloods. They would all fight each other, but each game would end in a similar way: _heda_ wins.

Indra knew that, if Lexa would die today, the death of the Commander couldn’t come at a worse time. The stability of the coalition was already in question, there was an Azgeda nightblood found that would take part in the conclave. The succession was not set in stone. People would be split among whether to follow a new Commander that was from a clan that many had fought against in their own lifetimes, who was not trained in Polis. While most of Polis admired Lexa, a Commander from the Ice Nation would not be accepted with open arms.

So once more she encouraged her horse to speed up. People now had to dodge out of her and Octavia’s path as she couldn’t control the horse anymore. The guards at the gate first looked as if they would intervene, but then they recognized her as the Trikru general and let them pass without hassle. Outside of the gates, they raced across the farmlands directly surrounding the city. The kept the same pace as in the city, their horses needed to live through the way back and forth.

As they cleared the countryside, they entered the dense pine forests of the Trikru. Here Indra knew the fastest route through tree trunks. So she lead with her second closely behind.

Octavia was lost in thought when she was following her mentor. She kept thinking to back in Clarke’s room. She saw the distress Clarke was in, but also the strength of the young girl in the way she _commanded_ Indra to get Abby. And Indra obeyed. Clarke didn’t ask, didn’t explain, and Indra didn’t ask, didn’t complain. Then it struck her, Clarke had commanded like Lexa would have. With the same air of power around her, with the same tone and expression that demanded nothing less than respect and obedience. Octavia hadn’t even dared to open her mouth.

Then she remembered the dried blood on Clarke’s face, and how it seemed that tear tracks had trailed through the coating of blood. Lexa must mean something more to Clarke, more than just her Commander. Octavia pondered on this train of thoughts. _Heda_ was the only thing standing in between the war that everyone seemed hell bent on causing. However, it seemed to be more than a necessary political alliance.  

Her thought process was disrupted by a call from her mentor. “We have to make a plan on how to get inside.” They now rode side by side. The road in the forest was big enough for two horses to ride next to each other. The trees sped past and small critters jumped away from the stampede that they were. “And afterwards we need to find the doctor, and extract her.” On paper, their orders were simple, but with the heightened state of alert that the _Skaikru_ would be in, it seemed like a suicide mission.

“I think I have a way in, and I know how to get Abby to come willingly.” Octavia then told her of the radio that she was carrying, and how it could bring her in contact with someone trustworthy: Kane. She knew Indra respected Kane, even trusted him almost. If Kane had won the election, Octavia was sure they would’ve become friends. “And Abby will come willingly if we tell her Clarke is hurt.” Indra agreed with the plan. They would contact Kane once they were close enough to Arkadia to receive a signal. Kane would get them in, using the same way that Octavia got out of there.

Indra steered them first to Tondc, which lay on the route between Polis and Arkadia. There, she took another set of horses, the horses they rode on nearly collapsed of exhaustion. Now they had 3 horses, one more for Abby. Tondisi was still undergoing reconstruction - rebuilding a whole village was a lot of work - and people were still busy well into the night when they arrived. Indra called for the stable master to take care of the horses, and to prepare another set for their return route.

As they got closer to Arkadia, they saw more and more grounder warriors walking towards the blockade perimeter. The sun had gone down long ago and it was deep in the night. An endless stream of warriors walked ahead of them. They were visible in the dark of the night with moonlight reflecting off their metal armors and weapons. Octavia feared that her people would not see reason. She had estimated that they had passed a total of two thousand warriors by now.

When warriors looked at them, if they saw the Skaikru girl first, it seemed they were about to draw weapons. However, when they saw her company, they relented. Indra was well known by any warrior in Trikru lands.

After ten hours of fast riding, they reached the edge of the forest. Behind the tree line, it would only be empty fields leading towards Arkadia. There were no grounders in sight. All grounders were wary of the distance that the Skaikru weapons could reach. But that didn’t mean they weren’t there. Octavia knew where to look and she could see the many hidden warriors in the trees, the many bushes and foxholes. They were ready to ambush anyone attempting to breach the blockade.

In the distance she could see the artificial lights of Arkadia, illuminating the metal structures of the camp. Suddenly, she thought about Lincoln. He was still in there with Pike and his supporters. She hoped that he wouldn’t do anything stupid, that he kept his head cool and waited for all of this to blow over. When she thought about Pike, she imagined herself strangling him. She imagined her slowly dismembering him piece by piece, while keeping him alive and breathing. She wondered what Indra would do if they ran into him.

“If we run into anyone that attacked your army, focus on the mission first.” She told her mentor. She remembered how Indra was when Octavia found her in Polis. The dark skinned general was broken, hurt and had lost the will to fight. She could jeopardize the mission if she went after Pike. However, when Indra turned towards her and looked at her flatly, she knew that she should have kept her mouth shut.

“If you’re worried that I would kill Pike at first chance I see him, don’t.” Indra told her with conviction. “I know the mission and will stay within objectives.” Then her glare hardened. “You are telling me, not because you fear I may do something stupid. You don’t trust yourself and you are afraid what you will do if you see Pike.”

Octavia felt anger flare up inside of her, but one look from Indra silenced her protests.

“You have much to learn. But you will learn.” Indra spoke to her and grabbed her shoulder with one arm. “Tonight will be a lesson. A lesson on how to complete your mission, how to set aside personal feelings. You will not attack Pike. You will not go see _Linkon_. And you will not let Bellamy stop us.”

Octavia’s eyes shot open wide when Indra mentioned her brother and Lincoln. Bellamy had been part of the ten warriors that had massacred Indra’s forces. In a surprise attack they had killed three hundred warriors in their sleep. The wounded were executed in cold blood. Indra was only left alive to send a message to Heda. She was fearful of what would happen should Bellamy try to stop them. Would Indra kill him?

“Don’t fear for your brother’s life. Unless it is the _only_ way, I will not kill him.”

“You give me more than he, or I, deserve.”

Indra nodded. Bellamy deserved nothing less than a traitor’s death, but he also argued for her to be kept alive.

At this understanding, Octavia pulled out the radio that would bring her into contact with Kane. “Kane, are you there?” When no response came after a few seconds, she tried again. On the third try, she finally got a response.

“This is Miller, who is this?” Miller? Octavia recalled the boy. He was loyal to Kane when she left. But was he still? It would be suspicious for Kane to be monitoring the radio all the time, so maybe he had someone else watch it for him?

“Miller, it is Octavia. Can you get me Kane?” It was small risk that they would have to take. They got no response for five minutes. Indra peered towards the camp, worried that an attack may come and that they have been compromised. After ten minutes, they finally heard: “Octavia, this is Kane. What is wrong? Where have you been?”

“No time to explain. I need you to bring Abby to the exit point, we will wait on the other side.” Kane was suspicious at this.

“Why do you need Abby?”

“We need to take her to the capitol. Something happened and Clarke needs her.” Nothing she said was a lie, but it strongly implied that Clarke was hurt and the healers in Polis were unable to help her.

“I… I can’t get close to Abby. Pike is watching me and her like a hawk. She’s currently working in the hospital.”

Indra then stepped in the conversation. “Then you’ll get us in, bring two disguises and we will extract Clarke’s mother.”

“Indra, is that you? I’m so glad you’re oka- alive.” The relief in Kane’s voice was transmitted clearly over the radio waves. Kane’s relief made him forget the important question of why Indra would be here for Clarke’s wellbeing. “Okay, I will send Miller to the entrance with disguises.”

In the cover of the night they closed the final distance over open terrain. They had left their horses behind, and stuck to the high grass and close to the ground. Octavia quickly found the weakness in the electric fence and lead her and Indra inside the camp.

Together they found the maintenance exit that Octavia had used last time. The door was unlocked so they could enter and there were two sets of clothing ready for the both of them. Simple jeans, shirts and a cap to hide their faces. Miller was nowhere to be seen, but perhaps that was for the best. The less he knew, the better. If something went wrong, at least he didn’t know that he smuggled a grounder inside.

Once dressed, the two grounders entered the main hallways of the Arkadia station. The metal floors, walls and roofs always made Indra uncomfortable. No matter how silently they tried to walk, their footsteps were carried by the metal surfaces. There was nowhere to hide because all the hallways were lit the whole day and night by LED lighting embedded in the walls and ceilings. Luckily, it was the dead of the night and almost all crew were either fast asleep, or manning the outer walls. The _Skaikru_ they passed hardly looked at them.

Seeing that sneaking was a waste of time, they simply strode with a purpose like they belonged in the place. Octavia knew the route to the medbay. When they entered the medbay, they found the beds that the wounded grounders used to occupy empty. Instead, one of the beds was occupied by a wounded guard. Octavia recognized him from the raid on the _Trikru_ village. He had burn scars all over the left side of his face, and his left arm ended at his elbow. Octavia knew that her warning to the grounder village had indirectly almost killed this guard, but she did not feel sympathy for the man.

In the corner they found Abby Griffin, working at her desk. Abby had looked towards the commotion. “What can I do for you?” She did not recognize the young woman, however when her eyes fell upon the dark skinned grounder, recognition filled them. “What are you doing here?” She hissed, alarmed and afraid. Abby moved towards the panic button, which would alarm the whole of Arkadia if pressed.

Octavia jumped and grabbed Abby’s arm. “Stop, we need your help.” Abby recognized the girl then.

“It’s Clarke, is it?”

Octavia almost felt guilty about the lie that was coming. “Yes, Clarke needs you. We need your medical expertise for a gunshot wound. You need to come with us to Polis.” She hoped it would be enough to convince the doctor.

And luck may have it, Abby agreed right away. “Where was she shot?”

Octavia hadn’t gotten a good look at Lexa, but remembered that Clarke had said that it was in her chest. Indra, however, had seen where Titus was pressing his hands to slow the bleeding. She indicated the location on her body. Abby’s face contorted, she knew it was bad and survival needed haste. “Is the bullet still in her?” They didn’t know. Abby prepared for the worst and grabbed as much stuff as they could carry.

“Don’t worry Abby, it will be fine.” Kane’s voice sounded over Octavia’s radio. Abby looked up in surprise, but quickly connected the dots that Kane had gotten them inside, but was unable to contact her. “Miller is still patrolling the halls, the exit is still clear.”

Abby continued grabbing fluids, morphine, and surgery tools. Five minutes later, she had everything she could think of and more. She looked at Octavia expectantly.

“Ready?” Asked the _Skaikru_ -turned-grounder. Abby nodded in confirmation. Right as Indra moved to open the medbay doors, the doors opened by themselves and Bellamy rushed in, straight past Indra without sparing her a second glance. Indra, Abby and Octavia froze.

“Abby, is there any news about-” He stopped speaking as he saw Abby with a backpack and a case, seemingly ready to leave. He looked around to the other occupants of the room. “Abby, what is going on?” Then his eyes fell on the short dark-haired girl whose face was hidden behind an old pre-war baseball cap. The posture and shape of her body seemed so familiar. He narrowed his eyes. “Octavia?!”

He then took a step back and saw the third person. One that he vividly remembered the face of as she had begged him to kill her. To let her join the rest of her warriors. He then remembered the gun he holstered in the side of his pants and came up with a plan of attack. He would shoot the grounder first, then threaten Octavia to stand down. If that didn’t work, he could still knock her out.

“Bellamy, don’t.” Both Abby and Octavia said at the same time. Bellamy looked at Abby in confusion, wasn’t she being kidnapped? No, she seemed to be going willingly.

“It’s Clarke,” Abby told him. “She’s been shot and needs medical help. They have come to get me but they knew that I could never leave if they simply asked.”

Bellamy wavered a bit at this news. Clarke had been shot? In Polis? Who would do such a thing? Bellamy had held Clarke in high regard, before she left them alone to deal with the aftermath of the Mountain. And now, when they needed her most in the upcoming conflict with the grounders, she had chosen the wrong side.  “Clarke is a traitor.”

“She will die.” Octavia said. “You don’t want that. This is not you. Bellamy.” The pleas to let them go could be heard in her voice as she stepped closer to Bellamy. Behind him, Octavia saw Indra draw her knife and start to move into position behind her brother. She remembered the promise, but could also see that there were very few options here. “Please, let us go. No one has to get hurt anymore.”

At that moment the burned guard moaned in agony. He was not conscious, but still in large amounts of apparent pain. Bellamy’s eyes hardened. “That is your fault. Your betrayal burned him, and killed Monroe.” Her eyes flickered to Indra and Bellamy caught that brief glimpse. His hand went to his holster but before he could act, Octavia was on him.

“I’m sorry, brother.” A tearful Octavia said as she closed a hand around his mouth to prevent him from screaming while pummeling with the handle of her knife on his skull. He had not expected Octavia to actually attack him without further hesitation. The first hit snapped his head backwards, and he saw Indra behind, knife drawn. _They were going to kill him!_ The next hit knocked him out. Octavia briefly checked if he was still breathing and was relieved to find out that his pulse was strong.

Abby looked at Bellamy’s unconscious body with hard eyes and then looked at the two grounders. “We need to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that you have chapter 2, which is kind of an oddball in between all the other chapters I've written, I wanted to ask whether you prefer a regular update schedule or update whenever I feel like I can. I have written a few chapters already, but if you want a regular schedule (like once a week) then I will keep a few chapters stored for when I get busy. Or if you want whenever I'm ready, then I can dump a few chapters on you pretty soon (they require some proofreading though). 
> 
> Leave a comment about what you want and what you thought about this chapter. I hope to portray the characters somewhat true to the show, at least as to how they were at this stage (Bellamy is batshit insane, for example). But I will take more creative liberties with Lexa.


	3. Living Proof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke had tirelessly operated on the Commander but exhaustion had taken her. How did the Commander fare under her care, and does Abby arrive before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, one more chapter that I had already finished. I have 3 more finished but I've decided to hold on to them for a while as I finish more of the plot and write more chapter. I can't keep this up, posting a single chapter a day (chapters which seem to get longer and longer)
> 
> I posted this because of the lack of Clarke or Lexa in the previous chapters. Enjoy!

The world slowly came into focus as Clarke opened her eyes. She blinked to remove the blur from her sight. Shapes she vaguely recognized turned into familiar forms. She was still seated in the chair next to her bed, and Lexa still occupied the furs. The first thing Clarke checked for was the slow, labored rise of the Commander’s chest. Sunlight illuminated the room and a red dawn could be seen through the windows. _She made it through the night._ Clarke felt some of her worries disappear

She stirred from her awkward position in the chair and moved closer to the wounded girl. The hardest part was over. Clarke sighed. She was still exhausted, partially from last night’s events, and other parts due to her blood loss. It would take a few days before her body could replenish what she’d lost. Clarke brought her hands up to Lexa’s face and traced softly along her jaw until they touched the dried blood that was smeared on her face. Clarke frowned at the sight. Painfully, she rose from her seat and grabbed a piece of cloth, which she drenched into a bowl of water. Then she started cleaning Lexa’s face, removing the caked blood from her beautiful but sickly pale face. She moved down to clean her hands and whatever part of her stomach that was covered in blood and she could easily reach. After a few rinses, the water in the bowl was almost as dark as Lexa’s blood, but the commander was cleaned up. Meanwhile, she counted her heartbeats. Fifty-five strong beats per minute.

Clarke noticed someone else stirring. She looked up and stared into Titus’ tired eyes, he had been awake all night, watching over the Commander. She could not forgive what he had done. She could understand his misguided intentions as to why he intended to kill her, but she could never forgive him for almost killing Lexa. At least he had kept his word and looked after Lexa throughout the night. He watched her while Clarke had collapsed because of emotional and physical exhaustion. The Flamekeeper wringed his hands nervously, and met her stare with a nod. She nodded back, indicating that she would stand guard right now.

As the red dawn slowly made way for blue skies with the passing time, Clarke kept her eyes solely on Lexa’s rising and falling chest. How much time had passed since Octavia and Indra had left for Arkadia? It must have been twelve hours by now. With any luck, they would come here before sundown and Lexa would still be alive and breathing.

She focused on Lexa’s face again, and remembered the moment that Clarke had come into Lexa’s room to say goodbye. She saw the sadness and understanding in her eyes, even before either of them had spoken. And then, when Clarke had kissed the Commander, the grounder girl had shed tears. Clarke wondered now if they were tears of joy, sadness, or maybe both. Neither of them had known whether they would ever see each other again, or if they were expected to kill each other the next time they faced as both their peoples were headed to war. Clarke knew she will never be able to kill Lexa. Based on what Lexa had done the previous day, jumping in the path of the bullet, Lexa wouldn’t be able to kill her either.

Clarke chuckled to herself, it would be an awkward fight if they ever met in battle. Neither would be trying to kill each other, they’d sooner try to get the other to kill them.

After their kiss, they’d shared something together that neither would ever forget. Clarke still saw the tattooed back of her Commander, and she still felt the softness of her skin on her fingertips as she recalled that moment. The Commander, utterly trusting the blonde, had turned her back to Clarke so she could admire the strong figure. Clarke knew that, ever since becoming the Commander of the twelve clans, Lexa had never been as vulnerable as she was at that moment. But as Clarke had been tracing the muscles on the girl’s back, they only tensed in anticipation of pleasure. Clarke could still hear Lexa sigh at her ministrations, see the shivers go down her spine as the inquired about the tattoos.

A sudden series of coughs shook her away from her daydreams. She stared right into two green eyes. “Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed at seeing the blonde awake.

“Hai, _K-klark._ ” The Commander weakly said, and this was followed by a grimace and a series of coughs. Each time the Commander’s body shook, Clarke saw her wince from pain.

“Easy Lexa. Don’t try to speak.” Clarke rushed over with a bowl of water. “Here. Drink. Your throat must be dry.” Clarke held the bowl of water to the girl’s lips and slowly, delicately poured water through the pink flesh. Lexa greedily drunk, causing more fits as drinking while lying down was difficult.

“I am...,” Lexa started. “I am not dead.” Clarke could hear the wonder in her voice. Imploring eyes stared at her. Titus, who had fallen asleep a few hours ago, had awoken from the commotion and started moving towards the Commander. “How?” How did you heal me, was the unspoken question.

Clarke glanced nervously at the Flamekeeper, who she had understood was the religious head of the clans. “After extracting most of the bullet, you had lost a lot of blood. You lost consciousness as the painkillers started working.” Clarke saw the recognition in Lexa’s eyes as she recalled last night’s events, unsure of how much the Commander remembered. “So, I may or may not have done something sacrilegious.” Clarke said almost sheepishly.

“What? You did?” Lexa had trouble forming whole sentences.

“She defiled the _natjus_!” Titus exclaimed. “She defiled _your_ black blood by tainting it with her red blood.” For a moment, Clarke was scared that she had done something unforgivable in Lexa’s eyes, she knew that her beliefs were important to the brunette, even though Clarke didn’t believe in them. The way Titus spoke of their beliefs and what she had done seemed to be the worst offense possible. But the grounder’s eyes softened.

“Your blood? Into me?” Clarke nodded. “How much?”

“Ehm. Approximately a third of your blood currently in your body came from me.” Lexa’s eyes widened at this.

“Clarke has defiled you like the _Maunon_!” Titus interjected. Clarke had heard this from the Flamekeeper last night, where she had ignored him. Clarke was worried what the girl in front of her was thinking. Blood transfusion was a proven medical operation, it had nothing to do with the Mountain Men. Above all, it had saved Lexa’s life.

“Os.” Lexa softly said. “Mochof.”

“You’re not out of the woods yet.” When she saw the confused expression on Lexa’s face, she explained. “I mean, you’re not healed yet. There are still fragments in you, and there might still be internal bleeding that I haven’t stitched up. These fragments can also cause additional lacerations if you move too much.”

Clarke was sure she could hear something similar to ‘efficient weapons’ from the mouth of the Commander, before she continued inquiring about her. “Why you still here?” Lexa implored. “Kill order.” Clarke could see the care in her Commander’s eyes. Even though speaking strained the young lady, and every movement hurt her, she still tried to make sure that no harm would come to her.

“There is nothing you can do to make me leave, especially in your current state.” Clarke told her firmly. Despite their situation, Clarke could see a glint of mirth in Lexa’s eyes as she was bossed around. “I told you. Your fight is not over. Now lay back, don’t speak, and wait for my mother to arrive.”

The last part was news to Lexa as well, and Clarke felt almost stupid when the girl tried to rise up again to ask what Clarke was saying. “You missed the bit where I send Octavia and Indra to Arkadia to kidnap my mother.” Clark saw an amused twinkle in the Commander’s. “You wouldn’t believe me if you saw it with your own eyes. I _ordered_ Indra to take Octavia to get my mother. And she _listened._ Octavia's eyes were about to pop from their sockets!”

Lexa chuckled at the imagery, but immediately regretted her actions as she coughed and winced at flashes of pain in her chest. The Commander spoke to Clarke through her eyes, she conveyed how thankful she was. “Clarke? C-can- speak to me?” Lexa implored. The blonde had wondered when the painkillers would stop working, she hadn’t had a lot of morphine and used everything last night. “Distract me?”

And so Clarke did. Unsure of what to speak of at first. So she started at a memory of simpler times. “I used to play chess, as a kid.” As a kid... it seemed so long ago, while her last game of chess had not even been two years ago. Clarke knew Lexa also played chess. There was a chess board with a full set of pieces, beautifully crafted from wood, in the Commander’s bed room. “I had asked my father to teach me. I was seven years old, I think.”

Clarke remembered the day she came to her father’s room, she hadn’t really asked but demanded to be thought. “A boy - Wells Jaha - played chess against himself, he had nobody to play with because many hated his father. So, I wanted to play against him. Only, I didn’t know the rules. He beat me so badly and afterwards I wanted revenge so badly.” Clarke chuckled at herself, it’s been awhile since she had thought about her childhood friend without choking on tears.

“Every day, for a month, I played against my father. He let me win once, but I noticed and became so angry that he never took it easy on me again. After a month of practice, I faced Wells again.”

“Guess? You won.” Lexa interrupted softly.

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the commander and shushed her. “I speak, you listen.” She said commandingly, Lexa sighed in response but otherwise didn’t protest. “No, I didn’t win. I lost about as badly as before. I cried and Wells didn’t know what to do. He said he was sorry, that he pushed people away because everyone was pushing him away all the time. Then I demanded that he must teach me to make it up to me. Years later, I beat my father in chess thanks to him.”

Clarke felt her mood turn sour. Lexa was still looking at her. “He was a better friend than I could have wished for.” Clarke didn’t elaborate further. Instead, she jumped into a story about another one of her favorite pastimes: watching movies. Of course, the whole concept of movies had to be explained and Clarke found it rather difficult to explain when electricity, technology and such are so foreign to the grounders. Let alone to explain the appeal of watching pre-recorded scenes of stories that often weren’t real, acted by people that had nothing to do with the real story.

She also told about the struggle of living on the Ark. “Everything was rationed. Resources were limited and very finite.” She explained. “The smartest persons on the Ark’s thirteen stations did some calculations, they expected that we should live for two hundred years before the Earth became survivable.” Clarke saw Lexa scoff at the notion, her people had always survived on the ground.

“Of course, _now_ we know differently. But this meant that for a lot of people that they would never see the ground. I was never to see the ground. My children were probably never to see the ground either.” There were days that she wondered if that would have been better. If it would have been better to live without the burdens of her actions on the ground, to live in ignorance and imprisoned in the metal station for the rest of her life. “I dreamt of seeing the ground.”

“That is why you draw?” Lexa asked her.

“You should have seen my Sky-box.” Lexa looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, uncertain what she meant. “You know we were criminals sent to Earth, right? I spent almost a full year in a prison cell by myself. Solitary confinement.” Clarke explained that, with the resource scarcity, and the fact that there were too many people for the transport ships to bring down to Earth, all crimes were punishable by death. Except if you were under eighteen, then your crimes would be revisited later and you may be pardoned. Which, coincidentally, was the reason that the only expendable people on the Ark were children that had committed crimes, as most were fated to die when they turned eighteen anyway.

“My crime was simply knowing too much, anti-climactic, right? I knew that our resources would run out before we reached the 200 year mark. Our home was not made to sustain us without maintenance and supply from Earth.” Clarke tried to explain the intricacies of spacecraft, the systems needed to survive and what was wrong with them, without confusing the Commander too much.

* * *

Lexa was listening with her full attention. She didn’t even feel the pressure in her chest, the throbbing pain was lessened, and her exhaustion was forgotten. She loved the way Clarke spoke about her people and how they lived their lives. Lexa may not understand everything, she didn’t know what soccer was, for example, nor their technical habits such as watching movies, but she understood enough. She was intrigued of how living without a planet was possible.

Clarke also told of the darker aspects. How restricted their actions, their desires were. The different classes, the sacrifices for the ‘survival of the human race’. Lexa listened as Clarke retold the story of how her dad died. She squeezed the blonde’s hands when it became hard for her to continue, when she explained how they executed their prisoners.

“It’s difficult to say, but I might have done the same in his shoes. My father and him were friends. My mother was his friend as well. And still, he did it because he thought it was the best for his people.”

“I just… I’m more upset with my mother than with Jaha.” Lexa now knew why her betrayal at the Mountain had hurt her so much. She, like Clarke’s mother, had chosen their people over Clarke. It seemed that, in Clarke’s eyes, there were difficult decisions that leaders had to take, but some people you should never be able to betray. Lexa wondered if that was also the reason why Clarke could not give Finn up, even though the consequences for her people would have been disastrous.

No, that’s not true, thought Lexa, Clarke just wanted to be sure that she had done everything that could conceivably be done to save the boy, but in the end even the had known it was not possible.

Clarke spoke for hours, and Lexa listened. The pain seemed to subside when she was focused on Clarke’s stories. Still, her body was exhausted and the Commander felt herself losing concentration. “Thank you, Clarke. For sharing all this with me.” Lexa said, and then she yawned. “Thank you for taking the pain away.” Clarke stroke her fingers, hands and arms softly. Lexa felt her eyes start drooping.

“You can sleep Lexa. I will watch over you.” She heard Clarke whisper in her ear. She felt soft lips against her own for a brief second before she succumbed once more to exhaustion.

* * *

She woke to hurried footsteps down the hallway. Lexa blinked the blurred world into existence as she forced her eyes open. She’d been the one to hear the footsteps first, but Clarke’s ears had picked them up as well. Even in her wounded and tired state, Lexa could still distinguish three sets of footsteps hurrying towards the door.

Lexa had turned to face Clarke and the door, she could see that the blonde was burning a hole in the door with her eyes. When the door burst open, a worried and disheveled Abby stormed into the room. She was closely shadowed by the sky-girl-turned grounder and the dark-skinned Trikru general. At the sight of her mother, Clarke shot out of her chair by the Commander’s bed and moved towards them.

Abigail Griffin stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of her daughter. “Clarke! You’re not…” Abigail noticed that Clarke moved uncoordinated, but that she was in one piece and that, besides the black splotches on her clothes and hands, there was no blood on her. “You’re not shot.” Her tone turned from elated to flat anger.

Clarke clumsily rose from her seat besides Lexa’s bed. She had kept guard despite her blood loss, keeping her promise to watch over Lexa. Lexa knew she needed rest as well, however convincing the stubborn girl would be impossible, even for the Commander. “I’m not, Lex- the Commander is.”

Abby’s eyes hardened and turned to her. “You brought me here based on a lie, used my own daughter against me. And you now dare to suggest that I should operate you. Will you threaten my daughter if I decline?”

Clarke sees Indra go for her sword, Lexa had to intervene before someone took out the doctor.  “I would never-”

“ _I_ sent Indra and Octavia to get you.” Clarke interrupts. She heard the strain in Lexa’s voice, which had hardened at the accusations launched at her by Clarke’s mother. Clarke knew that Lexa would hide her pain in front of anyone else but her, even if it caused her more pain in the long run. “I told them to make get you here, whatever the means necessary.”

Abby thought Clarke’s words to be too incredulous to be true, so she turned towards the grounder that had been training Octavia. When Indra did not protest her daughter’s words, Abby knew them to be truthful. Grounders had a sense of honor and pride, especially the Trikru general. “I don’t know why you would want me to save her. She betrayed us at the mountain. And now she ordered her people to kill ours. I saw thousands on the road here. All armed.”

“We killed theirs. We killed theirs and Arkadia still stands. She ordered her people to _contain_ us.” Clarke retorted. “Don’t you know that Pike, his supporters and _Bellamy_ ,” she spat the last name, “killed almost three hundred of their warriors while they slept. _Friendly_ warriors.”

Lexa saw Clarke’s mother falter a bit. Even though Abby loathed her people, Clarke and Lexa both knew that Abby did not agree with the current Chancellor’s actions. “And now you defend her while she kills your, _our_ people.” Abby countered. “Though maybe you don’t consider us your people anymore.” Her mother looked pointedly at the braids in her hair and the way she was dressed.

“ _Klark_ _kom Skaikru_ has done everything in her power to save your people.” The Commander interrupted them. She strained her voice despite efforts to conceal any discomfort. “My initial response was to raise my banners and wipe you out.” Lexa finished unapologetically. Clarke looked pointedly at the wounded woman, ‘you’re not helping your case’, she tried to communicate to her through her eyes. Her green eyes glared back, without words Lexa told Clarke that she would not stand down when the blonde’s honor was being questioned.

“Don’t you get it, mom. She is the only reason we are not dead yet. _Any_ other commander or clan leader would have each and every one of us die a slow and painful death.” Lexa swore she heard Indra mutter ‘as you should’, so Abby must have heard as well. “Instead, she set up a blockade and offered us a deal to solve this on our own.”

“She would have us killed on sight.”

“How else would you have her enforce a blockade.” Clarke almost used Lexa’s exact argument. When Lexa proposed the kill order, Clarke had responded based on her instinct to defend her people. Clarke had known that a kill order was the only way, and she could not challenge the Commander in front of her mother right now. Behind Abby, Lexa saw Octavia’s stance stiffen up. The kill order had been a point of contention for the girl, Lexa wondered why as Indra’s second was the only Skaikru integrated with their culture.

Abby conceded this point as well. “What deal did she offer?”

“You don’t know? I sent messengers-” she was interrupted by painful coughs. The strain of speaking with a commanding tone was getting the better of her. Clarke hurried to Lexa’s side and gently supported her when she lay her down on the bed.

“The deal was that we dispose of Pike on our own. His death and a new leadership would end the blockade and the kill order.”

Abby saw her nod in agreement. That was… not a bad deal, the doctor thought to herself.

Abby looked her daughter over once more now that she had been over the shock of the deception. She saw how her daughter squared her shoulders, and she saw her tight yaw, tight lips, and hard glare. At the same time, she saw the exhaustion and desperation in the way her hands shook slightly, her eyelids fluttered and her eyes glanced back and forth between the Commander and her. Abby did not trust the woman that held so much power on the ground, but Clarke had always done what was best for her people. A new Commander could be more dangerous as they were unknown, Lexa was a known entity.

And maybe, just maybe, Abby had unconsciously picked up on some signals emitted by Clarke showing there was more than a political relationship between the Commander and her daughter. Perhaps it was for the better that those signals did not register fully.

Abby picked up her medical supplies. Lexa saw Clarke’s shoulders relax, her stance loosened and she heard a sigh of relief. The blonde moved out of the way for her mother and slumped in a couch. She connected with blue eyes once more and silently said that she would be okay. She flicked her eyes between Clarke and a bunch of pillows, telling her to go to sleep. In response, the blonde only narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

“Let’s see what we can do.” Lexa felt a needle pierce her skin and narcotics flooded her system. She would rest, knowing that Clarke would watch over her.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Working on a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa had survived the night and Abby had come to Polis. After initial reluctance, the doctor had agreed to perform surgery on the commander.
> 
> Now we see the extend of her recovery, and her efforts to keep the coalition together. Clarke played no minor role in this.

Lexa felt as if she had slept for ages. There was strange sensation in her wrists, as if something was stuck in her arm. Besides her bed was a bowl of water. After greedily slurping it down, she noticed that she was alone in the room. _Where is Clarke?_

She moved her arms to feel her wound, but something pulls on her wrist. Tracing her arm with her eyes, she finds that there was indeed something stuck in her arm. A transparent tube filled with liquids was stuck in her arm. On the other end of the tube, she found a transparent bag, suspended above her head. She only recognized a few of the many words on the bag. What are Kalium, Natrium and Chloride? She trusted that this was a Skaikru contraption, Clarke would not let anything happen to her.

_Where is Clake?_

Getting up was surprisingly painless. Perhaps the so-called painkillers—amazing name, something that kills pain while normally pain kills—were still in effect. She carefully tried stretching her back, testing for pain and movement restrictions. Her movement was sluggish, but not painful, and she didn’t have the full range she had before. She swung her feet to one side of the bed to sit on the edge, her feet dangling loosely above the ground. Apparently her bed had been raised. She assumed a raised patient made it easier for the _fisa_ to operate on her.

She hesitated for a second before pulling the transparent tube from her wrist. It hurt a bit and felt strange when she removed it. Her muscles still felt exhausted, but mentally she was wide awake. She had to find Clarke, and figure out what happened in her absence, in reverse order, of course.

Lexa gingerly stepped out with her one foot at the time, testing the strength in her legs as she moved from her bed. She was pleased at the recovery of her strength, so far, but she didn’t want to collapse and wait helplessly for someone to find her. Before she left the room, she noted her state of undress. She was only wearing pants and her bindings. To protect her modesty, she put on a loose overcoat and found her red sash.

Using the walls to stabilize herself, she pushed towards the door. Behind the door, she noticed two of her warriors standing guard. They jumped at the unexpected opening of the passage, but saluted as the saw her. “ _Heda._ ”

She pushed herself from the wall, standing without support to seem stronger than she was in front of her warriors. “At ease. Tell me, where is the Skaikru Ambassador?” Again, the blonde was at the forefront of her mind, her people were second. _This has to stop._

 “ _Wanheda_ has instructed us to keep you inside.” The guard had hesitated before answering. The Commander had to contain a smirk, and fought to keep her face impassive. She was not angry at the guards for following someone else’s orders, only amused that Clarke had been giving them. They were followed so closely that her warriors almost would ignore her own. “ _Wanheda_ said you would want to leave. Her… instructions were very specific, especially about the consequences.”

Lexa morphed her face to look angry, she could see their faces turn white, there was an apparent struggle. _A struggle for survival._ “Whatever punishment _wanheda_ promised you for disobeying her orders, I guarantee you mine would be worse. Fear not, however, for I will plead your case to her. She might just spare your lives.” It may have been the painkillers still slightly in effect, but Lexa decided to mess with them. She also affirmed Clarke’s power and authority by not simply dismissing her commands. “Now, tell me, where is _wanheda?_ ”

“In a meeting with the Thirteen Clans.” Lexa swallowed, this could be troublesome. Lexa did not know what had passed while she was in surgery, and while she knew Clarke could hold her own, the ambassador would be at a severe disadvantage if she was alone to face the twelve other clans.

“Tell me, how long did the _fisa_ operate on me?”

“Three sunrises have passed.” _Three days_. A lot can happen in three days, especially when tensions are this high.

“Thank you and please stay at guard. Perhaps some might believe I am still in this room.” She walked, trying her best to keep her back straight and her pace even. The moment the two guards were out of sight, she reached for the wall right away and took hard, labored breaths to combat the exertion, while the corridor spun around her dizzy mind. Perhaps her strength had not returned as much as she had assumed.

After catching her breath, she pushed on towards the elevator. The council room was two floors up, but she went three floors up, and then walked down a set of stairs leading towards the back entrance of the council’s chambers. She heard the voices before she could glimpse through the polarized glass which only allowed one-way vision. “... the blockade has been in effect for too long. We should squash this insolence for they will not repent.”

“Since _heda_ has been recently indisposed due to a cowardly attempt on her life, of which she is expected to make a full recovery in the upcoming days, her final command _should_ stay in effect.” Lexa was unprepared to hear Clarke speak with so much vigor in the faces of the other twelve ambassadors. By now, Lexa had made it to the viewpoint and she could see the room clearly. The antler throne was empty in front of the balcony, facing the center of the room. Thirteen chairs sat in a semicircle, facing the throne. Clarke was standing, to the left of the throne, facing towards the other representatives. In the back of the room, behind the ambassadors, other audience members were present. The Commander could identify her doctor’s, Abigail Griffin, worried expression as she probably feared for her clan and daughter. Lexa could not see the expression on Clarke’s face, but the blonde’s back was straight, her fist were clenched tightly, and her chin was raised in defiance.

“Who are you to speak on _heda’s_ behalf? Surely the _ambassador_ of whose _own_ people deny that they are part of this coalition has no authority here?” The same man, whose voice she had heard when she entered the room, questioned. Lexa recognized him as Zhao, a dark skinned elder of the Sankru, the Desert Clan.

His statement was supported by shouts from the ambassadors of the Delfikru and Podakru, the Delphi and Lake Clan. Zhao continued, not speaking to Clarke but to the other ambassadors. “She just speaks to save her people from the destruction they brought on themselves. She has no loyalty to this Coalition, only to her own murderous people.”

Due to the harsh environment of that the Desert People lived in, they were also the one of the most conservative clans. The Delfi and Podakru were allies of the Sankru long before the clans joined the coalition. Together with Azgeda, the Delfikru and Sankru had one of the largest standing armies. Their ways, to fight for survival, were rooted in all their traditions.

Other ambassadors seemed thorn in between supporting the Desert Clan or Lexa’s last order. She knew that their long standing traditions made them opponents of her recent reforms. Trikru, being the victim of Skaikru aggression, only supported her because Lexa had been Trikru. Yujleda was a loyal ally of hers, and Floukru was and ally because Lexa knew their leader’s secret. The other clans were firmly opposed to letting the Sky People get away with this atrocity. Most of them spoke out loudly, only the Ice Nation’s ambassador was subdued. The only reason the Ice Nation’s ambassador was quiet right now was the fact that their honor was still recovering from the fallout of Nia’s actions. Once King Roan had consolidated his position, their voice on the council would grow again.

Lexa was about to step in when Clarke spoke again. “I do not deny that I fight for my own people’s survival, anyone in this room speaking differently would not be truthful.” The Commander could see that Clarke had looked at the three ambassador’s that had spoken against her individually. “Anyone would speak here to defend their people, especially when their people make mistakes. Mistakes that will be punished. But the punishment should be for those that made the mistakes, not for the people as a whole.” Clarke then pointed at the Ice Nation representative. “I did not call for the destruction of Azgeda when they attacked and killed _our_ people. I did not call for the destruction when they acted against the coalition.”

The Ice Nation delegate spoke up. “You called for the death of our queen. You _did_ demand retribution.”

Lexa smirked as she saw the excellent position Clarke had crafted for herself. “And that was the retribution we got. Just like the Skaikru’s tribute will be the delivery of our current leader, Pike. This is what _heda_ demanded when she set up the blockade.”

She saw the ambassadors of the Sangedarku, Delfikru and Podakru return to their seats. Lexa could still feel the general apprehension in the room, and she saw Clarke noticed the same. So _wanheda_ continued. “Do not be wary of a protracted siege in winter. My people do not have enough supplies to last through winter, nor do they have the experience. I am confident that my people will see the need for survival and de-escalate the situation.”

Right when the tension seemed to slip away from the room, a warrior from the _Yujleda_ , Broadleaf, entered the room. “I bring news from the blockade.”

This got the attention from all ambassadors, Clarke was hopeful that her people had seen reason, but Lexa had read the expression on the face of the messenger and saw that the news would bring nothing but trouble.

“Two days ago our messengers conversed with the Skaikru for our demands for retribution for the senseless slaughter of three hundred of Trikru warriors.” Lexa had been very careful to not call them ‘demands for peace’, because war was not declared by either party. Once war was declared, peace could only be obtained through battle. “In response, they killed our messengers.”

The council erupted and turned on Clarke, who was too shocked to respond. Accusations were thrown, and the ambassadors of the Sankru and Delfikru drew weapons to show their anger. Messengers in times of war were always granted free passage, as long as they were unarmed. Lexa saw the understanding and agreement that Clarke had recently obtained shatter, together with the blonde’s confidence.

Lexa removed the bandages over the recently obtained wound, and opened the coat she was wearing a bit so it only barely protected her modesty. The scar was put on display for everyone to see. She squared her shoulders and bit the inside of her cheek again the pain flaring up in her chest, then she pushed through the secondary entrance into the throne room.

She emerged in the front of the room, next to the throne, and sat down as regally as she could. She made sure that her coat didn’t cover the scar. All ambassadors quieted down at the sight of their Commander. Clarke looked at her in disbelief, and Lexa gave her a brief nod. The blonde also took her seat in the thirteenth chair. Zhao, the Desert Clan ambassador, started to speak, but she silenced him with a simple stare.

“Thank you, ambassadors, for continuing to rule over Polis and the Coalition’s dominions while I was indisposed for the past three days.” She started the meeting as if it was just as any other. The seeming ease with which she sat on the throne had a profound effect on her audience. None of her pain was reflected in her stance, nor in her voice. To them, she must seem almost indestructible, for everyone knew the potency of the Mountain’s, or Skaikru’s, weapons. “I thank Clarke for leading the session, and for upholding my blockade of the Sky People settlement.”

Clarke looked at her in surprise, but also in gratitude as she was praised by the Commander. Lexa had not praised her out of personal affection for the blonde. Clarke had lead the discussion as well as she could, but she could not control the stupid decisions made by her people. A series of stupid decisions that Clarke’s people would have to pay for.

“Before we continue to discuss the news brought by this messenger. I would like to have an update on the current status in Polis, the Clans, and especially our _newest addition_.” The Commander was sure to focus on the fact that she still considered the Skaikru to be an addition to their ranks.

Elric _kom Floukru,_ a lean young man with short dark hair, spoke up and explained what had happened in Polis the past few days. “People had been shocked to hear that an attempt on your life has been made. Especially once word got out that it was made with a _Maunon_ weapon, carried by one of our own.” There was no word about the _Flaimkepa_ being involved, so she assumed that Clarke had kept Titus’ actions a secret. “The _natblida_ have been recalled and kept inside their chambers because we felt that a conclave could have been imminent. However, they and the people will surely rejoice to hear of your recovery.”

Num _kom Boudalankru_ expressed that he and his people also were happy that the Commander’s spirit was still within her. The _Floukru, Boudalankru, Yujleda and Trikru_ were always the most loyal clans to Lexa’s rule. More voices express that their clans were unhappy to hear of the cowardly attempt, and some question were raised about who was responsible. All that she could say was that it was a lone wolf that had lost much in recent events and that he had been dealt with.

Lexa could see that Clarke was anxious once the conversation reached its main topic: the blockade around Arkadia, and the demands for retribution from her people. Era _kom Trikru_ spoke up about the status of the blockade. Era was the new ambassador for the Trikru, after the previous ambassador was disposed of when the coup attempt failed. He was shown to be compromised and had been acting against the will of the Trikru chiefs, siding with Nia in the vote of no confidence. She wasn’t the only new face on the council.

“The blockade is in place and no further attacks have happened since the last messenger. One incursion of a scouting party resulted in the death of two members of the Skaikru, we suffered no losses.” Lexa could see a flash of uncertainty on Clarke’s face, undoubtedly the blonde was thinking whether or not she lost another one of her friends. “We expect to be able to hold the siege throughout the winter without problems, if necessary. But this will have an effect on our food supplies for next year, as the warriors cannot hunt or forage. If Skaikru attacks us once more, we are prepared and have trapped the area sufficiently.”

“And what about plans for an attack? How secure are the Skaikru defenses and how fares the construction of the siege equipment?” The clans are no strangers to siege warfare. In fact, a lot of their wars had been fought without battles. Lexa had read that in ancient history, hundreds of years ago, wars had been fought in the same way. A defender can hold a position with few troops against many, but if time allows, the attacker can simply wait out and starve the defender. Pitched battles hardly happened because they were risky. No sane general would engage another army without being certain of victory, if they had a choice. However, Lexa did not want to be stuck in a long siege, she knew the effects that this would have on her population on the long term.

“We have begun construction on five _trebuts_ , obscured by hills and trees and just in range of Arkadia. Two have already been finished and the other three are expected to be finished within three sunrises.” Lexa could see Clarke’s worried expression at the mention of an attack, so she looked into her eyes for a short moment, telling her that she didn’t want to use these machines of war.

“Good. _If_ war _needs_ to be declared, we will be victorious.” She said resolutely. “Now, we have reached the main discussion point of this meeting. The demands that we make of Skaikru, the tribute they should pay for their actions if they want to avoid war.”

Lexa looked at each of the ambassadors. War was what most of them seemed to want. War was what most of them thought to be the best long-term solution. She was here to convince them it wasn’t. If she did not convince them, then either the coalition would fail, or Clarke’s people would be wiped out.

It was the Delfikru ambassador that spoke up now, after a brief wordless discussion with the Desert clan’s ambassador. These two clans always worked together in the council, and always took turns so that it was seemed as if their ideas had more support than they had. This time, what he was saying had more support amongst the other representatives. “ _Heda_. Ever since the Skaikru have invaded our lands, we have fought battles against them. They came here and tortured one of the Trikru scouts. They have burned down villages with their missiles, they have burned our warriors in war and killed our children in vengeance. Then, we finally made peace, but their ways dictate cowardly strikes and they killed more of our warriors. What future will they bring if we let them closer to our hearts? Close enough to strike directly at what we hold dear.”

He was joined by the Blue Cliff clan, another clan that was known to be conservative in nature. “We have a certainty in this coalition, a certainty in our ways. We understand you have a vision for peace, but this peace can be maintained between the _twelve_ clans. We have not heard arguments for why we need this clan whose ways are so different from ours. These _aliens_ from the sky that are closer to the people from _below_ the ground. Give us good reasons against this war.”

Lexa could see their points of view, she even saw that the beautiful blonde could see it. And she saw that Clarke was ready to respond, ready to defend her people. Instead, Lexa interrupted the leader of the Sky people. “I can give you reasons against this war, but those alone will not be enough to persuade you.” Clarke looked at her, questioning whether she was giving up. “But I can also give you arguments _for_ the people from the Sky. I will give you both: arguments against this war you want, and arguments for these people.” She looked at each of her ambassadors, all of which were now seated upright, giving her their full attention. She would be sharing plans that she had been thinking of for a while now, solutions to problems many of her people did not even recognize.

“Do you know how much people we have among all our clans?” No answer came, so she would supply one. “Excluding the Sky People, for I do not accurately know their numbers, we have around 310,000 souls across the twelve clans. Seven years ago when I became Heda, we had 280,000, but thirty years ago, we almost had five hundred thousand people across all clans.”

She could see Clarke and Abigail’s shock at these numbers. “Our population has been in decline ever since _praimfaya_. Now, Elric kom Floukru, what is the reason for this decline?”

“War.” He answered. But Lexa asked for an explanation. “We kill people faster than they get born. That is why you wanted peace.”

“Wrong. Killing is only part of the reason.” Lexa knew this was a pivotal moment. “When a clan goes to war, they lose warriors. But for every clan, and especially the losers, the years after each war they lose more people than they lost during this war. Their dead can no longer hunt, their wounded eat but do not contribute, their lands are lost and stores are raided. Famine and disease kill more than war. Even the winner’s side loses people to the famine caused by the war in their own territory.”

Murmurs arose from the crowd, challenging what she is saying. “You disbelieve. I implore you to look at your census data, you will see I speak the truth.” But Lexa was not done. “But then, how does a nation with few resources survive the lack of resources? They go to war. Strike alliances, retake lands, kill more warriors, lose more warriors and ultimately lose more people. There used to be more clans, but the weak got eaten by the strong. Some clans survived on preying on the weaker clans, because their own lands were inhospitable.”

The Ice Nation ambassador agreed. “You speak truth of our struggle with the powers of winter. I may not agree with Nia’s quest for power, but our people struggle to survive in this alliance. We relied on plunder and raiding.”

“I know.” Lexa knew of the needs of Azgeda, and before she died, she had to solve this struggle for resources or the coalition was doomed to fail in in the future. “Right now, Polis distributes resources to clans that require them, resources that other clans have to spare. Since my ascension, we have had good harvests and plentiful game in the forests. This has helped me form this coalition. But when harvest fails, and it will, or storms destroy stores, when we have no grain or meats to supply the other clans. Conflict _will_ return.”

This certainty alarms all the ambassadors of the clans. Lexa had struggled with this question before she formed the coalition. Clans always warred for resources, and the most precious were food and shelter. In a coalition, the clans could no longer go to war. In times of good fortune, clans such as the Trikru, Yujleda, Floukru, Trishanakru or Podakru produced excess amount of food which she would distribute to the Ice Nation or Desert clan. The other clans supplied other resources such as building materials, trade goods, or weapons and iron. Lexa had been lucky that the mountain posed a big enough threat and that there were no major disasters or failed harvests.

“The Sky People have, perhaps unknowingly, presented me, us, with an option to solve this challenge.”

“How.” The Desert Clan representative demanded to know.

“Tell me, Zhao, how many children live past their first year in your clan? How many children survive to have children of their own?” She asked the dark skinned man, but before he answered, she gave the answer for him. “One in two, and one in four, respectively. The same for Azgada, and for Trikru it’s one in two, and one in three.” The ambassadors nodded in surprise that their leader knew these figures. Not just for one clan, but for all the clans. “Most of our people die while acquiring food or from exposure and disease.”

Lexa now turned to Clarke. “Clarke kom Skaikru. On your home in the sky, how many children died before their first, and how many died before their eighteenth?”

Lexa could see the surprise in the blonde’s eyes when she was addressed. The surprise replaced the wonder that Lexa could clearly see in the blue eyes that were transfixed on her. It took Clarke a second to catch her breath to respond. “Almost none, Heda. No mothers die in childbirth either.” All heads turned to hers, all ambassadors were surprised.

“Based on reports that I have been given, the Skaikru lived in the most inhospitable environment ever: space.” Lexa spoke loudly again. “They had close to three thousand people. On the farmlands they needed to sustain three thousand, we cannot even sustain three hundred. They will trade their knowledge with us, and they will solve our resource problems. Their medical knowledge will make sure that mothers should not release the souls of their children.”

Lexa was breathing heavily. She barely managed to stay seated upright in her throne. It had been a long time since she had spoken this passionately. The last time she was uniting the clans. Back then, she had been convincing the few clans that had joined her, which they needed to make peace with _all_ their enemies, and forgive _all_ their crimes. Lexa saw Clarke glance worriedly at her chest and she felt a trickle of warm blood slide down her stomach.

“Those are my arguments against war, and my arguments _for_ the sky people. That is also my vision for the future. My vision for my, for _all our_ people. The Skaikru can share their knowledge. They can teach us to find the best arable lands, how to purify our water supplies from contaminants, and how to treat diseases and our injuries. The less need we have for warriors, the more of our people can focus on learning new expertises.”

Lexa had begun putting resources into obtaining new farmlands, but the contamination of the soil after _praimfaya_ was making things difficult. The threat of the mountain added extra difficulty, because these farmlands were wide open to incursions from _ripas_ and the _maunon_.

In the six years she had been in charge of the Coalition, Lexa had not been sedentary. She had been passing reforms and began educating her people. Training centers for healers from all the clans, not just Polis and Trikru, had been opened in Polis. More people were exempted from warrior training to become full-time farmers, hunters or healers. Ambassadors had objected, saying that it would make them weak, but a year after her decree, the bountiful harvests had shut them up just fine. Skaikru knowledge and teachings could speed up their progress immensely.

“If there are any objections to continuing this blockade until Skaikru submits, you may voice them now.” No one did. She looked at all participants of the room one by one. She saw tears glistening in the eyes of the young Trikru ambassador, the other ambassadors were either feeling defeated, lost in thoughts or invigorated by her speech. While her biggest political opponents were subdued right now, Lexa knew that they would bark loudly again in the near future. Still, today was a victory in her eyes. Even the stubborn Skaikru doctor seemed to be very impressed.

When she got to Clarke, she could read a myriad of emotions in the girl's eyes. She saw worry at her physical state, passion as she finally understood Lexa’s vision, but the most powerful emotion that Lexa recognized was one of need. Clarke’s pupils were dilated, she was shifting in her seat under her gaze, Clarke’s tongue poked out to lick her lips. The blonde’s eyes raked over the Commander’s body and when they stopped at her lips, Lexa smirked wickedly. Clarke’s eyes widened as she noticed that the she had read her emotional state. The Skaikru ambassador was _very_ impressed, to say the least.

Lexa took a few more moments as her crowd absorbed the contents of her speech. The hard part was over, the hardest part was still to come. “The only issue that remains is the tribute required from the Sky People. Despite their importance in my plans, they will not be granted a pardon for what they have done. Previously, I had only demanded the life of their leader, Pike kom Skaikru.” She saw Clarke brace herself and Lexa felt for the girl. “After their recent actions, I feel that this will be too lenient. I will travel to the Skaikru settlement of Arkadia and discuss an agreement in person.”

Lexa has a plan to disperse justice. The exact outcome of the plan lies in the hands of the Sky People. Her plan would bring peace, but a price must be paid.

“I, Heda of the _Thirteen_ Clans, will give Skaikru one more chance to resolve this without the need for war. Should they not accept, or violate the _Kongeda_ one more time in the near future, I will thereafter be Heda of the _Twelve_ Clans once more.”

* * *

Clarke’s eyes were transfixed on the person in front of her. She had struggled with upholding the Commander’s blockade and when everything seemed to fall apart with the untimely message, Lexa had swept in and took charge of the meeting. The Commander shouldn’t be out of bed, in fact, she shouldn’t even be able to be anything besides unconscious. Clarke was amazed at her constitution. Lexa’s theatrics also seemed to have the desired effect. With the wound in full display, and with her seemingly unaffected by it, she almost seemed to possess inhuman capabilities. Clarke hypothesized that her regenerative capabilities came from particular properties of her black blood.

When Lexa had started speaking of her people's troubles, and not just the Trikru where she originated from, but all the Clans’ struggles, she finally understood how it was that she was the only Commander to ever unite all the twelve clans. She not only understood the reasons behind conflict and the consequences of war for both the winner and loser’s side, the brunette had the solutions. Lexa had said that luck played a part in the current peace her people experienced, as a disaster could strike at any time, but Clarke knew that without her, none of this would have been possible. With preparation, one could force their own luck.

And then Lexa started speaking about her vision for the future, and Clarke was not ashamed to admit that the passion with which she had spoken had a very acute effect on her body. This effect had not gone unnoticed by the Commander. While the Sky People ambassador had thought that wartime leader, fearless warrior Lexa was hot, it was nothing compared to passionate visionary Lexa.

When Clarke had pulled her eyes away from the woman in the throne, she noticed that all other ambassadors had their eyes fixed on the brunette as well. The dark skinned Zhao of the Desert Clan that had so fiercely opposed the blonde’s defense of the Sky People, now was listening intently to the Commander. She also noticed that at least three other ambassadors, two women and one male, were also affected in the similar ways that she was. The way they were looking at _her_ Heda, made Clarke irrationally angry.

After Lexa’s speech, the meeting was concluded and the ambassadors left the room one by one. Zhao and the Delphi and Lake People ambassadors, whose names Clarke had forgotten, went up to Lexa and bowed once. They spoke in Trigedasleng, and Clarke could not understand what was being said. The Commander, however, seemed pleased at what was being said and nodded when the ambassadors bowed once more as they left. Zhao then stopped in front of her. His stern expression was replaced with a more neutral one.

“You defend your people well, Wanheda. Not only on the military battlefield, but also on the diplomatic.” He bowed respectfully and Clarke was barely able to hide her surprise. The other two ambassadors followed his example and bowed but did not speak to her. When the last of the ambassadors had left the throne room, and only Abby, she and Lexa remained, the Commander finally collapsed in her throne and she rushed towards her.

“Lexa, are you—”

“Commander, you shouldn’t be out of bed.” Abby interrupted Clarke sternly. “In fact, you shouldn’t be able to walk at all.” Abby frowned with concern, but also at the unspoken question of how this was possible. Lexa had pushed her hands flat against the wound on her chest, and Clarke could see that part of the wound had opened. The doctor’s apprentice turned towards her mother, she hoped that the wound had only reopened on the outside, and that there were no new internal bleedings.

“We will have to check your injury again. And no buts or other stubbornness.” Clarke told Lexa sternly. The Commander did not fight back as they led her back to Clarke’s room. She did protest when Clarke and Abby lifted her up to put her to bed. With an indignant huff, Lexa finally relented when she saw that this fight would not be won. The room had been cleaned during the meeting. Any trace of the medical operation was gone, all blood has been cleared away.

Clarke had to blink a few times, it was as if nothing had happened in this room. Blinking, however, was a mistake. On the back of her eyelids, she could see the room projected as it was on that evening. Blood had been dripping from the furs on her bed, a large black pool had formed on the floor. Lexa was lying on her bed, a never-ending stream of blood leaving numerous gunshot wounds in her stomach. Hovering next to the commander, there stood a clone of herself. A wicked smile on her face, her black from blood, and a gun in her hands. Her fingers were pressing the trigger over and over again, while aiming at the dying brunette, no bullets came out the pistol, because the clip was already empty.

“Clarke.” The mirage disappeared when she heard Lexa call her name. Her fingers were making the same incessant movements as her imaginary clone, pressing the trigger of an imaginary gun. Familiar hands enclosed around hers. “It’s okay, I’m here and alive.” The Commander said gently.

Clarke looked up and her eyes connected with encouraging green ones. Her spasm stopped, and her heart rate slowed down back to normal levels. She squeezed Lexa’s hands once more, telling her it’s alright. Lexa did not let go. Clarke’s mother checked the injuries, and was pleased to see that only the surface wounds had reopened. When the doctor saw her daughter's fingers entwined with the grounder leader’s, a brief flash of surprise passed on her face. Abby decided not to comment, for this was neither the time nor place.

“Everything is looking good, Commander.” Clarke remembered that they weren’t alone and dropped Lexa’s hands. If she wasn’t so sure of the impossibility, she could have sworn that the Commander pouted for a second after she dropped them. “Your healing progress is remarkable. If you stopped straining yourself, you could be your old self in a week.”

“That won’t be possible, I’m afraid.” Lexa now looked at her doctor. “Clarke, you and I will travel to the blockade as soon as I wake up tomorrow. It is imperative that we don’t prolong the blockade.”

“Could you leave me alone with Clarke for a moment? I have much to discuss with her.” Abby looked uncertain at Clarke, but Clarke nodded and Abby left the room after handing Clarke few painkillers to give to Lexa after they were done.

The moment they were alone, Clarke was roughly pulled in an embrace on top of Lexa, and she felt soft lips and hot breath in her neck. This was all it took to break her composure. She collapsed in the embrace and her shoulders shook while she sobbed in the Commander’s strong arms. Somehow, Lexa had known exactly what Clarke needed at that moment, without her even realizing it herself. All pent up worry, fear, desperation, escaped the walls that Clarke had raised around her.

“I was so scared.” Clarke wanted to say more, but she couldn’t express her thoughts and emotions in words. She was elated to see Lexa breathing, angry at what had happened, fearful for the future, and afraid of losing Lexa again.

Lexa pressed her lips to hers for a moment and then whispered in her ear. “I’m still here. You kept me here.” The brunette’s strong arms kept her in a tight embrace. For a few minutes, Clarke let out all of her fears.

It took the blonde a while to collect herself, but she dried her tears. “Let’s discuss your plans for my people.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked a bit of grounder politics and Lexa's leadership. 
> 
> Let me know what you think.


	5. Shackled and Drawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa initiate their plan to bring the Sky people back into the fold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a lengthy chapter. Longest I've ever written! They seem to be getting longer and longer.

The last time Clarke had gone to Arkadia, she had almost been happy. They were going to bring peace and closure to her people after the brutal attack by the Ice Nation. Their newest additions had suffered much under the Ice Nation and Clarke had believed that they would be happy to know that the person in charge, queen Nia, had faced justice for her actions. Lexa had praised her, she had called her return to Arkadia the return of a hero. And, after months of suffering during her self-imposed exile, she had felt good. On the road she had doubts about Arkadia being home, but deep down she had known back then that here home was in Polis and that she would be returning with the Commander. Clarke had been looking forward to it, finally she could spend time with the Commander without the threat.

Now, as Clarke saw the tents of grounders, the stakes and fences hastily put up to disrupt any attacks by her people, and the fires illuminating various campsites, she felt the furthest away from happy as possible. Her insides were tightly wound, anticipating the struggle to come. She hoped that Lexa’s plan would work and that her people would accept the outcome. It was risky, and Clarke felt that Lexa was taking unnecessary risks. Lexa told her that she didn’t see another way to bring Skaikru back into the fold.

“I don’t want to conquer your people, Clarke.” Lexa had told her back in Polis. “I want them to see they were wrong, to see we are not so different.” Lexa didn’t want to rule with absolute power over Arkadia, but she wanted to make sure her people would be loyal and submissive to her when she needed them to be. They would have to be integrated with the grounder way of life.

Clarke understood why Lexa wanted this. Her people were newcomers in someone else’s house. They were given space, but they should not expect that they could impose their habits and culture on the rest of the clans. Her people would have to adapt and accept that they were not in charge.

To the right of her stood her liege, their arms barely not touching with just an inch separating them. Lexa had her red cloak wrapped around her head and wore her full body armor. Autumn had begun weeks ago and nighttime was chilling. Clarke also was wearing a cloak, a gift from Lexa, around her braided hair. The commander had her eyes fixed on the Skaikru settlement below them in the distance. Their vantage point on the hill allowed them to look over the army and the trees, giving them a clear line of sight to Arkadia.

As if Lexa felt her eyes on her, she spoke up. “I’m still angry with you for doubling the sedatives.” Instead of sleeping a night, Lexa had slept a night and a day after Clarke increased her medication. Sher knew that Lexa was deflecting, the commander wasn’t angry with her, she just didn’t want to discuss what would happen next.

“I hope _Heda_ will be merciful in her punishment.” Lexa turned to look at her, eyes narrowing and there was a dangerous gleam in her green eyes. Clarke swallowed nervously.

“At the moment, _Heda_ is leaning towards _goufasmak_.” Lexa didn’t expect Clarke to know the translation. “Because Skaikru are like children, your punishment will be similar to corrective bodily punishment for unruly kids.” Lexa made a short slapping motion below her waist. _A spanking._ Clarke’s ears turned red and a healthy blush colored her cheeks, and Lexa cast a smirk in her direction.

“Though it seems that the Skaikru ambassador might be looking forward to her punishment. So eager to please her Heda.” On the road, Clarke had learned that Lexa had a healthy libido, and was oozing in well-deserved confidence. They had not been intimate since their one and only night together, but the Commander was very clear about her desires to bed Clarke once more. It made the blonde feel good that she had drawn this out of the Commander.

“The Skaikru ambassador can neither confirm nor deny that statement.” Lexa chuckled, she hadn't heard the Commander laugh before. The brunette seemed to notice and clamped down hard, putting a hand in front of her mouth. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell your generals that you have a sense of humor.”

They held their gaze for a while. In the end Lexa was the first to break away and stare once more to Arkadia. “Thank you, Clarke. For calming my nerves.” Looking at the Commander, she hadn’t been able to tell she had been nervous. Lexa had made extra effort to tell her what she felt, even though she wasn’t showing it.

Lexa turned towards the pathway leading up to the hill and a few seconds later, Clarke could hear footsteps as well. The blonde had surrendered to the fact that Lexa’s senses were out of this world. First she saw a tall, broad shouldered man come around the corner. He had a v-shaped tattoo on his forehead which didn’t connect at the bottom of the V but instead both arms went straight down the bride of his nose. At first, Clarke didn’t recognize him, but then she saw the beard and the mustache. “Ryder!”

Seeing the big man’s huge smile and eyes light up at the fact that she recognized him, made her almost forget that he could snap her like a twig. “Wanheda, you honor me by remembering my name.” At once, he realized his error by addressing her first. “Heda, moba.” The big man cast his eyes downward.

“En’s ogud.” Lexa told him it was alright, his transgression was forgiven.

“Mochof, Heda. Okteivia kom Skaikru ste hir kom ai yu op.” It was good news that Octavia was here to see them.

“Min em op.”

While Ryder was respectful towards his commander, Octavia was on the other end of the spectrum. She burst into their midst and immediately started. “You must hurry! Pike- he’s going to execute them all.” Clarke was immediately alarmed. “He- Linkon- your people- Kane-”

“Octavia, slow down and show Heda your respect.” Clarke interrupted the stammering Blake. While Lexa might have forgiven the girl in private, in public Clarke knew that she had a reputation to maintain. Ryder was fiercely loyal, and it was exactly that loyalty that was a danger for the disrespectful girl.

Anger flared in the young girl. “How dare-” She reared at Clarke, but then she saw Clarke subtly flicking her eyes between her and Ryder. “Of course, my _apologies, Heda._ ”

“You’re forgiven, Okteivia kom Trikru.” Lexa then quickly dismissed Ryder before she urged the spy to continue. However, Octavia wasn’t quite done and now Ryder was gone she felt that she once more could speak up.

“Pike arrested Kane and Miller on accounts of treason, while you were taking your _sweet_ time to get here. He plans on executing all of your people and them tomorrow as a show of force for the coalition.” Octavia was glaring at them.

“We shall see if you can recover within a week, should you _ever_ suffer such an injury.” It was a thinly veiled threat. For any grounder, this would be enough to put them back into their place, but Octavia was not one to listen to authority.

Octavia, never having seen the Commander in combat, rose to the challenge. “You better be ready to put actions with those words, Commander. If Lincoln dies because of you—” She doesn’t get a chance to finish. Before Lexa has a chance to show the insolent girl her place, Clarke stepped in and grabbed the Blake sister by her arm.

“ _Don’t_ ever threaten the Commander, if you value your life.” Octavia shrugs herself loose and pushes Clarke away roughly. Clarke, not being as trained as the young warrior, lost her balance and fell on her back.

“Are you her lapdog now? Listening to that bitch, like a- a bitch?” Octavia spat at her, but then a searing pain then shot through her jaw and her head snapped backwards. Immediately the Blake sister’s eyes snapped back towards the commander, who sheathed her knife back into a small leather sheath. Within two seconds, Lexa had unsheathed her knife, backhanded Octavia with the pommel, and sheathed it. Without moving a step.

“Lexa.” Clarke said warningly, all she got was a look that said ‘sorry, not sorry’.

“Okteivia. Continue your report.” Lexa asked her to continue as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile she walked over to Clarke to help her up. When Octavia tried to continue, she found that she couldn’t speak and had to spit out a mouthful of blood. The Blake girl saw the Commander grin dangerously, the message had been received now.

From that moment on, Octavia reported the situation inside Arkadia without a disrespectful tone or remark. She told them that Kane and Miller were caught and a mock trial was held from which they were found guilty of treason. Pike was both the judge, jury and executor. She found out that Monty was compromised by his mother, and Jasper was just angry at everyone and right now his anger was directed at Clarke and the grounders.

They still had some allies inside the walls. Raven was definitely not on Pike’s side, despite being so close to the destruction of Mount Weather, and her animosity against Lexa for killing Finn and torturing her. _Okay, Raven has a pretty big beef with the Commander_. Harper was also on their side, the death of Zoe Monroe had caused hatred for Pike to overrule her hatred for Lexa and the grounders. Jackson was partial to the grounders and loathed Pike’s policies for war, same for Sinclair.

“Most people accept Pike as their lawfully elected leader.” Clarke heard this news with a heavy heart, it further cemented the idea in Lexa’s mind that the Arkadians had willingly voted for the massacre. “But they don’t know everything that has been going on. The blockade has been hard on them and food is being rationed.”

“Is there anything we can use to our advantage?” Clarke asked. “Anything to turn public support against Pike.”

“Most people don’t know that the battle Pike won was a slaughter against a friendly army, nor that they had been sleeping.” Octavia told them that Pike was heavy on the propaganda and came down hard on treasonous ‘rumors’. “They also don’t know that there were messengers with demands for their surrender, nor that they had been killed.”

“Was it Pike who shot the messengers?” Octavia hesitated. Clarke noticed this hesitation, and knew there was only one person that she would protect. “It was Bellamy, wasn’t it? What the hell is he thinking?”

“I don’t know him anymore, Clarke. I think it is Pike’s fault, he is manipulating his anger.” She heard Octavia plead for his brother. Clarke glanced at Lexa who shook her head sadly. “He’s my brother, I don’t want to see him killed.”

“It’s not up to me anymore, O. I can’t protect us from this, not while we brought this on ourselves.” Clarke felt her voice breaking for the man she once called her friend. He was unrecognizable to her, his actions may even be unredeemable. He also might not get a chance to redeem himself either, depending on the outcome her people chose tomorrow. She remembered Finn and what he had done. “I know he’s your brother, but he has done this himself. Believe me, I know…”

“And I hate him for it.” Octavia said. “I hate him so much. He- he knows Lincoln is a good guy. So he knows there are good Grounders, no offense Heda, out there.” Clarke came up to Octavia and put an arm on her shoulder for support.

“He’s not the same man that was your brother. What he’s done is unforgivable.” Clarke pulled Octavia in a hug. Knowing that the brother who always protected her, was a mass murderer, was difficult to come to terms with.

“Could you ever forgive him?” Octavia asked. Clarke glanced at Lexa’s chest, where she’d been shot. Octavia saw the look. “You think the Commander got shot because of him?”

Lexa nodded to Clarke, telling her she had permission to say whatever she wanted. “The bullet was meant for me, because I had convinced Lexa not to kill all of us. Lexa is the reason I’m still alive, because she jumped in front of the bullet.”

“No shit.” She saw the girl look between her and Lexa. “No way.” Clarke nodded. “You aim high, Princess.”

“Can I trust you to keep this between us?” Clarke knew the answer to be yes, otherwise she would not have said a thing. She had learned a thing or two on the ground. She had to keep things close to your chest, but there were people that she really trusted and were obliged to know the details. Their friendship might be shaky, but she wanted to mend whatever rift had grown between them.

“Of course.” O told her off hotly. “You’re one of us now.”

“One of us?”

“A Grounder Pounder.” Octavia said with a dangerous smirk. Clarke gave her a dirty look, but Octavia smirked. “I know things aren’t great between us. And you have done some shitty things. And I don’t trust her. But you’re one of the good ones, Clarke. I won’t betray you.” Clarke pulled the girl in a strong hug. “This doesn’t mean we’re best friends.”

“I know.” They looked at each other in understanding. The Tondc bombing had done serious harm to their friendship. Clarke looked back up at the Commander, who was watching them with a smirk.

“I don’t have to tell you what happens if word gets out, or do I Octavia kom _Trikru_?” Lexa told her dangerously. The only thing that registered to both Clarke and Octavia was her name. The Commander had reinstated her as part of the Trikru. “Let us continue with more important matters. Who is our contact on the inside now that Kane has been caught?” The Commander asked.

“Raven.” Lexa grimaced.

“The one whose boyfriend I had put to death and who I then tortured?” Clarke nodded. “Clarke, you better handle contacting her then.” Then the Commander addressed Octavia once more. “Good work, Octavia. Hand your radio over to Clarke and report to Indra at the blockade, she will give you orders for your upcoming mission.”

Octavia, who had almost given up on rescuing her love, looked up at her Heda once more. She barely stuttered out a thanks and ran along back to Indra. Only to turn around after three paces to hand the radio to Clarke. Once the Blake was out of earshot, the blonde turned to the Commander.

“That was needlessly cruel.” Lexa only shrugged. “And don’t intervene on my behalf again. I can stand my ground.” She grumbled. Clarke had wanted to open her mouth right after Lexa had hit her friend, but she understood that speaking against the Commander was sometimes best kept in private. Lexa allowed Clarke to disagree with her any time, however responding to the Commander’s actions and telling her off in public was different from voicing objections.

“Clarke,” she spotted a twinkle of mirth in Lexa’s eyes. “You, quite literally, didn’t stand your ground.” Clarke gasped dramatically, and Lexa laughed fully, at her own joke and at Clarke’s expense.

“I liked you better when you didn’t dare make fun of me. When you were all ‘mockery is not the product of a strong mind’.” Clarke huffed and dusted herself off, removing the dirt she got when she fell on her ass. Suddenly her hands were joined by two other, conveniently dusting off her backside.

“Do you now?” She felt warm breath tickle her ear and arms enclosed around her. “Commander Heartless and Smart doesn’t do a lot of things that Heda would like to do to you now.” A shiver went up down her stomach straight into her core. She liked it when Lexa displayed her dominance and strength. Clarke shrunk back into the protective envelopment and enjoyed the embrace. She felt safe for just a moment, until a voice brought her back to the here and now.

“Hello? Octavia?” Lexa jumped at the sudden intrusion, not being used to being sneaked upon. Clarke barely contained a laugh, but she knew that Lexa reaction was one of necessity. Missing a possible intruder could be very dangerous for her.

“It’s the radio.” Clarke removed the device from her pocket and pressed the button to transmit. “Hi Raven.”

“Clarke!” A happy voice came over the airwaves. “Oh shit, have to speak more quietly, forgot myself for a while there. Sorry. Are you okay? How are you recovering?” Clarke paused for a second, apparently Raven thought that she was shot in Polis, that must have been the cover story that Octavia told Raven about Abby’s disappearance.

“I’m okay.” She needed to deflect the subject and inquire about getting inside the camp. “How are things on your end? Are you able to get me inside?”

“They closed off the maintenance exit after Kane and Miller were discovered. The only way I can get you in now is by cutting the power to the electric fence.”

“Is that something that you can do easily and can be done unnoticed by the guard?”

“Is the speed of light constant in a vacuum? I’m offended you even asked.” Lexa quirked an eyebrow at Clarke and the expression was so comical that Clarke snorted. She gestured to leave it for now, that it wasn’t important.

“Is it safe?” Lexa spoke up. Clarke cast here a quick look, telling her to keep quiet.

“Wait, who’s that?” Raven didn’t recognize the voice right away.

“It’s Lexa.” Clarke answered.

“The _Commander_ is with you?!” Raven exclaimed. “She wants me to turn down power after I’ve told her that the guards won’t notice so that she can sneak her entire army inside under the cover of darkness? Is she threatening you to betray us, Clarke?”

“Breathe, Raven, she won’t and she isn’t. If you don’t trust her, trust me. You know I have always done my best to protect our people.” Clarke swallowed a bit of bile that rose up in her throat, the last part isn’t entirely true anymore. Leaving them by themselves was a selfish decision, just as she doesn’t know what she’d do if her people attacked Lexa. She hoped she didn’t have to find out.

“I’ll go in, just by myself, and then I’ll discuss our plans for tomorrow. We will try to stop the execution. Octavia will never forgive us if Lincoln dies.” Clarke could’ve sworn Raven responded with ‘and Abby if Kane dies’, and it briefly threw her off course, but she it seemed so obvious in hindsight.

“Okay, I trust you. I’ll shut of the power in thirty minutes, for five minutes only. Meet me in my workshop.” Clarke was relieved that Raven still wished to work with them. Though it could be an excellent opportunity to betray Clarke to Pike. She trusted Raven, they had worked together even though they didn’t always see eye to eye. “Break a leg, blondie.” And the radio cut out.

“Did she just threaten you?” Lexa asked, serious.

“No no. It’s a Skaikru expression for wishing good luck.” Clarke laughed and shook her head. Explaining where that came from wouldn’t do them any good, it would probably be more confusing than anything else. Then she looked forlornly in beautiful green eyes. “I suppose it’s time for me to go then, if I want to catch my window, ehm, be there on time.”

Lexa nodded and Clarke stepped away. The brunette reluctantly let her go, her hands trailing down her shoulders, following her arms until she clasps them around her wrist in the way the clans did. “Clarke, promise me you’ll not take unnecessary risks.”

She opened her mouth to protest about excessive over protection, but then she saw the uncertainty and worry in Lexa’s eyes. So she leant forwards to capture the Commanders lips one last time before she left. “I won’t, I promise.”

And then she walked down the hill towards the place she used to call home. She felt a pair of green eyes burn holes in her back the whole way down.

* * *

Raven had been waiting anxiously in her workshop ever since she had powered down the electric fence. She would have been waiting outside for Clarke to escort her here safely, but with her bad leg she’d just be a hindrance. She had taken Abby’s warnings to heart, while not submitting herself to more medical treatment. Raven felt like a burden sometimes, but now when Clarke needed her help with something that she was good at, she felt good again.

These past months had been hell for Raven. First she’d lost the ability to walk without pain, without a brace, then she lost Finn, got tortured twice. Afterwards she’d basically been reduced to sit on the bench or bite through pain to join the others on search parties looking for Clarke and other stations. The problem was, she felt lots of her friends had it tougher. Jasper lost someone he cared for deeply, Bellamy had to live up to expectations and with the fact that he felt guilty of killing hundreds of people in Mount Weather. Abby had lost her daughter, and had been almost certain that Clarke had died in the woods, but Abby didn’t get a moment to rest between being a doctor and chancellor.

So, when Octavia came to her looking for help to take down Pike, she jumped on the idea to be useful again. Raven had no love for the grounders, that much was true, but she loathed Pike more for turning Bellamy in someone so full of hate, and thrusting her people into needless conflict once again. And now Clarke came here, looking for her help once more.

Raven’s relationship with Clarke was complicated. The ‘I jumped down to Earth for my boyfriend that was cheating on me with you, you know, the boyfriend you killed’ kind of complicated. What Raven admired and despised most about Clarke, was her pragmatism. _If I was ever a threat to our people, would Clarke pull the trigger herself?_

It was ironic, knowing the story about the girl’s father, but the seeming ease with which Clarke could make a decision to end or sacrifice hundreds of lives, multiple times, scared Raven. To put it plainly, Raven didn’t dislike Clarke, she feared her.

Still, there were contradictory aspects to the girl as well. Sheltering Finn instead of delivering him to the Commander, for example. At threat of annihilation, her first response was to sneak him away. One day, she’d have to ask Clarke what she would have done if Finn hadn’t given himself up and the Commander decided to carry through with her threat of war.

A single knock on her metal door shook her from her thoughts. “Who’s there?” She hobbled towards the door, but waited for a response before unlocking.

“It’s me, Rae.”

The first thing Raven did was turning the fence back on before anyone noticed it was off, then she unlocked the door and pulled the blonde girl inside her workshop in a bone crushing hug. Despite her doubts and fears about Clarke, she still was her friend and she’d missed her dearly. “Identifying yourself with ‘me’ is useless. I’m ‘me’ as well.”

She pushed the blonde girl away from her, to get a good look at her. Clarke was wearing a blue tunic with a brown leather vest giving extra protection to her torso. Her signature blonde hair was wrapped inside a red sash, similar in color to the one the grounder Commander used to wear. The main thing Raven noticed, however, was that Clarke was looking too healthy for someone that had been in mortal danger just a week ago.

“You lied to me.” Blonde eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You’re not shot.”

“No, Lexa was.” The blonde grimaced as if saying it physically hurt.

“So she got some of her own medicine, and you got Octavia in danger to kidnap your mother to what? Save Lexa’s life?” Raven felt betrayed. She had assumed for some unknown reason that Lexa had sent for Abby to save Clarke, not that Clarke would put Octavia and her mother in danger to save Lexa.

“The only thing keeping us alive right now is Lexa. If anyone else was leading the Coalition, Arkadia would be in ruins.” Clarke tells her patiently.

“She tortured me. Then she betrayed us at the Mountain and left us for dead!”

“I was there, Raven. She apologized for torturing you, and wishes the Mountain would have gone differently.” Clarke says. “I even held a knife to her throat because of her betrayal. If offered, I would have chosen the same as her. To save our people.”

Raven couldn’t handle it, to see Clarke deflect her arguments so calmly. Her frustrations were rising, turning into anger. “And where was that knife I gave you back at Arkadia huh? She fucking killed Finn, Clarke. I can never forgive her for that. How could you ever forgive that? How can you ever forget?”

“Don’t you dare speak to me about forgetting Finn. I was the one that plunged a knife in his heart. There are still nights where I wake up seeing his eyes close, feeling his blood seep on my hands and his heart give in. Nights where I wake up screaming his name.”

Clarke had to take a deep breath before continuing. “Finn was guilty. He killed 18 people, innocents. By all accounts we would have floated him too. Just like Lexa has no choice now either. She’s facing pressure from the clans to wipe us out for what Pike did.” This was news to raven.

“But you’re here, and she brought you here. I don’t know as much about genocide as you, but that’s gotta be counterproductive.” She saw Clarke wince at the reference to Mount Weather. Clarke still cared and hurt about what she’d done. That was good.

“She’s giving us a final chance. It won’t be painless. She hasn’t told me all the details, but a price must be paid.”

“Pike?” Raven questioned. She had known the man as a teacher on the Ark, but Pike of the ground has changed. Though she supposed they all had.

“Yes. But probably more. I- I don’t know how many. I don’t think she knows yet.” Raven could make a list in her head of who the Commander might want to have. She counted nine people, at least, including Bellamy. Raven had also noticed when Clarke spoke about the Commander, her tone lost its harsh edge and became almost quite tender. “If, knowing this, you want out, you can still go.”

“As if you could do this without me. You know you need help from the best.”

* * *

By the time Raven and her were finished with the majority of their preparations, dinner time had started for the people of the Ark. When Clarke entered the mess hall, most people were seated, they were eating their meagre meals, trying to savor the taste of food for as long as possible. Clarke compared what she’d eaten while in Polis, with what was on the menu for her people. She felt guilty about her luxurious stay in the grounder capital. The lack of food was also a direct result from the rationing due to the blockade, and Clarke hoped to still the hunger of the living.

Completely inconspicuous, she had simply walked through the doors and mingled with every other Arker. Despite being a familiar face for many Arkers, she supposed her new look was so drastically different than what people were used to, that she wasn’t recognized as Clarke Griffin, Mountain Slayer. She got a few weird looks, mainly because of her clothes and braided hair, but nobody spoke up.

When she reached the front of the hall, where the memorial for the people lost in the Mount Weather attack was standing, she turned towards the people in the mess hall, and activated the headset she was wearing. Raven had set this headset up to be connected to the entire intercom system of Arkadia.

“People of Arkadia. My name is Clarke Griffin, daughter of the previous chancellor and part of the original hundred that came down to earth.” She felt the need to introduce herself, just in case anyone had any doubt as to who was speaking. The dining people in the mess hall turned to look at the speakers hanging on the ceiling, they didn’t connect the voice with the girl standing in their midst.

“I come here to speak before you with a message for peace, a way to end the bloodshed and hunger we are facing right now.” Clarke was nervous, she didn’t envy Lexa’s public speeches at all.

“I don’t know how much you know about what has been going on outside the walls of Arkadia. But since Pike took control of Arkadia, he has been trying to start a war with the Commander’s coalition. I know many of you feel betrayed by what happened on the mountain, many fear for the future, and many more feel the pains and worries of all that has happened to us since we came to the ground.”

By now, most people were starting to notice the girl in the front of the room, and were moving towards her. They weren’t threatening, nor angry, just curious what she’d have to say.

“I cannot take away all those fears, because I have many of those fears as well. But I can assure you that going to war is not a solution. Even if we win the war, would the cost be worth it? Since Pike’s election and his actions towards the Grounders, we have lost four of our own. How many would we lose before the war is over?”

She saw many nod. There were four new photos on the memorial, but one of those hurt Clarke more than the others, Zoe’s.  

“Before the election, Chancellor Kane had accepted the Commander’s offer to join the coalition. This was a way to end all conflict between us and the twelve clans by making us one people. The Commander promised to bring justice to the ones responsible for the brutal attack on our people in the Mountain, and she also allowed us to trade for food and supplies to get us through the upcoming winter.”

Murmurs were spreading to the crowd, her ideas were resonating with the people. Clarke saw no sign of guards yet, so perhaps no one had run to the guards to warn them.

“Lexa killed the leader of the Ice Nation, Queen Nia, who ordered the attack on our people. She put her own life on the line in a fight to the death.” Clarke saw that her people had not known this little detail. “Together, we were on the way to bring the queen’s body here.”

“We stumbled upon a field of three-hundred bodies.” Clarke paused. “Many were killed in their sleep. Killed by our weapons.”

“Pike had rejected the Coalition by attack an army that was sent here to protect us. They considered us allies and Pike murdered them in their sleep.”

Now she had the attention of everyone in the room. This was new to many and sounds of disbelief were coming from her audience.

“What did the Commander do in response? Instead of declaring war, she encircled Arkadia in a blockade. She does not want war, she does not want to kill us all. She wants peace.” Clarke heard a few shouts that she was a liar, that the Commander would just betray us again and kill us when we were sleeping.

“Tomorrow morning, the Commander will come here to parlay. She wants to negotiate a peaceful solution. And we will have a voice in whether we want that and how we want it. If you support this resolution, please join me in the mess hall and show it to Pike.”

People around her exploded in questions. They wondered if it was true, that the Commander wouldn’t just kill them all when they let her in. What guarantees would they have? How they could get justice from the Ice Nation for their crimes? Would Polis really bring food?

Clarke tried to respond the best she could. Then she saw Pike and his guards, Bellamy, Monty and more she didn’t immediately recognize, rush into the room. They yelled at the crowd to arrest her and to move out of their way. The crowd didn’t budge.

Pike pushed forward, she heard his string of expletives over the crowd. She looked at Bellamy to see if he would join her side in this, but one look in his eyes and she knew it’s a lost battle. Monty was less determined, but his mother was right behind him pushing him forward through the crowd.

“Our Chancellor may arrest me for speaking for peace. I might show up on the execution block tomorrow, together with Marcus Kane, Lincoln and Nathan Miller. If I have to pay for the crime of wanting peace, then so be it!”

The Chancellor finally reached the front of the crowd and stood right before Clarke. He was breathing heavily and seeing red. What Clarke scared most was Bellamy. Out of all the guards he was the only one with his gun out. She remembered what Octavia had said about him, he killed grounders with no remorse. She decided not to provoke him but only focus on Pike.

“Chancellor Pike. I hereby invite you to negotiate a solution and de-escalate the current conflict between Arkadia, Azgeda and the Coalition.”

Pike stood conflicted. He was outplayed by the young Griffin and had no public support. Even if the crowd behind him supported his views completely, Clarke was still a hero to many of them. She had saved kept their children alive after they landed, and then she had saved them all from the Mountain. Despite her absence, she had built a legend around her.

“People of Arkadia. You voted for me as Chancellor to represent you. As your democratically chosen leader, I ensure you that I can protect the interests of our people the best. I am the legitimate Chancellor. This girl—hardly an adult—does not know the true difficulties of leading our people. We don’t need peace negotiations when we have them on the back foot.” Clarke wondered if he really was so out of touch with reality that he thought he could beat an army of thousands, while they only had a total population of barely more than three hundred.

Pike, being a new addition to Arkadia, had not seen Clarke take charge when defeating the Mountain, he did not know the inspiration she was to many of them. Had she spoken out against him during the election, he would certainly have lost. But Pike does not know this.

“Chancellor Pike, surely you agree that more democracy is better. Especially when it comes to war and peace. That decision should hardly be left up to one man or a small council, it should be chosen by all of us.” Clarke now looked away from the Chancellor and over the crowd. “Anyone in favor of seeing what the Commander has to offer us tomorrow, please raise your hands.”

Counting wasn’t necessary. Over eighty percent of the room raised their hands in support. Pike knew then that he couldn’t stop it from happening. Clarke had won.

Then, to everyone and Pike’s surprise, Clarke held out her arms in submission, which Pike immediately cuffed. Clarke barely could contain her smirk. Every action Pike had taken had furthered the rift between him and the people. She had paved the way, it was now up to Lexa to walk it.

* * *

She smacked the ground hard, face first because her hands were tied behind her back. Great, she’s back in a cell on the Ark, it’s like she’s never left. After her cuffs were undone, she turned around and looked at her captors who closed the door of her cell.

“You’ve really made life difficult for us, Griffin.” Pike sneered. “If your Commander does not come through tomorrow, your fate will be the same as the other traitors and that filth.” The Chancellor pointed at the other prisoners. They were locked in different cells. One cell contained Kane and Miller, the other contained the grounders and Lincoln. Even in prison, Pike segregated Lexa’s people from the Arkadians.

“Perhaps Clarke has giving us a golden opportunity tomorrow.” Bellamy spoke up now, a malicious glint in his eyes. “The Commander will be out in the open, an easy target for us to take out.” Clarke snarled when she heard what Bellamy was saying.

He laughed in her face. “You don’t like that, do you? Have you become so fully brainwashed by the Commander? A dog following its master?” Clarke jumped up and slammed her hands against the bars right on Bellamy’s fingers. She was satisfied when she heard a bone snapping. For her effort, she received a backhand slap across her face, but it didn’t knock the smirk away when she saw Bellamy holding his hand.

“A rabid dog indeed.” Pike put his arm around Bellamy’s shoulder and led the guards away from the cell block. Clarke then gingerly felt around her face to see if any of her skin was broken. It hurt and it would probably bruise, but nothing dangerous.

“You shouldn’t antagonize him, Clarke.” She turned towards the source of the voice. Marcus had stood up. In the dim light of the prison, his unruly beard and hair, both graying, had aged him considerably. Being on the ground added years to one’s age in an instant. “Especially in your condition.”

He also had not had any updates about what had transpired in Polis. “I’m fine, thanks. So is Abby. She’s somewhere at the blockade, prepared for tomorrow in case anything goes wrong.” She filled in because she knew that he was dying to know.

“How’s Octavia?” Clarke looked at the cell containing the grounders. Lincoln, apparently the only one strong enough to stand up by himself, had pressed himself against the bars. “Kane said she came here some time ago, but I haven’t heard from her in a while.” Clarke couldn’t image how difficult it must be for Lincoln to be stuck in a cell, knowing that their world may fall apart around them and he could do nothing but wait. She admired how brave he was for not breaking under the not knowing where his partner was.

“I saw her just moments ago, outside Arkadia. She’s fine, a bit bruised after being rather slow to learn how to behave around the Commander.”

Lincoln laughed. “You know how bad Octavia is with authority figures. I do owe Raven a drink now. She had bet that Octavia would get into trouble with the Commander for running her mouth. I had a bit more faith in her.”

“Well, as her boyfriend you are required to.”

She didn’t know anything else to say, so she kept quiet for a moment.

“You’re looking different. Better.” Lincoln said after studying her.

“With the bags under my eyes, sweat and dirt on my skin and this newly obtained bruise on my cheek?” Clarke scoffed. “You’ve really been stuck down here for too long.”

“I mean it.” He said earnestly. Kane and Miller also agreed. “The last time I saw you was right after the Mountain.” He didn’t elaborate. She knew how she had looked. Haunted. Dead. “Your burdens don’t weigh you down as much anymore.”

“I’m sorry for bailing on all of you.” She said to no one in particular, or maybe everyone at once.

“I know that you’re thinking this is your fault, that you could have prevented this.” Kane spoke up, hitting the nail on its head. “We are the ones that screwed up, Clarke. All of the people in Arkadia. You secured peace for us, and what is the first thing we do? We antagonize the coalition by moving into the Mountain and get ourselves in another conflict.”

Clarke liked that Kane didn’t use the term grounders to describe the clans. It had become an ‘us versus them’ term, it was divisive. “Yeah, I suppose you did screw up. And here I am, catching the fallout.” She was tired of cleaning up the shit left behind by her own people.

“It’s not your fault either, Kane.” Clarke said to the man. “You lost an election to a crazy megalomaniac. It’s a collective failure. I just hope that tomorrow they collectively choose not to get horribly slaughtered.”

The door to the prison opened up, revealing a bandaged up Bellamy. His pinky finger was spalked and was awkwardly standing straight while the rest of his fingers were clenched in a tight fist. Clarke bit her tongue to keep her from saying anything. She legitimately hated Bellamy right this second. It went beyond anger, it had devolved into pure hatred.

Clarke felt betrayed on such a deep level by what he had done, after all they had been through. She had felt this kind of betrayal twice before, the first time was with Finn when she learned that the sweet pacifist killed so many grounders, and the second time was on the Mountain. This betrayal felt worse than the others. Lexa had to save her people, Finn was trying to find her, but Bellamy only wanted vengeance against the grounders. To bury his grief and anger under the bodies of other people.

“Since you left here last time, _your_ grounders have killed three more of ours.” Bellamy started. So it was one past guilt-trip o'clock. “One of which was Zoe Monroe.” When Octavia had told her about Monroe it had shocked her, not just that she died because it was one less of _her_ original hundred that was still alive, but also that she had joined the attack on a grounder village.

“How’s that possible? People only die when I’m in charge, _right_?” She spat at him, turning his own hateful words against him.

“That wasn’t on me!” Bellamy screamed at her. “Octavia warned that grounder village, if they hadn’t known we were coming, Monroe would be still alive.”

“What the hell did you think would happen, Bellamy?” Clarke lashed out at him. “That they’d just stay in bed until you could murder them in their sleep? Like you did with Lexa’s army?”

When Bellamy didn’t answer. She raged on.

“Let me tell you what you should have thought that would happen. Lexa would raise an army of over 7,000 strong and then she would raze Arkadia to the ground. Killing every last mother and child in these walls.” Bellamy blanched. “I have seen the army outside, Bell. It’s over seven thousand and still warriors are streaming in to show their loyalty to Lexa. And this is only the nearby clans. They outnumber our soldiers over forty to one.”

“So what are you saying? Your peace negotiations are a sham? It’s only a ploy to buy time for her army to overwhelm us?” He stood up, ready to warn Pike.

“Goddamnit, Bellamy!” She couldn’t stand his endless stream of accusations. Had she not proven to be on their side? Proven that she would kill hundreds to save just a few of their own? “Maybe I should have let Lexa kill you all. It would have saved me a lot of headaches.” And heartaches, remembering how Lexa got shot because Titus was afraid of Clarke’s influence.

At this, suddenly the sick and wounded grounders who had been listening intently to the conversation, jumped up and shouted angrily at her. She forgot how loyal most Trikru were to Lexa and when she implied that she could _let_ Lexa do things, she implied to stand above their leader. She quickly apologized in Trigedasleng: _“Moba. That is not what I meant.”_

“What do you mean?”

“As I said before. Lexa wanted to kill every last one of our people. I pleaded for our lives, that we could stop this if we delivered Pike to her.” She told him. “Then she called for a blockade, and enforced that blockade with a kill order.”

Bellamy was silent after this. She had hoped to get through to him, and maybe she chipped away at his armor, but it was not enough. “Tell me why Lexa is coming tomorrow to negotiate if her demands are already made.”

“I don’t fully know, but it has something to do with our dispute with Azgeda.” The answer seemed to satisfy Bellamy and he had nothing left to say. Clarke knew she had done her damage, but she had one last shot to take.

“You know he was going to execute them all, right?” Clarke called after him. “The Trikru, Miller, Kane. And Lincoln. What would O do if Pike killed Lincoln because of you?”

Bellamy was silent, his fists were balled up tight and his shoulders were shaking. He said nothing and walked towards the door.

“I think she’d kill you.” She said just before Bellamy left the prison.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this quite difficult to write. There is so much to tell, so much to rant about what Pike and his supporters had done. Clarke's call for peace was therefore difficult to stop devolving into a rambling one.
> 
> As you can also see, Clarke will not be forgiving Bellamy in this story. Clarke does not want Bell dead, per se. She is just impartial to the idea. Even his sister hates him, but doesn't want him death. My personal opinion is that season 3 ruined Bellamy as a character, because I could understand from almost anyone else why they'd join Pike but him. He had a terrific character arc through s1 and s2, from selfish bully to leader. Then he goes on a murder spree ending with killing two messengers that had done nothing to warrant it.  
> In the show, most forgave him in some degree, but I won't forgive him. And my Clarke and Octavia also won't.  
> I have the same reservations about Murphy for his actions in S1 during the disease outbreak, he killed quite a few of their own, and all were kids. Yes he'd gone through some shit, but I don't find that excusable. Though his arc was also good from that point forward and as far as I know, doesn't revert completely.


	6. Brilliant Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Clarke returned to Arkadia and requested Raven's help. Then she announced to everyone in Arkadia that the Commander would be coming to negotiate for justice. For her efforts, she was thrown in jail by Pike and his men. Clarke had a brief discussion with Bellamy after she broke one of his fingers. It seems that Clarke and Bellamy are not making up that quickly. 
> 
> Up next: 
> 
> Lexa comes to Arkadia to negotiate. Hopefully the Skaikru plead a good case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the relatively longer wait between chapters. I was not happy with how this chapter was shaping up to be and it took a few rewrites. I'm not 100% happy, but then again, nobody ever is. 
> 
> Something else. I have received quite a few comments regarding my depiction of Clarke. They call my Clarke weak, stupid and submissive to Lexa, who apparently treats her badly. My interpretation of Clarke at this point in the story (and series before 3x07), is that she was still haunted by whatever she had done to keep her people alive. The Mountain, Tondc, and even the burning of Lexa's warriors. On the outside, she puts on a strong front, and when push comes to shove, she does everything to save her people, and more. Still, her actions do not leave her unfazed. More than others, she bears the burdens. Now the thought of losing Lexa is on the forefront of her mind. 
> 
> Don't forget: Clarke has basically been in constant struggle for survival ever since they landed. This stuff breaks professional soldiers. This might be returning as a theme in my story. 
> 
> Anyway... Have fun reading. Again, sorry for the delay.

Clarke was brought to the outside clearing in Arkadia. The guards blindfolded them, and Clarke volunteered to go up front, leading the charge. The blindfold was completely nonsensical as she knew the layout of the camp already. It was just another power play by Pike and his goons. She was certain that the guards made her bump into all kinds of edges and pieces of furniture. To some of them, she was just as bad as the people from the clans.

When she was securely bound and gagged, and tied up against a pin in the ground, the piece of cloth around her eyes was removed. She swallowed as she saw what that piece of cloth had been: Lexa’s shawl. She bit back her anger at destroying such a valued object. Clarke was sure Lexa had more, as they got bloodied and dirty in battle and training, but this one had been given to her and that made it special.

Stuffing her anger away, she looked around. There were lots of people already up and anxiously waiting for the Commander to arrive. When they got a good look at the prisoners, and a clear idea what Pike was planning to do with them, she could hear voices of protest starting up.

“Kane made a terrible decision on the Ark.” “Yes, but afterwards he was building a bridge on the ground.” Marcus had both friends and enemies, but he was well respected and the change had had gone through since coming to the ground was nothing short of remarkable.

“Miller is barely of age, he was with the original 100 to see if Earth was survivable.”

“Lincoln thought me which plants were poisonous.” “Lincoln caught fish for me when I was hungry.” Lincoln’s skills had become invaluable, teaching many of the Arkadians how to survive on the ground.  

Then she heard the intruder alarm throughout Arkadia. She heart a shout: “Grounders incoming. Four of them!”

Her heart fluttered in her chest, but also a pit grew in her stomach. This was a critical moment, as almost all the guards hurried towards the front gate to keep an eye on the incoming grounders. If they decided to open fire at this second, Lexa would be death and there was nothing she could do.

She saw Pike debate with Bellamy, as the young man took aim from a watchpost. It seemed that Pike was dissuading him from taking the shot. It was still jarring for Clarke to see that Pike may be the more reasonable between the two of them.

Finally she heard the call: “Open the gates.”

The large metal gates groaned as they opened. And there they were, four grounders with Heda up front wearing her battle armor but no warpaint. Her hair was not braided, but it was loosely tied into a simple ponytail. She looked way younger than she was, less intimidating. If one looked past the clothes, they’d say she was an Arker as well.

The youthful Commander stared down at the blockade in front of her. Seven assault rifles were aimed at her but it seemed that the ignored that. Instead, she looked around them and into the crowd. Quickly her eyes found Clarke’s and they narrowed. Clarke briefly ducked her head, apologizing for her current predicament. The corner of Lexa’s mouth was raised just a bit, a smile telling Clarke that everything would be okay.

She took a single step forward and that was immediately followed by seven assault rifles locking and loading. It sounded intimidating to the Skaikru, but most grounders had no such associations with the sounds of locking and loading guns. Still, the Commander seemed to get the meaning.

“Hello, citizens of Arkadia. What a warm welcome. It seems that my ambassador missed a crucial detail in explaining that we on the ground talk with words, not with weapons.” The good natured jab seemed to put most of the people at ease, but it only antagonized Pike and it put him in a worse light. Lexa was going in the offensive right away.

“As you all know, I’m here to talk about a peaceful solution. But the first question I was asked was whether there was any reason for Pike not to, and I quote, ‘put a bullet in my brain’.” It was no wonder that the grounders looked up to the Commander. With full confidence, in the face of of multiple assault rifles that could end her life before she had a chance to react, she challenged them to actually put a bullet in her head.

“But of course, there are reasons for you not to do so. A small one is that something like that would happen.”

Lexa pointed at a tree ten meters outside of the main gate. At first, everyone was looking at each other funnily, but then five casks flew through the air and in rapid succession slammed against the ground surrounding the three. Each of the casks exploded in a ball of fire, the tree splintered and the explosion displaced mud and rocks. A large flaming column was now where the tree once stood.

“Another reason is a small army of 7,000 men which are anxious to receive regular code words.” Lexa pointed at a messenger that was on its way back to the tree line. “Should they not receive the correct message, at the correct time, they might feel inclined to do something.”

“But maybe the most important one is that shooting someone who comes here to negotiate is rather _savage_ , don’t you agree.” Clarke smirked at the implication, Lexa asked them to prove to her that she was a savage and they were not. “That sounds like something I would do. You know, shooting unarmed messengers, that sort of thing.”

Clarke looked at Kane. Kane had told her that Lexa had played a role when he was captured along with Jaha. She had been a meek grounder servant while she listened to them. It was a simple trick but apparently a convincing one. But here she was rapidly switching roles, from charismatic negotiator to terrifying and angry Commander. But all the while, her voice was lighter and softer than Clarke was used to. It sounded unnatural to the blonde.

“Chancellor Pike,” this was the first time that Lexa addressed Pike directly. “I am here to negotiate how justice should be passed on the Ice Nation for their crimes committed.”

“Justice?” Pike questioned. “I thought these were peace negotiations.”

“Are we at war, chancellor? Did I perhaps miss a declaration of war?” Lexa had walked slowly into the center of the square, she made sure that as much people as possible could hear her speak. The small steps were just minute enough that Pike followed without feeling that she was getting into a more central position until it was too late to do anything about it. “Even us savage grounders give an official declaration of war to our enemies. It is an honorable thing to do. But perhaps what we view as honorable, is savage in space.”

The Arkadians have never been in war, so they had no customs or traditions, but even they agreed with the Commander that it was honorable to formally issue a declare war to other people.

“No, I am here to ask what you want as justice for the crimes committed against you. Because your recent actions have shown that you do not agree with how I handled the case.” Lexa looked at the crowd. “I ask that everyone that can vote in elections for Arkadia, to vote on what they would deem as the price to be paid by the Ice Nation.”

Pike interjects. “We don’t need a vote, we have a council and a chancellor.”

Then Lexa looks at the crowd that has been gathered. She estimates that about ninety percent of the population of Arkadia is present. “Maybe the people should decide that, this is a rather unique situation after all. A quick show of hands, please. Who would like to have a vote for their own justice?”

A massive landslide voted to have a say. Pike had been outmanoeuvred. “The people have voted.”

Clarke felt that she could finally release her breath. The tension seemed to flow away, guards lowered their rifles and people started organizing for the discussion. Pike was discussing some things with his guards, people were talking amongst themselves. And Lexa, she was on her way to her. Well, Clarke meant the prisoners in general, but every step also brought her closer to her.

First, she briefly spoke with the Trikru prisoners, she asked for their wellbeing. Despite some of their injuries, they were well. She told Lincoln that, if he thought that Skaikru was no longer his home, he would be welcome once more in Polis, effectively ending his banishment. Finally, she came to Clarke.

“Do you have a different understanding of _unnecessary risk_ than I do?” Lexa said flatly. However, Clarke could see a twinkle in her eye. When Clarke tried to respond, she had seemingly forgotten about her gag, and only muffled sounds came out. “It’s normally not so easy to argue with you.”

Clarke huffed but Lexa bent down and removed her gag. Lexa acted as if she was in control in the middle of a hostile camp, and no one was telling her differently or stopping her.

“I just needed a place to crash, and my friends were in jail so I sought to enjoy their company.” Clarke smirked. As Lexa retracted her arms, she felt something slide along the back of her shirt, and it stopped at the bottom, near to where her hands were bound. Lexa did not dare to untie Clarke completely, that would be taking it too far. She carefully removed the object from the back of her shirt and hid it between her hands. It was a small knife, not one for combat but she would be able to free herself.

“No wonder they put you in jail, if you were crashing some place.” Clarke knew that Lexa understood that she did not mean it literally, even if she didn't know the exact meaning of the expression.

“Mockery-”

“- is not good for my ambassador’s peace of mind.” Lexa finished for her. Then the Commander turned more serious.

“Be strong and be ready, Klark.” Clarke nodded, she knew what Lexa had planned, she just hoped her people would understand before it was too late. “It will be over soon. I hope your people choose wisely, I can not save them from themselves.”

She was also fearful of what Pike would do. He undoubtedly would not stand down.

* * *

Lexa was not nervous. She knew what she wanted and she knew she would get it. She did briefly doubt if she would be shot on sight, but it seemed Clarke had done her part marvelously and a large crowd awaited her when the gates to the camp had opened. She had not doubted the Skygirl for a second, because Clarke always managed to perform miracles no one deemed possible. Even the Commander’s spirit seemed to agree with her on that.

Seeing Clarke tied up as a common prisoner had flared her anger, but she managed to suppress it. She didn’t quite know at whom the anger was corrected, at Clarke’s recklessness or at the ones who tied her up. At least the blonde seemed apologetic when she averted her gaze.

After a brief period of preparation, a stage was set with two seats. One for Pike and one for her. She estimated that almost the entirety of Skaikru’s population was there. Some parents had even taken their children with them.

Now, slouching in her seat as if she was in her own throne room, she commanded the clearing full of Arkadians. She didn’t slouch too far to seem disinterested, but just enough to tell her audience that she was perfectly in her element. The Chancellor had things less under control. He seemed to be unable to make up his on how to sit comfortably. He’d even given her a wobbly, uneven metal skeleton that resembled a wreckage more closely than an actual chair. Pike himself was seated on a comfortable cushioned chair.

“People of Arkadia. You have asked for a vote and of course I will defend our democratic principles. As your Chancellor, I will preside over these negotiations with your best interest at heart.” Pike had a good speaking voice and Lexa was sure he could be heard by everyone in the crowd. She followed his gaze until he finally turned to her. “Before we start, Commander, what exactly is the purpose of these negotiations?”

“My priority is to solve the grievances you have with the Ice Nation in a way that is satisfactory for you and your people, while simultaneously learning what proper justice is.” Lexa stated her mission. “To reach this goal, I would like to propose a course of action. Chancellor, if I may?”

Lexa knew the old language very proficiently, but especially for this moment she had read transcripts they had found in _Tondisi._ She assumed those transcripts were about political negotiations out of the context that they were able to find. Not one transcript was complete, but it gave her enough knowledge on how to use familiar terms for the _Skaikru._

She politely voiced her request in such a way that Pike nodded automatically. Letting her lead shifted the balance towards her completely. Her she was, inside their camp after inviting herself, dictating the course of the conversation. “The Ice Nation has committed a heinous crime against your people. When a crime is committed between the clans, it is customary that the Commander mediates between both parties. I’m here to find out what you would deem satisfactory punishment for the side that wronged you, and to find what reparations would be required to lessen your grief. I would like to achieve this goal by using the methods you choose your chancellor. The democratic process, I believe it’s called.”

Pike nodded, but didn’t get a word in before she continued. “I am not entirely familiar with this process, but from what I’ve read it determines the winner by majority vote, or if there are more than two options, the largest plurality. Correct me if I’m wrong, Chancellor.”

“It seems you understand it.” Pike responded curtly, once again passing the ball to Lexa.

“I have prepared a series of statements to which the people can either disagree or agree.” She turned towards her audience. “Anyone from the audience can also supply their own statements and will be taken into consideration just as any other would. Voting will be done by a simple raise of hands. If you agree you raise your hand, disagree by keeping it down. Anyone that is eligible to vote in the election is able to vote here as well. We will count carefully if there is any doubt to which side wins the vote. Is there anyone that has an objection?”

She looked over the crowd. Many, if not all, were surprised at the eloquent opening statements and the docility of Pike. She thinks that she might have even overwhelmed the man. From what Clarke had told her, he was no politician, and their people were used to politics on the Ark in space. Politics in space was occasionally deadly, she recalled that the blonde had said something about an attack on a few council members, but it wasn’t nearly as cutthroat as Clan politics. On the ground, one could throw everything at your opponents. Some could be convinced with words, others required leverage, threats, promises, and even violence at times.   

Lexa saw someone raise their hand. It was a young girl, about Clarke’s age, but she had the eyes of someone much older. One of the original hundred then, Lexa thought. She indicated that she could speak. Again, this was something that the Chancellor should be doing.

“What if we propose an outrageous statement, and then vote to agree with it?” Lexa smiled at the girl who raised the spirits of many in the audience, thinking of the most outrageous statements.

“An excellent question, Harper.” It was an educated guess but it had the desired effect when the look of surprise proved her right. “Ultimately, I’m here to learn about justice and I hope to give it to you. This is a chance I’m giving you but I am under no obligation to hold myself to it. I do hope we can come to a reasonable agreement, and set an example for a good justice system for the rest of the coalition.” The statement was laughable, but the people absorbed it greedily. The chance that whatever was discussed here would lead to policies back in Polis was pretty much zero.

“If there is nothing else. Let’s start.”

Lexa launched into her introductory statement, discussing the exact nature of the crime. “The crime committed against your people is as follows. The Ice Nation infiltrated your facilities in Mount Weather and murdered 49 of your people, they destroyed valuable shelter and supplies for the winter, as well as armaments you use for protection. This attack was neither preceded by, nor followed by an official declaration of war. Therefore, it cannot be seen as the destruction of a strategic target at war, but as a terrible crime against your people.”

“As Commander of the Coalition, I executed the Queen of the Ice Nation, Nia kom Azgeda, to pay for orchestrating the attack against your people. However, your actions seemed to indicate that the death of the Queen was not enough to pay for the crimes of the Ice Nation. Am I correct?”

All hands were raised right now. Not a single member of the Skaikru seemed to agree that Nia’s life was enough to pay for the 49 lives they had lost in the attack. Pike spoke up now. “We lost 49 people, Commander. It is such a large number, especially relative to how few you are.”

“I understand that you lost more than a tenth of your total population in that attack. It must be especially hard because of how many you had already lost before then.” She worked up her sympathy voice. She’s lucky that Anya would never hear about this theatric farce, because Lexa would never live it down. “We could punish the Ice Nation relative to what you lost. I have no love for the Ice Nation, let's decimate their population of forty thousand. That’s… ” She looked at Pike to provide a total number.

“Four thousand.” So helpful, this Pike.

“Do you agree that I should raze Ice Nation villages to the ground until four thousand of theirs have perished to make up for your relative loss?” There were two persons raising their hands, and Lexa thought they must either be joking or truly mad. She couldn’t see them to make up her mind about which it was.

“No? Too bad, my army is itching to do something and personally I am not that fond of the Ice Nation anyway. That would have been quite _savage_ , wouldn’t it?” It was a rhetorical question, but one so jarring in contrast to the civil discussion that it shook most of the audience awake. They had forgotten for a bit that she was the Commander of a huge army that did not shy away from brutal methods.

“Equal retribution then? Forty-nine Azgeda for forty-nine Arkadians. Eye for an eye. Or as we _grounders_ call it _,_ ” she emphasized the term Skaikru used to belittle them. “Blood must have blood. _Jus drein jus daun._ ”

Lexa was totally unsurprised that this proposal was also voted down. During the vote, which was clearly decisive, she took a good look around the tense Skaikru guard. Along the outer wall, a few guards were looking outwards, but most of them were looking inwards towards the spectacle. She recognized Bellamy from him volunteering to go into the mountain and his intrusion into the heart of Polis. He was looking intently at her, as if she was the source of all misery in his life. He was also the only one of the guards actually carrying his weapon in his hand, the others just had it hanging from their shoulders, in a holster or on their backs. She also saw that one of his fingers was wrapped in white gauze. In the clearing in front of her were twenty more armed guards, bringing the total to thirty five. Two were standing behind her. She was severely outnumbered, having only brought three escorts. Though she had _Wanheda_ on her side, so that about evened the odds.

Pike then proposed something. “How about we look at the ones responsible for the attack. You already have the Ice Queen, but there are more. There are her generals, the warriors that killed our men in the truck, whoever gave them the launch codes and the bitch that led us away from the Mountain.”

“I find this quite reasonable. Let’s have a vote.” Now, a clear majority was in favor of this proposal. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Clarke hung her head in sorrow. Clarke knew her plan, and Lexa knew that right now she had already gotten what she wanted.

“I do find it hard to define who is responsible. Is a general of Nia responsible for being a general, or did he actively have to participate? Did she have a council that agreed with her plan? Is everyone that agreed responsible?” She turned to Pike to see if he had a suggestion.

Pike was eager to propose something to bring the ball back to his side of the court. “Everyone that supported the attack. The council, her generals, and those who carried it out. Anyone who voiced their support.” It would be difficult to find _everyone_ but Lexa had her ways to find out. She had leverage over King Roan to get what she wanted.

The Commander put the vote to the floor. Now the majority was smaller, but in the end Pike had won his support.

“How many would that be?” Someone shouted from the crowd. Lexa searched for the person. He was an older man, standing with no friends or family around him. She briefly wondered if he had lost people in the attack.

“Does it matter if five people are responsible, or ten? As long as everyone responsible has met justice, shouldn’t that be enough?” It seemed that the people agreed with her. If they didn’t, she could always bring a recent event into play, when one of theirs murdered her people in Tondc.

“And finally, does it matter that it was the Ice Nation that attacked you? If it had been another clan that attacked you, would you want the same punishment?” A majority agreed that it didn’t matter which clan it was, that it was not a personal vendetta but that all were equal.

“Chancellor, I assume this settles it?”

Someone called out from the crowd. “What about reparations? We lost food and shelter.”

“Of course, I would see that you are given a year's worth of food and supplies for the whole clan to get through the winter. Unfortunately, Azgeda is in turmoil after the _timely_ death of her queen and faces harsh winters herself so I hope it’s okay that Polis provides these reparations.” This seemed to satisfy the crowd and everyone was optimistic.

“I would assume you want to carry out the punishment yourself?” Pike nodded. “Out of morbid curiosity, how will you do it? Lashes until they die? Burning or burying them alive, like your people in the mountain? Or the grounder favorite, death by a thousand cuts?” She grinned maliciously. “Or would you lock them up, forever needed to feed them, placing a burden on your society?”

“They deserve to die for their crimes, as was custom on the Ark. A single bullet to the brain. A clean execution, relatively painless, fast and humane.” He shouted at her. “We aren’t savages.”

“Oh, I suppose you and I are different then. Thank you, Chancellor and people of Arkadia. I have learned much from your views on justice. If I hold Azgeda to these terms and bring you the ones responsible, can I trust that you honor your end of the deal and end your conflict with Azgeda?”

Pike looked at her in surprise. “Just like that?” Lexa nodded. “Then I accept.” People let go of the breath that they had been holding. Lexa let them revel a bit. Chancellor Pike relaxed in his seat as well. She briefly looked at Clarke to ask whether she was ready, a single nod confirmed it.

“Excellent. That concludes the discussions regarding the case against the Ice Nation. Now we continue with the case against Arkadia, brought forward by Tree People.” The last sentence shut everyone up completely. She had to be quick now before they recovered. “It seems eerily similar to a previous case we discussed. But let me state the obvious. Arkadia ordered and carried out an attack which resulted in the deaths of three hundred _friendly_ Trikru warriors. Then two of our _unarmed_ messengers were shot. The attack was unprovoked and the attack was neither preceded by nor followed by a formal declaration of war.”

She heard whispers rise up from the crowd. Maybe some of this was news to them, but she suspected that her goal would be clear by now.

“Luckily, we have established a precedent for this. All those directly responsible of the attack are to be held accountable. Because it was made abundantly clear what Chancellor Pike’s intentions were before the election, everyone that voted for Pike is responsible for the attack.”

“Trikru demands the lives of a _hundred and fifty_ Arkadians.”

Most saw now what had transpired. Based on their own votes about justice, half of Skaikru would pay the price for Pike’s attacks. More than half the people had voted for Pike, his platform included preemptive strikes against the Grounders, which had been proven when he was arrested before the election. People started to panic and lament to what they had agreed upon. Shouts of protest against the deception rose up from the crowd.

“Kill her!” Pike ordered while grabbing his own pistol. Lexa was already moving when bullets whistled as they passed through the clearing.

* * *

Clarke had been watching from her position on the execution grounds. She had a good view of how Lexa manipulated her people to vote exactly how she wanted them to vote. The Commander was good, she was not only showing her people that they were not so different after all with their calls for violence and retribution. It was also an attack at their way of choosing their leaders.

Before she went in with the killing blow, she event got a bit of sympathy for offering Polis’ supplies instead of making the people of Azgeda suffer more. Feeding three hundred Arkadians was a drop in the bucket compared to Polis’ resources.

Clarke tensed up when the curtain fell and the ruse was given away. She had freed herself and someone, she guessed one of Lexa’s escorts, had pressed her gun into her hands so she could protect Lexa. Clarke had hoped it would not have had to come to this, but based on Pike’s response, their back-up plan was activated.

Her eyes had been keeping track of three targets. The two guards behind Lexa who had their weapons already trained on her back, and Bellamy who was just a bit trigger happy. Lexa’s escorts had positioned themselves near the few other experienced guards. The rest of the Skaikru soldiers were not ready for battle, and Clarke knew she only needed to buy a bit of time.

“Kill her!” She heard Pike command.

Clarke regretted what she was about to do. The two guards behind Lexa were her biggest threat. Before Pike had finished his command to kill the Commander, she had emptied half her magazine into the two guards. Blood spatters painted the wall behind them red but she paid her artwork no mind. Then she trained her weapon on Bellamy. She would shoot if he pointed his weapon just so much in the direction of the Commander.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Lexa disarm Pike with a single kick, before pulling him between her and the other guards. Lexa moved backwards so that she stood with the wall on her back and Pike in front of her as a human shield. Both of Lexa’s escorts managed to disarm two guards but didn’t kill them. She also saw more guards recover and spring into action, but they were fumbling with their weapons as no one was ready for battle.

Bellamy’s eyes were flicking between hers and Lexa’s. _Don’t do it,_ she mouthed to him, _put the weapon down._

She blinked as the sounds of her earlier shots finally registered. When she opened her eyes, she briefly saw Lexa, riddled with bullets in a pool of black blood. She saw Bellamy’s gun spit out an endless stream of bullets, ripping apart the brunette’s body.

In fear she squeezed the trigger. The hallucination disappeared but her shot was real.

The bullet slammed into Bellamy’s shoulder, and a splatter of blood squirted out when the bullet went clean through. She began squeezing it again but then suddenly two hands grabbed the older Blake from behind and disarmed him.

Octavia looked furiously at her older brother as she held a knife to his neck and kicked his rifle away from him.

More warriors from Polis sprung from hiding places around the clearing. In a methodical fashion, each took out their designated target with non-lethal force. Only one guard managed to raise his pistol and shoot at an incoming warrior, who went down. A buddy of his sprung into action disarmed him, literally. His pistol, still gripped by the lower half of his arm, fell to the ground while the guard stared in shock at the limb he was missing. He quickly passed out and Lexa’s warriors stopped the bleeding.  Not a single other Arkadian died besides the two shot by Clarke.

In less than a minute, Arkadia had fallen.

The shock barely registered on the faces of the people in the crowd. Just then had they been celebrating their justice against Azgeda, when they figured out it was a trap to get them to vote for their own punishment. Before they even got over that deception, the next one was unveiled where Lexa conquered Arkadia without a battle. The last deception was only a fail safe for if - when - Pike would turn to violence.

Clarke felt sorry for deceiving Raven when she cut part of the circuit connecting to the electrical defenses of the camp last night. Only the lower half was disabled but it provided enough access. She had told Raven that she would be the only grounder coming, which technically was true because only Octavia had followed her. Today, while Lexa kept all the attention on her, Octavia had knocked out a few guards and, doing so, created a blindspot for Lexa’s warriors to approach.

Lexa had relied heavily upon Clarke during the execution of her takeover. There were precious seconds where they would be outnumbered by Skaikru who all had guns. Lexa trusted that Clarke would shoot without hesitation during those few seconds before her army stormed in, and Lexa had counted on the relative lack of training and battle readiness of the Skaikru soldiers which increased their response times.

Clarke quickly made her way over to Lexa. She was distraught at the imaginary image of Lexa being shot once again. It took her a few moments to reconcile the truth in her brain. Lexa nodded in her direction, silently telling her that she was alright.

Lexa once more turned to address her people. Her voice was nothing resembling the smooth, sweet talking negotiator, but now it was purely Heda. “Skaikru. I have deceived you with regards to my true intentions. But you have been lying to me as well.”

“You tell me you want justice. While all you wanted was revenge. Too afraid to do it yourself, you elected a Chancellor who promised just that. And then you punished the daughter for something the son had done.” Clarke understood the meaning of the expression: punishing the wrong person. “If you truly thought it your actions were just, you would have accepted your punishment as well. Instead, you raised your weapons.”

“I admit, I was thirsty for vengeance as well when I found three hundred of my warriors slaughtered. Three hundred, almost your _entire_ population.” Lexa had to drive home the damage that Skaikru had done, they must understand how much suffering their actions had caused. “I called for your entire destruction when I heard that it was not just the order of one man, but that you voted for this.”

“You voted for a man who promised to slaughter an army that was sent to protect you. You voted for creating hundreds of orphans, widows and widowers, sisters without brothers, fathers without sons and mothers without daughters.” Lexa was screaming in anger and the people cowered. “YOU VOTED FOR THAT!”

Even Clarke flinched at the anger displayed by the Commander. Then, as if the storm had suddenly passed, Lexa spoke in a normal voice and tone. “I should kill you all for that.”

The silence that followed was deafening. No one dared to speak as the Commander stared at them, seemingly debating to do just what she said. Clarke knew it would be the easiest solution, and she had no doubt that Lexa felt the same. Despite what she may have told the other ambassadors back in Polis, Lexa did not need Skaikru.

“Luckily, your ambassador plead your case and that is the only reason you are still breathing right this second.” Green piercing eyes found hers. What Clarke found in them was troubling her. Lexa was barely holding it together, the Commander wanted so badly to give in to her need for vengeance and Clarke could see it. She smiled towards the Commander, supporting her with whatever she decided.

“I give you a new choice. A choice between vengeance and the justice as seen by the Commander of the Thirteen Clans. This choice will be real, and the consequences will be real as well.”

Both of them had worked together to make these plans. Every possibility, every threat, every backup was discussed. And while most battle plans fall apart at first contact with the enemy. These had stood strong. Clarke was not entirely happy with the prospective outcomes of the negotiations between her and Lexa. When she had voiced this, Lexa had told her that with a good diplomatic solution, neither side was truly happy.

“Hand down, you get the old deal. You get your vengeance on Azgeda and I will execute every one involved with deciding, planning and executing the attack on your people in Mount Weather. In return, my people get their vengeance on yours. Everyone that voted for Pike will be executed. I will need to trust your honesty on telling your votes, or I could pick a half of you at random, either way works for me.”

“Furthermore, you will leave the coalition. You are no longer obligated to do anything for the Coalition, but at the same time, the Coalition is no longer required to do anything for you as well.”

Even the action required by her people to vote was planned by Lexa. Hands down required no conscious effort, it was the default position. Hands up meant that they were actively voting. There was no middle ground, no abstinence. Lexa needed them to vote away their old leader specifically, to create a rift between them and those that had attacked the Coalition.  

“Hands raised, a new deal. You get the queen’s body from Azgeda.” Lexa paused. “I get the ten cowards, or whoever of those are still left alive, that attacked my army.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you liked it (or if you have feedback, it is always welcome as long as it is constructive!)
> 
> See you next time!


	7. The Price You Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke took command over Arkadia when the negotiations broke down and Pike commanded the guards to kill the Commander. Clarke had to use force to keep her love alive. Afterwards, Lexa gave the Arkadians one last option: either they can have their revenge on the Ice Nation and Lexa would have hers on the Skaikru, or the Skaikru only gave up and Lexa would only demand the lives of the Pike and the nine that followed him on that fateful night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  __  
> "Now they'd come so far and they'd waited so long  
>  Just to end up caught in a dream where everything goes wrong  
> Where the dark of night holds back the light of the day  
> And you've gotta stand and fight for the price you pay"  
> 

Clarke was staring into a fire. The flames danced and if she stared long enough she saw patterns in the randomness. A lot has happened since yesterday, but Clarke had been numb to it all. Elections were held and Kane had won, Lexa’s army had come and gathered in the fields in front of Arkadia, and new terms and conditions had been laid out to her people. Lexa had told Kane that she didn’t trust her people to act rationally after everything, and she requested that half of their guns would be given to Trikru, without ammunition. It had been a blow to Skaikru, but they were in no position to refuse.

Clarke had watched it from the sidelines. Lexa and her were on the same page here. Everything had been discussed, and Lexa also did not steer away from their agreement. Furthermore, Lexa knew she was exhausted.

The fire Clarke was staring into was alive and warm, the opposite of what she felt right now. Yesterday, she had killed two of her own people and if Octavia would have been a second later, she would have killed Bellamy too.

Clarke looked over the fire into the camp erected by Lexa’s army. A flashback, eerily similar to the current view, flashed in front of her eyes. The only difference was that instead of one tree log, there were now nine logs standing upright in a straight row. Behind every log there were between twenty and forty bodies carefully wrapped in cloth. Lexa had told her that her people gathered family members together, to hope that their spirits found each other in the next life.

Clarke stared at her hands, the hands of a killer, and thought back to the aftermath of yesterday's events.

_When her adrenaline crash happened yesterday, Lexa was the first to notice there was something wrong. Her hand with her fingers still firmly clasped around the gun started shaking. She felt weak and dropped the weapon to the ground. Immediately, she felt a strong hand clasp hers._

_“I haven’t thanked you yet, Ambassador.” Lexa stood in front of her in her Commander persona. Her eyes, Clarke noticed, were just Lexa and they wanted to help her. “I have some things to discuss with you in private. Interim Chancellor, Linkon and Indra, if you’ll excuse us.”_

_Lexa guided her towards the nearest building and while there were people inside, she cleared the building with a single request. The brunette sat Clark down on a bench and immediately brought her a cup of water. Absentmindedly, Clarke started sipping it. Lexa sat down right in front of her, down on one knee, and invaded her personal space by lifting her chin up to make eye contact. “You were strong today, Klark. It hurts now, once more, but you were strong.”_

_Clarke exhaled shakily. “I killed some of my own today.”_

_Lexa shook her head. “No, Klark. You did what you had to do, to protect the people important to you.”_

_“That’s not why I did it, Lexa. Not just for my people.” She meant that the woman kneeling in front of her was part of the reason. Lexa’s eyes softened._

_“This outcome was the only outcome that was right for your people.” Lexa put on hand on her thigh and squeezed it gently. The other she used to trace the braids in her hair._

_“Then why does it feel like I made the wrong choice.” She said sadly. Lexa’s eyes carefully studied her, but there was never any judgement inside them._

_“Because you lead from your heart. That is what I admire about you. You lead and your choices make your heart bleed for everyone they impact, good or bad. And still you make them, because they are what's best for your people.” Lexa told her firmly in the only way she knows._

_“I just keep killing people. I can't seem to stop. The only deaths were those by my hands.” She lamented. Her title was apt, commander of death, and she could not escape its meaning. “I just wish it stops.”_

_Lexa shook her head with a sad smile on her face. “I wish I can tell you that these were the last. Hopefully we achieve a lasting peace, but it is far more likely that our people find conflict again.” Clarke’s hands were cradled by Lexa, who traces the lines on her palm. “Know that I will be there for you, whenever you need me.”_

_Clarke saw the sincerity in Lexa's eyes. They sat there until Clarke was strong enough to be the first to rise. She held out her hand for Lexa to take and pulled the Commander to her height. “Mochof, Heda.”_

_“Otaim, Klark.” Always, and Clarke felt that to be true._

Lost in her memory, she was rudely brought back to reality by the younger Blake sibling. “Did you know, Clarke? That this was her end-game?” The dark haired girl implored. Clarke nodded.

“This was the most likely outcome. We, Lexa and I, devised it together.”

“Bellamy - was there any outcome where he wouldn’t be a part of this?” Clarke shook her head.

“Lexa told me that there was one outcome, that if our people voted for true justice, she would be content with just Pike and Bellamy. She also knew our people wouldn’t.” Octavia’s eyes widened at this. “Bellamy shot those messengers, O. Pike’s soldiers could have been excused for acting under orders, despite actually being volunteers, but word had already spread of Bellamy’s actions.”

Indra’s Second nodded numbly and stared into the same fire. “Please spare him.” It was monotone, detached. “He - I hate him - but he took care of me for sixteen years. He doesn't deser- he is the only family that I have.”

Clarke didn’t want to spare him, even though she had a feeling that if she pleaded with Lexa, she could might be able to convince her. Even Octavia thought that he deserved it for what he's done, it was now just pleading for the life of a family member. “It’s out of my hands. I’m sorry.”

Octavia nodded her head in understanding. In a surprise move the girl moved to sit next to her and wrapped her in a tight hug. “Thank you for saving Lincoln. I just wished there was another way.” Clarke didn’t respond. She was glad that Octavia did not blame her for what happened. Maybe the girl was starting to see the bigger picture, see how difficult it was to lead her people. “Don’t beat yourself up over this Clarke. If there was another way, you’d have found it.”

Octavia fell silent once more, and returned to staring into fireplace once. It meant a lot to Clarke to hear those words. Very few of her people supported the actions that she had taken to keep them alive. If she was rational, Clarke could understand why. Their freedom and survival had been paid with the blood of many. And people are quick to judge their leaders, especially if they don’t have to stand in their shoes. They judge on actions taken, not taking into account what would have happened otherwise. She knows that Lexa struggles with same feelings.

She gently removed O’s hands from her and stood up. Clarke wondered if the girl even noticed that she had moved.

Clarke moved towards the gates of the camp. She knew that the executions would be starting shortly and she was required to be there. She wasn’t required to watch, like Kane and all other Skaikru, but her presence was needed. A hand angrily grabbed her by the arm before she could reach the gate. She was spun around and another pushed hard against her chest. “You lied to me. Again.”

Raven stood there in front of her. Clarke quickly cast a glance at the Trikru warriors that were maintaining the peace in Arkadia. She had no doubt that some would kill anyone that touched her, on Heda’s orders. She briefly signaled for them to stand down and faced the angry mechanic.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you told me that there would be no one from Lexa’s army with you.” The mechanic fumed.

“They all came during the day, and O isn’t part of Lexa’s army.” Clarke lead Raven away so they could talk in private. They sat down on a bench inside the empty mess hall.

“That’s a technicality.”

“Raven, you live for technicalities.”

Raven laughed bitterly but her jab helped and her anger diminished. “Are you okay, Clarke?”

Clarke swallowed. She didn’t want to burden someone else with her feelings. She had seen how Lexa followed her around yesterday, always keeping an eye on her to see if she would break. Only when the Commander had been certain, she had left Arkadia to be with her army in preparation of tonight’s event.

“I killed two people. They were part of ours on the Ark. I almost killed Bellamy, I would’ve if not for O.” Raven nods, and Clarke knows that Raven has her own fair share of blood on her hands. Raven had blown up a bridge full of grounders, and she had made the ring of fire. It may not have been her call, but the things they did to survive weighed them down. “But I will be fine. Later.”

“Where will you go? After…” Raven didn’t need to specify.

“Back to Polis. I… I can’t be here. Not after what I’ve done, and now we lost more people because of me.”

“This is not your fault.”

“No, I’m just cleaning it up, by cleaning people up.” She said darkly and took a deep breath. She said what she wanted to say for a while now. “This happened because I left. Pike got into power because I didn’t know what was going on here.”

“You don’t know that, Grif.” Raven told her firmly. “That may be Bellamy’s fucked up reasoning you’re listening to. But we don’t know. What if we weren’t in the coalition when they blew us up, then we’d be on our own. What if you were inside that mountain, it would have broken us.”

Raven was a good friend, perhaps a better friend to her than the other way around. Clarke had treated them like pawns on a chessboard. She made decisions for them, put them in harm’s way, or sometimes even sacrificed them. As a leader, those were her calls and she stood by them, but good leaders made terrible friends. Despite everything, Raven was still here and could still look her in the eye. Clarke knew that Raven did not fully understand the burdens that she carried with her every day, but Clarke was thankful for her support.

“Thank you Raven, you almost make me believe it as well. I must go now.” She told Raven. “If it gets too hard to watch, you can look away.” The Commander had told Skaikru that they needed to watch the executions, but Clarke knew that no one would be punished if they couldn’t handle it.

Raven stood up, and Clarke saw her wince as she put pressure on her bad leg. She wanted to comment, but it was not here place to talk to Raven about that. Raven was prideful and stubborn, and their friendship was on rocky ground.

Clarke held out her hand, but Raven pulled her into a hug instead.  “Be strong, princess. Know that when I give you hell about something, it's because I care.”

“I know, Ray. Though you have a strange way of showing it sometimes.” Raven chuckled. “I’m glad you’re not angry with me.”

“Oh I am.” Raven responded. “But I am trying to separate _wanheda_ from Clarke. I try not to take your decisions personally, even though they do hurt.”

Just like Clarke was trying to separate Heda from Lexa, but while there was a part of Lexa that only she saw, Heda and Lexa were too intertwined to completely separate. “I’m sorry about hurting you.”

“But not sorry for making the decisions.” Raven finished for her. “And you shouldn’t be. You make the right calls, and we don’t tell you that often enough. Now, you must go to your Commander.” Clarke blinked away her tears. Hearing her friend say these things meant a lot to her.

When she exited the mess hall, she found her grounder escort snapping to attention. Two of Lexa’s warriors had been standing guard outside the building. Having a personal escort legitimised her position amongst Lexa’s court. Posturing was necessary, despite how uncomfortable it made Clarke feel to have a guard trailing her constantly. She also thought it made herself seem weak, but Lexa insisted. The Commander herself also had a guard with her most of the time and after her fight with Roan no one doubted her strength.

When she entered the Commander’s camp, Clarke walked straight into Lexa. Her big green eyes were looking at her inquisitively. “Klark.”

Clarke wondered if Lexa had her eyes on her all the time, or if she had simply known. The Commander seemed to ‘simply know’ a lot of things. Lies and half-truths were spotted right away. Clarke remembered when Lexa told her she knew that Clarke had lied about Anya’s death. She was certain that Lexa would be angry with her, but she wasn’t. Clarke had apologized for not saving Anya and for the deception. Lexa told her that if she had told the truth in that moment, she would have been killed by Indra. The Commander had known that she was truthful about Anya’s desire for an alliance, and that had been enough to give Clarke an audience.

There was also an aura of knowing around the Commander. She often knew that there was something up, knew that there was something stirring or that something bad was going to happen, and Clarke wanted to find out how that was possible. Clarke had asked about it one time, and all she got as an answer was ‘the Spirit’ and that Lexa promised to try to explain it later.

“Heda.” Clarke bowed respectfully. “Were you waiting here for me?”

“I noticed your presence and wanted to escort you to our prisoners.” Again, Lexa had known what Clarke wanted to do. She walked together with the Commander until she stopped next to a row of nine tents. Next to the tents, there was a set row of warriors with drums instead of weapons. Privacy was hardly possible because the fur tent sheets didn’t stop the sounds, but drums would drown out most noise.

“He’s inside this tent.” Clarke didn’t need Lexa to say who was inside the tent.

“How did you-?”

“I know _you,_ Clarke.” Clarke felt naked when the Commander looked at her like that. Vulnerable and disarmed. “I’ll wait for you here until you’re done.” She wished she could show her affection for the Commander right this moment.

“Mochof.” She almost choked trying to get that word out. Lexa nodded, her green eyes never left her as she turned around to face what was in the tent.

The drums started as she entered the curtains of the prison tent. The sound was slightly dampened by the heavy furs, but they served their purpose and they drowned out all other noise from the outside. He sat in front of her, his hands and feet were bound but he was not gagged. When he saw her, he didn’t look angry, not sad, just resigned.

“Bellamy.” She said in greeting. She didn’t know what to say. She was angry at him, hated him because he was nothing like the man she sent into that mountain. He was also nothing like the man that came out of that mountain, but Clarke hadn't been around to see that man. She supposed she was hypocritical that she was angry with him that he changed because of what they had done to survive. She had needed three months to figure out how she could live with her actions and it had changed her as well.

Bellamy was the first to continue. “Would you have killed me?”

She tensed up. Multiple times she had told people that yes, she would have, but to say it to his face was more difficult. She supposed that, in a way, she did kill him by turning Arkadia over to Lexa. “Yes.” And she looked him resolutely in the eyes, no remorse.

“Do you think - could you ever forgive me?”

Clarke wished she could but she waits to long before answering. “I- I wish I could, Bell.”

He nodded, starting to say that he understood, but she interrupted him. “No, you don’t understand.”

“I was almost happy again, for the first time after the Mountain. I was giving our people a new chance at peace inside the coalition.” Clarke had to get it off her chest. “I saw the bodies and it shattered something in me.”

She kept his eyes locked with hers. It was paramount that he understood what he had caused. “I told myself that there was no way that you were part of this. That you and I would fix it. Then Indra told me what you had done.”

“I almost got killed because I tried to save all of you.” This was a surprise for Bellamy. Clarke saw him snap back his head and look at her in shock. “I asked Lexa to spare us and she agreed. Someone tried to kill me because Lexa listened to me. Because Lexa decided not to kill us all. The bullet that was meant to kill me, hit Lexa instead.”

“Bellamy, do see the consequences of your actions. Lexa got shot because she was saving our people, because I asked her to clean up your mess.” He didn’t know the extend of her feelings toward the Commander, and she would never tell him. But she needed to tell him the extend of his actions. Every action has consequences, and his are no exceptions. “Monroe got killed because you attacked the village. The scouts you sent out got killed because you caused a blockade to be called.”

“We can’t predict the future with every action we take. But you must have known that it was a bad idea to challenge the Coalition. You _must_ have.” Clarke knew Bellamy wasn’t stupid. “You must have known that when you supported Pike during the election. And still you did.”

The more she spoke the less she felt responsible for his actions and all that had happened when she was gone. He had tried to pin them on her, for what they had done in the Mountain, because she made a deal with the Commander. And then because she left him to deal with the aftermath. Maybe it was a shitty thing to do, but she needed it and wouldn’t be of any help if she had stayed. “Just like your actions are not my fault. Pike’s crimes are not yours. But Bell, you have done terrible things solely based on your own actions. For that, you deserve the same as Finn.”

Bellamy, who had been silent during her onslaught, finally spoke up. “Will you stabbing me in the heart as well? Spare me the torture?”

“The Commander promised me a humane end for every one of you.” Bellamy scoffed at that.

“She lied to you once, and now you gave her everything she wanted. Arkadia on a platter and you helped her warriors infiltrate our city, and you killed your own men. You helped her overthrow a democratically elected Chancellor. You’re nothing less than a dictator yourself.”

Clarke shrugged the words off. She supposed they have hurt, but she had told Lexa the same thing multiple times, and each time the Commander had taken away her fears.

“A democratically elected leader who brought our people into a war we can’t win. Who was going to execute the previous Chancellor-”

“For treason.” Bellamy spat. “He was working with the grounders and we were at war. Your beloved Commander would have done the same.”

“Yes, she would have.” Clarke wouldn’t lie about that. She knew that Lexa was brutal and a betrayal would be followed by an execution. “I know exactly the person Lexa is. And I know that she truly wanted peace for us within the Coalition, and you can see that we will have it. Despite what Pike and you have done, our people are still alive. You see that, right? You killed 300 of her people, and we are somehow still alive. Even after I handed Arkadia to her on a platter.”

It would have been so easy for Lexa to give the order to kill them all. All their guards were disarmed, and there were almost seven thousand armed warriors against three hundred people without armor or weapons.

“You could have had this, Bellamy. You could have lived in peace with your sister by your side. Even now, you are truly blind and unable to see the truth around you. Lexa brings peace, even to her enemies.”

“We’d be her slaves. Her subjects. We’d have to listen to their savage laws.”

“We’ve always had savage laws. Our entire existence on the Ark was ruled by strict laws and harsh punishments. Even harsher than what Lexa’s people do. And don’t tell me that everything is different know.” Clarke interrupted Bellamy before he could start.

“We are still struggling, there’s not enough food, not enough medicine, not enough warm clothing. Kane, Pike, my mom, or whoever is the Chancellor will have to instate strict rules to keep us alive. At least until we stabilize. We are not so different.”

Clarke let out a long sigh and stood up. She had said her piece, Bellamy had made his choice. He could beg and scream for forgiveness, but he wasn’t sorry for what he did. He truly thought that he was serving Arkadia the best way possible. As she turned away he tried to call after her. Clarke only looked at him one more time and said: “Goodbye, Bellamy.”

When she got out of the tent and Lexa was there as she had promised, ready to catch her should she fall, but she was strangely content. A huge weight had dropped from her shoulders. A single nod was all that is necessary to tell Lexa that she was fine.

“I must ask you something.” Lexa spoke to her. “Are you truly okay with these executions?”

“I will never be completely okay with something like this.” She looked at the first prisoners that were being moved from their tents towards the execution grounds. The first, Monty’s mother, had reached her log and was being bound to it. Her head would be bound as well such that she could only look at the bodies in front of her. When the time came, they would be blindfolded as a mercy, so they would not need to see the end coming and be in terror for their final moments.

“But there is no other way that doesn’t lead to the Coalition fractioning, right?” Lexa nodded. “Then I’m okay with it. They are guilty and actions have consequences.”

Bellamy was being escorted from his cell now. She saw him looking at her, pleading for forgiveness, but she glanced away.

* * *

Clarke came out of the tent stronger than she went in. Lexa had noticed the difference right away. Clarke was stronger than she herself knew, and Lexa would try to make the girl realise it.

“I must do one final thing.” The blonde looked up at her. She motioned towards the last tent in the row. “I want to discuss a few things with your old Chancellor.” Clarke’s eyes widened slightly.

“You don’t have to wait for me, but I would appreciate it.” It was difficult for her to have someone be there for her. Lexa was used to carry the burdens of leadership by herself, but Clarke’s presence made them easier to shoulder.

She too entered a tent with a person whose time on this earth was limited. The dark skinned man seemed surprised to see her. She did look different, with her warpaint on and clad in battle armor. The Commander’s sash hung on side of her waist, indicating her position and importance among her people.

She sat down in front of the man, legs crossed and back straight. She stared him hard in the eyes. “Did you truly believe that you were acting in the best interest of your people?” Lexa wanted to understand him, to see why he did what he did.

Pike hesitated with answering the question. “We- I-, we had lost a lot of people ever since we crashed on this planet.” She didn’t feel sympathy for the man, everyone lost people on this world. “We got attacked, lost half our people and almost all our children, and when we were finally safe, we still got killed. We just could not catch a break.”

“This says nothing about your motives.”

“I was angry. Our people were angry. Everyone wanted justice, retribution or revenge.” He down at the ground. “I just said what they wanted to hear, directed their anger at the right target.”

“So you acted purely out of anger, and put your people in danger because of that?”

“No! I wanted Arkadia to be independent and self sufficient.” He told her. “We needed land to do so, and with our smaller numbers the only way to get extra land was to strike first and hard.”

Lexa almost believed him. She believed that he even believed what he was saying. “You could have traded for land, or even asked. There is land that we are not actively using all the time.”

Pike had no response to that.

“You know what I think? I think that your cause for independence was a justification after the fact.” Lexa spoke resolutely but with no anger or malice. She was angry at this man and what he stood for, but she was not here to hurt him, only to make him understand and to understand him. “You had murdered three hundred of my men, their screams and pleas for mercy or release still resonated in your ears. So you convinced yourself that what you did out of vengeance was justified in some way.”

“You made up a story about why we were the enemy and why the only way was to do as you just did.”

She saw that she was right. The ex-chancellor could do nothing but nod and look away in shame. It may have been cruel, to belittle a man on his deathbed. For Lexa, this was an exercise in human psyche. She always strived to understand motives and emotions behind actions. She was just here to see her hypothesis confirmed or not. And she is here to look towards the future.

“However, that is not why I am here. You still have many supporters in Arkadia that feel the same way. I fear that they will act out and do something stupid. I cannot stop the wrath of me and my people the next time.”

Pike now looked back up at her once more. “I misjudged you, Commander. You and your people.” She nodded. “I was wrong… not about my anger and distrust, but towards your good intentions.”

“Our culture is harsh, and life is even harsher.” She told him. “And I am a product of my people and their culture. I would have killed all of you, if Clarke had not asked me for a better way. Reverting to our carnal instincts is easy. Kill. Conquer. Survive. Choosing the easy path isn't always the best one.”

Lexa paused and let it sink in for a moment. “But I don’t want that. I want your people, especially the ones that supported you, to truly become part of mine. So I ask of you, as your last act as Chancellor, could you propose something that is good for the future of your people?”

Pike was silent and Lexa waited patiently. “I may know one thing… On earth, before the war, people from different cultures and countries used to play sports together. Physical activities to show one’s skill.”

“What would these sports be?”

“You would have to ask someone else, Kane or Miller are fans of old sports. It takes a while to explain.” Pike nodded to the entrance of the tent. Lexa looked at the man, he was more at ease with his fate now. “If you want something more immediate, spare Bellamy. People look up to him for what he did in the Mountain and he was one of the original 100. I manipulated his anger because I saw I could. But even I was scared when I saw how far he had gone.” Pike seemed ashamed for his actions. “He truly was good kid, but he had a lot of anger.”

“Manipulation or not, he has too much blood on his hands.” Lexa said. “Must of his anger was his own, and his decisions were his own as well.”

Pike nodded dejectedly in understanding. Lexa knew that it would be a show of good faith to spare him, and maybe her people would not rise up in anger. Though with all the changes that were happening now, she knows almost certainly that her people would rebel.

“It’s time.” Lexa then puts a gag on Pike. ”I can’t have you repeat anything that was said in here.”

* * *

Pike came out first, followed by Lexa. Clarke quickly checked her old teacher and was surprised to see that there were no bruises that weren’t there before.

“What did you want with him?”

“I didn’t torture him.” Lexa told her.

“I wasn’t-”

“You were.” Clarke looked away in shame, but Lexa was having none of that. “It’s alright of you to think that. In the past, I might have, but I am trying to be more than who I was.”

Clarke always felt surprised when Lexa admitted so easily that she wasn’t above acts of violence and brutality. She wasn’t ashamed at all at who she was and what her people were. At the same time, Clarke found it admirable that Lexa wanted to change.

“You already are.” Clarke had accepted the fact that they were different. Lexa’s way of life was brutal, but not without reason. She brought peace to her lands, but Lexa had told her the price for this peace was paid in blood. The fairy tale where all the clans banded together to fight the Mountain just by asking nicely, wasn’t true in the slightest. Though there hasn't been time to study the history of the coalition, Lexa had mentioned the first few years of her reign were only wars and battles.  

Together with Lexa they walked towards the execution site. Once she saw the nine of them tied up on the logs, bile forms in her throat. She found it more difficult to watch than she had anticipated. All around her there were warriors from the twelve clans, eager to see their enemies bleed for their insolence. Their enemies, _her people._

She now saw a stream of people leave Arkadia. Kane up front, followed by Abby who had come down from the blockade to be with her people. Then in a column two rows wide, all her friends and acquaintances from the Ark entered the clearing.

Lexa turns to her a final time, one last time before it begins. “Are you truly agreeing with this?” Now she frowned, why did Lexa keep asking her.

“Are you?”

“I want to kill them, yes, because they deserve it.” Lexa is brutally honest. “I am not a good person, Clarke. I want the best for my people, and improve their lives. I will motivate them to have them believe what I believe. If force and brutality are necessary to get them there, then I will do it.”

Clarke stood still, was she truly okay with this outcome? If this was any other clan, she would not have any qualms about this outcome. Clarke had asked for blood must not have blood, but even she saw that it was not possible in the current climate. Back in Polis, Clarke had decided that _blood must not have blood_ had to change its meanings, and Lexa had been relieved and agreed. Clarke had settled for a humane way of executing someone, and only ever those that are guilty. No one has to die for other people’s actions.

“Yes.” Maybe in the future, she could fight to completely abolish capital punishment. The tension left Lexa’s face and complete calm returned. A soft supporting smile graced her lips, and Clarke had to resist her impulse of tracing the lips with her thumb. Instead, she inclined her head towards the newcomers. “You should greet the new Chancellor.”

Lexa left her side and went to greet Kane. Clarke is left to watch the row of killers. Nine, starting with Hannah and ending with Bellamy and Pike. She wondered if it’d be better to be first or last. All of them were wearing blindfolds by now. Drummers were standing between each of them. They would drown out the sound of the sword cutting through flesh and bone. Nobody would know when it was their turn, and no one would know the exact moment the blade would kill them.

Staring at the carefully stacked pile of bodies in front of every individual prisoner put things into perspective. Each of those that were bound, was responsible for about thirty killings, and maybe even more. There had been ten volunteers, including Pike, that had attacked Lexa’s army, but one of them had already been killed between then and now. His body had been added to the piles as well. Murderer and victims would burn together.

The drums sounded the start of the ceremony. A rhythmic drum beat, almost like a heartbeat, drowned out conversation. While the clans were known for their elaborate speeches and religious ceremony, those would be held in the villages of the warriors when their ashes were returned. This was just an execution.

Lexa walked to the first: Monty’s mother and Clarke looked at Hannah’s son. He was looking with hard eyes at his mother. The kid of asian descent had joined his mother in his support of Pike, but Clarke had heard from others that it was with great reluctance.

Lexa had unsheathed her sword from the scabbard on her belt and Clarke could see the glistening sharpness, the blade reflected the light of a thousand torches, making it shine in the night. Clarke held her breath as Lexa stepped on a pedestal next to Hannah Green. Her shoulders were at the height of Hannah’s neck. With both hands, Lexa pulled back her sword and in one smooth movement chopped through skin, muscles and spinal cord. Her cut stopped before her sword slammed in the wood, showing amazing control and skill by stopping the blade mid slice. Blood splattered the Commanders clothing and face, but she didn’t seem to mind. Only then did Clarke release the breath she’d been holding.

Hannah’s head stayed in place on top of her body, held there by ropes, her body slumps slightly but doesn’t spasm because it was bound as well. When Lexa steps down, it looks as if Hannah is still there as she was before. The only thing that's different is a tiny misalignment between her neck and her head, and the blood staining the clothes, the skin and the wood she had been bound to.

Clarke looked at Hannah’s son, the young boy who helped her orchestrate the radiation poisoning of the people of Mount Weather, who was now looking at his mother, unblinking, but with tears streaming down his cheeks. She felt sorry for Monty, that he lost his mother in such a way. As if he felt her eyes on him, he turned towards her. Clarke expected anger, but all she found was sadness. She knew how it felt to lose a parent, to have them killed right in front of you. She tore her eyes away from the grieving boy, and back to the Commander.

Lexa moved to the next and precisely on the beat of the drums, she beheaded another. And another. And another. Clarke could not look away as Lexa ended life after life. In a morbid way, Clarke admired the precision and skill which Lexa displayed. Cutting through bones is more difficult that it seemed. Especially when she can’t use gravity to assist her. If done correctly, it was quite a humane way to kill someone. The brain would not receive any signals from pain receptors, and would die because of lack of oxygen.

By number seven though, Clarke saw that Lexa was winded. Her arm moved more slowly, and for the first time she didn’t have the strength to stop her blade after she beheaded the man. The blade slammed into the tree with a clang that was audible over the loud drums. Clarke saw Bellamy respond to the sound, he now knew that is was his turn next.

However, Lexa did not approach him. Instead, Indra walked forward with a spear in her hands. Lexa spoke up. “Bellamy kom Skaikru’s life has been claimed by Indra kom Trikru. She will be the one to deliver him his judgement.”

Clarke looked at Lexa in worry, this was not part of the deal. Then she found Octavia, who clearly wasn’t in on this arrangement. The young warrior had pleaded with her, and even pleaded with Lexa, to spare her brother’s life. Octavia had not begged Indra.

Indra first showed her proficiency with the spear by throwing it at a target forty meters away. The spear hit the target dead center, and Clarke got a brief flashback of after the fight with Roan. The grounders cheered at the display.

Then, after collecting the spear, she readied to throw it at Bellamy. Indra put her left foot forward and pulled her right arm backwards, resting the spear along her muscled arm and chest. Her left arm pointed where she wanted it to go: towards her _Seken_ ’s brother.

In a snap the spear was released. It spun around its axis for what seemed minutes, but it crossed the twenty meters in the blink of an eye.

Bellamy screamed and the drums missed a beat. The crowd gasped. Indra had missed. The spear was embedded into his upper left thigh, straight through the bone and skin, and stuck in the wood of the tree. The young man was breathing, hard. Clarke stepped forward to put an end to this, the deal was no needless suffering. Lexa then looked at her and shook her head.

Indra started a speech, in English, so everyone could hear.

“Bellamy kom Skaikru. For your actions against my people, you deserve nothing less than death. Yet, there is not only darkness in you. You pleaded for the wounded, pleas which fell on deaf ears and you spared my life. You still live because my _Seken_ values your life despite your crimes. Furthermore, you still live because I believe our ways must change with the times.” Indra looked at Clarke as she said that, and she understood. She had found a new supporter for _jus nou drein jus daun._ And this was a political statement in support of her Commander. “ _Jus nou drein jus daun.”_

“You get one chance to live. But you have to do it yourself. Survive the night with no help, and tomorrow at dawn you will be granted your second chance. Fight if you want to live, or be a coward and surrender to your crimes.”

Clarke had found new admiration for the Tondisi chief. She had the chance to kill the murderer of so many of her people, but she didn’t. Her move also increased Lexa’s legitimacy as the Commander, and gained respect from many of Clarke’s people. It was an excellent move, and if she hadn’t seen the surprise on Lexa’s face, she would have thought that she was behind it.

Clarke saw Octavia crumble. The girl didn’t know how to process what had just happened. The young sister collapsed in Lincoln’s arms. When Indra passed them, the girl shot out and arm and gripped the general’s arms. Indra said something to her, and Octavia calmed down. She stood straighter, and wiped her tears away. Clarke knew that the main reason Indra had done this was for Octavia.

As for herself, she didn’t know what to think. She thought she wanted Bellamy to die for what he had done. But Clarke isn’t the person to really want someone else death, she’d proven that with Emerson, and with her edict against capital punishment. And despite everything, there were good moments between her and Bellamy. The betrayal had torn a rift between them that never could be healed. At this moment, she didn’t know whether she wanted Bellamy to give up, or to fight.

There was now only one execution remaining. Clarke looked towards Lexa who swung her sword to loosen up her arm. She walked up to Pike, and the drums continued. Pike now knew that he was next as well. Clarke saw Lexa lean forward to tell Pike something, but she could not hear it over the distance and the sound of drums. Pike seemed to turn his head towards the commander to respond, but before he had any chance, Lexa’s blade swung.

It was over. With a heavy heart, Clarke looked at the eight bodies and whispered: _“Yu gonplei ste odon.”_

* * *

With a clean towel she carefully wiped the blood and grime from her blade, showing its true shining metallic color beneath the layer of dark red dried blood. Her hands still were the same bloody red, but the layers were cracked around the joints due to the movement of her hands. She studied the blood. It was different then hers, lighter, more colorful. It tasted the same though, she noticed as she licked her lips. She must’ve gotten some on her face, the realisation made her grimace.

She found a mirror to see how she looked. When she saw herself she scrunched her nose, immediately some crusts of dried blood fell of, revealing lighter red blood patches underneath. Some had even gotten in her braids. A good bath would be necessary, she doubted Clarke would find this look charming.

As if summoned by her thoughts, the blonde entered her tent. Clarke’s eyes opened wide when she saw her all bloodied up. Tentatively, the skygirl moved towards her, worried blue eyes were studying her carefully. Lexa tilted her head just ever so slightly, questioning why Clarke was so cautious. “Lex. Are you okay?”

“I surely need a bath to get all this blood of me. And my arm is a bit sore, it’s surprisingly exhausting.” She told the blonde casually. She shrugged and her armor rattled at the motion. “Maybe you could help me get out of my armor and get cleaned up?”  

She noticed that Clarke was still keeping her distance. Not moving too close. The girl was carefully studying her. “Clarke, tell me what’s wrong.” Lexa turned fully towards the blonde, she gently took a step forward and took her hand in hers. “Oh sorry, now you got blood on you as well.”

“Lexa, you just killed nine people.” Clarke said as if it clarified her caution.

“It’s just another nine, I lost count ages ago.” Then she widened her eyes. “I’m sorry. You probably knew them and here I’m saying that I don’t care at all that I killed them.” She was surprised when Clarke also started to apologize.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I did know them but I’m not - I don’t - you did what you had to. I’m only sorry that it had to come to this.” The blonde then took a big breath, seemingly to prepare herself. “I- I just wondered if you had trouble after killing so many with your own hands. And I saw you after you killed Gustus, and despite trying to hide it, you were affected by what you had to do.”

Lexa swallowed and looked away from Clarke. What could she say to the blonde that would not make her look at her like she was a monster. Lexa truly didn’t feel a thing after killing these criminals. She hadn’t done so for years. Whenever someone deserved it, or if she was in battle fighting for her life, she felt nothing when ending someone's life.

Gingerly, she stepped closer to Clarke. “You don’t have to worry about me. I was affected by Gustus’ death because I knew him and cared for him. Just like I was affected by the deaths of innocents in TonDC, or am affected by the needless deaths all across my people. I just don’t feel anything for those that are not my people.”

And, in her mind, she could very quickly decide to throw someone from the one box into the other.

“Not at all?”

“No.” Lexa answered, and she was glad that Clarke showed no fear or disgust for the revelation. “I know it’s not normal to feel nothing about ending someone’s life. I hope I’m not scaring you away.”

“I don’t think there is much that can scare me away.” Clarke said and Lexa knew she was speaking the truth. “It’s just- You told me that you knew how I felt after what I did at the Mountain. Would you have felt anything if it had been you who killed them all, even the innocent, the children?”

“No.” Lexa answered, steadfast. She could see gears turn in Clarke’s mind, trying to understand her.  “A long time ago maybe. Right after I became Heda, I may have struggled with it, but for the past years, killing my enemies has not bothered me at all. Unless I had a close connection with the person. I have been betrayed multiple times and some stab wounds still hurt deeply.” She hadn’t meant to say the last part, but she felt the need to clarify. Memories of people long gone quickly flash before her eyes. Childhood friends, advisors, and even a close relative.

Words just kept coming. “But that is what I love about you.” Lexa saw Clarke’s eyes widen. “You care about everyone, good or bad, friend or foe. And despite that, you’re still strong, you still make the decisions even though they hurt you.”

“I have to be this way, Clarke. There are so many people looking up towards me and I want to do my best to serve them. But there is no room in my heart to expand that circle to my enemies.” She whispered in the blonde’s ear. “I am not as strong as you are.”

Clarke’s arms surrounded her in a crushing embrace. “You are much stronger, Lexa.” Lexa shook her head, but Clarke repeated herself. “You _are._ You have three hundred thousand people looking towards you, and every decision you take could save or kill people. My heart may have place for my enemies beside my friends, but you care for many more.”

Again, she shook her head. At first, Lexa hadn’t noticed it, but as Clarke started gently rocking her, she also felt her shoulder shake. Why? She licked her lips and then tasted the salty moisture, mixed with coppery blood still staining her face, as proof that she was indeed crying. A song consisting of it’s alright’, ‘you’re doing your best’, and ‘it’s okay’ was quietly being whispered in her ear. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Clarke told her. “Maybe we’ll figure it out together.”

The blonde kept rocking her gently, until the movement calmed her enough that her exhaustion caught up with her. She closed her eyes and fully sunk into the blonde’s embrace, letting the darkness take her for the night.

When Indra came to check on her Commander hours later, she found them still covered in blood and with wet trails on their cheeks, but they were fast asleep and tangled up with each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter has not upset too many of you that wanted Bellamy to die. In an earlier draft, he did die. So why did I leave him alive? There is one main reason for this. I wanted to show the growth of Indra as a character. Indra, of all the Trikru, was probably hit the hardest by Pike and Bellamy's actions. She was also the one that called for the decimation of the Skaikru and even went against Lexa on this. I wanted to show that she changed her views and to show that she cared for her Second like a daughter. Bellamy will probably be a cripple for the rest of his live, and while his crimes are absolved, they are not forgiven nor forgotten. 
> 
> All in all though, Skaikru lost about 14 people in this little rebellion. Pikes group: 9, monroe, 2 guards during takeover, 2 scouts. Or, comparing to a population of approx 300, that is ~5% of their population. Sure, numbers don't stack up against the losses they caused, but that's justice for you.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you liked it, or didn't like it. Of if you're neutral. Or if I have made some mistakes anywhere. Or if you have ideas... or... ;)


	8. My Hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
> Clarke dealt with the aftermath of Lexa's infiltration of Arkadia. She said her final goodbyes to Bellamy and Lexa interrogated Pike. Clarke watched as Lexa executed 8 of the 9 prisoners, but Bellamy was spared from certain death. Indra speared Bellamy's leg, telling him that should he survive the night, his crimes would be absolved.  
> Clarke finds Lexa after executions, and Lexa deals with her lack of emotions.
> 
> Next:  
> Clarke deals with the aftermath in Arkadia, sets a course for the future and tries to mend relations between her people and Lexa's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in the 'Pike's Rebellion Arc'. After this I will begin my original Arc, which might borrow some tiny elements from the S3 storyline. 
> 
> In a classical hero's journey, this could be seen as the introductory challenge, then we'll face some world-story building, followed by a challenge which requires our heroes to go through their darkest trials. I hope I can deliver on this, I currently planned out 25+ chapters, and their approximate contents. Though I do find that I tend to create longer and longer chapters. 
> 
> Have fun!

He stopped trying to keep his head up a long time ago. He didn’t quite know exactly now long, because sense of time was difficult when you’re bound against a tree with a spear stuck in your leg.

He tried to stay awake, to fight the pain and don’t give in to the cold that was creeping at the ends of limbs. It would be easier to just give up. To close his eyes and sleep.

Grounders had a strange honoring their dead. The so-called spirits were being released, but to him, the spirits smelled like smoke, ash and burned skin. A few meters in front of him, ahe saw corpses burning. The murdered with their murderers. ‘His’ stack of corpses was also set alight.

His corpse would not be added to the pile. No, his would burn alone if he took the coward's way out. A few grounders had come up to him and told him that. It probably was an insult, but he didn’t really care.

As he stared into the smoke, pain and disorientation turned the swirly smoke into faces. These faces begged him to kill them, to spare them, or were asking him why they had done this. Some were surprised. The first even said hello, happy to see him, but a hole appeared in the smoky forehead and back of the skull burst apart. It was a recollection of the night he lost his humanity. The first person he had seen that night had been happily surprised to see him, thinking that they might have been reinforcements, but then she had figured out their intentions before being shot in the head. He supposed that hallucinations were part of the lack of oxygen and blood to the brain.

Then he saw two men on horses approach him through the smoke. They were clear as day. They told him what he’d done, what price he had to pay. So he shot them. As the first bullet struck, the man’s hair turned blonde and his eyes blue. He turned into _her_ , the woman he had secretly been admiring. The bullet blew half her head off and she disappeared, but not before he saw the gruesome damage he had done. The second turned into his sister, who looked at him with hatred and disgust as the bullet found her heart. But she remained, judging him with hatred in her eyes.

Suddenly, pain flared up in his leg wound and his sister was still there. The hatred was also real and hurt more than the fingers pressed in his wound. He tried to speak, but words were difficult when searing hot pain burned in his leg. He screamed and she let go.

“Listen Bell.” She started. “You will fight.”

“You will fight not because I want you to live. No you will fight because you don’t want to die with me hating you.” He felt her hatred. It seeped into his wound and mixed with his blood. It entered his corrupted heart and squeezed it. “You will fight, to sleep every night with the faces of the people you have killed fresh in your mind. Even if you don’t believe that you were wrong. You will fight to earn what cannot be earned.”

“But you will. You will try and you will die trying. You will die trying to earn my forgiveness. This will be the last time I speak to you, unless you succeed in earning it.”

Black spots clouded his vision as the fingers kept pressing into his wound, keeping him in the present. “Goodbye, brother.”

A sharp pain shook him awake once more, but his sister was gone and the night was still way too young. As the hours passed, he wondered if she even had been there at all.

* * *

Something tickled in her ear, her back was hurting, and her arms were locked around something. Something soft and alive. In alarm, her eyes shot open, but she could only see a forest of brown braids. She buried her face in those braids, before she realised who those braids belonged to.

“Oh.” Her sleepy mind was very eloquent. She removed her head from the braids and saw green eyes looking at her. “Hey.”

“ _Sonop, Klark.”_ Soft lips pressed against her cheek and a blush rose to greet them.

Through the thin fur of the tent, she heard the noise of the army camp. Celebrations of last night had gone on for hours and she wondered how she had been able to sleep through them. Today would be a day of resting, and tomorrow they would leave for Polis.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost midday.” Clarke’s eyes widened. They had slept for a long time, was no one missing them?

“Indra took care of most things for us. She even brought me breakfast.”

“Wait, how long have you been up and how did you eat?” They were still tangled up in each other and despite their emotional exhaustion from last night, there was no way that she slept through Lexa getting up and extracting herself.

She felt one of Lexa’s hands roam around her back. “I’ve had one hand free.” The Commander emphasised that by squeezing her bottom, causing her to jump and shift into Lexa. “Though it is way past time to get up, you must be hungry.”

They got up, and quickly changed into a set of new clothes. Clarke snuck a few glances at the Commander while she was changing. Lexa noticed because she was swaying her hips and stretching her back more than strictly necessary. Clarke helped Lexa clean her hair from the dried blood, wishing they’d done that the night before because Lexa’s hair was a complete mess. When they finally were presentable, they left the tent together.

Outside, a beautiful day greeted them. She looked at the funeral pyres, all the bodies had been burnt in a large celebration of life, death and remembrance. The tree logs had been removed by Lexa’s warriors. Two guards saluted them as they got out of their tent, and Clarke greeted them back. Lexa seemed to know their names, but Clarke had not met them before.

“ _Sonop, Cenu en Asra kom Polis.”_ These were the capital’s troops. Lexa had explained that, after the Mountain, she felt that she had the mandate to secure her position with troops only loyal to the Flame and the city of Polis. The rescue of her people from the Mountain had earned her enough respect and influence over the council to push that reform through. So now there was an army loyal to Polis and the _Kongeda_ , and Lexa was the Coalition. Most soldiers in the army were the people she had brought back from the mountain. Those soldiers were also thankful to Clarke. It wasn’t as big as the other armies, but it was the best trained and most disciplined of all the clans.

“ _Sonop, Heda en Wanheda.”_

Together with the Commander, she walked through the camp, shadowed by the two guards. She had grabbed some buns and meats from the kitchen tents and now Lexa was telling her something about the logistics of the camp. Clarke really had tuned her out, looking at Arkadia with nervous anticipation. “-and when we get to Polis I will strap you to my bed and pleasure you for hours.” A voice suddenly whispered in her ear.

Clarke tripped over her feet but was caught by Lexa before she fell completely. In warning, she looked around but no one had noticed her clumsy stumble. “You were not listening.” Lexa said as if that was her usual way of bringing someone to attention.

“Oh, I am certainly listening now.” Her cheeks were burning. Clarke definitely was not a prude, but her body responded to Lexa’s in ways beyond her control. There were gestures that the commander made: light touches, a simple hand on her back, or touching her elbow. Most were innocent in nature but felt anything but. And there was also this, the blatant flirting and innuendo.  

“Go to your people. I have seen you look at them constantly.” She couldn’t delay it any longer. Yesterday and the night before had been easy. There were no discussions about the future, about her absence, because the executions were on everyone’s mind. Now, those had passed and people were going to demand answers. She had to face her mother, Kane, and her friends. She would have to answer for her actions.

It wouldn’t be the hero’s welcome Lexa had described to her not so long ago. Now, she came back right after the execution of some her people and helping the Commander take control over Arkadia. Though by now, all Lexa’s troops had left the Skaikru settlement now and control was handed back to her people. Still, it would not sit well by the majority of her people.

“In time, your people will understand your actions and why they were necessary.” Lexa seemed to always know what was going on with Clarke. Lexa understood, because during her time in command, she had probably faced the same questions. Either from her people, or from herself, always second guessing whether she made the right choice. “Remember, you are not the reason your people have died, but you are the reason that almost three hundred are alive.”

“ _Mochof, Heda.”_ She told and bowed briefly to say goodbye. “Come join us later today for dinner at Arkadia. Most of us have never seen or talked to the real you.” With real she meant not the persona she played during the mock trial, but the real Commander when she was not on warpath.

She saw Lexa hesitate for a second, wondering if it was a good idea to show herself the night after she executed eight of their people. In the end, she nodded tersely. “I will see you tonight, Ambassador.”

“ _Leidon_ , _Heda_.”

* * *

In the broad daylight, the reaction to her return to her people was not different from what she expected. They regarded her with trepidation. She felt eyes on her from the moment she stepped through the gates. Her actions during the take-over won’t be forgotten soon and Clarke even suspected that they would rescind her position as Ambassador. She had shot and killed two of her own, a sacrifice she had deemed necessary, but that was not solely up to her to judge.

She saw new guards being trained, Kane had fired guards he thought to be a danger to the Coalition. And they all had seen how inadequate their response had been during the infiltration. Lucky for her and Lexa, but it put a dent in her people’s confidence. Clarke wandered around, left to herself, until she found Lincoln and Octavia. The duo was carrying heavy bags and Clarke knew they were leaving.

“Are you sure you want to leave?”

Lincoln gestured to the people around them. “They turned on me, when I did everything I could to show them I was on their side.” Clarke knew how he felt, Lincoln was a strong man and he had felt part of Skaikru at some point, but her people’s actions had cut him deeply.

“I’m sorry for my people.” Clarke then turned to Octavia. “Do you have a place to stay? I can get you two a place in Polis.”

“Indra offered to train me in Tondc. And Lincoln can get to work there as well.” She saw Octavia look at the Trikru clan leader and the chief of Tondc, who was standing near the gate of Arkadia.

“Your mom saved Bellamy. He fought till dawn and served his punishment.” Octavia suddenly said. Clarke had not spared a single thought about his fate until now.

“I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” Clarke said and the younger Blake nodded. Clarke figured that was also one of the reasons Octavia wanted to get out of here. Her brother had been the last ties she had to the Arkers, and now she cut him loose.

“ _Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim._ ” Lincoln held out his arm and Clarke grasped it. She returned the Skaikru saying.

Octavia pulled her in a hug. “Next time we see each other, make sure I won’t push you over as easily as before.” The brunette joked, reminding her of the small altercation back at the blockade.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll ask the Commander to train me.” Clarke saw Octavia’s eyes widen, and she accepted the challenge. Lincoln also seemed surprised and Clarke almost wanted to ask the brunette not to tell Lincoln about her relationship with the Commander, but she supposed that Octavia could make that decision on her own.

She followed them to the outer gate, and watched them leave. There was hardly anything left from the original hundred that came down to earth. She felt as if each day ripped them apart more and more.

Indra, who had been watching the interaction, turned to follow her Second, but Clarke called out. “ _Hod op, Indra.”_ The grounder warrior stopped in her tracks and looked at her with a stern face.

“What do you want, Wanheda?” Clarke knew Indra wasn’t her biggest fan, while she herself harbored no feelings of ill will towards the dark-skinned warrior. No, Clarke admired Indra’s strength to keep fighting after so many losses she had endured, to keep viewing the world from a progressive viewpoint, to keep looking towards the future.

“I wanted to thank you.” Indra scoffed.

“For saving that pathetic excuse of a human? I wanted him to succumb, probably should have thrown a second spear.” Clarke shook her head.

“You didn’t.” She could see the truth in Indra’s eyes. Indra was one to harbor a grudge, and she was definitely as brutal as any grounder, but she also believed in Lexa’s vision for a better future and she had spoken the truth yesterday evening. “And that is not what I’m thanking you for. I wanted to thank you for supporting the Commander. It was an excellent political ploy. Three birds with one stone.”

“Three birds?” Indra was not accustomed to this expression.

“You supported Lexa’s edict. This small act will help tremendously with mending _Skaikru’s_ hatred.” She explained. “And last but most importantly, Octavia did not want him to die and you care for Octavia more than you’d admit to anyone alive. You killed three birds, with one stone. It only took one action.”

The older woman, who had experienced so much loss, nodded and her eyes softened, Clarke knew she had earned another ally. “You and Octavia represent the best of your people, Clarke kom Skaikru. I can see why _Heda_ chose you as a _houmon._ ”

The warrior held out her arm and Clarke clasped her hand around Indra’s wrist, and Indra’s enclosed around hers. “ _Leidon_ , Indra kom Trikru.”

“ _Leidon, Wanheda_ Clarke kom Skaikru.” They released each other and the chief left the camp of the Sky People.

Clarke then felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned around to see it was the current Chancellor. Kane was also watching as the chief of the Trikru left Arkadia.

“Clarke, how are you?” He sounded genuinely concerned. The man had gone through a big transformation from the tyrant he had been on the Ark to the man he was now.

“I’m good, Chancellor. How’s everything going here?” She motioned around to the camp.

“Your mother is fine.” Kane said with a knowing wink, he was more thoughtful than Clarke gave him credit for sometimes. “And we actually wanted to discuss a few things with you. If you’d follow me.”

She was being led inside the Ark. She noticed a stark difference between now and when she’d snuck in to deliver Lexa’s message. The few children that survived the journey to Earth were playing in the halls, no longer suffering from hunger. She smiled when she saw them. They probably had no idea about anything that had transpired last night. That innocence was what she wanted to protect.

They entered a newly refurbished council chambers. Abby was already waiting there. The first she did was pull her daughter into a hug. It was the first time she’d spoken to her since she left the blockade two nights ago. “I heard what you did.” Clarke swallowed and waited for the inevitable judgement that always came. However, it didn’t come this time.

“You’re not angry?” Clarke asked.

“I feel conflicted.” Her mother said. “On the one hand, your actions stopped the massacre of our people, but on the other hand you shot two of your own, and eight of our own were executed.”

Clarke nodded in response. “I feel the same way. About those I killed, but not about those _natrona._ ”

“Though I’m more sad that you had to go through that, than anything else. And I’m glad you’re okay.” Her mother held her close, as if she was going to disappear again. When Abby finally let her go, she went to sit down next to Marcus, who immediately put a hand on her shoulder to support her. Clarke saw how her mother shifted just a tad bit closer to the man. She had to conceal a chuckle when she thought about how her mother would react if she’d told this to her a year ago on the Ark.

Kane opened the discussion. “So, what’s next for us? Has the Commander said anything?”

“We will have to rebuilt trust with the coalition.” She said. “Starting with the Trikru because they have suffered the most because of us.”

“And how do you suppose we do that?” Her mother asked. Clarke wondered if she had to provide all the answers, but she was the one with the most knowledge of Lexa’s people.

“It will not be easy. In one month’s time, there will be a Trade Summit in Polis. There the clans discuss their winter trades, excess foods are traded and prices will be discussed. The Commander has extended invitations to all the clans, including us.” Both Kane and Abby nodded. “This is an opportunity for us to give something to the Coalition.”

“Give, not trade? Won’t they see that as a weakness? A sign of submission.” Kane asked. Clarke knew that Kane was right, but there was a way around that.

“Not if it is an offer for something that Heda is willingly giving us.” Clarke explained. “The Coalition does not let it’s clans starve. Every clan pays taxes to Polis, either goods they produce such as food, timber or furs, or money. Polis then uses those to pay for its army and feed its citizens, and other infrastructure projects that benefit the whole coalition. And it’s also used to set up an emergency food supply.”

“Azgeda offers extra furs, and other clans provide food, and so on. They trade amongst each other. However, sometimes there is an especially bad harvest, or other disasters. Then Polis jumps in and gifts the food for nothing in return.”

Now Kane got the gist of it. “We are now the starving clan and Lexa is already willing to give us food for free.” Clarke nodded. “So if we then instead propose a trade, it puts us in a favorable light.”

“What do you think would be a good trade?” Abby asked.

“Something the clans don’t have.” She responded, and picked up a display from the table “We have tech, unique knowledge that they don’t have. We can show that we bring something unique to the table.”

Kane then stood up in excitement. “I have the perfect solution.” He picked up a tablet and scrolled around until he found something. “Pike went ahead and took soil samples from the surrounding lands to find the best farmland. He wanted it for conquest, but we can give this knowledge to the clans. We can even ask if they would accept a team of unarmed scientists, escorted by Lexa’s soldiers not ours, on their lands.”

Clarke felt that this was a good idea, and it cemented the idea that Kane would be a good leader for their people. It had been a good addition that there would be no armed Skaikru escort, because other clans would only see this as a threat. “That’s a good idea.” Abby seemed to agree as well.

It would come at an opportune time too. The farmlands could be cleared during the winter when there is extra labour available because no one could farm. The clans could then start sowing in spring. Within one year, _Skaikru’s_ value would be proven when the first harvests came in.

Clarke then moved to the next topic. “We need to restructure our internal government as well. Make new rules regarding elections, and fill up the council positions.” She explained that most clan leaders lead for life, or at least for a long time during their prime.

“We wanted to speak to you about that.” Kane spoke up after glancing at Abby. “Clarke, we want to offer you a position on this Council.”

She shook her head. “I’m already an ambassador.”

“You can be both.” Abby jumped in. “It’s only a few hours to Polis if you take the rover. Both jobs would be part time only.” Her mother looked to hopeful. “You can come home.”

“I need to go back to Polis with the Commander.” Clarke told her sadly. She could see that her mother had expected the answer.

“We could find someone else to be an ambassador.” Kane tried to be helpful for Abby, but her mother told him that it was fine.

“I would still go back to Polis, Marcus. Arkadia is not my home, it never was.” She had spend more time in Polis than in Arkadia and Camp Jaha combined. And with Lexa being in Polis, she knew where she wanted to be.

Kane looked at Abby, and Clarke saw her mother struggle with the news that she would not be staying. The Chancellor finally responded to her. “That’s okay, we can’t force you to stay here. We will hold elections for all the council positions then, including Chancellor. You can remain Ambassador because you’re the best person for that job.”

The discussion moved away from personal topics and towards going forwards. Clarke felt a bit more out of her element but it made her see that both Kane and her mother were good at managing Arkadia. They had done so for three months and they had made very few mistakes in Clarke’s eyes, just a single big one. She did warn them again about angering the Clans, saying that another Mount Weather would be a mistake.

When the discussion seemed to a close, Kane turned to Clarke one final time. “What do you propose we do about Bellamy?”  

Clarke shrugged. “The grounders already put him on trial and punished him. We are free to do whatever we want.”

“So you have no opinion?”

Clarke looked the Chancellor in his eyes and put some anger in her voice. “To me, he is a traitor and I don’t care what happens to him.” Marcus swallowed and her mother looked at her with concern. “But I would advise to keep him away from any outsiders. Keep him confined to our territory. Make him useful in some way, once he gets back on his feet.”

The implication was clear. While Bellamy was absolved from his crimes and paid the price, those who lost loved ones to the slaughter could take justice in their own hands.

“He would take a long time to recover. His bone was fractured and splintered, and had to be repaired with metal rods.” Clarke really didn’t want to know the details and extend of his injury. “It’s possible that his damage will be worse than Raven’s. He’s probably maimed for life, a cripple.”

Clarke thought so as well. Indra had been very precise with her actions and demands. Bellamy would have a reminder for his actions for the rest of his life. It was cruel, almost, but surely preferable to death. The injury also didn’t make him a complete burden Arkadia, but he would never be able to take up arms again.

“Speaking of Raven, you have to take another look at her leg, mom.” Clarke concluded the talks about Bellamy, for she was done with him. “It’s getting worse. I didn’t say anything to her, but I know you have some sway over her.”

“I have discussed this multiple times already, but you know her, she’s stubborn. I promise I will speak to her again.”

Kane wanted to conclude the meeting, but Clarke had one more thing to add. “The Commander will be joining us for dinner tonight. I invited her to get our people more familiar with her.”

“Do you think that is wise?”

“Yes. If you can ensure me that you have guards that hold no excessive anger to the grounders, and that all guns are accounted for.” Kane promised that they had been. “Then I think it’s okay.”

Kane stood up and left the room. Clarke tried to follow him but was stopped by her mother. “Clarke, can we talk? Mother to daughter?”

She looked at her mother. It had been a while since they had truly talked. Ever since she had found out what her role was in betraying her father, Clarke had felt angry towards the woman who raised her. When her mother was brought to Polis to heal the Commander, Clarke avoided her and only spoke to her about Lexa’s condition. She saw that her mother was tired. Tired about worrying for her, about missing her, about all her duties and the constant threats.

When looking at her mother, she also found that she really had missed her. She had been her only confidant ever since her father died. Abby was the only person allowed to visit her in her cell, because she was the only one that knew the secret that she couldn’t give away.

So she sat back down. And awkward silence ensued. She saw her mother try to start the conversation multiple times, only to stop when she couldn’t find the words. Clarke decided to bite the bullet.

“So, you and Kane, huh?” Her mother looked surprised.

“Nothing gets past you.”

“You hated him on the Ark.”

“Hate is a strong word.”

“But it’s accurate.” Clarke pulled no punches.

“He’s not the same man.” Abby said, looking wistfully at the door where Marcus had gone through. “His actions on the Ark haunt him. Here, he seems to be the only one of the adults that really adapted to living on the ground. I don’t know what he discussed with the Commander during his captivity, but it seems to have changed him.”

“She has that effect on people.” Clarke said wistfully, and Abby looked at her carefully.

“I hope you know what you’re doing with her.” Clarke looked at Abby in warning. “I just want you to be safe.”

“Lexa would not let someone hurt me.” She said with conviction.

“She betrayed you.” Clarke narrowed her eyes. “She could do it again- I’m just looking out for you.”

“She won’t.”

“You don’t know-”

“That bullet was meant for me.” She interrupted her mother. “I lived because Lexa jumped in its path.”

“Oh.” She saw her mother’s eyes widen in surprise. “I suppose- I suppose that is quite some proof. But be careful, okay? I have heard that life is short on the ground, especially for leaders. Protect yourself and your heart.” Clarke nodded.

“I know how short life can be, mom. That’s why- that’s why I want to join her in Polis.” Her mother seemed satisfied with this answer.

“You love her.” And Clarke nodded in response. She had known for a while now, and she wanted to tell Lexa. She suspected that the Commander knew already, but she wanted there to be no doubts between them. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for what she has done, and for what she stands for. But if you love her, then I won’t try to separate you two.”

Abby suspected that if she were to interfere, that she would only push her daughter away. So much stood already between them, and she knew that not all was forgiven and forgotten. She had meant what she said when she learned that Clarke let the missile drop on Tondc, and she knew that Clarke would never fully forgive her for Jake. But as she said before, life on the ground was too short.

“You should give her a chance.” Clarke didn’t expect her mother to truly like Lexa, and she wouldn’t ask that of her. Her mother was a doctor first, and the hard choices on the ground were too difficult for her to make. That was why Kane would be a better Chancellor, he could make these choices. She had thought back at the execution of Finn, Kane had bartered a solution with the Commander and if only they had listened, then she would not have had to put that dagger in his heart.

“I will try to speak with her tonight.” Clarke smiled, that was all that she asked for. “I assume that this has to stay between us.”

“Yes, it’s best if news does not spread further. Too many people already know and it could become dangerous for either of us.” Her relationship was definitely not the safest, but she did not want to give it up for chance at a longer life, because what was life worth if you can’t _live_ it.

She stepped moved forward and sat in her mother’s lap as she had done when she was a child. “I’m proud of you, honey. Don’t you forget that.”

Her mother put her arms around her and kissed her on the crown of her head. “Thanks, mom.”

* * *

A ripple went through the room the moment _she_ set foot in it. The wave it caused, silenced everyone and all eyes turned to the newcomer. For a second, Clarke thought it may have been a bad idea after all. The Commander found her eyes and familiar green connected to her blue ones. She started to get up to greet her, but Lexa told her no with a quick shake of the head.

Lexa searched the crowd for someone. When her eyes found the person, she walked up towards her resolutely. She stopped and held out her arm. “I don’t think I ever apologized for wrongfully accusing you of trying to poison me.” Everyone in the room seemed to follow the exchange.

It took a few seconds for the girl to respond. “Don’t forget the part about torturing me.” All around her, Clarke heard people suck in their breath.

“I suppose a handshake doesn’t cut it then.” Lexa summoned a casket of wine from behind her back. “A drink? I promise it’s not poisoned.”

“A drink and a few answers.”

“You get one question.”

“We have a deal, Commander.” Raven stood up and clasped her hand with Lexa, the grounder way. A beautiful laugh echoed through the silent room and the Commander sat down next to the engineer. The tension slipped away from the room and conversations started again. Clarke saw Raven smirk and laugh to something Lexa had said.

“Wow- she’s something else.” Clarke turned to look at the person who just spoke. It was Harper McIntyre who was openly admiring either the way the Commander seemed to control the mood of the room, or her body. Or both.

Nathan Miller seemed to agree. “You can say that again. Did you see her legs?” Clarke felt a blush rise on her cheeks because she had definitely seen the Commander’s legs. The impossibly tight leather pants left nothing for imagination. She did not look as threatening in her not-quite casual look.

Harper turned to Nathan. “Aren’t you gay?”

“Aren’t you straight?” He bounced back and Harper laughed. “So what do you think, Clarke. Could you turn gay for her?”

She had the most spectacular timing to take a sip from the moonshine in her cup. She spit it out and now she had alcohol burning not only in her throat but also in her nose. “Eh- I don’t- wait- what was the question?”

“Doesn’t matter. You just answered it.” The mood felt light around her. Lighter than she had expected it to be. She was amongst friends, of course. Harper had always been opposed to Pike, same with Nathan, despite his boyfriend’s affiliation with the man. Clarke was glad for him that Bryan was not one of the ones who had joined on that fateful mission.

She glanced towards the end of the room, where the few remaining survivors of Farm station shared a table. They still banded together and had formed their own group. She supposed that it was their right to mourn for their losses together. In space, they had been one Ark, but that was no longer true right now. Marcus had put extra guards watching them, just in case their grief made them do something stupid.

“I can’t believe the stories that surround her.” Harper continued. “I heard she fought a man three times her size. And that she speared all her traitorous ambassadors with a single throw.” Clarke laughed. So the news had reached Arkadia after all. Of course, stories were embellished every time they were retold, so it didn’t surprise her at all.

“Clarke could tell you the story, she was there after all.” Three heads turned to the newcomers at their table. Raven, with the Commander in tow, stood at the head of the table. “Hello, Ambassador.”

“Heya, Heda.” She responded respectfully. Nathan and her scooted over to make place for Raven and the Commander.

“Well, Commander, you were the one that fought the battle. So you could probably retell it better than I could.” Clarke didn’t really want to relive the battle, and Lexa got the hint.

So Lexa launched into the story. “It started when my ambassadors betrayed me, but one person managed to stop it...” Clarke listened as the brunette told them the backstory leading up to the battle. When Lexa finally got to the battle, she excused herself from the table, afraid of replaying the battle in her mind. Clarke knew how it ended, but relieving her fears was not something she wanted to do. She quickly nodded to Lexa  and went to find something to drink.

Clarke grabbed a drink and leaned back against the bar. From a distance she could carefully observe the Commander. She was making an effort but was clearly not quite in her element. Lexa had moved on from her friends and was now talking with some of the new guards, no doubt questioning them about their training schedule.

She started to notice a pattern when Lexa moved from one conversational partner to the next. Lexa would stay with each for about five minutes, and they shook on something. The Commander quickly learned the Skaikru handshake after the first rather embarrassing miss. Afterwards, she would bid her farewell and move on to the next group.

Then Lexa bumped into Monty by accident, and Clarke tensed up. She moved closer to hear what was being said. “Monty kom Skaikru. I’m sorry, I must be the last person you want to see right now.”

The asian boy, still stricken with grief about his mother, nodded towards the Commander. “Yes.” His stare said more than his words. Even Clarke felt the anger radiating away from him. “So why are you here?”

“You are a valued member of the Skaikru, and now a valued member of the Coalition. I want you to know that while I don’t regret my decision, I regret that good people are hurting.” Then Lexa spread her arms wide. “If you want to take out your anger on me, I can give you a single free shot.”

Clarke looked at the Commander in surprise. She saw Monty ball his fists and tense up. She was almost certain he would take the free punch. After a tense few seconds, the boy shook his head and a few tears trailed down his cheeks. Lexa then patted his shoulder for a second. “Be strong.” She told the boy before she turned around. If she was surprised to see Clarke standing close, she didn’t show it.

“You knew he wouldn’t take the shot.” Clarke accused Lexa, who confirmed it by not denying it. “So why offer it?”

“He didn’t know whether he was hating me, or hating what I had done. Those things are similar, but very distinct. This helped him show which.” Clarke nodded.

“If he truly hated you, he would have taken the free shot.” Lexa agreed. She made sure that Monty would not direct his anger towards her or her people. He was shown that he didn’t hate her, and he could turn his anger into grief for the loss of his mother, and not towards rebellion or other dangerous moves. Clarke understood all this, without the need for Lexa to explain every consequence of her action.

“Do you want to join me on my rounds?” She shook her head.

“I’m done with politics for tonight. Go do what you do best, impress people.” She saw a smile in Lexa’s eyes. “You’re so full of yourself. You know I find you impressive, do I need to spell it out?”

“I would be very pleased if you announced it over this wondrous sound system you have in your settlement.” Clarke, forgetting where she was and what their stations were, poked Lexa in her stomach. Lexa twitched and only barely managed to suppress a yelp at the contact and Clarke smiled dangerously. “ _Klark_ , I recommend you do not pursue your current thoughts into actions.”

“Then _heda_ should behave.” With a huff, Lexa turned around and left her alone with hips swaying a tad more than necessary.

The Commander resumed her previous pattern, even briefly going to Farm Station’s table. That resulted in the most tense exchange of the evening, but both sides left the discussion unscathed.

The pattern was finally broken, when she ended up speaking to the youngest Skaikru members. The kids pointed at her knives, and she held it out for them to see. She also then cut her own finger and showed them her blood. Lexa looked up and green eyes connected to hers. The Commander then pointed at her and said something to the kids, who burst out in laughter.

She was good with children, Clarke thought. She decided to make her way over to them. “I hope only good things are being said.”

“Of course-”

“She told us the scariest thing she ever saw was you before you had breakfast.” A young boy with short curly dark hair of about six years old said. The other kids started laughing. Another kid jumped in: “Scarier than a Pauna.” Clare gasped in horror.

“Do you even know what a Pauna is?” The kids shook their heads.

Lexa gave them a mock glare. “You betrayed me, _natrona_.” They all bowed to her to apologize.

“Moba, Heda.”

“Recruiting my people in your army already, Heda?” Clarke asked the Commander who was now standing in front of her with her little army kneeled down around her.

“They are less stubborn than some other Skaikru I have had the pleasure of teaching.” A wrinkle of laughter could be seen in the corner of her green eyes. Clarke got lost in those eyes, especially when they sparkled with a smile only visible to those that truly searched for it. She had to be shaken from her daydreaming by someone clearing their throat behind her.

Clarke turned around in shock. “Mom- ah- hi.”

Lexa’s recovery was smoother. “ _Heya Abbi kom Skaikru_.”

“Commander, could we speak privately for a moment.” Clarke gulped. She hoped that they won’t end up murdering each other. She whispered a quick ‘be nice’ to the both of them and went to grab another drink. She figured that she’d need it for when they returned.  

* * *

Abby watched her daughter interact with the Commander. It seemed a friendly diplomatic chat to those that did not know Clarke, but Abby saw Clarke’s demeanor change whenever she spoke with or about the most powerful woman in this area of the world. Her stance would loosen up, her chin would raise just a tad bit higher and her eyes shone a bit brighter.

It had been a while since Abby had seen her daughter without a lingering sadness in her eyes. The last time had been before Jake died.

She had already briefly spoken to Lexa when the Commander made her rounds. Lexa had roped Kane into agreeing joint training exercises for his newest members of the guards, apparently after she already had promised them to the recruits themselves. Marcus had learned that after he agreed to the Commander’s proposal. Then she had asked what sports were and how they could improve relations between their people. Marcus, being a soccer fan, had launched into an explanation that Abby was sure Lexa only humored out of politeness.

Abby had found herself agreeing to one such proposal as well. Lexa had launched into an explanation of how her healers treated wounds and sickness and then let Abby explain about their methods. Before she knew it, she had agreed to exchange knowledge about inoculation to save children from certain diseases in exchange for a supply of different herbal ingredients that had medicinal properties.

Her negotiation skills aside, Abby had noticed that the Commander never got too personal, or too open. There was always a wall between her and whoever she was talking to. With Raven, she hid behind the offer of wine, with Clarke’s friends, it was a story about how she won a fight to the death.

That wall was gone when she saw her play with the kids. She was good with them, and it surprised Abby. It could very well have been a calculated move to seem human, but kids quickly picked up on disingenuous actions. Abby downed the glass of whatever horrible liquid that Monty kid had made, and decided to finally have that talk with the Commander. After seeing her with the kids, she didn’t seem that intimidating anymore.

She was wrong though, because the moment she had led her to a corner to have a private discussion, those walls were back up. “Abbi kom Skaikru, you wanted to have a conversation with me. May I presume this is about my relationship with Clarke?”

Abby wished she had another drink. “Yes, Commander. Clarke had told me as my daughter that there was… more to your relationship.”

She saw Lexa relax a bit more. “Then you should call me Lexa, if it’s going to be a conversation as a mother instead of a Skaikru representative. Though only in this context.” Abby got the hint. Lexa allowed her to speak her mind as a mother for the concerns about her daughter, but not about anything else. Clear boundaries had been established right out of the gate.

“You care for Clarke?”

“Yes.”

“How much would you do for her to keep her safe?”

“Anything.”

“You won’t betray her again? Like back at the-”

“I won’t.”

“How do I know for sure?” Abby saw Lexa lose her cool a bit. She clearly was not used to being questioned often. Still, she kept eye contact with her.

“Clarke knows.” Was all she said and that was all Abby was going to get. “You raised a remarkable daughter. You are a lot alike in some ways, but very different in others. She cares for her people like you do, and she also thinks with her heart.”

She had not expected a compliment. “That she does. I’m just afraid in how you’re influencing Clarke. She has made questionable decisions.”

“No, she hasn’t. Every decision she made was with a clear goal in mind.” Lexa defended Abby’s daughter. “You think they are questionable because you don’t agree with their unintended consequences, but you agree with the remarkable goals she has achieved.”

“I think you influenced her decisions about the missile and what she did in the Mountain.” She argued with the Commander. “That was not my daughter.”

“Everyone influences everyone else. That is life. Clarke knew how to make tough decisions before she met me. You know everything she did before you came to the ground. She sacrificed some of her own people when my soldiers attacked their first settlement.” Abby could hear some form of regret in Lexa’s voice. She wondered if Lexa, with her current knowledge, wished she had done things differently. “If I influenced her on those, then so be it. She certainly influences me in my decisions. Clarke’s advice is invaluable to me.”

Abby heard the reverence in Lexa’s voice whenever she spoke about her daughter. “I fear I am losing my daughter.”

Lexa shook her head. “Do not fear, Clarke is still idealistic like you. But she is also more pragmatic, able to see when her ideals are infeasible or have to make way for reality.”

Lexa steered the conversations to questions about Clarke’s childhood, and was also very interested in her daughter's proficiency with chess. Apparently the Commander was a bit competitive. “I challenged Clarke to a match, but I’m not a very good chess player.”  

“Clarke is one of our best players, don’t expect to win Lexa.”

Halfway through their conversation, Lexa’s demeanor changed. Her stance switched from relaxed to battle ready, and her eyes were no longer focused on her but were scanning the room. Something had changed, but Abby did not notice a different atmosphere in the room. Lexa relaxed a bit as she found Clarke. Abby looked over just as someone bumped into her daughter.

“Excuse me, Abby.” And she was gone.

Abby watched as Clarke argued with some boy, and Lexa was beelining towards them. Abby was hot on her tail, before the commander started a fight with one of her people. Then, she saw who the boy was. Jasper. _Shit._ The boy then pushed Clarke and she stumbled backwards. Abby saw something in the boy’s hand and a dangerous look in his eyes.

The doctor saw Lexa pull Clarke behind her. An ear deafening shot rang out and screams of fear filled the room, everyone recognised the sound of a gunshot. Then, she heard the sound of bones breaking followed by Jasper’s cry in pain. The Commander had pushed his hand upwards to deflect the shot, and then she twisted his wrist that she broke it and the boy dropped the gun. Lexa then held him up by both of his arms, using just one of hers, and pointed a dagger at his throat using the other.

“Lexa, don’t kill him.” She heard Clarke say and the knife stopped, drawing just a bit of blood.

“Threatening you - an Ambassador - is punishable by death.” Lexa said through clipped teeth, barely containing her anger. She still held a whimpering Jasper by his broken wrist. This was the Commander that everyone feared, and Abby saw the murderous look in her eyes.

Marcus had come to the commotion, together with two guards. “Commander, thank you for apprehending him. We can take it from here.”

Clarke then walked up to the Commander and put an hand on her shoulder. “He’s not worth the diplomatic incident.” Her daughter said while looking Jasper in the eyes. Lexa then pulled the boy close to her and whispered something quite lengthy in his ear. His eyes went wide, and a stain formed in his pants.

“I am disappointed at the lack of security you provide for your own people. Make sure this does not happen again.” Lexa commanded and Kane nodded submissively.

“ _Em nou kom au nodotaim._ _Moba, Heda._ ”

Lexa handed Jasper over. Clarke quietly told the Commander something and she then led the both of them out there in a hurry.

“Is it just me, or is anyone else suddenly feeling very hot?” She heard Raven exclaim, followed by a series of aye’s.

Abby shook her head, either the drink had gotten to her or she was losing her mind. Because the thought that had just popped in her head was crazy.

She had thought that the Commander might just be good enough for her daughter.

* * *

“ _Klark_ . _Hod op._ ” Lexa said as she followed the blonde through the hallways. Finally, she got dragged through one of the doors into a room. She was pushed against the wall and felt Clarke’s hands move all over her. It wasn’t sexual, it was frantic, panicked.  

“Where is it? Where is it?”

Lexa caught the hands that were checking her for any wounds and pulled off her shirt. “See, nothing here. I’m fine.”

“Lexa- he had a gun- he shot it. I saw you- black blood- only you.” She shushed the stuttering blonde. Lexa had been fearing that this was happening to Clarke. She had seen this with many of her warriors during and after the wars of unification. Some of her best had fallen prey to it. Special healers had been trained all over the Coalition to help these veterans. They called it _gonahaken,_ the warrior’s disease.

“Klark, what you have seen was very real to you. I know.” She put the blonde’s hand over her naked stomach, right on the spot on her lowest rib where the scar tissue was located. “But do you feel it, the wound is closed up. There is no blood. It’s dry.”

Feeling it seemed to calm the blonde down. “I really saw it. It seemed so real.” Lexa believed her. The warrior’s disease was invisible and there was no clear protection against it. Some warriors got it after their first battle, other battle hardened veterans got it later in their retirement.

“You were strong out there, Clarke.” She told her lover, Lexa would do whatever she could to help Clarke through this struggle. “Despite what you saw, you stood your ground. Now you can be weak, and I will be a bit stronger for the both of us.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, leave a comment to let me know ;)
> 
> Next week I'll be out of town for a month, so I will try to post one more chapter later this week. Maybe 2, but I can't promise anything. I won't end it on a cliff hanger right before I go, so don't worry about that.


	9. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Pike's rebellion ended in the capture of Arkadia after Clarke and Lexa infiltrated their defences under the ruse of negotiations. All of Pike's followers were executed but Bellamy was spared by Indra, making a statement for Lexa's policy of blood must not have blood. 
> 
> Octavia and Lincoln followed Indra to live in Tondc, after Lexa lifted Lincoln's banishment.
> 
> Lexa and Clarke tried mending relations between the Sky People and the Clans of the Coalition. During the party, Clarke was threatened by Jasper but Lexa put a stop to it. The sound of gunfire in close proximity to Lexa made Clarke relive a traumatic experience, and Lexa discovers something about Clarke's mental condition.
> 
> Now: 
> 
> Clarke and Lexa arrive in Polis, and new discoveries and threats loom. The coalition is not out of the woods yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was gone for so long! I've been back from a holiday and had some problems of getting back into writing. I've been busy but it's no excuse. Hope you enjoy this chapter. I'll try to post the next one sometime next week.

Their reception back into Polis was the opposite of theirs in Arkadia. Lexa and she were seated in their saddles and they watched the column enter the great gate. Clarke had expected Lexa and her to go first, but she let her tired soldiers find their loved ones.

“A leader leads, but a leader also sacrifices.” Clarke rolled her eyes at another one of Lexa’s proverbs. “People sacrifice for their leaders, not because they lead, but because they know that their leaders sacrificed for them.”

“And what sacrifice are you making right now?”

Lexa shifted in her saddle. “I could’ve been in my bed and not on this saddle by now.” Clarke barked out a laugh. “Maybe one of my attendants could give my behind a massage.” Clarke threw her shawl at the Commander, who deftly dodged it but caught it before it fell to the ground.

“You’d better not, only I’m allowed to do that.”

“Then it’s settled. You will give me a good massage when we get to our room.” Clarke like the sound of that, _their_ room. She almost, not quite, forgot what Lexa had made her agree to. Manipulative girlfriends - if that was what they were - were annoying, especially if they had a way with words.

“You are sleeping on the couch, if you continue that train of thought.” Lexa’s eyes laughed back at her. They both knew that she didn’t mean it, because if there was one thing the both of them wanted, it was to sleep wrapped up in each other.

She looked at the column of warriors that was entering the city. Lots of them had already left the army to go to their clans. About half of the clans were on the other side of Polis, and the city had food, drinks and a comfortable bed for all of them. Those who lived in Polis were met by their wives, husbands, children or friends.

The sounds of joy reached her ears as husbands were reunited with their wives after their campaign against the Sky People. Her chest swelled in pride that the two of them managed to return with no further casualties. From the corner of her eye she saw that Lexa was also looking quite satisfied with their achievement.

Some of the mothers and fathers came up to Lexa to personally thank her for bringing their loved ones back. Lexa swung down from her horse to meet them at an equal level. It may be that some of her people did not agree with how Lexa solved the issue with the Sky People, but today was not the moment to discuss that.

Clarke did not fully understand all Trigedasleng that was being said, she was still studying the language. Lexa seemed to personally know a lot of them, not all by name, but at least by what they did or who they worked for.

Some even came up to her. “ _Mochof, Wanheda._ For bringing peace to our lands.” It made her uncomfortable, because her people were the cause for their strife. She accepted their thanks without a word.

Clarke stayed on top of her horse, though. It gave her the best view of what was happening in the streets. The warriors were being hailed as victors of a glorious victory, even though most had not even drawn their blades. Children were running through the streets, asking questions, challenging the men to mock duels which they participated in. Some very public displays of affection happened in between the playing children. Drinks were given away for free, no matter what clan the warriors were from.

Lexa looked up at Clarke. “The last time I could not celebrate with my men and women.” She could imagine a similar display at the Commander’s return from the Mountain. So many people that most had given up on ever seeing again were returned. She knew that for Lexa, personally, it was not a celebration.

A leader must sacrifice, in order for their people to sacrifice themselves. This was very true for the both of them.

“But now we can.” Lexa had walked up to Clarke’s side and held out her arms. Clarke swung her leg over her horse, and groaned as her muscles protested the movement. She let herself down into the Commander’s arms.

When they entered the city, chants calling out Heda rose up. Polis, at the very least, was happy that their leader was back. “ _Heda, Heda, Heda.”_ Clarke heard a few ‘ _Wanheda_ s’ but her title was not nearly as popular. Still, hearing her title at all felt surprisingly good. Despite her exhaustion, she stood a little straighter at hearing so many people chant and celebrate their return.

“ _Wanheda_ , is it true that you simply walked inside?” “ _Heda,_ did you overpower all Skaikru by yourself?” “ _Wanheda,_ would you consider my son as a suitor.”

The last one earned a hearty laugh by both her and the Commander. “Whoever _Wanheda_ decides to spend her life with, will forever be in her shadow.” Lexa said while looking only at her. She decided not to respond, because there was no response that did not betray how she felt about the brunette.

When they arrived at the Polis tower, Lexa turned around to address the following that they had gained. She spoke in both Trigedasleng, and then repeating it in English for her benefit. “People of Polis, and people of the Coalition. We thank you for the welcome we received. The warriors of all the clans have achieved a supreme victory over our enemy. As the great leaders of legends taught us, _to achieve victory without battle, is supreme excellence_. We turned our enemies back into our allies, and we are stronger as a result. Their rebellious leaders and murderers have paid a price, as ordered by _Wanheda_.” Lexa grabbed her arm and raised it above them.

Cheers erupted in the crowd at the mention of her name. “ _Wan-heda Wan-heda- Wan-heda!”_

“Together, as the _thirteen_ clans of the Coalition, we wish to enter a new era of progress, peace and prosperity. I wish to improve the lives of everyone in the Coalition.” She paused until the shouts and cheers in the crowd of hundreds, thousands, died down.

“My dream is that no mother or father has to fear for their children, that no child has to grow up without their parents. I dream of the day that no man, woman or child dies of hunger, of exposure, or of senseless violence.” Lexa continued. “To reach that goal, I need your help. Spread my vision, spread my message, and together as _thirteen_ clans we are strong enough to make it work.”

_“Heda Heda Heda.”_ Clarke saw a look of satisfaction cross over Lexa’s face. It was not a spontaneous speech, Clarke recognized the difference, but it was still from the heart. Leave it up to Lexa to capitalize on this victory for political influence. Word would spread through the clans, and hopefully her vision would be shared.

Lexa then led the both of them inside and the doors closed behind them. All promises for massages were promptly forgotten the moment they reached Lexa’s room. Clarke shrugged out of most of her clothes, leaving only her undergarments. Then she crawled into her bed. Lexa had not followed her yet, but had instead chosen to watch her undress. She gave Clarke a similar show, only Lexa chose to remove everything beside her shorts.

She felt soft lips press against hers, and foreign arms pulled her close such that their legs were intertwined, and chests were flush against one another. “Reshop.”

* * *

She twirled a keychain around her index finger. The many keys jingled as they touched each other. The door in front of her lead to Polis’ Lower Sanctum. Below the temple of the Flame, which was on the ground floor of the tower, was the most sacred spot in the city. Only few were allowed there, the Commander, the Flamekeeper and their apprentices.

Lexa put the correct key in the door stepped through it, closing the entrance after her. A spiral metal staircase led to the basement.

In the middle of the room stood a metal human-sized container that had sustained significant damage through the time. It was the container which had brought the first Commander from the sky to the ground. The symbol of the flame was still clearly visible on the metal box, as well as the letters that formed the name of the city. _POLIS._

She wasn’t alone in the room, there was one other occupant surrounded by the many books depicting their history from before and after the fire that destroyed the old world. His bald head and stern face used to be a fixture in her youth, and she learned many things from the man.

“Heda.” Her entrance had not been inconspicuous, so he was waiting for her to enter the room. “I’m glad you returned safely. I have heard of your success with the Skaikru.”

“Titus.” She greeted him with more distance than she normally did. He flinched at the coldness in her voice. Lexa walked over to the pile of books that the man had been reading. She recognized many from her youth. The Bible, the Qur’an, the Analects by Confucius or the Book of the Dead were grouped together under old religious manuscripts. The Gods and men behind the books were swallowed up by history, but their teachings remained.

She remembered the quote she gave during her speech yesterday, the Art of War was a valuable manuscript, if you managed to adapt the abstract, timeless ideas to practical situations.

“Your teachings proved useful again this week.” She complemented her teacher. Lexa moved a pile of books and sat down with her legs crossed opposite of him.

“I heard your speech. You always hated the writer for being so vague.” Lexa laughed, she remembered her complaints whenever he lectured her about the oldest military book in their known history. “After your first war, I finally got to say ‘I told you so’.”

“I remember different discussions as well, where the result was me teaching you something.” Lexa had always been more fascinated by books about political structures of the past. _Rights of Man, Common Sense,_ or _Plato’s Republic._ But her guilty pleasures were not found in this room, books about adventures spanning in the real history, such as _War and Peace,_ were her favorites. They were difficult to read, because many concepts were foreign to her, but if one studied long and hard enough you could understand their true meaning.

It was always Titus’ job to help Commanders and _natblida_ understand philosophical and political concepts, as well as theory about war. Lexa had held lengthy discussions with the man, many of which in anger, but she remembered them fondly. They had not always seen eye to eye, either on the true meaning of the books, or on their application to her rule. There were more times that they agreed than disagreed though.

They sat there, both reminiscing about the times that were past. Her Flamekeeper was the first to speak up. “I’m training a new acolyte, he will be able to form a bond as a mentor to the current nightbloods and be a valuable advisor to the next Commander.”

Lexa nodded. She had not yet ordered him to do so. “You will also train Clarke, at least in the bare essentials.” She saw him almost speak up in protest. It was sacrilege to teach the Flamekeeper traditions to those who did not pick up the mantle. “I want her to understand the Spirit, but she must also know what to do in an emergency situation to save the Flame. Clarke is _very_ important.”

“Sha, Heda.” Titus agreed, then his voice turned somber and dark. “When will my duty end?”

Her eyes bore into his. “Your servitude will be over the moment I approve of your acolyte’s knowledge.” Being Flamekeeper was a position for life and both of them knew that. There were no words needed to explain what would happen, and her mentor had resigned to the inevitable outcome.

Lexa stood up from her position in front of her mentor and walked around the room. She looked at the various drawings, crude depictions of their cultural history. Drawn with soot that was everywhere once _Praimfaya_ stopped burning.

“Tell me Titus, what did you think about my victory over the Skaikru?”

“It was a great victory worthy of your name, your legacy is strengthened and your position in Polis is secured.” Lexa barked out a bitter laugh, even Titus smirked a bit. That expression was one that only she and the other _natblida_ ever had seen.  

“And now your real opinion.”

“Your promise to bring the Skaikru back into the coalition has given you more legitimacy and influence over the council. However, you have to strike a balance between centralizing more power into Polis and keeping the clans happy. In the long term, there will be negative consequences which are near impossible to avoid.”

He was speaking about a possible civil war. “The Spirits agree with your assessment.” Lexa just didn’t know if she agreed with the Spirits assessment. The Flame was a very helpful assistant, but even it’s help was often wrong or misinterpreted. It never gave her a clear answer. She supposed that the future was too uncertain. “I think I agree with it as well.”

“What are you going to do to avoid it?” _I don’t know if I can_. Maybe in her lifetime, and provided that she lived a long and prosperous reign, she could avoid a war on her death as well. Should she die too soon, she knows that whoever wins the Conclave will have to fight to keep the Coalition together. Because of the nature of the _natblida_ they always were somewhat isolated from the clans. This meant that after their Ascension, they were viewed as weak and unknown until they proved themselves.

“I don’t know. I hope I can avoid one altogether, but with the knowledge that Ontari exists, a Nightblood not trained in Polis, she could be the perfect centerpiece of a rebellion.”

Titus agreed with her. “You should deal with her.”

“There are two options.” Lexa had similar thoughts. “Convert her to our ways…”

“Or kill her.”

* * *

Clarke knew it was necessary, but she still wanted to be sour about it. This morning Lexa had told her that she would get her own room, a new room that held no memories of what happened in her previous one. Lexa was sorry they couldn’t share a room, but people were not yet to know about their relationship.

_A relationship which was yet to be defined._ Clarke didn’t know if Lexa’s people were monogamous, and defined their relationship status explicitly, or if they just… were. Her own people always defined boundaries, and there were certain stages in a relationship which were often discussed between the couples. That would be a discussion they needed to have at some point.

Despite her initial misgivings, Clarke’s new room was almost perfect. It was on the outer edge of the tower with a large balcony. Her room was facing south, giving her the longest sun hours possible. The centerpiece of the room was a large easel, surrounded by numerous art supplies, perfectly positioned to draw the city of Polis as viewed from her balcony. There was also a desk with various manuscripts carefully organized. And a huge king sized bed with multiple layers of furs, allowing her to choose how much warmth she needed during the nights.

When she would see Lexa again this evening, she’d have to thank her properly for the magnificent room.

Clarke walked over to the desk and traced the edge of the wooden panel with her hand. She felt a relief carved into the wood, and when she looked closely she saw all kinds of panels, each with different animals or people. Clarke wondered what stories they depicted. It was a marvelous piece of furniture. She grabbed the first rolled up scroll that had been prepared for her. The writing was in English, because Trigedasleng was purely a spoken language, and she reads it out loud.

“The Organization of the Coalition of the Twelve Clans - by Heda Lexa.” Clarke snorted, of course she would be given political texts to help her prepare for her job. Lexa had promised to help her become more familiar with the clans and how everything worked together. There was also an intricate system of laws, taxation, obligations and permissions, which her people had to abide by. Skaikru would be given a grace period of two years to adapt, but by the end they were expected to be on equal footing as the rest of them.

Today would not be the day that she’d start with her duties. Instead, she walked to the balcony and looked out over Polis below. From this bird-eye view of the city, it seemed both smaller and more insurmountable. There were four main avenues in Polis, one from each gate towards the Tower. They provided the only structure to the city, the four quarters themselves were a maze. Small meandering streets, intersecting with other streets or even themselves, separated the wooden or stone houses.

From above, the streets seemed smaller than they actually were because the houses built on top of them slanted forward, almost touching the building on the other side of the street. Occasionally the maze of houses and alleys was interrupted by small market squares.

She didn’t have such an overview on the Ark, because the metal shells and corridors kept the busy lives of the people hidden. You only could see so far before you reached another bulkhead which separated the many sections.

She had grabbed a piece of parchment and started sketching the city below. It was supposed to be a rough sketch, signifying the chaotic nature of the city. As she went along, she started to see more structure in the seemingly random layout. Each alley was there for a reason, market squares were spaced out almost equidistant from key points such as wells and workshops. In contrast to the chaotic lives on the ground, the city of Polis was well organized.

The sun had risen to its highest point when she finally left the confines of her room. Lexa had told her that she would be busy until this evening, the Commander had not asked Clarke to join her and she had accepted that they both had different obligations. So Clarke decided to get lunch by herself and meet some of the permanent fixtures in the Tower of Polis.

Clarke had tried to approach some of the servants by introducing herself, but most ducked their heads and quickly completed their tasks to move away from her. “ _Wanheda,_ should not introduce herself in _Gonasleng._ ”

She turned to the person speaking and a large warrior, who had an olive skin and a long beard which contrasted against his bald head, was looking at her with a smile on his face. She held out her hand, “ _Ai laik Wanheda, chon yu bilaik?”_ The warrior laughed once more.

“ _Ai laik Cyril kom Polis_. _Meika’s slak.”_ He didn’t clasp their hands together but respectfully nodded. Clarke recognised the phrase, it meant that he was pleased to meet her.

“ _Yumi’s klir_.” Clarke returned the greeting. She frowned and dropped her hand when the warrior left her hanging.

“It is not meant as an insult, but we only clasp our hands to signify trust or to solidify a deal. It is a sign of great respect but has to be earned.” Clarke nodded, there was still much she must learn. “Though I have a feeling you will earn my respect soon enough.”

“And how long have you been watching me, Cyril?”

“Since you left your room.” _Of course, Lexa had ordered her to be guarded._ It was no real surprise to Clarke, though she wished that she’d been told about it.

“Well, since you’re here, how about you tell me about yourself.” The big man shrugged, the action was almost comically on his large stature. “Where are you from?”

“Polis.”

“Before that?” He avoided her eyes.

“The Mountain.” So he was one of the many that Lexa sacrificed Clarke’s people for. Any other personal questions were ignored or answered in a similar fashion. He had no family, his friends were his fellow soldiers, he admired the Commander, and he would die for Clarke. That was as far as she got.

“Even though you are a _great_ conversational partner, I’d like you to introduce the staff to me.” And so he did, he was her translator and she learned a bit more of the language of the people. There were many people in the Tower, and learning all their names was going to be a challenge. She was sure that Lexa knew them all individually, so Clarke could learn the same.

After her introductions to the staff she thinks she made two new friends in the kitchen help, two young girls who could have been sisters in their mannerisms. Sufi was fifteen years old with curly brown hair and numerous freckles, while Moia was fourteen with straight black hair and dark skin. They didn’t speak a word in English, and the only word Clarke managed to teach them were English translations for _jok_ and _skrish._

Leaving the dinner halls behind, she saw someone familiar. The dark skinned, broad shouldered man noticed her as well. He wore a large sand colored cloth, fastened by metal pins, in an ancient Greek styled fashion. She recognized lions and snakes embroidered on the cloth.

_“Heya, Bandrona Zhao kom Sangedakru.”_ She bowed her head in a respectful nod towards her colleague from the Desert Clan. The last time she had seen him was during the council meeting before Lexa and her left for Arkadia. Now, he was alone and not accompanied by his normal companions, the Ambassadors of the Lake and Delphi Clans.

“ _Hei,_ _Wanheda Klark kom Skaikru_.” Clarke’s title of Commander of Death was more honorable than the ambassador title. It surprised her that Zhao was this respectful towards her by using this title. “Welcome back to Polis, you showed there is strength behind your words.”

Clarke thanked the compliment, but she felt that there was more to this. “I assume there is a reason for you to approach me.”  

“You assume correctly. Follow me please, I would like to discuss something with you.” He indicated for her to follow him. Clarke was wary, because he was not the Commander’s biggest fan, and he liked her and her people even less. Still, it would be a faux pass to ignore him, and she felt safe with her bodyguard in her home.

They were isolated now, Cyril was at a respectful distance to not intrude on the conversation. Zhao came to the point right away. “I have heard a very interesting rumor of your sleeping conditions.”

“What rumors have you heard?” She hoped he didn’t hear the tremor of surprise in her voice.

“Don’t play me for a fool, _Wanheda_.” The man said warningly. “A trustworthy source told me that Wanheda and Heda shared a bed last night. And your room was unguarded this morning.” Clarke’s position definitely warranted the addition of guards, not having guards stationed near your room had betrayed that it was not occupied.

His eyes were searching hers, but she looked back, unflinching. “Celebrating a victory is not unheard of with your people. Many urges arise after a battle which needed to satisfied.”

“Heda is not known for such carnal celebration.” Zhao challenged. “Many have tried to obtain that honor, but she rarely indulged.”

Clarke briefly imagined droves of muscled female and male warriors throwing themselves at the Commander, while she sat stoically in her antler throne. Jealousy flared briefly, but the knowledge that Lexa rarely took them up on their offer quelled that. “I’m sure they have.”

“Rumor also has it that it is not the first time that Wanheda celebrated like this with Heda.” Zhao continued. “If that rumor is true, then you are in an even more unique position.”

Clarke did not know what Zhao’s endgame was with this discussion. She knew that admitting that she and Lexa had sex regularly may be interpreted that she was entirely submissive to the Commander, but if she admitted that it wasn’t just the desire for the flesh, then Lexa might have a bigger issue. So Clarke ignored the statement. “You know the nature of rumors, _Bandrona kom Sankru_. Rarely ever are they correct.”

The ambassador curled his lips in a predatory smile. “It is my clan’s best interests to ensure the safety and strength of the _Kongeda_ , which stands and falls with our _Heda._ So I must follow up on every rumor.” He then bowed towards Clarke. “It was an enlightening conversation. _Leidon, Wanheda._ ” And the man turned and left. Clarke was confused as she watched him go. Lexa would have to know about these accusations.

* * *

The sun was already behind the thick trees and mountains surrounding the city when Lexa entered Clarke’s chambers. The red dawn cast the room in an eery glow, Clarke was still unused to the lack of artificial light dictating the atmosphere of the room. Instead of constant lighting, during the day the atmosphere in the room was purely dictated by mother nature.

Lexa greeted her by a small peck on the base of her neck, which sent a shiver down her spine. “Hey.” Clarke turned around from her chair at her desk to watch the brunette who unceremoniously dropped on the large bed. She could see that Lexa was exhausted.

“Your bed is nice.” Clarke got the hint and got up to join the Commander on top of the furs. “I heard the Sankru ambassador has spoken with you?”

Clarke was alarmed. “Did you have Cyril spy on me?”

“No, Clarke.” Lexa said, her voice neutral. Again Clarke was ashamed by her assumption that Lexa would spy on her. “Zhao came to me and told me about it.”

“Did he tell you about what?” Lexa shook her head, and so Clarke told her about the short discussion they had, about the accusations he made towards them. “I think he might be a problem.”

Lexa was silent for a minute, before she spoke up. “I am not sure. The Spirits have a good feeling about him, but they have been known to be wrong in the past. He is a harsh man, but a good politician for his people.”

“You have to tell me how that works, your connection to the Spirits.” Lexa nodded at Clarke’s demand.

“I know you don’t share our faith, and maybe not all our beliefs are correct, but the Flame and its Spirits are real.” She wasn’t convinced yet. Lexa snuggled closer to her, wrapping her body around Clarke’s in a possessive but protective hold. They stayed there, comfortable for just a few minutes, until Lexa spoke again, softly. “I spoke to Titus today.”

“I...thought you might. What did you discuss?”

She felt Lexa hesitate. “Many things. History, both personal and political. The future of the coalition. The training of his acolytes and the end of his duty. And you, of course.”

“Wait, don’t Flamekeepers rule for life?” Lexa hummed in agreement. “So that means…”

“Yes. After he passes his knowledge on, he will be executed.” Clarke wanted to speak out, saying that Titus was an important political figure, but Lexa placed a finger on her mouth to silence her. “It is not just that he shot me or tried to kill you. Titus has lost my trust, and I lost his loyalty. His position requires both.”

Clarke understood. Titus knew many of Lexa’s secrets, more than Clarke probably, and many secrets of the Coalition as well. The Flamekeeper was always more than just a religious figure.

“He and I will also teach you the basics of the Flame and the Spirit soon.” Clarke didn’t know how she’d feel to be in the presence of the man who tried to kill her and shot Lexa. “It is important for you to know because it has to do with your people, but also with your role in my life.”

“Okay, I’ll listen to him, but no guarantees that I’ll play nice.” Lexa’s body shook against hers as she chuckled.

“You don’t even play nice with me.” Lexa’s husky voice whispered in her ear. Clarke then turned into Lexa’s embrace, pressing her body tightly against the Commander’s.

“You like it when I don’t play nice.” Clarke pressed her lips against Lexa’s collarbone. “And I believe you promised me a thing or two back at Arkadia.”

Immediately she was flipped on her back and Lexa hovered above her like a predator ready to pounce. Clarke gulped as Lexa’s eyes roamed all over her body. Her eyes flicked to the brunette’s plump lips as her tongue licked her own. “That I did.”

* * *

“Is it working now?” She heard the Asian kid yell down from the top of the tree. In her hand, she held out the radio connected to an oscilloscope to measure the strength of the radio waves. It gave full bars to all ranges.

“A bit higher up, Monty.” An acorn dropped on her head.

“Fuck you, Reyes.” She laughed and Monty climbed expertly down the tree. “Shut it or you get to climb next one.”

Raven held out her leg, wincing dramatically. “But I’m an invalid. My job is to watch you do all the hard and dangerous work while I enjoy some music and a nice comfy seat.” Monty climbed in the passenger’s seat of the Rover, calling that they were ready to go.

The two of them had been busy all day to set up their own wireless connection from Arkadia to Tondc. They would need more time and resources to connect it to Polis, but saving a few hours of travel time is a good start.

They made a good team, Raven checked the numbers while Monty positioned the signal amplifiers. The amplifiers were self-sufficient, because they used little power and a relatively small solar panel with a battery hooked up to it provided more than enough juice. The design, even though it looked scrappy, was weather proof according to Raven’s tests.

For someone that recently lost his mother, Monty was surprisingly chipper. Raven recognized it was just a front, she had seen it before with many of them, especially herself. He kept busy because he didn’t want to think, and who was she to deny him that.

“Will we make it to Tondc with our current supply?” Monty asked.

“Yea yea, I know you want to see the village.” Raven knew that only relatively few of her people had actually seen any of the villages of the clans. Monty had been stuck in the Mountain and afterwards in and around Arkadia. Raven had not seen Tondc since the missile but, from what Octavia had told her, the village was recovering.

They drove along the uneven dirt road that was good for horses and men on foot, but not so much for a vehicle. Well, the rover fared decently, its passengers not so much.

“Wait, stop!” Monty called out in panic and Raven slammed the brakes. She looked at him in alarm but he pointed at a shape in the middle of the road. It looked like a person, struggling to get back up again.

Raven wanted to get out of the vehicle to help them, but Monty stopped her. “Monty, it looks like they’re hurt, we could help.”

“It could also be a trap for us. You know how they are.” Raven knew that Monty had more reservations about the grounders than she did, especially after being indoctrinated by his mother and Pike.

“You get the gun, I’ll go check it out.” Raven grimaced as she stepped out of the rover, her leg was getting worse. With a slight limp, she walked towards the person.

“ _Moba, sis au…”_ Raven didn’t understand, but it sounded like a plea. She saw Monty a few paces back, with his rifle aimed at the person in front of her. She gave him a clear line of fire while she carefully helped them up.

It was a young girl with long brown hair, but her face shocked Raven. There were numerous scars all over them, and they looked deliberate because they formed all kinds of patterns. Her clothes were sticky with a black substance, and she had gashes filled with the same black substance all over arms, legs and some in her face. “Who- what happened to you?”

The girl spoke with great difficulty. “I was attacked by a group of bandits. They seemed to be looking for me.”

Monty was now at high alert. “Are they close?”

“No - they’re dead. I killed them, but it cost me a lot of blood.” Raven didn’t know what to think. This girl, a few years younger than she was, strained when she spoke. It was unreal to think that this small girl had killed her assailants, and was now living to tell the tale. Still, it certainly looked like she was attacked.

“Who are you?” Raven asked. “And what is this black stuff.” She had gotten some on her hands and it smelled metallic, almost like…

“Nightblood.” The girl said, and she coughed. This term meant nothing to her, and she saw Monty shrug as well. “It’s a mutation that few of us have. Those who have it may become the Commander.”

It did not make sense to Raven why a certain color of blood could make you eligible to become the leader of the grounders, but it did give people a reason to attack the girl. The girl in her arms looked so small and vulnerable for someone who was a well-trained warrior, if they believed what she claimed.

Monty was no help with deciding what they needed to do. “We can’t just leave her here.” Raven told him.

“Maybe she did something bad, and that’s why they wanted to kill her. We don’t want more trouble. Maybe it was Trikru that wanted her dead.” Those were good points, but Raven’s moral compass told her it was wrong to simply leave her be.

“Where were you attacked?” The girl pointed to the north of them. Azgeda’s territory started a few miles in that direction. “Azgeda?” The wounded warrior nodded. Raven deduced that Trikru would not chase someone into Azgeda territory, because tension were still high between them.

Raven put her arm under the girl's shoulder and helped her upright. She heard the warrior stifle a scream. “We’ll take her to Abby, let her heal, and hear what she has to say. We can always kick her out later.”

It seemed to satisfy the boy as he too started helping the girl. With great care and difficulty, they managed to get her into the back of the rover. Their mission would have to be postponed until after they saved her life.

* * *

Lexa put down the pen and let the ink dry upon the paper. The new law was finally written, _blood must not have blood_ in its current form meant the abolishment of torture before executions. She would require the signatures and blood prints, a fingerprint in one’s own blood, from a majority of the ambassadors to enact it.

It was different from Clarke’s first proposition. The blonde had wanted an end to capital punishment, and deep down, Lexa wanted the exact same thing. Lexa viewed that there were other punishments than death, some of which were equally suited for preventing crimes. Few people were taught lessons from an execution that could not be taught by other means. Still, she was relatively lonesome with that worldview. However, it was one of the few laws keeping the clans in check. Old grievances were put aside for fear of retribution, but if it was deemed that one could get away with murder, she feared that her clans would take arms against each other.

That was the reason why Skaikru had to be punished. Not just because they deserved it, but because if she let it pass, other clans would see it as a sign of weakness. And afterwards she would not be able to stop them, because then she’d show her clear favoritism to the Skairku. Well, not to Skaikru, but to _Clarke’s_ people. And Titus was right, that she’d done too much for Clarke and her people, and that it was a danger to herself and the legacy she was building.

So that is why she changed Clarke’s edict. After discussing it with the blonde, of course. She did not want Clarke to feel put on the sidelines, no she had long ago decided the course of action she would take regarding her feelings towards the girl.

The new law read as follows. _By decree of Lexa kom Trikru, Eighteenth Commander of Polis, First Commander of the Kongeda, the punishment for the most serious crimes will now be contained only those judged responsible. The responsibility lies with those that committed the crime, and those that ordered it. The maximum punishment is a clean death, with no senseless suffering. Allowed methods are…_

Lexa sat back and stared at the piece of paper. It would be easiest to burn it, forget it existed. She knew that she had a majority, but she also knew that the clans that already disliked her the most, would dislike her even more. The Desert, Lake, Delfi and Blue Cliff clans were very conservative. But she also knew that the Plains Riders, and Ice nation would not be happy. The more peaceful and progressive clans would join her on this. Luna’s people, Skaikru, the Broadleaf and Shining Forest, welcomed this change. Indra already showed her support so Trikru was behind her as well.

The clans that were neutral would not use their political leverage to go against this, they’d call in their favors at another time in the future when it was something that they cared about. Lexa knew it would pass, and there were a few more laws that she wanted to pass now that her legitimacy was very high. She feared that in a few months or years, when people started to forget the Mountain and the struggles of war before the Coalition, the clans would decide that they were better off alone. She needed to centralize more power towards the Coalition and away from the Clans, so that if - when - the uprising happened, she or her successor would be powerful enough to beat it down.

Lexa sighed and rested her tired face in her hands. The past few weeks had been tiresome, and she suspected that her life expectancy certainly shortened by a few years. It was worth it, though. Whenever she came back to her room and saw Clarke, she knew why she was taking the hard way through life.

It was that exact moment that the blonde stormed into her room and rounded on Lexa.  She was waving a piece of paper in front of her face, to quickly for Lexa to read it. “Is this true?”

“Slow down, Clarke. What is true?”

The ambassador then read the paper to her. “‘ _I swear fealty to you, insert name, I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.’ Is a sacred oath and once given cannot be undone. It has to be followed or one faces punishment by the Spirits. It prohibits the giver from ever taking up arms against the receivers people, unless explicitly granted permission.”_

So Clarke had found the meaning of the oath Lexa had given to her. _I didn’t expect her to be angry._

“So it’s true.” Lexa nodded. “And that is why you were doing everything? Why you stupidly jumped in front of a bullet. Why you angered your entire coalition by not taking up arms against my people and stating that blood must not have blood. All because of some stupid oath.”

Pain shot through her heart at hearing Clarke say those words. She recoiled as if slapped. “I…” She doesn’t know, she told herself. Or maybe she does, if she has read the next part. Lexa also felt anger rise up at the blonde’s ungratefulness.

With a steel voice, but dangerously soft, she responded. “You should be more grateful for everything I have done for you. You don’t know half the things I have needed to do.”

Clarke was still fuming, and she stood in front of her with her chest puffed out and shoulders straight. “Grateful? I did not ask for any of that. I did not ask for you to jump in front of a bullet, I did not want you to put your life in danger. And back then I certainly did not want you at all, I hated you then.”

“I am the Commander, Clarke.” Lexa squared up as well, and stepped towards the blonde who automatically took a step backwards when she came closer. “I _cannot_ do things halfway. Either I commit fully to something, or I don’t commit at all. Those words were freely given, you were not supposed to know the meaning, but I needed them for myself.”

She blew air out through her nose angrily and Clarke was heaving as well. Lexa took that moment to snatch the piece of paper away from Clarke, and started to read what was written on the other side.

“ _This oath is usually given by warriors during the bonding ceremony with their_ houmon _. When both are from different clans, it absolves the giver from his or her obligations if both clans go to war with each other.”_

She saw blue eyes widen. The implication was clear, but Lexa decided to lay it all out in front of her. “After the Mountain, when I heard that Nia put a bounty on you, I had made my decision. I would commit myself to keeping you alive and happy. From that moment on, I started to make plans in order to secure the safety of your people because I knew that was a requirement for your happiness, even though you were on your self-imposed exile. I convinced the clans to let your people into the Coalition, and I sent Roan after you, my last bargaining chip with the Ice Nation.”

Clarke visibly deflated in front of her. Her own anger was still there below the surface, but her feelings for the blonde overruled it. “As I said before, I either commit myself fully, or people die. What happened at the Mountain was because I had not realized what you meant to me, and I was only committed to my people, and not you.”

It had hurt, almost as much as when she had received Costia’s head as a gift from Nia, when she had left Clarke at the Mountain. Then her scouts told her that Clarke had not left, but actually entered, and Lexa had cried for the first time since the death of her previous lover. She had assumed that Clarke would not survive it, because no one had.

When the blonde spoke, her voice was soft, laced with sadness and regret. “You mean, you gave that oath - and I know your religion is important to you - while you thought I hated you.” Lexa nodded.

“The oath is freely given and is only valid if it is. When I gave it, I didn’t know how far I’d go for you.” Lexa looked away. “I only knew that the moment I saw Titus point that gun at you. I knew that I couldn’t lose you, Clarke. That decision I made there was my most selfish one.”

“Only you would say that jumping in front of a bullet was selfish.” The blonde said with a tearful laugh.

“It was. If I died then, my Coalition would fracture after my recent decree. But I couldn’t lose you. I was so afraid, I’ve never been that afraid in my life.”

The crying Skygirl rushed forward and pulled her in a tight embrace. She whispered that she was sorry. “There is nothing to forgive, Clarke.”

Then the blonde pressed her lips against hers. It was a soft and slow kiss, their lips melded together and Lexa felt the remainder of her anger slip away completely. The kiss tasted salty, Clarke’s fresh tears had come to rest on her lips, and were now taken away by Lexa. When Clarke pulled back she looked into Lexa eyes. “I love you.”

Lexa didn’t know how badly she had wanted to hear those words until she heard them. “ _En_ _ai hod yu in_.”

Once again Clarke pulled her in for a kiss. This one was longer, more passionate, and it stirred something down in her stomach. Clarke’s hands roamed her back and entangled themselves in her hair. Her head was pulled back and Clarke attacked her throat. Her breath hitched as Clarke pushed her back upon her desk, after quickly clearing the contents with the only hand that was not stuck in her braids.

Then Clarke pressed with one of her hands against her chest and pain flared up. “Shit.” Clarke hissed when she noticed her flinch. “I’m so sorry.”

It took a bit to come down from her high, despite the stabs in her chest from her still healing wound. “It’s okay. We- we were not done talking about the oath.”

“It’s probably best to lay it all out.” Clarke stared at the paper nervously. “What does it prohibit you from doing?”

“Anything hostile towards you or your people, if you don’t agree with it.”

Clarke swallowed. “Is that why you asked me multiple times if you could execute my people?” Lexa nodded. “Can I - can I absolve you? Or give the same oath back to you?”

Lexa shook her head. “Even if you could absolve me from my oath, I wouldn’t change my behavior. There are two things of importance in my life right now, my Coalition and you. Nothing else matters.”

The blonde was silent for a while, Clarke absentmindedly stroked her back, while she was seemingly mulling over something. “What if I’d never fallen in love with you?”

“Then you’d live the longest and happiest life I could give you.” She responded resolutely. This was a possibility that Lexa had struggled with when she made her decision. “I don’t choose who I fall in love with. And I’ll be honest, there were times where I almost wished I hadn’t fallen in love with you. _Almost_ , but never because of something that _you_ did.”

“It always comes back to our people, doesn’t it.”

Lexa buried her face in Clarke’s neck. “Yes, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”

“You are too, Lexa. Don’t sacrifice yourself for me, because if you try to make me happy, I need you with me.”

“Alive is better than happy.”

Clarke chuckled. “We’ve had this conversation before.”

“I remember doing something that was very out of character for me.” Lexa leaned back from her comfortable position in Clarke’s neck to look once more into Clarke’s eyes.

“What was it? I don’t remember.”

Lexa smirked. “Did I, as your people say, blow your mind so hard that you blacked out completely?”

“Perhaps you could show me, help me remember.”

She gladly obliged.


	10. We Take Care of Our Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story so far: 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke stopped PIke's insurrection in Arkadia, resulting in the deaths of Pike's supporters and Kane being reinstated as Chancellor. Only Bellamy survived because Indra spared him, though he was maimed severely.  
> Lexa and Clarke returned to Polis, furthering their relationship and trying to stabilize the clans. Rumors are spreading about their relationship and they might be challenged on that front.  
> Back at Arkadia, Raven and Monty found a wounded nightblood.

“... we have lived for decades according to our traditions, and now you want to change them. These traditions are written in scripture!” The _Delfikru_ ambassador yelled across the room. His booming voice rattled her eardrums. _Surely the point can be made without the people in Tondc needing to hear it as well._

Clarke had been listening to the same back and forth between the many ambassadors. The topic of the current debate was the implementation of _blood must not have blood_ , and the debate was running to a close. Most clans had already made up their minds before the talks started, and the outcome was a foregone conclusion. It just seemed to all politicians wanted to hear themselves talk, no matter where they were from.

“Traditions change and scripture is open to interpretation.” Surprise flashed on the ambassador’s face as she interrupted him. “ _Pramheda_ Becca writes about necessary sacrifices, and strict laws to ensure our survival. She wrote _blood must have blood_ , but wasn’t she also the one that wrote ‘burning a city for a city, just leaves both sides homeless’?” The _Delfi_ man wasn’t the only one surprised at her quoting their scripture back at them.

“On that point, I invite everyone to vote.” Lexa, who was lounging in her throne, spoke up for the first time after having given her opening statement. She seemed bored, barely suppressing a yawn. Each ambassador could vote in three ways, aye, nay and abstain. Each voted by raising their fist with either their thumb up, or down. It was very Romanesque, and Lexa looked at her funnily when Clarke had told her.

The nay’s were: _Sankru, Podakru, Defli,_ and _Ingranrona. Louwoda Kliron_ and _Ouskejonkru_ abstained. The rest, _Azgeda, Trikru, Floukru, Yujleda, Trishana,_ and _Boudalankru_ all voted in favor. Together with her own vote, they had the seven votes required to win assuredly. “The motion is passed, _jus nou drein jus daun_ has become the law in the Coalition. From this moment on, only the ones responsible for a crime are punished, and they are punished fairly.”

A tension left Clarke’s chest. They’d done it, no longer would people be punished to equal the scoreboard between two clans.   

Everyone, albeit reluctantly for the losers, stepped forwards to sign the new law into effect. Clarke bit the inside of her check as she pressed her finger down on the needle, drawing a bright red drop of blood She drew a single fingerprint in blood. All other ambassadors had provided theirs as well, and Lexa finished it by adding her own single black print.

Clarke sat back down and waited for the Commander to breach the next subject. “My next proposal is the extension of Polis’ education system for more students and more subjects, especially for knowledge currently held by the Sky People. _Wanheda_ has promised us that they would trade their knowledge for resources her people need.”

 _Surely this one will pass more easily_. One look around the room proved her wrong. The room erupted in debate once more. The ambassadors raised questions ranging from the required money, which in the end was all paid by taxation, and that Polis alone would benefit from the education.

“My clan is the furthest away from Polis. The journey here is perilous and those eager to learn are vulnerable. If they make the journey once, they are reluctant to return with the knowledge to their clan.” Oris _kom Ouskejonkru_ spoke with a vigor not often seen with people of her age. Clarke had noticed that the Blue Cliff ambassador was well spoken and very knowledgeable due to her many years of experience. She had a lot of support, especially the clans the furthest from the capital agreed with the ambassador.

“Your concerns are noted, _Bandrona_ Oris _kom Ouskejonkru_. This leads me to my next proposal: improvements of our infrastructure especially amongst major trade routes between _all_ our clans.” This was something everyone seemed to agree upon. “This would allow your students, and all your merchants, to travel quicker and safer between Polis and the other clans.”

“And how will you pay for all of this? Roads are expensive.” Deccer, the Delfikru ambassador, spoke up. Delfi were a proud clan, and its people valued individuality and self-sufficiency, they shunned everything regarding taxation.

“I want to increase taxation on trade between the clans, a toll on merchants to use these roads.” Clarke saw the Delfikru ambassador prepare a counterpoint, and he was supported by a few other ambassadors.

“Preposterous! You seek to enrich yourself by squeezing our merchants dry!”

Clarke felt slightly out of place. She only had little experience of true politics, besides making deals to keep her people alive. She was content to watch Lexa interact with her ambassadors when there was not an emergency situation. This seemed almost normal, if she disregarded the fact that today a single dagger had been thrown by the Yujleda ambassador, a seemingly timid girl, when her people were insulted. The incident resulted in no serious injuries, it wasn’t meant to, but it reminded Clarke who these people were.

“Weren’t you the one who complained six months ago that your merchants were being harassed by outlaws and scavengers? Even hungry wolves and _pauna_ seemed to prey on your travelling merchants.” Lexa responded to the Delfi ambassador.

“And then you didn’t lift a finger.”

“The Mountain was active, and we all agreed that all my efforts should be focused on that. Your people suffered as much as any other clan by the hands of the Mountain.” Lexa told him calmly. Clarke loved this side of Lexa. The Commander was collected, calm, and discussed her plans with all the other ambassadors. Not quite as equals – the difference in rank was ever present – but close enough for civil discussions. “And I am not robbing your merchants, in fact, I hope to prevent such robberies altogether. If trade flourishes, then your merchants will not even notice the extra taxes.”

Clarke saw that Lexa was winning this debate. There wouldn’t be a vote today, that required everything to be discussed in detail, and each of the ambassadors had to go home to discuss it with the clan leaders.

“I hope that you will discuss the following proposal with your clan leaders. I want to build infrastructure for all the clans, starting with those that need it the most, and I will recruit soldiers to protect these roads.” That was the point Clarke was waiting for. Lexa had not informed her of all her plans for the meeting, but the Skaikru ambassador now guessed that this was a major point, the extra soldiers under Lexa’s command. It seemed tacked on, but it actually was the main focus.

One other clan leader seemed to catch on. “You have already raised an army that is loyal to you. A standing army which does nothing but cost money to maintain. And now you want more soldiers to watch your roads? Roads that are your idea.”

It was Zhao, the Desert clan representative who seemed to know about Clarke’s relationship with Lexa, who was now standing up from his seat. His imposing figure, the black skin contrasted by the bright yellow in his clothes, stood tall next to the other ambassadors opposing this idea. He was easily two heads bigger than Clarke and Lexa. Despite Lexa’s lack of concern towards the man, Clarke decided that she didn’t trust him.

 _He’s all but certain about Lexa and me, but he’s not bringing it up._ Clarke did not like not knowing what side Zhao was one, when he would drop the proverbial bomb and turn all ambassadors against them. What was his end game?

“We all agreed that I could raise a Coalition army after the fall of the mountain. To protect the roads which enable your people to travel safely, I need soldiers to patrol them, those that I have raised are only enough to guard the city and its surroundings. Unless you want to patrol all the roads and pay those troops yourselves—I’d be in agreement with that—but it would be less cost effective. Take these messages to your leaders and discuss them. At the summit in twenty-five days I will discuss this topic once more.”

* * *

Lexa sighed deeply when she finally entered Clarke’s room. The blonde was lounging in the sunlight, catching just a few more rays before the sun retired for the night. She sat down next to her ambassador.

“So, how did you like your first non-hostile council meeting?”

Clarke beamed at her. “It was so interesting. Each clan has its own history and dynamics, they all know how to interact with each other, and they know each of their positions. And then you come along and play them out against each other. Divide and conquer.”

Lexa laughed. “Oh Clarke, you’ll learn.” She shook her head when Clarke made a silly face to her. “When you have debated them for hours upon hours, knowing that their positions are rooted deeper than the biggest trees, you’ll grow in a different direction.”

“Don’t spoil my naive enthusiasm.” Clarke nudged her with her shoulder. It felt so easy, coming to her room and sitting down after a long day of working. _Domestic_. Something she thought she’d never have. “And by the way, how many expressions do you know involving trees?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve heard the following ones. Hiding behind a thin tree, looking until the cat comes down from the tree, climbing a dead tree, rooted deeper than the biggest trees, growing in a different direction, seeing the sun through the leaves, and more.” Clarke’s smile was infectious and she couldn’t help but curl the corners of her own mouth upwards. “Does the Desert Clan have these about sand as well? That it’s coarse and rough, and it gets everywhere?”

Lexa was puzzled at Clarke’s sudden burst of laughter, she supposed it was a Skaikru thing. It was great to see the blonde so carefree and happy. _I wish she could always smile like this._

Just last night she was woken up when Clarke entered her room. Lexa would always welcome and comfort the girl. It didn’t matter if Clarke was sleeping next to her or by herself, these night terrors came and went unpredictably.

 _Too bad I’ll have to dampen her mood once again._ “Come with me, I need to discuss and show something to you.”

She leads the puzzled blonde down the elevator and into her city. They were barely out of the tower doors, and she was already approached by a group of children.

“Your groupies are here.” Clarke laughed when Lexa swatted her arm. “They want to follow the great _heda_ around.”

Her escort was a few meters behind and in front of them, carefully checking everyone that stepped in her path. She felt safe in her city, but the escort was a necessary evil. A tug on her hand caught her attention. “What is it, Mori?”

“Are you and _wanheda_ on a mission?” The small dark-haired girl asked, her big brown eyes shone with curiosity.

“We are, but it is a secret mission. Where we’re going, we cannot be seen.” Big brown eyes just became much bigger. “Could you make sure that the coast is clear of any black-robed secret soldiers?”

Standing up straight, Mori nodded at least twenty times, before yelling loudly to her friends. “Yori, Tisha, Marcus! _Heda_ and _wanheda_ are on a secret mission and we have to scout ahead!”

As a flock, the four children sped up in front of them, not even knowing where she and Clarke were going, and no longer caring. They had a mission, after all. With a smile on her lips, she followed the young children while they looked underneath food stalls, in barrels too small for a human and other places where assassins definitely weren’t hiding. “The meaning of the word secret is still to be taught.”

She turned towards Clarke, there was a peculiar look on her face, as if she had just witnessed something astonishing. Lexa would ask later.

Now she had gotten rid of her fans, she led the both of them away from the busy markets through a series of allies and backstreets. Finally, they reached their destination, a warehouse in a quiet part of the city. The weapons she had on her felt heavier than normal. Especially the one in the back of her pants. “Why’d you bring me out here to this warehouse, you’re not a serial—” Clarke stopped herself. “That’s a bad joke in your case.”

Lexa was puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“It was a joke that people used to make before the bombs whenever someone led them to a secluded place. That you bring them there to kill them, like a serial killer.” Clarke explained and Lexa could see the humor because she actually had a lot of kills on her name. “So why did you bring me here?”

“You need to learn to defend yourself.” Lexa braced herself for the inevitable rebuttal, but it didn’t come.

“And you bring me all the way here, in secret? Are you so ashamed of my capabilities?”

She shook her head. “No Clarke. It’s — it is because you are _wanheda_. The Commander of Death. People view you as a mythical warrior goddess, rarer than even _heda_. These myths protect you, because they don’t know your strength. The reality is that you are not a warrior.”

“I can fight protect myself. And I always have my gun.” Clarke patted the back of her pants and Lexa shook her head sadly.

“Why don’t you take out your gun and show me.” Clarke hesitated. “I mean, maybe you could teach me.”

Clarke didn’t take out her gun. Lexa reached into the back of her own pants and pulled out the weapon Clarke was supposedly carrying. “How did you…”

“You’re walking around unarmed.” She admonished the girl. “And you’re telling me you had it on you, so you know that you were supposed to carry it. Why?”

Clarke stuttered and looked at her weapon with disdain and fear. “I… I…”

Lexa turned the pistol around in her hand, and pointed the grip towards the blonde, who recoiled away from the weapon. “Take the gun.” When there was no response, Lexa pulled back the slide and loaded the weapon. Every sound the gun made reverbed through the girl in front of her. Lexa tried to remember what Kane had taught her about the weapon back in Arkadia.

She pointed the gun at a target painted on the wall. She pressed the trigger and she saw Clarke flinch. There was no sound, no bang, — instead the magazine dropped out and a metallic clank rung through the warehouse. Clarke laughed, suddenly forgetting her fear at the comic display of Lexa’s inadequacy. “You better stick to bows and swords, Commander.”

She just shook her head and collected the magazine, put it back into the weapon, and fired three times at the target. Missing badly, obviously, but Clarke had not expected it and pressed her arms to her ears and curled up on a ball on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” She said when she put the gun away safely, no stray bullets would come near them. She kneeled down next to the panicked girl. “I’m sorry, but I had to be sure. I’m going to tell you something and you must know that I am not thinking anything less about you. Whatever I’m going to say, I love you and you are the strongest person I know.”

Clarke looked at her with uncertain eyes. Still, she nodded.

“You’re ill.” The blonde started to protest, saying that she was a doctor and she would know. Lexa shook her head and silenced her with a soft kiss. “This illness is one of the mind. We call it the warrior’s disease, but you may have different names for it.”

Clarke’s eyes hardened as she absorbed this information. A few long seconds later she responded. “PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, commonly seen in soldiers. The first official instances were recorded in the first world war, where they called it shell shock-”

Lexa had to interrupt Clarke again, before she rattled off everything she knew about the disease. “My people, when fighting lengthy wars, also suffer from this disease. Any warrior can get it.”

“You don’t.”

The smell of smoke filled her nose. There’s soot in the air, children were screaming, blood was on her hands—red, this time—mothers were begging not for themselves. She sharply closed her eyes. _Not now._ She forced the memories away, like she had been taught to do.

“I have some of the symptoms.” Clarke’s eyes widened. “I am not invincible, Clarke. I may have been groomed for war and battles, and the Flame protects my mind, but there are terrors that haunt me, and sometimes I wake up with my sheets soaking wet.”

“I didn’t know. Is there any way I can—”

“Today is not about me. It’s about you. You have all the symptoms my people know. You have nightmares, you have trouble getting to sleep, and you hallucinate. You avoid guns unless there really is no choice.” She kept her voice even and soft, and she tried to keep it from breaking but failed miserably.

Clarke only looked down at her shaking hands. Lexa knew that many of her warriors responded with disbelief when they were told that they had a sickness no one could see. A sickness that could seriously threaten their lives, and the lives of those around them. “What do you want to me to do?”

“I’m not an expert. None of my people are. Before _praimfaya_ there were many mind-doctors…”  

“Psychologists.” Clarke interrupted.

“But we don’t have much expertise. What we know that works is finding what triggers you and exposing you to those. I believe we have found one already.” Clarke followed her gaze towards the metal weapon.

Clarke stiffened. Lexa picked up the gun and held it in front of the frightened girl. The barrel pointed away from the both of them, just to be safe. “The goal for us will be that you teach me how to shoot this weapon. Not today, not next week, maybe not even this year. Because first you will teach yourself how to use it again without being afraid of it.”

She put the weapon away, this was enough exposure for now. Lexa knew that if there was ever true danger, Clarke would pick it up without hesitation—like she had in Arkadia. Those kinds of exposures hurt more in the long run because when the adrenaline runs out, the mind will process all the events on overdrive. She’d seen it happen more often than she liked. Clarke should be spared that.

“Thank you.” Clarke said with a small voice. Lexa brushed the girl's tears away and helped her upright. Clarke looked at the damage she’d done to the wall surrounding the target. “You’re a terrible shot.”

Lexa laughed, it was true. She pulled Clarke in an embrace. “I may be harsh on you for this, because the process will require exposure to your triggers. If you want, I could ask someone else.” Clarke shook her head vehemently. “Okay.”

Clarke then looked around the large empty warehouse. “What do you plan to do now?” Lexa pressed a wooden sword into Clarke’s hands. “I thought that—”

“I was truthful about teaching you to fight. You must be able to defend yourself. Physical exercise also clears the mind, and you will be too tired to think of anything else when you sleep.”

Clarke took a few steps backwards and readied her blade. Lexa would test her first to see what she could do, and then the teachings would start. She raised her own wooden sword, and charged.

“Defend yourself, Clarke!”

* * *

Raven watched the girl in the hospital bed from the doorway that lead to the medical ward. The dark haired, scarred girl had woken yesterday and thrown a small fit when she found herself surrounded by the strange equipment. Raven had to come out and explain to her that she was safe. For some reason, the nightblood seemed to trust her.

Now she was watching as the girl was being interrogated by Abby and Kane. Raven didn’t quite understand why she was feeling compassionate for this girl, perhaps she thought it was her responsibility because she was the one who had found her.

“Describe your attack once more.” Kane asked. She saw the scarred girl roll her eyes, but once more she decided to tell the story.

“I was on my way back from Polis to Azgeda, and barely after I left Trikru territory I was jumped by five raiders. They were unmarked.” This meant that they were not Azgeda, most Ice Nation warriors were marked. “They were not unskilled in combat, but I bested them.”

Raven was impressed. One versus five was not easy, even for the most skilled warriors. “We searched for the place you described, but we could not find any signs of a fight.” Kane interjected.

“That just means that someone cleaned it up, wanted to keep it hidden.”

“And you accuse that the Commander is that someone, or at least that she ordered the attack?” Abby asked. The three of them did not think that Lexa was above such actions. All of them had firsthand accounts of her ruthlessness, on multiple occasions even.

“It’s what I would do, in her place.”

“Why?” Kane asked.

“I’m a nightblood, I can take the Flame and ascent to the throne after _heda’s_ death.” The mechanic listen to the girl that had to be at least three years younger than her. “My queen kept me hidden, so _heda_ did not know of my existence while she groomed other nightbloods as heirs. I am older and more experienced than they are, and would probably win the Conclave. _Heda_ does not want that.”

Raven decided to speak. “Your queen is dead, you no longer have an obligation to fulfil her wishes. Maybe if we told Lexa that.”

“No—this is my birthright, as it was also hers. I am obligated by religion to partake in the Conclave. To lose is to die, so I would try to win.” Raven nodded, everyone fought for their own survival. Abby looked pointedly at her for joining the discussion. Raven knew when she was not welcome anymore so she bid her farewell.

“ _Reshop_ , Ontari.” The darkness in the girl’s eyes seemed to lift slightly, and it pleased her to see that.

Slinking away from the medbay, she made her way back to her workplace. There was enough for her to do around Arkadia. People were recovering and preparing for the winter. Everyone was put to work to provide extra insulation during the coldest nights on the planet. While the worst of the nuclear winter had passed years ago, the climate still hadn’t recovered so the winters were harsher and longer than before the bombs.

At least, that was what the Trikru told them. She supposed they were correct, because even the Grounder villages were preparing for a cold winter.

So Raven was tasked with building heaters, repairing solar panels from the crashed stations, and collecting materials to create wind turbines. It was a satisfying task. Together with Sinclair and Monty, they scheduled the repairs and construction all around Arkadia.

As Raven came into her workshop, she froze at a familiar image. Bellamy was trying out the prosthetic leg, the one she had unwittingly made for him at Abby’s request. Clarke’s mother had carefully avoided mentioning that little fact to her. Bellamy crumbled in a pile on the floor, crashing into the scrap laying around, Raven spoke up angrily. She remembered her own struggles. “I organized those. If you’re going to trash around, better do it outside or in your room.”

The dark haired boy looked up at her in anger. “You too, Raven?”

Raven almost pitied him. He looked like a mess. He was sickly pale with hollow cheeks, and large shadows under his eyes. He was completely isolated from his friends and he had nothing. He had no faction to join, no orders to follow, no orders to give, no people to _murder._ She didn’t answer his question, and this only angered him further.

“Don’t you think I’ve suffered enough?”

“Do you?” She spat. The man looked away. “I thought so.”

She ignored his struggles to get up from the ground and got to work on another solar panel. This one was smaller and wouldn’t be used for Arkadia, but would be another radio beacon on the road to Polis. Using a soldering wire, she connected the tin with the copper circuits, repairing the connections that were damaged during the rough landing. Raven always used to say that being a mechanic was her calling, but recently she was reading up more and more about engineering. She wanted to design new equipment, not rehash old ones from scrap. _I’ll never live it down when Wick finds out I’m following in his footsteps._

The grunts whenever Bellamy tried to move were distracting her from her job though. “Can you not?” This earned her another dark look. In return, she rolled her chair, which she had put together for ease of movement through her own workshop because of her bum leg, to the music player and put some hundred and fifty year old song on. Guitars and drums filled the workshop and drowned out the boy’s grunts.

And there they were. She was trying her best to ignore the boy and focus on her work, and he was trying his best to get used to his disability. Raven could help, she had similar experience and she knew that Bellamy was here for that reason. But if he was too stubborn to ask, she would not offer.

At some point, she was sick of it and turned the music off. “Speak.” Being put on the spot wasn’t something Bellamy had prepared for, so he struggled to get some words out. “I don’t have all day, people need my awesomeness all over camp and I can’t waste it on a cripple.”

It was out before she realized it. She saw _him_ as a cripple, while she was theoretically crippled almost as much. Did this mean that she was seeing past her own disability? Her leg still hurt and she was still putting off her visit with Abby. _Maybe I shouldn’t put it off and go to the damn doctor._

Finally Bellamy spoke up with pain in his voice. “I really thought I was doing what’s best for our people.”

“You did, huh? And you still stand by everything you did.”

“The people voted for Pike, and I could mean something out there. Our people voted and I delivered on that vote.”

“That's bullshit and you know it.” Raven scoffs. “Even after Kane and Clarke told you that you made a bad call, you just doubled down on it. At least I learned my lesson.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before the Azgeda attack, when we were told about the summit, Pike asked me to prepare the missiles in the mountain. You know what his plan was? To shoot Polis, where our summit was, which apparently was in danger. Well, I know one way to get our people killed in Polis and that is by sending a missile there myself.” The stupidity of the plan in question was clear to her days later, after she had processed the near death experience. “Pike was never in it for the good of our people. He wanted the grounders dead and took every excuse he could find.”

Bellamy winced as he tried to sit up straighter. She studied his form. The man had his ups and downs, and admittedly she had liked him at some point. Now, he was a shadow of the person he was before. “How was what I did any different than Clarke had done at the dropship, Tondc or the Mountain? I did it for us.”

“If I have to explain the difference to you, it’s already a lost cause.” She shook her head sadly.

“It’s always Clarke this, Clarke that. She does the most despicable things and everyone loves her for it.”

She couldn’t hold her laughter. “No one loves Clarke for what she’s done Bellamy. Don’t you see how the people here look at her? They fear her. Kane does, her mother does. Hell, even I do at times.” _She fears herself, only Lexa doesn’t fear Clarke._ Raven had seen it, _them_ , and it was a miracle that not everyone knows about the _Princess_ and _the Commander_.

It had taken a while, but seeing Clarke after her return made Raven realize that the girl had it far from easy. Raven couldn’t wait to see her friend again, but the trade summit was still a while away.

When her personal radio buzzed, Raven was glad to be spared the remainder of this conversation. “Raven, are you there?”

She quickly picked up the radio. “Yes, Kane. What do you need me for?”

“Could you come to the medbay, we want to hear what you have to say about what to do with our guest.” _That’s new, but not unwelcome. Finally some recognition_. Raven was often asked for her expertise with electronics and other technologies, but never with the political decisions. Those were left to the ‘adults’. Maybe they finally understood that being an adult was not an age barrier one had to pass. _Or maybe it’s just me that’s awesome. Yeah, that’s probably it._

Without saying goodbye, she hobbled out of her workshop and hurried towards the hospital. Kane and Abby were sitting in the doctor’s office, Ontari was not with them.

“What’s the status, boss — Chancellor Kane, I mean.” She corrected herself when she received a pointed look, not from Kane, but from Abby.

“Abby and I have thought of three options.” Kane started. “One, we give Ontari to Polis. Two, we keep her here but inform the Commander, or three, we keep her here in secret under observation and wait before we make a decision to inform the Coalition.”

Raven was glad that none of these options were to simply cast her out. She suspected that this was Abby’s influence, the doctor tried to save everyone wherever possible.

“If Lexa has ordered the attack, then options one and two will certainly lead to her death.” She analyzed. “But if she hasn’t, then she probably wants to know who is attacking the nightblood. And even if she has, we are already on shaky ground here. Keeping this from her could reflect badly on Skaikru.”

“Do you think Lexa ordered the attack?” Abby asked Raven.

“She definitely could have. We could ask Clarke? Maybe she knows something?”

Abby shook her head. “The moment we ask, she knows something is up and she’ll tell Lexa.” The certainty with which Abby said that gave Raven pause.

“If you’re so certain about that, why is Clarke still our ambassador?” Raven asked. Clans were allowed to have secrets, but if Clarke would tell everything to the Commander right away, she might compromise negotiations.

This time Kane answered, after running a hand through his hair. “We currently have no one better than her. She is smart, looks out for her people, and is respected among the grounders. And I don’t think she’ll betray our best interests.” Keeping Ontari hidden from Lexa might not be in both of their best interests.

“Then we keep her hidden.” She suggested. “We keep her hidden, keep an eye on her, and we can always inform Polis later.”

To her surprise, both Kane and Abby agreed with her.

* * *

The city was alive below her balcony when she finally gathered the strength to extract herself from her bed. She groaned as she stretched. She was sore after the extensive training—beating was a better word —she was enduring every single day. Lexa was gentle with her, as gentle as one can be when training with swords. Her muscles hurt because she had never exerted them as much as she had these days. Lexa was relentless, after Clarke couldn’t hold the sword anymore, they started doing other exercises. She now had burning muscles on places where she hadn’t even known she had them.

Clarke had come to love her balcony. She loved her view of the city, a city she was starting to view as home. As she ate her, now cold, breakfast, she went to search for a few regulars in the sea of ant sized people. There was a vendor selling tools for farms, who had a son and a daughter with him every day. The first thing the man always did was to drop off his daughter at the smithy she was an apprentice at, and then he would spend the day with his son, selling his wares to farmers.

That man’s family, the tool-sellers she called them, was only one of many she kept track off. She had never spoken to them, so she didn’t know their backstories or even their names, but it felt intimate to watch them, without them knowing that she was. Clarke also imagined Lexa doing the same whenever she had downtime. That the Commander just watched over her people as the guardian she was.

While Clarke was spying on the inhabitants of the city, she noticed where the tower’s shadow was at, the city was basically one big sun dial. _I’m late_. “Shit.” She mumbled. Clarke had promised to visit Lexa’s afternoon class with the nightbloods.

As quickly as her sore muscles allowed, she dressed herself and hurried down the tower, cursing at the many steps. “Cyril, where is the nightblood class?”

Her guard, Cyril kom Polis, was always hiding somewhere near, always one call away. “Follow me.”

When she finally came into the class, she saw Lexa seated in front of her seven nightbloods. The Commander’s eyes immediately found hers and she switched from Trigedasleng to English. “Good _morning,_ Wanheda. Glad you were finally able to make it.”

The three oldest nightbloods, Aden, Jasu and Siran, laughed at the poorly hidden sarcasm—morning had ended hours ago—while the youngest four greeted her happily. Clarke knew all their names, there were four boys, Aden, Siran, Oten and Mushrad, and three girls, Jasu, Sofi and Miram. It was a diverse group from most of the clans, Aden was the oldest at thirteen and Mushrad the youngest at seven.

Lexa stood up to greet her, her novitiates remained seated. Clarke saw that the youngest had to contain themselves, because this would be the first time that they were officially introduced. “Good _afternoon_ , _heda_.”

She was lead to the front of the class, and Lexa took a seat between her students. She took the youngest boy and placed him between her legs. The entire class was looking up towards her expectantly. Clarke glanced at Lexa, who was beaming at her mischievously.

“As _promised_ , Clarke will be today’s teacher.” Despite Lexa stretching the word, this clearly was not promised by Clarke.

She was kind-of put out of balance. “Ehm - what was today’s lesson about?”

Lexa’s smile grew, but she responded not to her, but also to her students. “Class, it seems that our teacher has forgotten her own material.”

Mushrad, the youngest of the group and seated between Lexa’s legs, spoke up. “You told she promised us stories from the sky.”

“And tales about lights without a sun.”

“Don’t forget the iron horses where you sit in the belly!” Miram said. The black-haired girl was the youngest of the girls and was just a month older than Mushrad. It seemed that all the nightbloods had been in on the joke, only Clarke was left out. Still, it was clear what Lexa had promised in her stead, she would tell about her people and their technologies.

“How about you ask me a question, and I will do my best to answer it.” Clarke smiled at the class. Eager and curious as only children could be, all hands were raised simultaneously. She picked one at random.

“People say you jumped from the mountain and fell from the sky. So can your people fly?” This was Sofi, an eleven year old girl who had white hair and white skin. Clarke laughed and started to explain that she couldn’t fly, and in the sky, they were in fact always falling.

“You know that if you throw a spear, it flies with an arc.” She spoke in a language the kids understood. Though she noticed that the kids were smart, and every single one seemed to follow her story. “The harder you throw, the further it gets, but gravity always pulls it down. The Earth is round like the sun. In space, soaring in the sky, we were moving fast enough that as we fell down, we kept missing the Earth. On purpose, of course.”

Aden seemed to catch on. “So when your people came down, all they needed to do was slow down so they no longer missed?” Clarke nodded. Everyone on the Ark knew the basics of orbital flight, but she supposed that space travel and its intricacies were lost to the people on the ground. _We lost so much knowledge, all because we couldn’t help but destroy ourselves._

Throughout her trial by questions, she kept glancing at Lexa. The Commander was also hanging on her lips, absorbing every word. When Clarke was explaining, to the best of her knowledge but she also was no expert, how the rover—the ‘metal horse’—worked, she saw the brunette nod along and taking notes, using the back of the boy between her legs as a support for her notebook. The boy didn’t even seem to notice demotion from nightblood to writing desk.

Lexa also laughed whenever one of her children - they were _hers_ \- asked an innocent question. The contrast between this Lexa and the Lexa in the council chambers or out leading her armies was so big that they could be two separate persons. Of course, there were still mannerisms that connected the two, and this Lexa would admonish the nightbloods whenever they strayed too far from relevant subject matters. Still, she knew that not many got to see this side of the Commander.

Clarke had now been rapidly answer a few yes or no questions. “Did Skaikru duel for strength?” _No._

“Can you kill with electcity.”

“Yes, electricity is deadly.”

“Do Skaikru have faith?”

“Yes, we have many religions.” This required more explanation, because how could a people have more than one religion. “Long before the _great fire_ , people on the ground believed many religions. Each believed theirs to be true, even if they are telling a story that is not compatible.”

“But only one can be true?”

 _How do I explain this?_ “No one had proof, so it was all faith. I’m not sure that _any_ were true, because how could a god allow such destruction.”

“The _Flame_ is true.” Aden spoke up, and all children nodded with absolute certainty. This ended the topic of religion, but not their infinite supply of questions.

“Are all Skaikru trained as fighters?” No. “Was it scary to fall from the sky?” Yes. “Did you really think no one was alive on earth?” Yes. “Does Lexa’s leg tattoo continue from one leg to the other?” No.

_Shit._

She paused and stared at Lexa with alarmed eyes. Six out of seven nightbloods groaned, and only Aden whooped. “Pay up, everybody!”

Lexa barked out a loud, full laugh. All heads snapped towards the Commander at the foreign sound she was producing. They had seen her smile often enough, but a laugh was something that Clarke had only heard a few times. Aden would later tell her that it was the first time he had heard the Commander laugh like that. The students then joined with their laughter as well. Despite being tricked, Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle as well.

“ _Natblida._ ” The Commander said sternly after she recovered. The children at least had the discipline to look sorry. “You took advantage of my ambassador and I believe I do not need to say that this information does not leave this room.”

“ _Sha, heda.”_ A chorus of children voices responded as one.

“That said, it was an excellent application of yesterday’s lessons on misdirection during negotiations.” Despite the stern voice, Lexa was proud. “But for violating the rules I had laid out, all of you are to do seven laps around the outer wall of Polis, or there will be no dinner tonight.”

“ _Sha, heda.”_ Clarke thought it was cruel and unnecessary harsh, but none of the children complained. Polis was huge, and a lap was about four kilometers, so seven laps could easily take upwards of four hours. The children formed up in a single file, Aden, the oldest, up front, and Jasu, the second oldest last.

“Aren’t you forgetting anything?” Bashful, the children went to collect a sword, a buckler and armor each. They helped each other strap on the swords and armor. Clarke saw how Aden carried the shield and sword of the youngest kid, and Jasu did the same for the second youngest. Clarke understood that neither would have dinner, until all of them were done.

Lexa opened the door and a guard was waiting there for the group of nightbloods. She held up seven fingers to the guard, who nodded, and followed the group.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit harsh? They were just having fun, and didn’t harm anyone.” She questioned the Commander, who clearly disagreed with her.

“I only added three laps to their normal routine for their insolence.” Lexa explained that they needed to do this every evening before dinner, and morning before breakfast. She normally joined them, but tonight as punishment she wouldn’t.

“Why would that be punishment?”

“They like me.” Lexa said while puffing out her chest and Clarke chuckled at the display. Lexa glowed when she divulged that small fact. “But they know me also as a stern educator. I need to be. Life on the ground is hard, and it’s hardest on the leaders. They need every advantage they can get if they become the Commander.”

Clarke and Lexa had moved towards a window, and they followed the queue of children with their eyes as they jogged towards the Polis outer walls along one of the main avenues. Lexa struggled for a moment, Clarke knew that only one of her children would become the next Commander, and they would bathe in the blood of their brothers and sisters.

“Why, why is there the Conclave?” Clarke didn’t understand the need for it. There were multiple ways of proving one’s strength that did not involve children - or adults - killing each other. Still, she was hesitant in bringing it up, their different cultures was always a source of conflict.

Lexa remained staring at her novitiates. “Multiple reasons, but I’m sure you find them inadequate.” Clarke shook her head, though Lexa probably missed it as her eyes were focused on the retreating forms in the distance. “Succession in the clans is often uncertain, and is cause for instability and chaos. Chiefs, kings or queens with multiple sons or daughters may have a civil war if the heir is unpopular, or their other children are ambitious. In Polis, the succession is determined by the nightbloods. In the past, there have been instances where the city burned as factions supporting one nightblood over the other fought to obtain the Flame.”

Clarke imagined the city streets littered with bodies. Briefly she saw the tool-seller family lying on their market stall, the father embracing his son and daughter in death, with the houses burning behind them. She shook the horrid image from her mind, she didn’t want to see that ever come to be.

“Only a nightblood can rule Polis, and all nightbloods older than eight participate in the conclave, there are no pretenders.” Lexa sounded lost in her own memories. “Those that are too young would not get enough support to start a civil war. Though they have often enough been killed by the new Commander anyway.”

“It’s…”

“- barbaric, savage, and more.” Lexa finished for her, she was no longer watching the street the nightbloods had left in. “I wish I could change it, but first the people need to change.”

Clarke understood. There was a huge advantage to the clan that had its own Commander in Polis, especially now with the coalition. Having a succession crisis where multiple clans supported their own candidate would be disastrous.

“Were you trained in the same way?” Lexa closed her eyes, reminiscing about the past.

“It was both better and much, much more difficult.” Lexa answered. “The previous Commander was Desert Clan. He didn’t like Trikru that much, but couldn’t kill me because all nightbloods are sacred. So I was harshly treated at worst, neglected at best. Until he sent me away to Anya.”

* * *

_Lexa was eight when she returned to her own clan, for the first time in four years after being taken away from her parents. She had been told her parents had died some time ago, ‘the mountain’ they had said. She had spent more time away from her clan than with them and the time she had spent in Triku was long forgotten._

_That’s why, when she came to Tondc, it felt as if she was a stranger in her own lands. Her escorts, Titus the Flamekeeper and two Desert Clan warriors, brought her to the central square._

_“What do you mean? I have to babysit a nightblood? You are simply afraid of me and my rise through the ranks.” She heard an angry voice, but the woman wasn’t screaming. It was a controlled anger. The type of anger that was most dangerous._

_“Having a nightblood as a Second is a great honor.” The dark skinned clan leader of the Trikru said. “You will teach her, Anya.”_

_“She is a scrawny kid, Indra. She will never become Commander as the youngest in the group.” Lexa swallowed hard at the words. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up at the familiar eyes under the bald forehead. She squared her shoulders and stepped towards the blonde woman with the high cheekbones._

_“I’m Lexa.” She greeted. The angry woman, called Anya, and chief Indra turned to her. “I will become the next Com-”_

_Air left her lungs as she felt the punch in her stomach. She flew through the air and landed on the dirty ground, hard. She bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from crying out as sharp pebbles cut through her skin as she slid along the ground._

_“Was that really necessary?” She heard the chief say. When she finally stumbled back on her feet, the blonde warrior was gone and only the Flamekeeper and the chief remained._

_Their initial introduction set the tone for the rest of her training. Lexa was beaten, bruised and sorer than she had ever been before. She wasn’t learning, she was only hurting. Her training with Anya consisted of endless running, endless training, and then endless punishments in the fighting ring. Never had she gotten a single hit in, and always she left with a bruised limp, a bleeding cut, or sometimes even a broken bone._

_There was one elderly woman in the village that looked after her broken bones and shallow cuts, and she would make her tea and warm soup every day. Until she was taken away by a Reaper attack._

_The next evening, after Anya continued her beatings as normal during the day, Lexa snapped. She broke Anya’s arm when she ambushed her at night, she attacked her mentor - though Lexa found the word inadequate for her First - with a wooden staff and slammed her into the wall of the tavern she had left._

_The eight year old had cornered the woman more than twice her age. Anya was intoxicated, but sobered up at the pain._

_“Why are you punishing me for something I have not done? You are not training me, you don’t want me to succeed.” Lexa spat in Anya’s face. “I need to become Commander so I can stop the Ripas from attacking, to kill the Maunon.”_

_Anya tried to move, but Lexa struck again. “Why?” The eight year old screamed as tears streamed down her face._

_“Because if I train you I get attached to you. And when you die in the Conclave, it’s like losing my sister all over again!” Anya slumped down against the wall of the tavern, Lexa was now towering over the girl, despite being half her length._

_The young nightblood dropped her staff and she held out her hand to the defeated woman. “There is an easy solution. Train me to be the best. Make me the next Commander.”_

* * *

 

“Anya’s sister was a nightblood.” Clarke gasped. “She didn’t win.”

Clarke had listened to Lexa’s story. She didn’t like telling stories about her past, so many people in her stories had died in the years, or betrayed her at some point. _Only Indra is still in her life and I am afraid to lose her as well._

“At the time, it had almost broken me, and had it continued, I would not have lived.” She said. “But now it's one of my fondest memories. Strange, isn’t it?”

“You loved her.” Clarke said. “She was family.”

Lexa nodded, then laughed bitterly. “I loved Titus as well. He came to Tondc often, teaching me personally. He believed that I could become the next Commander from our first meeting, I still don’t know why.”

“He would often shoot down my naive ideas, but he also complimented good strategies, and he encouraged my sly plans.”

It pained her to think about her Flamekeeper, more than she cared to admit. Lexa saw in Clarke’s eyes that she understood the pain that came with betrayal. Both had been betrayed before by people close to them. She was part of the source for Clarke’s pain. “Thank you, Clarke.”

Soft lips pressed against her. “Always.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you know, my favorite character is Bellamy, I love him so much so I made him a central character to this story. He's going to take over and probably get in a threesome with Lexa and Clarke...
> 
> \--A week late for halloween, but hopefully I scared you there ;)--
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter. I hope you liked a few references I put in there.


	11. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story so far: 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke are in Polis. Lexa is helping Clarke through the trauma she has acquired on the ground, while Clarke and her are moving the clans towards a more centralised state.  
> The Sky People have found Ontari wounded in the forest, and are nursing her back to health. They have decided to keep her presence hidden for now, until they figure out what she wants and if she is a threat.

 

 _It would be so easy to grab that knife and plunge it in his heart._ Her fingers twitched at his condescending look. Hating the man was easy, he had tried to kill her after all. Though she hated him the most for the damage he had done to his Commander.

To keep herself from killing him, she looked at the strangest object in the room. A drop pod, not unlike the one Raven had used to escape from the Ark. A drop pod in the center of Polis, bearing the name of the thirteenth station, Polaris. The first Commander had been of her people. Though Clarke supposed that was not exactly true, her people had not been unified as one when the thirteenth station was shot out of space. No, it happened at a time when the differences between the people in space and the people on the ground were not so great, after all, the destruction had only just happened.

Why did Lexa have to be late for this meeting, of all possible ones _?_ Why did she force Clarke to sit with _him_ , to listen to _him_ teach her about history, about the Flame? Why wasn’t she here to keep her from plunging the knife she was holding in his bald head?

She knew her anger was not hidden, the priest saw it, and Clarke saw that he saw it. Still, he explained to her that the first Commander had nightblood and knowledge. _Becca_ , _Pramheda,_ Prime Commander, First Commander—there were many names in the legends—set up the roots of the city that would one day become Polis.

The story he told her was one that read like an ancient gospel, a genesis story, and the start of the human race. In a way, it was true. It was the start of a new beginning. The Flamekeepers kept track of the chronicles of the Commanders, keeping embellishments out of the story, but that didn’t make it more believable.

Becca apparently united the stragglers of a bombed city, she set out to heal those injured from the bombs, those affected by radiation, and those in the struggle for life. Food was scarce, but she could feed twenty with the same amount as others could fed ten. She also possessed magical abilities to heal those around her, curing their wounds and their afflictions.

She scoffed multiple times during the story, and whenever she did, she earned a grimace and a condescending snarl. Each time she had to rein herself in, lest she end his life before her _heda_ was done with him.

“You expect me to believe she had magic?”

“You have seen it. _Heda_ is up and running like nothing happened, and she was shot barely two weeks ago.” Titus countered. It was true, the only thing that remained as evidence was the raised pink skin below her ribs. “The Flame is as mysterious as magic.”

“Sufficiently advanced _tek_ is indistinguishable from magic.” A new voice said and Clarke relaxed her muscles. Titus would live through today, probably. “It’s good that you have already started, I’m glad the two of you are getting along despite your history.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes and Lexa had the audacity to smirk at her own joke. Lexa sat down next to her, cross legged and leaning slightly towards Clarke. It was Clarke’s turn to smirk in the direction of the Flamekeeper, who grimaced at the sight.

“Continue, _ticha_.” The man’s presence was easier to bear with Lexa beside her. Soft ministrations distracted her whenever she felt her anger boil once again. A soft touch on her elbow, a finger tracing along her spine, a hand barely touching the small of her back. All in full view of the Flamekeeper. Clarke wondered if Lexa did it on purpose, to punish the man, or if she just purely did it because it comforted the both of them.

Titus told her about the years following the creation of Polis. Other tribes started to rise up from people banded together in the woods. These tribes were smaller, but they quickly unified in larger tribes either through conquest or cooperation. While Clans arose all around Polis, the city grew and remained independent.

Polis became a hub of knowledge, and a safe harbor for merchants from all the clans. Soon, as Commander Becca had envisioned before her death, the city had become a hub for traders. Merchants from Clans could sell to Polis, who could sell those goods to clans the merchants themselves could not reach. There was barter trade for favors, food, equipment, weapons, and stories. It took thirty years before a new currency arose, under the direction of the eight Commander.

It wasn’t all good times in Polis. As the Clans grew in size, and became more stable internally, they looked outwards. Alliances formed around them, but Polis remained neutral. The weakness of Polis was shown when a Clan wanted to have the Commander’s position as their own, placing their _natblida_ on the throne. A bloody civil war followed, and Polis was torn in pieces. Rebuilding took another twenty years, starting with this introduction of the conclave, this ended the abundance of pretenders to the throne.

Clarke learned there had been many more Clans than the original twelve that formed the Coalition. There also had been many more coalitions, but never one that included all the remaining Clans. Some Clans had simply starved, unable to find food and allies to trade with, others were conquered, and some were assimilated to face a bigger threat.

“Now you know our basic history.” Lexa said. “It’s more complex than just this brief run down, but it serves as a basis for our beliefs about the spirits and the Flame.”

Clarke nodded, she was eager to learn about that mystery. Lexa stood, Clarke felt the cold of the lack of her presence right away, and the commander sat down in between her and Titus, with her back towards Clarke. With her left hand, Lexa gathered her hair and moved put them over her shoulder, clearing her neck. Clare saw a vertical scar, along the spine, and an infinity symbol tattooed over this. Reverently, she traced the tissue with her fingers and she felt the Commander shudder under her touch.

“The Flame, it’s a _thing_?” They put something in Lexa? “What is it?”

“We believe it’s a container for Spirits. It keeps the thoughts and rationale of the previous _hedas_.” Titus’ voice bellowed. His explanation didn’t make it clear to Clarke.

“He believes that, myself, I have become more materialistic in my beliefs.” Lexa sighed. “It’s more than what Titus says. It’s _tek_. It helps with making decisions.”

 _Is Lexa a computer?_ “What do you mean? Are you, you? Does it change who you are?” Lexa turned around and faced her.

“Questions I’ve struggled with as well, but every _heda_ had a different personally, each was a different person.” Lexa explains. “The Flame listens to what its bearer thinks, what he or she feels, and his or her surroundings.’

“So what does it do? What do you use it for?”

“It warns me through causing me to feel emotions, usually fear and dread.” Not very pleasant things. “And I can ask it a question, and the more specific it is, the better it can give me an answer. Though it usually gives me a list of probabilities. The future is uncertain and hinges on many things.”

“Could you give me examples?”

Lexa took her time of thinking of something. Then, somberly, she said: “The Flame thought that your chance of survival was less than twenty percent if I left you, the chance of my people surviving if we attacked together less than ten percent. There was about eighty percent chance that the Mountain would honor the deal.”

Clarke swallowed. This was what Lexa meant that she made a decision with her head, and not with her heart.

“It’s not always correct though, and you have been its biggest anomaly so far.” Lexa moved on from the darkest points in their relationship. “When you are involved, my own head is much more accurate than the Flame, though it is adjusting itself to your excellence.”

She blushed under the barrage of compliments. Lexa pressed her lips to Clarke’s, both forgetting that they were not alone in the room. Someone coughed to get her attention.

“It also has miraculous properties.” Titus continued. “It can only be carried by those with nightblood, other’s die. Having the Flame makes you regenerate faster, other nightbloods do not have Lexa’s regenerative capabilities.”

“When I die,” Clarke shook her head and wanted to admonish Lexa for starting about her mortality once again. “ _When_ I die, the Flame must be secured. The Flamekeeper, or you, will collect it from my body and keep it safe for the next Conclave.”

“Why me?” Lexa smiled at her.

“I hope I can protect you so that you will outlive me.” Clarke didn’t want to think about that possibility. “I know it’s a lot of information to process.”

_It’s crazy science fiction, but real! Raven would love this._

Did it make Lexa less of a Commander, because the Flame helped her with her decisions? Clarke didn’t think so, Lexa was still required to think of plans, and she could just compare the possible outcomes of each plan more easily than other plans. The Flame only gave possible outcomes to certain actions, and it wasn’t even guaranteed.

“How often do you listen to the Flame, or do you ask its advice?”

“Mostly, I first make my own decision by thinking of the possible consequences. Then I ask the Flame. We… we tend to agree a lot.”

“We?”

“I see it as a person, a person who is the combination of all those that came before me.” This was the religious aspect that came to the Flame. Clarke had her own theory about what the Flame was. It was almost certainly an AI with a human interface. These words meant little to the Grounders, and like Lexa said, this technology was as close to magic as it got.

“What does it say about me?” Lexa couldn’t quite meet her eyes when she thought of her response to the question.

“It used to warn me for you, that you were dangerous,” the brunette said. “Now I think it knows that without you, I would be a lesser person. It warned me that your life was in danger, that day, before I heard the first gunshot.”

 

* * *

 

Ontari’s wounds proved to be non-life-threatening and Raven was glad to see her moving within a single week. The young girl was a quiet presence in her workshop, and her being there made someone else stay far away.

“What does this do?” The girl held up a cluster of copper coils. “Is it a weapon?”

Monty laughed and Raven couldn’t help but join in. “It transforms energy from movement to electrical. It’s part of a wind turbine.”

“Oh, useless.” Ontari put it back down. Raven had not dared to show the girl any of the weapons she was creating. Those were Skaikru secrets, while Ontari certainly seemed innocent enough and she seemed to be reinventing herself, they were not yet sure if she was trustworthy.

Raven continued her work, sometimes asking Monty for a certain part, or a bit of help, but otherwise focused on building more parts. Winter was quickly approaching, and the Chancellor had given her a task to build something for the Trade Summit. They wanted a secondary soil tester, which they could give away to the Clans. It had to be easy: put soil in, get a fertility reading out.

While that was easy to use, it certainly was not easy to design and build. It would not be as compact as the one they had on the Ark, but Raven promised that she’d make it work.

Ontari’s discipline was remarkable, she could sit in the corner the entire day and never speak up unless spoken to. No one asked of her that she confined herself to Raven’s workshop, but the girl said that she wanted to be there, and that she didn’t feel at ease on her own.

“Ontari.” Raven spoke up. “What is something you’re good at, or interested in?”

“Killing people.” Ontari spoke up. “I’m a highly trained warrior, and I know how to lead soldiers into war.”

Not really what Raven was aiming for. “What about something to do in peacetime? I can build bombs, but I also build things like this.” She gestured at the table in front of her.

The girl seemed perplexed by the question. Raven let her figure it out, while she continued with her work. Raven found herself anxious to talk to the brunette a bit more, so many questions rose to the top. “Ontari, why do you have to participate in the conclave?”

“It’s my duty as a nightblood. The spirits demand stability, and living nightbloods that can challenge the Commander are a source of instability.”

“So you can’t not participate?” Monty asked, wary of the nightblood’s true intentions.

“If they didn’t know I existed.” The nightblood looked thoughtfully, Raven imagined that Ontari could be thinking about a world where she wasn’t born with the wrong color of blood. “Hiding a nightblood is a crime, and generally it’s considered an honor to participate in the conclave. It’s what everyone, my birth-mother, or queen Nia, had taught me.”

“So you want to be Commander?”

“I—” Ontari interrupted herself and seemingly lost her composition. “No one before asked me if I wanted anything. I was told that I _should_ want to be the Commander. That is was my right, my duty in life. Become the Commander or die in the process.”

 _She never had a goddamn choice since birth._ It was a horrific practice to have that in your religion and traditions. “That’s bullshit.” Monty nodded in agreement.

The dinner alarm ringed, Monty and her looked at the result of a day’s hard work. It wasn’t pretty, but she hoped it would work. “Let’s field—pun intended—test this tomorrow.”

Monty rolled his eyes and Ontari didn’t understand the joke. Well, she’d have to work on discovering what the Azgeda nightblood found humorous.

“You coming?” She called out to the girl as she followed Monty to the mess hall. Arkadia was alive, bustling with activity as people made their way to the dining area. The work around the camp was hard and hours were long between breaks, so everyone looked forward to what the cooks had prepared for them all.

Individually making dinner wasn’t possible as of yet, food was still rationed and potions were handed out depending on various factors. Abby kept a watchful eye of the health of the remaining citizens, and would adjust these portions accordingly. It was all very clinical, but survival was still on top of everyone’s mind. Today’s menu was a stew based on vegetables and, if one was lucky, a bit of hare and rabbit.

Still, the fact that real meat, and real vegetables were once again part of their diet, made Raven enjoy the meal. Ontari also seemed to like it, even though she complained about the lack of meats.

“I could hunt.” She spoke up. Raven answered with a questioning humm. “Your question, about what I can do in peacetime. I can hunt.”

Raven nodded while slurping more of her stew. She finished with a healthy content sigh. “That’s a good idea. Maybe my people will open up if you brought us some good meat.”

“Not until I’m healed though.” Ontari indicated her the healing wounds and bandages across her arms and legs. “It’s taking long and I’m itching, anxious to do something.”

Raven knew that feeling. Every step she took, electrified the nerves from her leg all the way through her spine to her brain. She _knew_ that she needed to see Abby. For all her intellect, she had assumed the position that ignorance was bliss. The mechanic-engineer did not want to know how bad the shape of her leg was, because knowing made it real. _But this is nothing close to bliss._

Ontari pointedly looked at her, eyes flicking to her leg. “You really should-”

“Not your place.” She interrupted. Ontari cast her eyes down and away from her. Monty continued eating, more loudly and prominently than before, ignoring the two ladies. Still, it annoyed Raven. “Got something to say, kid?”

The boy swallowed, looked at her with sharp eyes and responded. “No.” Demonstratively, he took another bite. When Ontari chuckled, Raven had enough. Slamming on the table with both hands—she needed the support to lift herself up—she stood up and winced as she put her weight on her injured leg.

Ontari followed her, which was not difficult because despite her injuries, no one could move slower than Raven. “I’m sorry, but-”

“I know, I know.” Raven shushed her. “Why do you care anyway?”

“I owe you, Raven. You saved my life.” The nightblood responded. “And even now you take care of me. I want to repay and I can see that you are not okay.”

If even Ontari, the newcomer amongst the Skaikru, could deduce so quickly that she was not okay, then maybe she really wasn’t. “When I get back from Tondc, I’ll go to Abby. Promise.”

The girl seemed satisfied with the answer. Ontari smiled for the first time since Raven had found her.

* * *

He watched the mechanic leave the nightblood alone before revealing himself to her. Alert, the scarred brunette turned around, poised for attack at the first sign of danger. He held his hands up. “Easy, I’m not armed.”

Ontari relaxed her stance slightly but glared at him nonetheless. “You don’t like me.”

“I don’t trust you.” He replied. “People I knew died in the attack orchestrated by your queen.”

“I did not plan that attack. I am not queen Nia.” He heard the poison in her voice, Ontari didn’t seem to like the previous queen.

He should feel bad about leveling such accusations. His mother was part of Pike’s core group, and he felt ostracized as her son. He didn’t join pike. _But I didn’t oppose him either, not really._

“I’m telling you to be careful with Raven. I’m watching you and if I don’t like what I see, I know who to report you to.” Despite her recent wounds, Ontari shot forward and pressed him to the wall.

“Is that a threat?” She breathed in his face. Up close, he got a good look at scars pattern on her face. He gulped down his fear, knowing that if she hurt him now, she would not escape Arkadia alive.

“It’s a promise as a friend of Raven’s.” Slowly, he was let down, his feet touching the ground once more.

“You’re a good friend, Monty.” Ontari stepped back from him and he collapsed, breathing hard while pushing against his knees to stay standing. “I wanted to see if you would back down and you didn’t. I will be careful with Raven, I want to be a good friend as well. I just—I never had friends.”

He stood back up and studied the girl who could’ve ended his life with the flick of her wrist. “You can start by not threatening the friends of a friend.”

 

* * *

 

The door to her room slammed as a furious Commander stormed inside without warning. Clarke had once said that Lexa shouldn’t just storm into her room, for all the she knew Clarke was indecent. That had been a mistake, now Commander never knocked anymore hoping to catch a glimpse of this indecency.

“The Sankru bandrona is a stubborn mule.” The brunette grumbled as she closed the distance between them. “He knows that my decision for additional trade caravans and a protected road with trade posts is good for his clan as well, but he still doesn’t want to give in. He knows the benefits outweigh the costs, but still he fights for more benefits and less costs.”

Of course, Clarke knew that it was only natural for a good negotiator to get the best deal as possible, and Lexa was not angry with the man per se. Clarke knew that her _heda_ was tired from the endless talking in circles. It was no use on telling Lexa this, so she just played the role of the supporting girlfriend.

“That’s terrible.” She said dryly. Maybe she wasn’t cut out to play that role. Lexa gave her a brief kiss.

“Thanks for your _undying_ support.” It calmed the Commander. Clarke marveled at the control she could exert on her mate’s emotional state. A touch here, a joke there, or even taking her down a notch, and anger would evaporate, replaced by tender touches, sly smiles and wanting looks.

“That’s what I’m here for.”

With Lexa in her arms, she finally found that she could say what had been on her mind for the past few days. Every council meeting she followed, she felt this more and more strongly. She felt held back, whenever she was arguing for her people, and Clarke knew the causes.

“I can’t be ambassador anymore.”

Whatever the blonde expected, it wasn’t the sudden shattering of the glass that was being held in the commander’s hand. Lexa didn’t flinch at the shards cutting in her fingers, but Clarke did. She reached out to touch them, to extract the shards, but Lexa dodged her hand and stepped from her lap.

“Lex?”

The Commander was looking at her with hard eyes, nostrils flaring and heavy breathing. “W-why? What did I do?”

“Nothing!” That wasn’t true, Lexa had done something, multiple things even. Some weren’t even things that Lexa did intentionally, but their effects were felt by the blonde and she couldn’t remain an Ambassador.

“Is it the danger? I can- I can-” Clarke shook her head. Lexa seemed to regain her control. “When do you leave?”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to be confused, why would she- and then she understood. Lexa thought that she was only here because of her political role first, and Lexa second. If she wasn’t an ambassador anymore, then Clarke would best serve her people from Arkadia. The Commander had only been angry that Clarke would be leaving her.

“I’m not.” She reassured. “I’m not leaving you.”

It wasn’t often that she saw Lexa misunderstand a situation, that she saw the Commander be confused at anything. “Then… what do you mean?”

“I can no longer give my people the representation they need.” Clarke explained. “I can’t fight for every scrap, every advantage, like the Desert Clan ambassador is doing right now, or the Broad Leaf had done before.”

“Is it because of my oath? I told you it doesn’t work like that.” Clarke shook her head. It wasn’t, it was because of something that ran way deeper.

“It’s because I keep thinking about the other Clans, about what _Skaikru_ could give instead of take.” She saw Lexa’s relief, and something else, something that told her the Commander had been waiting to hear those exact words. “I think of all the clans, who can give more, who can give less, and about the best outcomes across the board.”

Lexa closed the distance and once again climbed in her lap, with the hand that was not wounded Lexa cradled her cheek, stroking her face with her thumb. “You have no idea how happy those words make me.” Clarke feels warms lips press against hers, Lexa captured her bottom lip with her teeth and bit gently, teasingly. “I’d been hoping, secretly, that you would.”

“Why?”

“Because it means that you view my people as yours, as I view yours as mine. It tells me that you share my vision, my vision for the betterment of _all_ our people and not just the Clan we come from. I am Trikru, but I don’t represent them. To me, Trikru is equal to Azgeda for all my decisions. I know you don’t yet feel the same, but you are getting there”

She still had her reservations, still favored her own people, but with each passing day, she felt her loyalty move towards the Coalition, and away from purely her on people. Loyalty to Lexa, and to the vision she represented. Clarke caught the bleeding hand and now Lexa winced as she accidentally touched a shard of glass.

“I didn’t expect to become angry at the thought of you leaving.” Lexa’s voice was laced with guilt. “I also didn’t mean to scare you. I would never hurt you, you must know that.”

“Why were you angry?”

“I was angry at myself. I thought I had driven you away.” Lexa looked ashamed in the way her eyes dodged hers. She looked at anything besides Clarke. “And I didn’t know what I had done wrong.”

Clarke extracted the last shard of glass and wrapped a bandage around she hand. Once the bandage was secured, she pressed her lips against the wounded digits. “You’re doing everything right, Lexa.”

“Everything?” Lexa looked at her nightstand, where Clarke’s gun was hidden in the top drawer.

“Let’s go train.” Clarke pushed Lexa off her lap, and got up and walked towards the nightstand. With shaky hands, she opened the drawer and took the gun. It was loaded, of course, but the safety was on. Lexa’s hand encased hers, stopping her anxious spasms. Together they put the gun under her waistband behind Clarke’s back. Lexa hands lingered on her bottom and Clarke slapped them away, careful not to touch the painful fingers.

“I’m injured and now you think you stand a chance.” Lexa was leading them through the streets of Polis. Their presence together was no longer a sight that drew the people’s attention. The novelty had worn off after the first few days. They still got a few greetings, and people waved and smiled, but Clarke remembered the first time they didn’t use stealth to sneak through the streets. They could not take two steps before being pestered with questions.

“I don’t think you ever stood a chance against me.” Clarke returned the banter.

“I did not, Clarke kom Skaikru.” Lexa threw her a wooden sword and gave all of three seconds to find her combat stance before the warrior was upon her. Clarke deflected the first blow, a downwards slash. As the weapons grinded against each other with the flat sides, Lexa twisted her sword and suddenly Clarke was disarmed. “I just keep winning these small battles, but you already won the war.”

Lexa had a weird fascination of describing their relation in proverbs that had to do with battles, wars, and warriors.

Lexa never hit Clarke on her body. The nightbloods that Lexa trained always got hit once when they lost a sparring session.  _“Every battle comes with bruises,”_ was Lexa’s explanation. Clarke had complained to her girlfriend that she was going easy on her, but Lexa had simply said “ _You already know every lesson that pain can teach you._ ”

And Lexa was decidedly not going easy on her. Every time that Clarke improved, Lexa increased the ceiling. They trained every day, one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening before bed, and not once had Clarke come even close to landing a hit.

Clarke collected her wooden sword from the ground. Gripping it with both hands, she leveled the weapon at her opponent. They circled each other, slowly testing each other. Lexa struck out with a quick snap towards her weapon. The wooden swords slid alongside each other as Clarke pushed Lexa’s sword away from its path towards her chest.

Before Clarke could retaliate, the brunette stepped backwards just out of her reach. She pressed forward, slashing with all her might. Instead of clipping the Commander in her shoulder, she hit with the full force against her sword. Lexa used the weapon as a guide line and the force was easily directed away from her body.

Clarke lost her footing when Lexa released the pressure she was putting against the weapon. The brief stumble was enough to send her tumbling to the ground, trying to dodge a slash. Lexa didn’t relent, and Clarke rolled away from the downwards stab that, had it been a real battle, would have gutted her. She kicked at Lexa’s shins, but the Commander dodged it deftly, and instead softly tapped her legs with her sword.

“You just lost your leg. You over extended them, don’t do that unless you are certain that you can get them back safely.” Lexa helped her upright. “You should keep your extremities guarded.”

“I just wanted to kick you, get a single hit in, to see I’m improving.” Lexa’s eyes smiled at her, and Clarke could not stay frustrated at that look.

“You are improving. I think it won’t be too long until you can face Miram.” Clarke swatted Lexa’s hands away in mock anger.

“Miram is the youngest of the girls, not even eight summers old!” Lexa smiled fully at her fake outrage. It was a rare sight and it always managed to take Clarke’s breath away. Her ego appreciated that only she could draw a real, full smile from the warrior.

“She has been training since she was four, you are much stronger, but her skills with a sword are impressive.” In a previous training session, Lexa had already shown her that skill with a blade far outweighed the strength behind a slash. Even with only two fingers holding her weapon, Lexa was able to deflect the most powerful two-handed slashes Clarke could deliver. “What did you do wrong?”

“I kicked out without the means to defend my attack.” Lexa shook her head, she indicated Clarke to continue. “My footwork? I stumbled because I used you as a counterbalance.”

“You gave me full control over your stability. Never give your—”

“Opponent control.” Clarke finished the familiar lesson.

“Except for when you should.” Clarke groaned. Every rule seemed to have an exception and, when pressed, Lexa always said that she should know the rules and skills first, only then would it be clear when those rules could be broken. “Let’s go again.”

Half an hour later, the two of them were laying down in the warehouse. Clarke was exhausted, swimming in her own sweat, and Lexa was probably barely warmed up.

“I like this.” Lexa spoke up, Clarke hummed, too tired to respond. “I like your focus, your desire to learn. You are beautiful when you exert yourself. You also shine when you paint, or when you read a new story.”

Lexa rarely spoke her thoughts freely, and Clarke took whatever the Commander could give. She wished she had words to return, but she was exhausted. If she closed her eyes, she would fall asleep on the dusty floor of the empty warehouse.

“We should go back.” Clarke made a noncommittal sound. “But we are not done yet.”

She knew what Lexa meant. She didn’t look when Lexa collected the gun from the ground. She heard the magazine being ejected, Lexa struggled with pulling the slide back and cleared the chamber. She looked at the Commander, she was holding out a hand to help her upright. The gun, even though it was empty, was pointed at the ground away from the both of them.

She took the hand and Lexa’s strong arms pulled her up. Lexa deliberately pulled too hard so that Clarke was pressed against her body. Lexa turned her around, and stood behind her, Clarke’s back pressed against Lexa’s front. Lexa’s arms encircled her, and she held out the gun in front of her.

It was the same exercise that they had done every day. Each day, they would take it a step further. The first day, Lexa had only held it for her. The second day, Lexa had taken one of Clarke’s hands and together they held the gun until Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. Yesterday, Clarke had held the gun without Lexa’s help. It felt lighter without the magazine and the bullets, like it hadn’t been a real gun. Today, the goal was to press the trigger while aiming at the target.

Not having control over her own body was scary. Not having control over her own mind was downright _terrifying_. Sometimes her mind conjured up images that replaced the target with someone she had lost or someone she loved. It had been Finn with a bullet wound instead of a knife to the heart, her father, Wells, or Anya. Most often, it was Lexa. Lexa bleeding, holding her hands to her stomach, black blood seeping through her fingers, staining her dress.

Soft lips pressed on the nape of her neck, and the image she conjured was gone. “Thanks.” She whispered breathlessly.

First, Lexa dropped her left hand, and held the weapon with just her right. “Grab the gun with your left hand.”

Shakily, Clarke brought her hand to the gun. They held on together until Clarke stopped shaking.

“You’re doing great, Clarke.” The Commander dropped her right hand. “Now take your right hand.”

This one was more difficult, because she had to keep the gun from shaking in her left hand, while also controlling her right one. She had done it before, yesterday. With great effort, but less than the day before, she managed to do it. Lexa brought her right hand back up, and coaxed Clarke’s finger over the trigger.

“I’ll help you for the first time.” Clarke nodded. She was breathing hard. Clarke understood the necessity, to protect Lexa she had to be able to protect herself. And guns were the only way Clarke could really defend herself against a skilled warrior. When she was up against Roan, she only got a hit in because he had orders not to hurt her. She had seen Roan fight against Lexa—there was no way Clarke could’ve won, the only hit she had gotten

Lexa put tension on her finger. “One, two… three.”

Lexa pressed, their fingers curled around the trigger and Clarke flinched at the metallic clicking noise the gun made. Then, Lexa removed her hand. “You can do it.”

 _I can do it._ She looked at the target, which stayed a normal target, it didn’t become Lexa covered in blood, it didn’t become the two guards she shot, it didn’t become Anya bleeding out on the ground, it didn’t become Finn, or Wells, or her father. As the gun got heavier in her hands, it _changed_. It became Lexa, and Anya, and Finn, and the guards, and Dante, and Maya, and her father, and Lexa, and Finn and Lexa, and—

Click.

_I did it?_

She was spun around and lips kissed away the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “ _Yu ste yuj, Klark. Yu ste krei yuj._ ”

 

 

 

The next thing Clarke noticed was that she was in bath and Lexa was slowly cleaning her hair and her body. The bath was warm and comfortable, and Lexa’s care banished her dark thoughts to the back of her mind. She had barely been conscious during the walk back towards the tower. “I’m sorry.”

Wisps of Lexa’s hair tickled her skin as the girl shook her head. “ _Hosh_. You did nothing wrong.”

Lexa washed the soap from her hair, rinsing it by emptying a bucket of warm water over her head while massaging her scalp. Clarke sighed. Their evenings always ended similarly, they would share a bath together with Lexa taking care of her. The first night, Clarke had asked Lexa why she was so adamant on helping her. “ _Many warriors cannot live with this disease.”_ Had been the response. Lexa explained that one of Indra’s daughters had taken her own life by walking into a Pauna den. She had been afraid to ask her mother for help, because she thought that Indra would look down on her. Lexa had known the woman, not well, but she had seen the woman destroy herself day by day, until there was no saving anymore. “ _I need you to live, Clarke. Survival is not enough for someone as special as you.”_

And, despite her current feelings, she was feeling better now than last week. She got more hours of sleep due to the physical exhaustion, and the hallucinations were less severe and less often. Nightmares didn’t happen every night anymore. It would be a long process, many months from now, possibly longer, but Clarke knew she could beat this disease.

 

* * *

 

The road was less rough than during their previous trip. They drove past groups of Woods People armed with shovels and hammers instead of swords and bows. Great construction works were ongoing in the Woods and Sky territories. Raven learned these works were ordered and paid for by Polis, because they concerned not the interior connections but the main roads between the clans.

Trees were felled, rocks were removed, until only dirt remained which could easily be traveled by groups of horses and horse drawn carts. Some of the workers waved at Raven and she managed to yell a few greetings their way. The advanced vehicle tended to attract a lot of attention, and their driver had gained a positive name amongst the Woods Clan.

Clarke had given Kane the order to amend relations between the Trikru and Skaikru, and, purely by accident, Raven had put up a show with lights while Monty was trying to hang a radio beacon in one of the trees in one of the smaller Trikru villages. Children and adults alike were impressed by the bright lights that illuminated the boy in the tree. They had asked what her profession was, and _mechanic,_ became _maganic_ , which in turn became _magas._ Magician Raven, she grinned when she thought about her own title.

“Don’t become a self-absorbed celebrity. You are bad enough as-is.” Monty always was one to knock her down a peg. The boy was lounging in the back with Harper, his not-girlfriend-not-friend.

“Why don’t you turn your full attention on your arm candy, Monty.” Harper was with them for protection. They still only had one gun in the car, but Harper had been training with a few soldiers from the Broad Leaf Clan, who had offered to help train the Skaikru guards. Raven knew Harper's training schedule by heart, because it was whenever Monty was missing from the workshop to take a not so subtle peek at the sweaty girl. _Boys…_  

She was excited for today. She would be driving to Tondc and finally got to see where Octavia and Lincoln were holed up. It has been ten days since the two of them left Arkadia together. Her favorite two grounders had sent a message to her via the radio that they were back from their re-initiation mission with the Woods Clan. Raven was sad that Ontari had to remain in Arkadia, and that they could not mention her to Octavia and Lincoln, but other than that, today would be amazing.

A loud metallic clank suddenly sounded from the roof and the rover was pushed slightly of course due to the inertia of the objects on their roof. Harper shot into action as she gave the gun to Monty and drew her sword. Monty leaned out of the window and yelped. Raven looked in the rearview mirror and saw the man being pulled from through the window and out of the car.

“Monty!” Harper screamed. Then the back doors opened and a large man jumped through. Raven looked back at the back seats, but it was a lost cause as Harper was already disarmed. When she looked back at the road, a face was pressed against the windscreen. Terrifying green and black war paint covered the face in a wolf’s mask.

Raven slammed the breaks and the person on the hood of the rover didn’t slam into the windscreen as she hoped, but instead used the momentum to fling herself back on the roof. The passenger’s door opened and suddenly she was seated next to her. Raven shielded herself with her arms, as the intruder brought her weapons to bear.

“Boo.” Raven screamed like a five year old.

Monty’s face popped from the roof. “Wow, Raven. I didn’t know you had it in you.” Harper’s laugh and a deep manly one followed from the back of the vehicle.

“ _Skaikru ste kwelen. Osir frag em op._ ” That was a voice she recognized. The burly man in the back was no other than Lincoln, which meant that the person with the menacing green and black war paint was…

“This was not funny O! It was dangerous.”

“Oh c’mon Raven!” the younger girl next to her said. “You dropped from space in a scrappy self-repaired drop pod. You forever lost the right to complain about anything dangerous.”

“You’re talking to the best mechanic on alive! That was as safer than eating your baked fish.”

“Forgive me for not learning the skills to cook from under my floorboard.” They stared at each other with narrowed eyes. Until the two of them burst into laughter.

They reached the center of Tondc and the five of them got out of the car. Well, Monty got down from his position on the roof. Octavia crushed Harper, Monty and her in a strong hug.

“You look good.” Raven looked over her friend and never before did she look as happy - no, _free_ \- as she had now. “Really good.”

“Careful Ray, Lincoln might get jealous.” The muscled man put his arms around the tiny girl, especially compared to him, to show his possessiveness.

“Grounders share, don’t they?” Lincoln shook his head. Before the mountain, Lincoln and Raven had a troubled relationship. Their first meeting involved Raven torturing the grounder in order to save Finn. That was not something that one simply forgave and forgot. Lincoln had then helped Raven with getting accustomed to her new brace and taught her how to ride a horse, and Raven had helped him integrate better with Arkadians.

“It seems that you are the odd-woman out here Raven.” Octavia indicated with her chin that Harper and Monty were standing too far into each other’s personal bubble for casual interaction. As if burned, the new couple stepped away from each other, which caused the rest of them to chuckle.

“I’m perfect as is, don’t need any validation by another man or woman.” She saw that the youngest Blake sibling knew that Raven did not believe her own words, but the girl decided not to speak up. “So show us your place, where does _Okteivia kom Trikru_ live?”

She saw the girl light up at the mention of her new Clan. Trikru’s newest member took Raven by the hand and led her through the streets of Tondc. Raven had seen the destruction caused by the missile, but now the village looked like nothing had happened. The only real evidence stood in the center of the square, a tree made from the rubble, a monument to remember the fallen.

She was led to a small cot on the outskirts of the village. The building’s lower walls were made from clay, which supported the higher part of the walls made from wood, and a wooden roof. Inside, there was one room with a high ceiling. There was upper level where bed-furs could be found, which could be reached by a ladder. The ground floor itself was clay, but many smaller furs were strewn around, covering the majority of the clay surface. There was a small fireplace, and a few cabinets. On the back wall, there was a large collection of weapons. Bows, swords, spears.

When Octavia saw her looking at them, she went over to them. “These were gifts from the village. Indra gave me the spear.” Raven studied the woodwork, it was magnificent, so much that taking it into battle would be a waste. “It’s ceremonial.”

The other weapons were functional, and very deadly. Monty had cut himself by accident when he found out exactly how sharp a blade could be. “Did they give this to you when you joined the clan?” He asked.

It was an innocent question, but Raven saw the way Octavia looked at Lincoln and away from her three guests.

She gasped, outraged. “How could you? And you didn’t invite me?”

Monty looked at her like she was crazy. “Wow, O. I didn’t think you’d be the first of all of us.” Harper said.

“It was crazy.” Octavia looked dreamily, disgustingly so if you asked Raven, at her man. “We were high on the energy from the initiation ceremony. And suddenly he was on his knees, and then I was as well, swearing the most sacred things to each other, and then everyone was cheering, bringing out gifts and drinks like they were always prepared for this.”

Raven found the excited ramblings, and the look of pure happiness, a good combination for the young warrior. “Only you would do a Vegas.”

“Oh— _OH_!” Monty exclaimed. ‘You’re _married_?”

“Bonded,” both Lincoln and Octavia corrected in chorus, but Lincoln continued. “I believe it’s similar to what _Skaikru_ calls marriage, but it cannot be broken as easily. If it breaks, the person breaking it is banished from the village. Unless both have lost all their feelings towards each other.”

“So definitely no sharing.” The group laughed when she said that dejectedly. The rest of the morning was spent listening to the tasks the two of them had to do for their initiation. Some were challenges, others were self-explorative. They had to hunt to show their prowess, they had to judge a hypothetical crime to test their fairness, and had to duel to earn a rank. Octavia had to choose her war paint, Lincoln had to list what he would miss the most about the Sky People.

Raven did not fully understand the significance of each of the tasks, but Octavia was a different woman now. Only when she was on the road again with three of them in the Rover did a particular thought pop in her brilliant mind.  

Not once had Octavia asked about, or even hinted at wanting to know the wellbeing of her brother.

 

* * *

 

The sun was unforgiving. Scorching both land and skin. Despite being close to the winter, today was an especially brutal warm day. The last struggles of summer, trying to live as long as possible before winter beat it down.

 _Another challenge, I won’t revoke my faith in her._ And he was thirsty, so very thirsty.

With a grunt, he put another foot forward and got a step closer towards the crest of the hill. The straps on his shoulder dug deep into his dry skin. The heavy object dragged along the sand, leaving behind a clear groove in the otherwise smooth dunes.

For its aerodynamic shape, it was suspiciously difficult to drag in the sand. Though he supposed they were made for flying through the sky, not sliding along the desert.

Atop of the hill, he saw… more hills. _More challenges_.

“I can do it, I can complete her task.” There was beauty in what she had tried to do, he could see it now. If only she had been successful. But that was why she had chosen him, her messenger, and brought him down from the heavens he was doomed to inhabit until he passed to the next life. He survived all her tests, he was her _prophet._

Steadying himself, he set a step down the hill. The unsteady sand shook as it bore his weight. He was so thirsty, so very thirsty. Humans couldn’t live long without water, but he was not human anymore. He couldn’t be. Because he was more, he was chosen.

A single step further and the sand gave way beneath his feet. With a surprised yelp, he tumbled down the hill, dragging his _gift_ with him down the slopes. After an endless tumble, he smacked hard against the stone rocks in the valley. He felt his wrist break, but he didn’t scream at the pain he felt. _Pain was for mortals, if you don’t respond, you don’t really feel it._

 _Another challenge._ He tried to move, but the object he had been dragging pressed down on him. He’d wait, because his mistress always provided.

The sun moved across the sky, and he was still stuck between the rock and the gift. He was thirsty, so very thirsty.

He heard them before he saw them, and they saw him before they heard him. Horses came barreling down the sandy dune, they carried yellow clad warriors, the perfect camouflage colors for the desert. They spoke the language he did not understand.

They gave him water. Lots of water.

 

He was no longer thirsty.

 

 

_His mistress always provides._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've never written as much as I have now, my draft is already over 100k words, with about half the story written(I hope...)
> 
> I got some comments about the sky people being their own obstructive self, I just think their 21st century morality clashes with how the world is in the 22nd century. This is a major source for conflict. Though they are not wrong about their apprehension, because the clans would kill Ontari in a heartbeat. Lexa is more of an anomaly, looking far towards the future while most clans live in the here and now. 
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	12. I'm On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story so far: 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke are in Polis preparing for the winter trade summit. At the same time, Lexa is teaching Clarke to fight and to overcome the warrior's disease. Around them things start happening and their secret relationship might not be so secret at all. 
> 
> At Arkadia, the Sky People have decided to keep Ontari a secret. In Tondc, Lincoln and Octavia have bonded to become one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain the closest thing to smut that I'm going to write. I just don't know how to write that kind of stuff ;)

 

 

 

 

 

As she struggled to get back on her feet, she wished that she could have contained her desire to prove herself. It was her own stupid mouth that had gotten her bruised and battered. It wasn’t just her body that had taken a hit, it was her ego.

The young boy twirled his sword around as he patiently waited for her to gather the strength to return to her feet. Her braids had gotten loose, and her hair was now in her face, she was sure she must have looked with a wild animal with her hair undone. Her clothes were sticky with sweat and clung tightly to her body.

Her arms shook as she pushed herself from the ground. She managed to get on one of her knees and collected her blunted, but real metal, sword. On that position, on one knee, knelt before the boy, she caught her breath.

“ _Heda!”_ The boy with the short curls and young, freckled, face shouted at his teacher. “I got _wanheda_ to bow for me as well.”

Clarke ground her teeth at the rich laugh that sounded through the near-empty warehouse. She was being mocked for her own stubbornness, and she knew she deserved it. She gathered a handful of dirt from the floor. She had regained energy from the frustration she was feeling, and with a snap she threw the dirt at the young _natblida_ and charged forward.

Aden deftly dodged her first strike with his eyes closed. Unable to see, he pressed the attack, giving Clarke no choice but to go on the defensive. It didn’t last long. Aden cleared his eyes, and he only struck twice, the first displaced her sword, the second landed on her ribs. _Again._

It knocked the wind out of her and she once again found herself on the dirty floor, staring up at the ceiling while catching her breath.

“Twenty-two seconds.” A merry voice called out, belonging to Miram the youngest female nightblood. Any pretense that the nightbloods believed that she was some goddess of war had been knocked down, trampled, and then set on fire in the past thirty minutes. The worst part? She had no one to blame but herself.

It had all started yesterday evening, when Lexa challenged her to a game of chess. It was after their most recent session, where once again after two weeks of training she still hadn’t gotten a single hit against her girlfriend and she was beyond frustrated. Clarke didn’t know how good Lexa was at chess but she _knew_ that she was better. So they made a bet. If she won, Clarke would be allowed to spar with one of the nightbloods, something Lexa kept denying her. If Lexa won, Clarke would be her bed slave for an entire week.

Lexa either overestimated her own capabilities or underestimated Clarke’s, because it was Clarke’s easiest chess game in ages. Leaving a surprised Commander staring at the board. _‘But I knew all the rules…’_

The Commander had then advised her to choose one of the younger nightbloods, something Clarke didn’t take to heart. She wished she had, though.

“Your lives are getting shorter,” Aden taunted her. “How often has she died now?”

“Seventeen times.” Lexa’s voice rang out. Seventeen lost duels in half an hour, and not once had she gotten to hit him either. She now understood how much Lexa was holding back when they were fighting, because Aden pulled no punches.

Their first duel was embarrassingly short. In five seconds, she lost her blade and was bending over on the ground after receiving a hard blow to her stomach. Aden then had the audacity to look at his Commander worriedly while apologizing profusely. When Clarke had looked at Lexa, she read a clear ‘I told you so’, in her stupid green eyes.

Stupid Lexa. Stupid, knowledgeable Lexa. Stupid, beautiful, smiling Lexa. Smiling at her predicament, but it was a big full smile. That was when Clarke had decided to continue sparring with the boy after the shameful display that she put forth. She was determined to show Lexa that she had learned at least something from her training. _Even if it’s just taking hits, I can be good at that, right?_

The other difference between fighting Aden and Lexa was that the boy had no reservations against hitting her. Duels between the nightbloods always ended when someone got a first good hit in, so that is why Clarke’s chest was probably blue underneath her clothes. She had seen Lexa wince a few times, and Clarke always ensured her she was fine with a small smile between every fight.

“I think seventeen lives is as much as _wanheda_ has today.” Lexa’s voice was now closer and Clarke opened her eyes and saw her staring down on her. She was holding out her hand and Clarke grabbed it to pull herself up.

Aden respectfully bowed and Clarke returned the gesture. “Well fought, Clarke kom Skaikru.” There was no insincerity in the boy’s voice.

“You as well. I have much to learn. How did you fight without seeing?”

“Lexa often has us fight blindfolded. She still brings up the first time I had to fight without my eyes. I was disarmed by a wall.”

Clarke laughed, but she winced as she felt her painful ribs. The two of them bode they goodbyes to the nightbloods, who were sent on their daily afternoon run.

Lexa escorted her back to the tower, back to her - _their -_ room. Clarke found that Lexa spent the majority of her free time with Clarke in her room, even the nights. When they finally reached her room, she sat down on a chair and Lexa removed Clarke’s shirt.

In the mirror, Clarke could see the results of her pride. Red and blue bruises littered her ribs, stomach and breasts. Not all of them were from Aden, she saw some that were surprisingly similar shaped as a bite. From a pouch that Lexa had gotten from the infirmary in the tower, Lexa got a point of green colored ointment.

“This helps with the bruising, most will be gone by the day after tomorrow.” She was asking silent permission and Clarke nodded. Lexa knelt in front of her and put some of the ointment on her fingers. She expected cold fingers to touch her, but Lexa leaned forward and kissed each bruise briefly before softly rubbing the medicinal salve on the spot. Some, she kissed longer, especially those on her breasts. Clarke was squirming in her seat, while Lexa kept teasing her.

“Clarkey! You there?” Sounded over the radio in the corner. “Test, test, 1, 2, 3, earth to Clarkey?”

Lexa stopped and Clarke groaned. Excellent timing by Raven to test the new radio connection between Polis and Arkadia. When Lexa pushed the radio in her hands, Clarke returned the call. “Hey Raven.”

“Clarke! I’ve been testing it all day. I may even have scared some poor housekeepers because I heard a few yells and screams of fear.”

Raven sounded chipper. “You are sounding pretty happy. Anyone good happen to you?” Halfway that sentence Lexa decided to continue with treating her bruises. Clarke barely was able to keep silent when Lexa’s lips brushed not against a bruise, but against the sensitive bud on top of her left breast. She glared down, but when she looked at Lexa’s dark and hungry eyes, she gulped.

Raven continued, unaware of what was transpiring in Polis. “Oh nothing. I met with Octavia a few days ago, and boy did she have news. Did you know she and Lincoln have _bonded_?”

Clarke yelped when Lexa bit her one nipple, while simultaneously softly squeezing the other.

“... she’s _married_?” Clarke coughed to hide her raspy voice.

“You’re not sounding so hot, is the connection bad?”

It took a while for Clarke to respond because Lexa was doing wonderful things that involved pink buds, a tongue and fingers. “Connection is - FINE.”

She swatted Lexa away but was promptly ignored as the brunette was now kissing down her stomach while removing her belt deftly. Clarke’s body betrayed her when she lifted her hips up, allowing Lexa to remove her pants.

“Oh, your mother is here to speak with you.” All color drained from Clarke’s face and even Lexa paused. She was seated on the chair, naked with the Commander between her wide open legs, the Commander who was silently asking for permission to continue. Clarke nodded.

“Clarke. How are you?” Her mother's voice came through the airwaves. It was good to hear her after these two weeks, but not as good as Lexa was making her feel right now.

“Hi mom.” Clarke started but then she felt Lexa’s dexterous tongue against her core. “I’m good. Very, very _good._ ” She moved her hips for additional pressure, but Lexa moved away, and Clarke whined at the loss. Lexa pressed a finger against her mouth, silencing her whine.

“What is going on?” Her mother asked and Clarke heard Raven mumble something about the interference on the line and signal amplification.

“N-nothing.” Clarke whimpered when Lexa decided to return her teasing the moment she decided to speak. Whenever Clarke paused speaking, Lexa paused. This was bad, Lexa seemed adamant to increase the stakes of the game. She would only continue while Clarke was speaking, and Clarke desperately wanted her to continue.

“So tell me, how is Polis, what have you been doing?” She felt Lexa nod, and her eyes held a promise of a quick release if she would simply keep speaking to her mother.

“Polis is _amazing_.” Two fingers entered her gently. “ _Lexa_ has been teaching me about her c-culture… and I lo-lo- _fuck-_ love working with the other ambassadors.” She felt the buildup coming as Lexa attacked her with the combined arms doctrine—using her tongue and fingers. “It’s so rewa- _oh-_ arding when I make a deal that is _goooood_ for our people.”

She threw the microphone across the room, the cable with which it was connected to the installation disconnected. She pushed her hips upwards until her legs gave away. Lexa gently coaxed her through her orgasm. When she was done, the brunette licked her own fingers and her lips, humming as she savored the taste.

Her mother and Raven were calling her name, confused as to why the connection suddenly dropped. Lexa walked over to the microphone while Clarke was still shaking in her chair, recovering from the intensity she just experienced. She then reconnected the device and calmly, as if she hadn’t just fucked the daughter of the woman she was talking to, excused herself. “I’m sorry, Abby kom Skaikru. I had not seen the wire when I came into the room.”

“Commander.” Abby’s voice was more reserved now. “Is my daughter still there?”

Clarke shook her head, there was no way she could talk to her mother in this state. Lexa smirked smugly. “I’m sorry, I had to call her into a meeting. She will be done in an hour, you could speak to her then.”

“I’ll be back in an hour. _Leidon heda.”_

“ _Leidon_ , Abbi.”

Lexa disconnected the microphone again, for fear that there were still listeners on the other side. Clarke had hobbled over towards the bed on shaky legs. “An hour, huh? You think I need that long to recover?”

There was a mischievous, hungry glint in the Commander’s eyes while she shook her head and stripped out of her own clothing. Clarke swallowed her dry throat, eyes roaming over the naked Commander that was now crawling over her. She pressed her thigh against her core, and then whispered sensually in her ear. “Not of that one, but definitely from the next few times.”

 

 

An hour later, she was lying with Lexa in her bed both were stark naked and Clarke was indeed still recovering as Lexa had predicted. Lexa had solely pleasured her, and had only helped herself because Clarke had been unable regain control over her motor functions between her orgasms. Clarke had felt bad about not being able to return the favor—she was too bruised—but what a favor it had been. Lexa insisted that she took pleasure in knowing that she could make Clarke lose herself, that she could make Clarke scream her name.

Lying here, wrapped up in each other, Lexa head lying on her chest and her warm breath softly tickling her skin. She felt momentarily happy. All her troubles and bruises were forgotten in this moment. She knew that hear dreams tonight would be another challenge, but right now, nothing disturbed her.

Had someone told her this four months ago, after she came down from the mass grave that was - is - Mount Weather and exiled herself from her people, that she would be sharing this with Lexa, she would probably have killed them. “I love you.”

“After that, you’d better.” Her chest shook with laughter, and Lexa lightly poked her side, annoyed that her pillow was shaking.

“This moment. Right now. I’m happy.”

Clarke’s daily routine had become just that, a routine. She’d almost call it mundane compared to her first half year on the ground, where every day was a struggle to live. Now she spent her time teaching the nightbloods, training with the Commander, reading and painting, sometimes negotiating, and getting to know all of Lexa. This past few weeks were in such a stark contrast to those initial weeks that she was waiting for the hammer to fall, for the sword to drop. Damocles’ story told her not to enjoy herself too much.

Lexa lifted her head from her chest. Her loose hair fell down all around her face as and her green eyes peered through hooded eyelids, staring into hers. “Good. I _will_ make it last.”

The conviction in the Commander’s voice convinced Clarke that Lexa would go to any lengths, to all ends of the Earth, to make it so.

This moment, of course, did not last. The hour had passed, and Clarke lamented that Lexa had not said two hours. “Clarke, are you back?”

The commander hopped out of bed and collected the microphone, she made sure to bend over deeply as she did so, before returning with a bashful smile. She climbed back into bed with her and resumed her previous position, but now clasped her left hand with hers and interlaced their fingers. “We’re here.”

“We?”

“Lexa is with me.” She didn’t want her mother to say anything only meant for Clarke’s ears. Clarke also didn’t want to divulge anything she shouldn’t to anyone else. “Are you alone?”

“Yes, Raven is gone with- with Monty to have some drinks.” Clarke felt slightly guilty because she figured that her mother probably wanted to discuss things privately with her only child. With this new radio installation up and running, they would have more time for that in the next days.

“How are things back in Arkadia?” Lexa promised to be well behaved during this conversation, and kept her hands to herself so Clarke could focus.

“Things are good. We are preparing for the winter with gathering supplies, Raven has been making heaters and power generators, and we are building better insulated houses.” Her mother sounded well-rested. “You are missed here, though.”

It wasn’t that her mother wanted to make her feel guilty, but the emotion did rise in her chest. “How’s the Chancellor doing?”

“Kane is good. He’s really pulled our people together to forget the past. And I hate to admit it, he is much better than I was.” Clarke laughed, her mother was not known for easily admitting her failures.

“And how is Kane?”

“Kane…” Her mother sighed dreamily. “Kane is amazing. We have a complicated history, but he does his best to give me time and space when I am struggling with this new… _thing_ that is happening between us.”

Clarke wondered that, when she was speaking about Lexa, she sounded the same as her mother was sounding right now. “I’m happy for you, you deserve some of that.”

“You too, honey. And, I hope I’m not speaking out of line here, is everything good with you and Lexa as well?” She heard a strain in her mother’s voice, Abby was still not completely content with her relationship with Lexa.

“Lexa might be the best that ever happened to me.” She said resolutely and without hesitation. The woman in question inhaled sharply and gently squeezed the hand that had been holding hers.

“That’s good.” There was a short pause in the conversation, it wasn’t awkward, but both sides didn’t quite know how to continue.

Clarke decided to change subjects. “Do you know what’s up with Raven? She sounded happier.”

“It’s her new medication.” So she finally went to see her mother “She came to me after returning from Tondc - can you believe Octavia is married? - and she had been hurting for a long time now and didn’t want to say anything.”

“I can believe that actually, that girl jumps headfirst into anything. But I think Linc is the real deal for her. He’s a good guy.” Her mother hummed in agreement. “So how bad is it for Raven?”

“It’s not that good, she will be undergoing surgery tomorrow. But with our new equipment, we can make this work. She won’t feel as much pain anymore, but she will remain less mobile. If she had waited longer, she might have been confined into a wheelchair.”

Clarke felt for her friend that had been dealt a shitty hand throughout most of her life. “You’re the best, mom, I know you will succeed.” She had to, because Raven’s well-being depended on it. “Could you tell Raven I want to speak with her after we’re done?”

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” Her mother paused. “She didn’t want anyone to worry.”

“That’s the Raven we know.”

Clarke and Lexa also had some news for them, it was more suited to tell the Chancellor but they knew that whatever was said to Abby would reach Kane’s ears unfiltered. “Lexa and I have something to tell as well. Something important”

“You’re not pregnant are you?” Her mother joked and Clarke laughed but it fell flat on Lexa.

“I’m quitting my position as an ambassador for our people.” Her mother inhaled sharply. “I will be staying here in Polis, but I can no longer represent our people in good conscience.”

“Is this because of your relationship?”

“It’s part of the reason.” Clarke admitted as much. “The other part is that I find myself thinking not just about our people, but about the Coalition as a whole. I’m not inclined to fight to the maximum possible for our people, when I keep thinking about the other clans.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lexa’s people are becoming mine. And Lexa’s people is everyone in the Coalition. I’ll be helping Lexa to fight for everyone, and not just Skaikru.”

“I- I understand.” Her mother spoke up. “You know, your father was like that as well. He fought for everyone, he always looked at it from multiple sides and for the consequences of everyone back on the Ark. Despite the fact that our family was very privileged. He’d be proud of you.”

“At the Trade Summit in two weeks you are expected to decide on a new ambassador.”

“Do you have anyone in mind?”

“We need someone who upholds the Skaikru values and ethics, while also uncompromisingly and fearlessly fighting for the best possible outcome of our people. I’m sure you know who fits that description.” Lexa was in the business of compromising, the ambassadors were only focused on what was best for their people, so the description was apt. “With the rover and better roads, it’s even possible to keep traveling between the cities. No permanent presence is required in Polis.”

After her mother dropped the call, Lexa turned to her.

“Are you sure your mother is as knowledgeable about the human body as you claim?” She looked confused at the naked commander in her arms. “I lack the parts required to impregnate you.”

Clarke groaned at the shit eating grin that Lexa was unable contain.

 

* * *

 

“We’re just getting lost here!” He ignored the yells behind him and continued his path. He knew she was right, but his stupid rediscovered conscience told him to continue searching. Who knows what a horrible, twisted, dangerous plan that monster was making, with _that thing._

“Then you turn around, I can get lost perfectly fine by myself!” He yelled back. His companion had stopped on the foot of the hill he’d been climbing. He looked down the hill, and saw his friend huff and follow him up the hill, cursing at him as she went along.

Her left hand was hidden carefully in the long sleeve. He had told her multiple times he didn’t care about that, but she still kept it hidden out of habit. Her dark brown hair was stained with yellow sand and she was squinting her brown eyes at him. “I told you I’d come with you. I wish I hadn’t.”

He scoffed and turned around. “Your funeral.”

“At least it’s easy to bury someone in sand.” The woman quipped back.

They stood together on the top of the large sand dune. Every dune looked in front of him looked exactly the same as the ones behind him. The left and right were not that different either. _I’ve either become stupid, or extremely stupid._

“We’re looking for a specific drop of water in the ocean.” The nomadic lifestyle of his friend was reflected by the choice of idioms and expressions that she had acquired through her travels. Being cast out from any clan meant that she had moved around and spoken to lots of different people, before finally deciding to trick him and the asshole’s party looking for that damned city. _Scratch that, I’ve always been stupid._

“Needle in a haystack.” She looked at him, a puzzled expression on her face. “That’s what it used to be, the expression.”

“Did you have haystacks in space?” He shook his head. “Then it’s stupid. At least _we_ have oceans.”

He pushed her down the hill. With a yelp, she tumbled down. Halfway, she deftly controlled her spin, and stopped before she reached the bottom. “That was way quicker than walking, you should do the same!”

Grumpily he trotted down, careful not to lose his footing. He had no reason to be grumpier than his companion, but that is what growing a conscience gives you. She said she liked him better when he hadn’t, but even she seemed pleased to do _something_ besides surviving from day to day. They were both shit with words, what a pair.

He spotted the thing when he was halfway down the slope. Speeding up, he almost tripped over himself to get down the mountain. “I was just kidding!”

“No, look!” He pointed at the metal panel with the printed text upon it. _US – something illegible – arsenal._ With considerable effort he pulled with both hands on the panel, removing it from the sandy ground. It was damaged, forcibly removed from whatever it used to be attached upon.

Clear surprise was visible on her face, he felt her hand, her deformed one, on his shoulders.

“Needles in haystacks, John _kom No-kru_.”

“Drops in the ocean.”

 

* * *

 

“ _Wanheda_.” The moment she descended from the elevator into the main hall of the tower, she was approached a face she was loathsome to see. First Lexa was not in her bed when she woke up, then Cyril was extra cautious when tasting her breakfast – she was certain this was his favorite food because there was no reason he had to taste every piece of pancake – and now here was her number one fan amongst all other ambassadors.

“ _Bandrona_ Zhao kom Sankru.” She nodded, respectfully hiding her inner thoughts. The Desert Clan ambassador was dressed in his clan’s customary robes, though the main color this time was dark brown, accented with yellow highlights, the clan’s primary color. “Welcome back to Polis. Hopefully everyone was safe and well fed back home.”

His eyebrows rose and seemed impressed at polite inquiry. Lexa had thought her that wishing someone’s family was safe and well fed was very polite. Even if they didn’t like each other, she knew she could earn his respect, at least. “The village was safe from war and animals, and the game was plentiful, thank you. I would ask the same in return, but you have not left Polis.”

It was not an accusation, but it was meant to unnerve her. The Desert Clan’s ambassador had kept an eye on her during the weeks he had returned home to discuss Lexa’s proposals with his people. She had tried to keep out of sight, and everyone in the city had known she had never left, so she supposed he didn’t necessarily need to spy on her. Still, he didn’t say it for no reason.

She did not divulge her people no longer needed to travel to discuss the plans.

“I have only just arrived in Polis. The pull to explore the city is still strong.”

Zhao narrowed his eyes and looked down to her. “It is not the pull of the city that keeps you here.”

So he had come to her to discuss the rumors once more. She didn’t know what he wanted. He could have told all other ambassadors, but it seemed that no one but him knew. It would be the perfect tactic to put her arguments out of the game. “What is it you want, Zhao?”

He smiled, and it surprised her that the smile was not unkind. “I think that you should no longer be an ambassador.”

Blunt, but not unexpected. Clarke blinked, she did not disagree with him and had already made plans to step down. She couldn’t say that, lest it seemed that she followed his advice. “And why would that be?”

“Multiple reasons, least of which is your involvement with _heda_.” He indicated for her to follow him. She obliged and she walked next to the man that towered over her. Their guards were following behind them, respectfully to not overhear them. “You’ve lost will to fight for your people.”

“We are at peace now, there is no reason to fight each other.”

Zhao shook his head. “That is where you are wrong, _wanheda_. There is always a reason to fight. Our job as ambassadors is to push back against the commander, make sure that she really makes the best decisions possible. Only then, when the majority of us agree, and we have given our best, we can be sure that her plans are in the best interests of us all.”

Clarke nodded. She did not disagree with the man, even if he and his fellow ambassadors made life difficult for her commander most of the time. It just seemed that they made it impossibly long for Lexa to put forward any major societal reforms, reforms that would propel them back towards the civilization that they once were. “And you don’t think I have the best interests for my clan in mind? Because I cave too quickly to our Commander?”

Again, Zhao shook his head. “No. You do not cave, you would much rather plan with her for _us all_ than for _your clan._ ”

Two other well-known faces came into her view. The Delfi and Lake People ambassadors.  “ _Bandrona_ Izzo _kom Delfikru_ and Deccer _kom Podakru_ , good afternoon.” Clarke greeted both of them.

“Bandrona Zhao, it’s good to see you.” Izzo greeted her companion. “Clarke kom Skaikru, tell me, what commands did _heda_ whisper in your ears for next meeting.”

Clarke bristled in anger. First he was disrespectful by not mentioning either of her titles, and then he accuses her. “Nobody commands _wanheda._ ”

Speaking in third person when using your title was something that she had heard Lexa do often enough, but it still felt uncomfortable for her.

“You keep relenting Skaikru autonomy, even assisted in a foreign invasion of your clan’s capital, and agree with our dear Commander on every stance she takes.” Izzo said. The man’s shorter stature, barely taller than she was, was impossibly broad. He was pure muscle, a fact he didn’t bother to hide beneath his clothing, or lack thereof. “Now our commander is asking for more resources, so she can raise a private army, once she has that she can ignore the council and beat us into submission.”

It took considerable effort not to jump to Lexa’s defense, she would be walking in the trap they were laying. “I was present at the same meeting you were. You were very vocal about your point of view, despite the fact that Delfi stands to gain from the increased trade. You produce excellent pottery and conserved fruits.”

“Of course, everyone knows my position because I actually said something. You, however, kept your mouth shut during the whole meeting.”

Deccer jumped in the conversation. He was a careful guy, more content with watching his surroundings and speaking when needed. “What my dear friend means to say is that we would like to know your stance, and why you think that _heda_ is consolidating more power in her own hands and away from the clans.”

Clarke swallowed, when put like that it seemed much like a power grab by the Commander. Requiring the clans to put more resources up for taxation automatically required them to produce more, thus they would have less of a standing army and more craftsmen and farmers. “I don’t necessarily see it as a power grab, because she can’t grab more power than you’re willing to relent. I see it as more efficiently using the resources that she’s been given.”

“If you would explain.” Deccer prodded.

“She could build roads, but roads can only bring you to your destination quicker, but not necessarily safer. After all, bandits will now know exactly the route the traders will be taking.” Deccer and Zhao nodded, but the Delfi ambassador still frowned. “You can be tasked to patrol your own roads, chasing your own bandits, catching your own thieves. Or maybe a better organized army can chase groups of bandits through all the coalition, orchestrate patrols that are better with covering most of the roads, simply because of their central organization.”

“We could all work together.” Clarke and Zhao scoffed at that. Izzo himself chuckled at his friend’s foolish remark.

Clarke was not done yet. “There is one major positive you have overlooked, one that we can use as a clause for _heda_.”

“Do tell.” Izzo was extremely interested now, even Zhao was more attentive than before. For just a brief second she glanced to a servant passing by. Familiar green eyes caught hers.

“If you are not responsible for protecting the traders on your land, then Lexa is. That responsibility should come with accountability, should she fail to protect your merchants sufficiently.” She saw the cogs turning behind their eyes.

“You surprised us, _wanheda_ , maybe you are more than _certain_ rumors that surround you and the Commander.” Izzo spoke and Clarke glanced at Zhao, but he kept his mouth shut. _He knows they’re not rumors, but he doesn’t speak. Why?_ “I must bid you farewell, _wanheda._ ”

“Bandrona Izzo and Deccer.” She nodded as they left her alone with Zhao.

“It seems your fight is not completely over, but you play both sides very carefully.” Clarke nodded to the dark skinned man as he left her alone with her guard. Clarke didn’t know if she got out of that altercation unscathed, or if she made life more difficult for herself and Lexa.

“You can come out, you know.” A hidden door in the wall opened, and out came Lexa, no longer wearing the servant’s garb. “How much did you hear?”

“Not a lot, I caught the latter half of your speech, about adding accountability.” Clarke wanted to be angry for her eavesdropping, but she knew that Lexa had been listening because she showed herself to Clark

“What do you think?”

“About them? Or your proposal?” Lexa dragged her along into the secret hallway, which lead to a small hidden guardhouse, only known to the commander’s private guard. With a wave of her hand, the room was cleared and they were alone.

“Proposal first.”

“It’s good, exactly something that can carry forward even after…” Clarke cast a stern look at Lexa. “… after I am no longer commander. I should be content with the laws and power of the commander no matter who succeeds me, and who succeeds my successor.”

While Lexa believed she had the best in mind for her coalition, Clarke knew that the Commander had doubts about the future. She had only a bit of influence over who succeeded her, and no influence over who succeeds her heir.

“Well, you can expect one of them to add this clause to the law before they will pass it. But I think that they will definitely pass it, because they like this idea of holding you accountable for something.”

Lexa smiled wryly. “This unplanned conspiracy could really work in my— _our_ favor. I wonder what we could accomplish if we actually planned to work together like this.”

Clarke swelled at the compliment. She didn’t really set out to help Lexa, but she still did. “So what about them, do you think you can trust them?”

“You’re still suspicious of Zhao.” Clarke nodded and Lexa looked deep in thought, seemingly asking herself something. _I think she’s asking the AI._ “I, _we_ , think Zhao is truthful. Deccer and Izzo are definitely opposed to me, and I’m not sure about their loyalties. The Flame does not find them suspicious.”

“Izzo and Deccer are openly hostile, but they’re up front about it.” Clarke rebutted. “Zhao _knows_ about our relationship, he no longer doubts. But he chooses not to reveal it to the other ambassadors. That is suspicious. He is holding something back.”

Lexa sat on the edge of the table, something Clarke noticed that the commander always seemed to do whenever she was with her in private. Lexa would not just sit down on a chair, she’d perch on the back rest, on the table, on a dresser, but never on a chair like it’s supposed to be used. It was a sort of playful defiance towards the rules she always abode by. _It’s cute._

Clarke didn’t dare to mention that she found it cute, the last outburst was still fresh on her mind. ‘ _A Commander is_ not _cute.’_

“Just because they are up front with their hostility, doesn’t meant that they are not hiding anything. And just because someone does not spread all information, means that he plans to use it later.” Games within games, Clarke’s head was going to be hurting constantly during the upcoming trade summit in a few days.

 

* * *

 

The village of Ichmo was small compared to Tondc, but still large compared to the settlement of the Skaikru. It was also the first place where she walked on the streets and no one noticed her. In Tondc, everyone knew her as the newest member of the _Trikru_ or because of her role in the destruction of the mountain, or as an extension of her _houmon_ who was banished for treason but ultimately welcomed back by the Commander herself.

Here, she was nothing, nobody. Like she had been on the Ark, but without the danger surrounding her whole existence. She never felt freer in her life. “This is amazing, Linc!”

He simply smiled fondly and shook his head. She ignored the spoil-sport and just ran ahead of him, looking through all the wares that were on display in the small market. They had pots and pans, and _wow_ , that one was just like she had seen of books describing ancient Greece. The clay put was painted with the _Trikru_ colors, black and green, depicting a folklore tale.

“We have to get this one!” She held up the pot for Lincoln, who clearly feigned interest. “See! It has the story of the three wolves and the warrior!”

The story of the three wolves was the reason she took the wolf as her war paint sign. Three hungry wolves had cornered a man from a Trikru village – the village’s name was different each time depending on where the story was told – and the man feared for his life. He was a warrior past his prime, but even the best warrior cannot beat three starving wolves. The animals were so hungry, that each of them wanted the men for themselves. The pack broke and two wolves started fighting. The remaining wolf, circled around the man, hoping to go in for the kill before the two wolves had stopped fighting. The creature was stunned when the man offered him his food. In an instant, the wolf decided that eating the man would feed him for a week, but maybe the man had more food which could sustain him forever. So the wolf decided to protect the human from the wolf they won, and together they lived long and with filled bellies.

“That’s great, honey.” Lincoln said awkwardly.

She put down the beautiful pot and strutted over to the large man. Despite her short stature, she felt as if she was towering over him, and not the other way around. She poked his chest hard with a single finger. “Did you listen to Raven’s advice how to ‘handle me’?”

“She was only explaining to me how Skaikru men make their wives feel valued.” Sometimes, he was a bit slow. “I assume she was giving faulty advice?”

She kissed the sheepish look from his face. Lincoln was a good man, even if he was trying a bit too hard and people were taking advantage of him. “I’m going to kill her when I see her next.”

The pot long forgotten, the two of them continued their way to the village chief’s house. Indra had sent them here to inspect the village’s defenses as it was the only village for miles and very prone to attacks from desperate animals and the occasional group of outlaws. She’d been disappointed that their first real mission was to inspect and report, instead of something more.

“Okteivia and Linkon kom Trikru _._ Welcome to Ichmo.” A large man, the exact inverse of the chief in Tondc, waited for them in front of his house. Leaders in the Clans were unusually large, though Octavia supposed that happened when you selected your chiefs based on prowess on the battlefield. The man’s white skin and short blonde hair was an anomaly among his people, most had a healthy color obtained by working under the sun.

“Heya, Erk kom Trikru _._ ” Lincoln greeted and Octavia bowed as well. “We’re here to inspect the state of your forces, but also to inquire about anything you need for winter.”

Erk gestured to follow him inside. His house was made from concrete that had withstood the nuclear onslaught, but only just barely. The typical trikru woodwork was used to patch the holes. The chief sat down at a desk and pulled rolls of parchment from a barrel made from woven wood. “These are the numbers since the fall of the maunon _._ ”

Octavia studied the numbers. Warriors were down, and farmers and craftsmen had increased. The men and women that remained as warriors had seen their other tasks be reduced and training sessions increased. “How are you handling your defenses with decreased patrols?”

“Patrols have only decreased slightly, because now my soldiers are full time guards, instead of having a farm or a shop on the side. They’re also faster and more organized.” The chief told them, the pride of his men laced his speech. “Indra’s training schedule and organizational structure has improved our efficiency.”

“Lexa’s.” Octavia corrected. She saw him look slightly confused. “It’s the Polis guard training schedule and organization, but slightly less intense and strict.”

The man’s face contorted. “My troops outperform _heda’s_ , I’m certain of it.”

“Why haven’t you sent them to Polis for a joint training session then?” Octavia had scanned for the details, but not a single soldier had been sent to Polis to train with the most disciplined army of the Coalition.

“Waste of time. And she’ll just recruit my best soldiers into her private army.”

“ _Heda_ is _Trikru_.” Lincoln said. Erk scoffed at that.

“She is just as much _Trikru_ as she is _Sankru_.” He didn’t seem to be very fond of his Commander. “Her policies have not elevated her clan above the others, instead were are of equal level to those that grovel in the sand or are buried in the snow. We should look down upon those from high in our trees.”

“Still, you have seen firsthand how effective her training schedule is, how cohesive and disciplined your soldiers have become. You have half as many soldiers as you had before, but they are almost just as efficient.” Lincoln tried to convince the man. Lincoln, despite having been on the receiving end of the Commander’s ire when she banished him, still believed in Lexa. Octavia was less convinced, but she was here on orders of Indra, and if Indra was supportive, then Octavia was as well. 

“And when I sent them to Polis, she’ll keep them there for herself.” Rumors had spread from Polis that the commander was recruiting a bigger standing army, promising that she would take over duties from the clans to protect traders from wildlife and bandits. Bold promises, but Octavia agreed that it was possible more efficient to train troops to work together and share information rather than have every clan do its own thing.

Seeing as they would be getting nowhere on this issue, Octavia decided to let it rest. “How are the supplies for the winter, what can you sell and what do you need?”

Octavia and Lincoln listened as the chief discussed that they needed furs, but that they had an abundance of dried firewood, together with dried forest fruits and animal meat. “Will you stay for the night? I have prepared rooms and dinner.”

It was safer not to travel in the dark, so decided to stay. “Our escorts also require lodging, can you house six more soldiers?” She didn’t mention that these were soldiers from Polis.

She returned to her group that stood lazily in the market square. Immediately on her return, they snapped to attention. There were only young boys in this group, most barely her age. Their mission was to escort them from village to village, Octavia’s mission was to introduce the boys from the other side of the coalition to the Trikru lands and people. They wore no distinguishing colors or markings from any Clan, and could pass for Woods clan if you looked from a distance. In fact, they could pass for any clan except for the Ice Nation who was unique with their scars.

The boys were eager and curious, most had never traveled past their home village before they came to Polis, and now they were in the heart of Trikru, weeks from home. “Anything unusual, Jek?”

“Reminds me of home.” Jek _kom Boudalankru_ was a scrawny kid, but the smartest of the bunch. He came from a quiet village up high in the mountains in the north. The moment that the Commander had called for people from the clans to come forth and join the Polis army, right after the defeat of the Mountain, he had left the home he felt trapped in.

“Good.” Home for Jek was quiet and boring, but safe. “Stefan, you’re up next with the spear. Come join me!” Octavia pointed at the youngest of the bunch, he was short but muscled. His dark hair and dark skin was atypical for someone from the Ice Nation, natural selection almost killed off those genes in the north in the first few years after the apocalypse.

 

“Oof.” She sat back down after a long sparring session with Stefan, the kid was learning fast and Octavia saw why he was selected to join the ranks of the soldiers. Not because he was strong, but because of the speed at which he learned new moves and adapted in combat, and because he knew how to listen and follow orders.

In the few training sessions that Octavia had been in, following orders and maintaining discipline was a hundred times more important to win a battle than individual combat skill. Indra had risen to the challenge of Polis’ troops, who had wagered that they would beat Indra’s forces when outnumbered two to one in a mock battle. Octavia had been on the front line of Indra’s army, and despite knowing that she was the better warrior than the young boy from who was now under her command, she could not get a single hit in and was promptly struck down.

The strangest experience that she had had during that training session was right before the battle started. One look along her own line, and towards the enemy, and she had known the outcome clearly. It was humbling for Indra to see how easily a well-trained force could win simply by being a cohesive unit. _If that had been a real battle we’d have lost the moment they charged. We’d have broken, fearful of our lives._

“That’s how Lexa won the unification wars despite being outnumbered.” Lincoln looked puzzled when she spoke. “I was just thinking about our training session back in Tondc.”

 “Oh yea, remember when I struck you down, good times.” Jek had looked up from his spot while continuing to stir the pot on the fire. Octavia still took him down a notch during every sparring session she had with Jek.

“And what did you conclude?” Lincoln asked attentively. He was an excellent warrior, but a poor soldier. He would protect what was his, but he’d never willingly join the ranks of a standing army unless he felt he had no other choice. He’d much rather be a scout, or organize the supply lines. Octavia dreamed of being in command of her own unit.

“They weren’t stronger individually. If they had to kill every warrior they were facing, they’d have lost due to exhaustion eventually. If every warrior that they were facing had stood and fought, Lexa would have lost.”

“Then why didn’t they?” She remembered the feeling briefly, the sense of dread that overruled her knowledge that the battle had not been real. The primal response to save yourself, despite having the numerical advantage.

“Because most thought that they would not survive, personally. And Lexa’s soldiers knew that they would.” She said. “That’s what I thought back then in Tondc. The moment that all those shields raised in unison, the spears were leveled towards us and they charged as a solid wall _towards_ numerical superior forces. My first response was to run away.”

She couldn’t have run, the formation didn’t allow the front line to go anywhere but forward. That was one of the reason that battle lines were multiple rows deep, to replace losses on the front line and keep the front line from breaking.

Octavia turned to Jek, who had been nodding along. “Did you have that same feeling?”

He waited before answering. “No. I’d done this hundreds of times, there was one instance where I’d almost knocked down the Commander even.”

“Don’t lie!” Lincoln said.

“I’m not!” Jek held up his hands. “She was training the newest recruits, and I’d been there for a while. She fought with them on the front lines like she was a regular. I didn’t even know it was her before I had struck her with the wooden spear.”

Octavia saw him go pale at the memory, and she laughed. “The new recruits routed after she went down, and she wasn’t even their officer. It was meant as a lesson that no matter how strong someone is individually, wars are fought on the army level, not on the soldier level.”

The same lesson that the Polis army had taught Indra.

Octavia barely suppressed a yawn. “It’s time to head in for the night. Be ready tomorrow for our journey back to Polis.”

 

 

She woke up to the sounds of bells. The incessant drum shook through the building and rattled her bones. _We’re under attack._

Lincoln was already awake. She jumped up, grabbed her spear and shield, and sprinted out of the room. Her six other soldiers were already forming up and were looking to her but she didn’t know what to do.

Jek took charge.

As a single unit, they stormed out of the building into the village square. Riders were roaming the streets, carrying flaming torches and setting buildings on fire. They captured the people that were trying to escape the burning buildings.

“Form up! Circle formation!” She and Lincoln followed Jek’s lead, together with the five other soldiers in training from Polis.

That’s when the horsemen noticed the soldiers. Thinking that they had a clear advantage, three riders formed up and charged at them from the same direction. Hooves thundered on the sand stone, throwing up dust as the animals barreled down upon them.

“Line! Two deep, to the right!” She barely bas able to recognize the command. “And turn!”

Still, she turned on automatic pilot with the rest of her unit, forming up two deep and four wide, pointing all spears towards the three incoming horses. Suddenly, the weight of the situation pressed down on her. Her arms felt weak under the weight of her shield and spear, her breathing became ragged.

The horses continued barreling down on them, not slowing down. Jek’s voice screamed loud in her ear. “Stand firm!”

 _Move! Get out of here!_ She stood firm as her bones rattled, shaking with the vibrations of the ground. The riders were close enough to see their faces. She saw a glimpse of surprise. In the last seconds before impact, the horses slowed down just ever so slightly. “ _Forward!_ ”

They jumped towards the hesitant animals, stabbing forward with their spears. Her muscles strained as she put all her might in the jab. Her spear pierced through the horse’s leg and chest. She stumbled forward as she felt something give away before the might of her thrust. The horse reared and screamed loudly as it threw of its rider. The panicked animal fled. Her companion rushed forward to quickly finish off the downed rider. The man screamed louder than the horse.

“Drop your spears!” _What spear?_ They reformed to a tight square once again. “Shields to the left!”

Following the commands was instinctual. She dropped the spear and raised her shield arm to the left. Not a second too late, her arm shook as objects struck her shield. With every thunk an arrowhead splintered against the metal shield.

“Swords!”

 _Why use swords? They aren’t a battlefield weapon._ Still she drew the weapon. It was easier to move with a sword than a spear.

“Charge forward! Kill the horse archers!” She didn’t question how it was possible to catch a horse archer when they were on foot. Her feet carried her forward, shield raised and sword firmly in her right hand. More arrows clattered and bounced off her shield.

No more commands followed, but she charged.

They didn’t catch a single horse.

When she finally got back to her senses, the riders were gone or shot down by archers.

“Lincoln?” Scared, she looked around. Elated she saw that he was still within their unit, looking as dazed as she was. The six of them were breathing heavily, surprised that they were still alive.

_Wait. Six?_

Jek was gone, so was Stefan. How? She was certain Jek was giving orders right until the very end. He told them to stop, right? “Jek and Stefan are not here!”

The six of them turned back to the square they came from and there they found the bodies of the mounted raiders, together with a short muscled body that was feathered in arrows. _Stefan._ Jek wasn’t there. “Jek?!” She called out.

“Octavia kom Trikru!” The Ichmo chief came running from the street, followed by a group of his archers. “Your companion is being treated, follow me.”

She looked at the body of Stefan, there was nothing that they could do for him now, but they would bring his remains back to Polis for a proper goodbye. The six of them followed Chief Erk into a building that was being used to treat the many wounded. Jek had a huge gash along his arm, clearly inflicted by a sword. _But when?_

Lincoln went to him right away, checking the damage and getting out a vial and bandages. The village’s _fisa’s_ were attending more life threatening injuries first. “He went down almost right after the initial charge.”

She gasped. “But he ordered us to charge at the horse archers.”

Erk nodded. “Crazy, but it worked. The archers had a clear advantage but you chased them off. You bought us valuable time to get our own archers and shoot down any stragglers. The nomadic slavers didn’t capture any of our citizens.”

“Any casualties?” Besides Stefan.

“We lost twelve guards when they charged into the patrol guarding the outskirts. The watch barely had time to sound the bells before he was shot by their arrows.” Octavia had counted twenty horsemen, and looking at the dead horses and riders in the square where they’d stand their ground, she saw that they hadn’t killed three, but eight riders that had charged them on multiple separate occasions. Most of their spears lay splintered amongst the dead. _How did I miss that? Is a battle always so chaotic?_

Lincoln got up. “Jek’s going to be fine, but he won’t be carrying a weapon in that hand soon.”

“We lost Stefan.” A warm hand squeezed her shoulder, and through tired eyes she looked at her _houmon_. It could have been him or her that was struck down by one of those many arrows.

“It’s a miracle we only lost one.” Jek’s orders probably saved their lives. How had he known which orders to give? _He hadn’t,_ she realized, _any order was better than no order._ _All we had to do was follow them._

Erk shook his head and looked at the soldiers. “They are from Polis, aren’t they?” It wasn’t an accusation, just an observation. “They stood their ground better than adults I’ve known.”

Octavia nodded, she still couldn’t believe she stood her ground when those horses came charging at her. Her legs were shaking and she held on to Lincoln. Adrenaline was crashing down, and it brought her down with it. Shakily she sat down on the ground, with the support of chief Erk. “Sleep for the rest of the night, you’re all heroes now.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> I found out that I cannot write action scenes (nor smut scenes, so that's why I leave it to the reader). So hopefully that was not too bad.
> 
>  
> 
> I think I'm going to take a short break from writing this. I already had this chapter pretty much finished. I takes me many hours to write a single chapter (estimate around 10-20ish), and when I get mostly hate on every decision I make, it becomes quite disheartening to continue. I've got another 30k words written, scattered among various chapter, but those are not close to being publishable.
> 
> I know that there are those that like the story, and I'm sorry, but I've not been getting the same enjoyment out of writing as I had before. This was supposed to be fun, but I'm not having it that much. So I'm going to write for other stories/fandoms probably.


	13. Two Heats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Lexa and Clarke are still in Polis, solidifying their relationship and their hold on the clans. Though there are clans that clearly don't favour them, such as the Desert Clan, Lake People and Delfi. Rumors are spreading about their relationship. At the same time, they are preparing for the winter summit--the first real test for the coalition after all destabilising events.
> 
> At Arkadia, Raven and Ontari have become something like friends. Even if the Skaikru don't fully trust the nightblood. 
> 
> Octavia has bonded with Lincoln. In one of their first missions they find themselves in a nomad raid, which they barely fended off.

 

 

“Are all the rooms ready? Do we have the diet specifications in order? My people are not used to eating much meat.” She was fixing her last braids and didn’t look at the person she was talking to. She wanted this to be perfect. And she totally was not nervous, _not at all_. “Monty is allergic for—”

“All kinds of milk, I know.”

“—and the wine, did you get the less potent one? We had moonshine in space, but that wasn’t drunk during dinner.” She fussed over that one braid that just didn’t want to remain in its place.

Firm hands swatted her own away and undid the braid in its entirety. “Yes, Clarke. You’ve told me, _commanded,_ me dozens of times to get it right.”

Clarke flicked her eyes away from herself and found green eyes in the reflection. Lexa was focused on her hair, fixing it. Clarke was going all out, she was re-introducing her friends and family to Polis. The trade summit was starting tomorrow, and throughout the day the Clan representatives would be arriving. Lexa’s deft fingers made short work of her braids, she shook her head as she undid more of them. Apparently she was not as proficient as she had thought.

Her body betrayed her as Lexa’s fingers tugged and brushed her hair. A tingling sensation shot down her stomach right into her core and she couldn’t suppress a moan. Lexa knew what she was doing to her, and there was no time to relief her because according to the radio, the rover was barely half an hour away. _I’ll remove that smug smirk from your face_.

“All done.” She looked up into the mirror. Lexa was much better at this. The left side of her hair was braided in long sturdy braids which were pulled back together, while the right side flowed more freely. The hairstyle matched her clothing, but on the opposite side. Her dress was clasped at the right shoulder which was covered in a metal pauldron which extended down the upper arm, the fabric flowed down her chest, leaving her left shoulder uncovered. Similarly, her left leg was visible through a slit in the dress’s fabric—this was both practical as it allowed free movement in case of danger—and her right leg was fully covered. “You look ravishing.”

“And this dress took ten minutes to get on, you’re not taking it off.” She warned, flicking her finger to the left and right, soliciting a laugh. “And don’t pout!”

Lexa gasped. “ _Heda_ doesn’t pout.”

Clarke turned around and took the brunette in her arms. “Lexa does.”

“I’m still warning you. You’re going to be sorry that you’re wearing this dress.” Clarke stubbornly ignored her girlfriend’s comment, and dragged her out of her room. Compared to the beautiful dress she was wearing, the commander’s outfit was much more practical. Lexa was wearing leather pants lined with brown fur at her ankles, and a tight brown leather jacket which covered her entire frame. Fastened to her shoulder pauldrons, which she wore on both sides, was her thick red cloak. The Commander’s cloak singled her out as the leader of the Coalition, and the variant she wore was lined with white fur. Despite her simpler outfit, Lexa looked regal.

Together they exited the tower and moved towards the western gate of the city. Polis was always lively, but Clarke felt the air vibrate in excitement as they walked. The people were setting up large platforms for traveling merchants or performances. She had to dodge as a pair of craftsmen carried a long wooden plank towards one of the construction works. “ _Moba, wanheda!”_

She waved back with a smile. Clarke had lost her exotic flavor and fear-inspiring reputation the past few weeks. When the ambassadors had left Polis, or now when most had returned but had nothing to do until the summit started, she had interjected herself in the life of Polis. _“En’s ogud!”_ She called back.

She waved as she passed the tool-makers on their way to the market stall, no longer were they nameless. “ _Hai,_ Amir _,_ Edin _en_ Offry!” The three waved back, the two teenagers were always a friendly face.

“ _Hai wanheda!_ ” The brother and sister, who were as opposite as they could be, said back in unison. Offry was born from a different mother than his sister, and he was as pale as the moon with pure black hair, but his sister was olive skinned with light, bright red hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Clarke!” They shook their heads bashfully.

“We wouldn’t dare with _heda_ next to you.”

Clarke laughed and threw an arm around Lexa, hugging her close. With shocked faces, the two teens watched her manhandle the Commander, whose legend still far surpassed Clarke’s. It wasn’t her legend but her reputation as a hard-lined ruthless and emotionless leader that was being shaken here. “This one? She’s harmless.”

Her world turned and she smacked the ground hard, but the ground itself was not hard. “Harmless, you say?”

Standing above her was Lexa, smiling brightly for the whole world to see. She was no longer in possession of her cloak, which she had wrapped around Clarke before she threw her to the ground to soften the blow and keep her dress clean. Lexa held out her hand and pulled Clarke towards her, and for the first time in public, she didn’t stop pulling until they were flush together and their eyes locked. The two of them had forgotten all about the two teens whose whole worldview had just been shattered.

“Is this what you meant?” Lexa looked unsure, eyes flitting around, confirming that everyone was indeed watching the two of them interact.

“Yes, though you’re over doing it.” Eyes wide, Lexa stepped back, profusely apologizing. “No—sorry I was joking. Get back here.”

It was disarming to see Lexa try so hard for her, so unsure of herself you would think she had never been in a relationship. Her last relationship with Costia had been public as well, though much had happened between then and now, and Lexa’s reputation had grown until she became the leader of the Coalition and hardened herself after her loss.

“I promised, no more hiding who we are.” Tomorrow would be the day that everything changed anyway. She would step down as ambassador and join Lexa’s side as her consort. Rumors had been spreading these past few weeks, so instead of doubling down on their deception and putting some distance between the two of them, they decided together to confirm them.

Clarke knew it was a risk, the two of them together, and she knew that her and Lexa’s previous actions would come under scrutiny. Each position Clarke had taken, which was generally supportive of Lexa in the council, would be seen as a submission from one side to the other. It would be fine if they saw it as Clarke submitting to Lexa, however it could certainly be dangerous if they thought it to be the other way around. _Heda submits to no one._

High on the rush of holding Lexa’s hand in public, they reached the gate without her noticing. Lexa lead her towards the guard tower, briefly greeting the Polisian soldiers who looked at their joined hands in surprise. The soldiers were professional enough not to mention it, though some nodded approvingly at the two of them. Atop the palisade, the winter wind was howling. No longer feeling the warmth of the excitement to finally be seen together, she shivered in the cold.

_Don’t look at her._ She failed as she looked at Lexa, who was trying very hard to turn the corners of her mouth back down. “Don’t say a thing.”

“I—”

“Don’t.” She said sharply. Lexa shrugged out of her cloak and draped it along her shoulders. She never said it, but her smiling eyes basically screamed ‘I told you so’. The warm cloak wrapped closely around her, protecting her from the first real winter she was experiencing on Earth. She’d spent months of her time on the border with Azgeda, but there she was dressed for it and with the snow she expected the cold. Here, there was no snow—yet but Lexa told her there would be—so the cold came as a surprise.

“What will the people think?” She said, looking out over the farmlands surrounding the city. The land immediately around Polis was cleared when constructing the city and the space was turned into farmlands to feed its population. In the distance, a distance that was growing by the day, was a dense forest. The fields also provided little cover for any besieging army, should Polis ever be threatened.

“My spies—ahem _intelligence_ officers—told me that most people are positive or at least receptive to it, and a select group even thinks it’s a sign of the spirits.” Clarke smiled, the previous time that Lexa had discussed her spying on her own population she had reacted badly. The Ark used to spy on their population as well, to keep them placid and under control, and Clarke hated that. Lexa was not deterred by her opinion and often mocked her by using fancy euphemisms. Since then she’d learned how valuable information was and how difficult and unfiltered opinion was to acquire. Not every _heda_ was benevolent, some suppressed any dissent with brutal efficiency, no matter how minor. The habit of hiding true feelings persisted well into Lexa’s reign.

“The mean reasons for opposing us are the fact that you are an outsider—though luckily not a nomad—and your potential influence on me because you were not chosen by tradition or the people. Though that is something that was the same for any of the previous Commander’s partners.”

“And among the clans?” The feudal structure of the Coalition meant that Lexa had to keep most of her direct subjects in line, which were the clans and the people of Polis. The people of the clans were difficult to reach, but they also had little influence in the happenings at the center of the Empire. Instead, clan leaders had to keep their clans happy, and Lexa had just to content herself with the leaders and their ambassadors. It wasn’t ideal, but there was no practical way to reach each of the three hundred thousand individually, especially with their rural society and the many spread out villages.

“Most ambassadors have suspected for a while a now, but they have kept their feelings hidden.” _Like Zhao_. “We’ll deal with them when the time comes.”

Lexa had argued against revealing at first, but her heart had not been in the argument. Once Clarke had convinced Lexa’s head as well, the brunette had thrown herself into planning around this reveal. _She really doesn’t do things halfway._

“There they are!” Clarke pointed towards the trees. A dark gray object burst from the wall of green, a cloud of dust trailed behind it. All nerves were back now, she wanted to impress her mother and give a good image of the city to her friends who had not seen it. She felt a soft hand sneak through the warm cloak and it gripped her elbow in support. She knew Lexa found her silly, but it was small touches through which she expressed her care.

Faster than a horse could manage, the rover crossed the farms in little to no time. Many farmers looked up, wary of the vehicle at first, but since there was no response from the bells on the walls of the city, most continued on with their work. The youngest in the fields raced to their horses, wanting to see what was inside the large ‘metal horse’.

“We should’ve brought the novitiates.” Lexa laughed but shook her head vehemently.

“We would not be able to get a word in to greet our guests. They’re a curious bunch.”

 “Something tells me you were just like them.” She nudged the brunettes shoulder with her own. _Probably worse._

They followed the steps back down from the gatehouse. As the car came to a stop, she rocked on the balls of her feet waiting for the doors to open. Harper and Monty were the first to exit. They looked impressed at the large wall built mostly from stone, the wall was taller than anything Arkadia had to offer. Clarke didn’t have the time to greet them when she was embraced by familiar arm.

“Oh honey.” She felt Abby breathe in her hair, and she pressed her face in the crook of her mother’s neck. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, mom.” Their separation was the best thing to happen to their relationship. Now Clarke had space to process on her own, she had come to miss her mother.

Abby pulled back and inspected her like only a mother could. Imploring eyes first searched hers, then her face, and finally her clothing. Then she turned towards the commander. “I assume this is your doing.”

Alarmed, Clarke was ready to defend Lexa at the accusation. She completely missed the intonation and Lexa’s easy expression. She was getting all worked up when Lexa spoke up. “I can only take partial credit, Clarke did most of the work.”

Puzzled, she looked between the two of them acting all amiably. Her mother turned to her.

“You look good. Much better than I last saw you in Arkadia.” Abby traced her braids, looking at them intrigued by their structure. “You look powerful, like her.”

Abby took a step back, giving the limelight to the Chancellor. Kane had groomed his beard, but hadn’t shaved it. His hair was still longer than it had been on the Ark. He wore the Chancellor pin proudly on the collar of his jacket. Below the pin, there was a symbol Clarke recognized, but remembered looking differently. It was the symbol of the Ark, the three intersecting arcs that formed a triangular shape. Previously it had been surrounded by a laurel wreath and four stars on each side of the triangle. However, now it was the symbol of the Coalition—the infinity sign in a larger circle—which framed the emblem. The stars were gone as well.

“Chancellor Kane, Doctor Griffin, and soldiers McIntyre and Green, welcome to the capital of the Coalition.” Lexa greeted formally. The brunette stepped forward, planning to greet the Chancellor with a firm handshake according to the Skaikru tradition. Kane, however, wanted to greet the Trikru way. The result was nothing short of embarrassing and Clarke couldn’t contain a snort.

“Smooth.” She cut the tension and both Monty and Harper laughed while both Lexa and Marcus looked rather sheepishly. Her friends rushed towards Clarke and she was ushered away from the Commander. Lexa mouthed to her that she’d follow after the formalities.

Monty and Harper were flabbergasted at the activity within Polis. It’s simply impossible to comprehend how large of a city it is simply by hearing the number. It had to be experienced. She led them through the markets. Monty got enticed by the vendors, trying to get him to trade for trinkets, knives, or tools. Harper got approached by women complimenting her looks and how she’d look even more stunning in one of the wares they’d been selling.

They did not come out entirely unscathed. Harper traded away a pair of gloves for a fur pelt, and Monty obtained a sharp metal knife, traded for his cuffs. The Asian boy was laughing and satisfied with his trade, even though Clarke knew he’d gotten the worse deal.

“I noticed them ask your permission to approach us, why’s that? You some princess, princess?” He said with a good natured smile. Harper looked apologetic for his use of her nickname.

“Sort of.” She shrugged. “I’m _wanheda_ and ambassador.”

“Look at miss ‘bigshot’ over here.” Harper laughed at Monty’s antics. “Seriously, Raven first with her fame among the Grounders while I do all the hard work, climbing in trees, and now you too.”

Clarke had not missed Raven’s absence, she had thought it would be a forgone conclusion that Raven wanted to see Polis as well. “Speaking of our favorite mechanic, where is she?”

She didn’t miss the quick glance that Monty shared with Harper. “She’s busy. You know, after recovering from surgery work had piled up.”

Harper nodded a bit too enthusiastically. Did Raven not want to see her? On the radio she seemed excited to join her in Polis the last time they’d spoken. Raven had made her promise to ‘hit the scene’.

“This place is amazing, Clarke.” Monty pointed around them, changing the subject. “I can see why you chose to live here. You’ve got all kinds of people, nice merchants selling beautiful items. This must be the nicest place in the whole coalition. Probably nothing like the Ice Nation, or Desert Clan.”

“The merchant you bought that dagger from was Azgeda, Monty kom Skaikru _._ ” Clarke turned to the sharp voice coming from the direction they had just passed. Lexa stepped into their small circle with Abby and Marcus following her. The brunette looked with a dark glare towards the boy.

“Oh well, then she’s probably the exception to the rule, right?”

“Azgeda is just as varied as any clan, and they have skillful artists that can create things you’ve never seen.” Clarke took a step towards the brunette and placed a hand on her elbow, reeling her in. She knew how defensive she could get when talking about the clans.

Monty looked around, searching for support amongst his girlfriend, her mother or the chancellor. The three of them shook their heads, indicating that he was alone. “Well—I thought…”

“You thought that we hated everyone from the Ice Nation and that the barbaric actions of the few were indicative of their entire population.” Clarke didn’t have to see Lexa’s eyes to know they were narrowed in a tight glare. “They’re exactly like the Sankru, Floukru, Podakru, Trikru and Skaikru _._ Just people living their lives and trying to survive. It’s not the people that determine the course in our society, it’s their leaders.”

Clarke stepped a bit closer to Lexa, holding her back as she scolded the boy. The brunette looked at her, and in her eyes she saw a playful glint. With a smirk, Clarke let Lexa go. “He’s yours.”

“Come with me, I’ll show you who the people really are.” As a puppy scolded by his mother, the admonished boy followed the brunette down the market place. They were not approached by the merchants now, but Lexa approached them and told Monty who they were and where they’re from. Followed by the things their clans used to do in the past. With a fond smile, she watched the interactions.

“You should make sure he survives, Harper.” The blonde girl hurried after the two of them. Clarke knew what Lexa had done, she’d just bought Clarke some time with the leaders of her people to speak freely without prying ears.

“We’ve got to discuss a few things.” She indicated for them to follow her. They stepped inside the Tower, and lead them to a room meant for receiving guests. It was sparsely decorated, just a table and a few chairs, but there was fruit and water ready for any diplomatic guests.

They sat down, she was opposite of them. “Let’s start with who will be the next ambassador.”

 

 

The voices in the room quieted down as the next pair entered the room. The man that entered was tall and built athletically, his dark hair was pulled back and he sported a short, carefully groomed, beard. Behind him was a slender woman, whose light brown hair was interspersed with blonde highlights. In contrast to the first, her face was clean from the scars that marred his.

“King Roan and Echo kom Azgeda. We welcome you to Polis.” Lexa had stood up from her table at the back of the large room to welcome the Ice Nation delegation. Like many other clans, the leaders had opted to come personally, instead of sending an envoy. From the corner of her eyes, she saw the Skaikru ambassador clench her fists. Clarke was seated at the Skaikru table, separated from her. _For now._

The Summit had yet to start, officially. Most of the delegations had already arrived and informal talks had begun amongst the many clans. Each wanted to know the positions of the other, trying to make alliances to get specific deals passed. Lexa had spent her time greeting each delegation individually, always making sure to spend equal time with each one. Regretfully, she had to leave Clarke behind with her own people, though she did she Clarke talk to other ambassadors or leaders.

Most delegations had included the clan chiefs or kings, like Roan’s. However, the Desert Clan had sent the crown prince instead of the king. It would be a good learning experience for Chau and while this was an important summit, it was also an opportunity for the man, who was just a few years older than she was, to learn the diplomatic side for when he became king. Lexa just didn’t like how he looked at _wanheda._

The king of the Ice Nation bowed before her. Roan was careful not to bow too deeply, but he still showed adequate respect. “ _Heda_ Lexa kom Trikru. We are glad to be amongst friends to discuss trade as partners.”

“Hopefully the journey here was uneventful.” Their conversation was followed by all of their peers. The Lake People’s ambassador, Deccer kom Podakru, had stood up from his table and moved closer to get a better feel of the conversation, though his chieftain Annu remained in her seat.

“We made quick progress along the roads. The winter is not at its coldest and the wolves are not hungry yet.” She smiled at the mention of the roads she had been building. It had been a good move to build them in the lands of the king she put on the throne, he would be grateful to her for his position, at least for now, and would support her if it didn’t come at his expense.

“I’m glad to hear, Azgeda can be quite dangerous during the winter.” _But still you managed to come in late, despite the good roads and fortune._ She smirked knowingly and moved closer to the man who used to be her captive. “You know to make an entrance, Roan.”

“I learned from the best.” Their voices would not be heard by others. “Many here have yet to adapt to a new ruler on the throne of the Ice Nation, I tend to use this Summit to my fullest advantage.”

There was a warning in his voice. And Lexa did not take kindly to warnings. “Don’t thread on my toes, I won’t thread on yours. But make one wrong move…”

She made it clear that while she put him on the throne, she could just as easily remove him from his seat. “I understand, _heda_.”

“And one more thing, keep your _puppy_ away from the Skaikru. There’s bad blood there.” Echo’s eyes widened and then the bodyguard glared in her direction. Lexa had raised her voice just enough for the warrior to hear her.

“Duly noted.”

She clasped Roan’s arm in familiar greeting. “You may take a seat at your table, King Roan.”

Lexa returned to her throne in the back of the room, from her raised dais she could see the entirety of the attendants. A summit was drastically different from a council meeting. The presence of the leaders of the clans required more finesse to please all of them, and they would not stand for endless talks while seated on uncomfortable chairs. Like the royalty in the books she liked to read, she found them more amenable when there was plenty food and comfortable seats. 

As conversations restarted around her, she took the time to take in the current atmosphere. She saw her usual allies, the Yujleda, Floukru, and Trishanakru, happily converse with each other. Luna wasn’t here for obvious reasons and had instead send her husband. The Ingranrona had joined their conversation, which had to mean that horses were involved somehow. The usual suspects, Sangedakru, Delfikru and Podakru, also shared a table. They were joined now by Roan and the chief of the Louwoda Kliron. The Ouskejonkru elders were in discussion with the Boudalankru, their similar environments, even though they were on opposite sides of the coalition geographically, made them equal minded on many subjects. The Skaikru were joined by Indra, and she seemed to push them all towards the table with two other clans that lived predominantly in the forest.

Lexa cleared her throat. The room was silenced within seconds. Everyone moved back to their respective tables, anticipating the opening ceremony. It wasn’t often that there were so many high ranking members of society in Polis at the same time, and this was an excellent opportunity to strengthen cohesion. She signaled to the singers to start.

_“Yumi na teik, won sonraun au?”_ The familiar lyrics washed over her, empowering her. At first glance, the meaning behind the words was cruel and depicted their warring civilization as nothing more than bloodthirsty killers. _“Medo ste thonken, medo ste au.”_

_“Oso kik raun, Ogeda, soulou.”_ The true meaning of the song was about the struggle for life amongst the clans. It signified the difference between the clans, their reliance on themselves but also their recent unification in the Coalition. It discussed loss, the price of blood to be paid by many, so that others don’t have to. _“Ai laik yu gona, ai na get raun, you.”_

_“Yumi na teik, won sonraun au?”_ It was about their belief in the spirits, who would finally be freed when their duty ended on the ground. This was the verse that struck her the hardest. She should be glad that death brought freedom to those that experienced it, those whose find ends. It should make it easier to continue, but there are so many that she missed, who she no longer had with her. _Anya, Gustus, Costia, Non, Ares, Simo, Esra, Morandi…_ The list was nearly endless. _“Ai keryon gyon op, ai keryon g’breik au.”_

_“Pas skaikrasha, klin tristraka.”_ The next verse was about their history, how their world came to be, rising up from the ashes of the old world. The slate wiped clean by the people who wielded power only the Spirits should have. _“En houd don gon, hosh trashsaka.”_

_“Yumi na teik, won sonraun au?”_ The next verse was a prophecy about the end of their cycle, but it could also be taken as a metaphor. The prophecy tells that this world will end in the same way it began. The metaphor depicts the need to make priorities in life: save what you need the most because you cannot have it all. She didn’t know to what interpretation she subscribed. _“Houd na fleim daun, bed’ge jok au.”_

_“Ai nou fir raun, ai mana jomp in.”_ This verse was about the qualities that were deemed important in any part of life. Have no fear, fight with all that you can give, be ready to die for your ideals. _“Ai mana wan op, ai don sin y’in.”_

_“Yumi na teik, won sonraun au?”_ They got to the final verse, Lexa held her breath and closed her eyes. This would be the first time new lyrics would be heard by the clans. _“Jus nau drein jus daun, ai medo nau drein au.”_

The anthem no longer ended on a negative note regarding punishment. _Blood must not have blood, my body no longer bleeds_. It was a vision about the future, a future where she attained her goals.

She once again opened her eyes to see the reactions to the new verse. Some were surprised and had expected the lyrics to remain unchanged. The leaders of the most conservative clans, the Desert Clan, Delfi, and the ones living in the mountains, had disdain on their faces. That much was to be expected. What surprised her the most was that all other clans were receptive, they liked the change.

She rose up from her seat. “I, _heda_ Lexa kom Trikru, _Fos Heda kom Kongeda_ , declare that the _Wintam Strat Chichplei_ has begun.” She raised her glass of wine to the air, and everyone followed suit. “ _Kom Kongeda.”_ For the Coalition.

“ _Kom Kongeda!”_ In unison, they drank the wine. Breaking wine together with the guests was a sign a peace and hospitality. This seemed to have survived the rebirth of the world, as her books also discuss the same tradition.

“Before we begin to discuss trade, I’d like to invite those that have general announcements to come forward.” She had heard rumors that this was the moment that the Delfi, Rock Line, Blue Cliff, and the Lake People would challenge her relationship with Clarke. Izzo kom Delfikru signaled the Lake People ambassador, Deccer kom Podakru, and when he stood up, she heard Clarke’s voice call out.

“Skaikru has an announcement.” Clarke hid her nerves well, her head was raised, her hands were at ease and her breathing was controlled. Lexa saw right through it, she saw how her eyes didn’t really look at anything, but glossed over the room, she saw that her stance was rigid, instead of the relaxed slouch she usually had.

Deccer opened his mouth to interrupt. Lexa was faster. “Skaikru has the floor.”

Clarke stepped forward from her table and knelt before Lexa. “I resign as _bandrona_ for Skaikru.”

“Your resignation is accepted.” Murmurs were rising from the crowd. She saw the dejected looks on the scheming ambassadors’ faces, which was mirrored by their clan leaders. “I have an announcement of my own.”

She stepped up from her throne and sauntered towards the kneeling blonde. She took the blonde’s hand and used it to pull the blonde to an upright position. Lexa hesitated for a brief moment. It was not way Clarke deserved, but the next part had to happen. With determination, she slowly but securely knelt down in front of Clarke. _Heda bows for no one—except…_

“Clarke kom Skaikru, will you become my consort?” She didn’t dare to look away from the person in front of her. Clarke’s eyes had widened—not in surprise, they had discussed this—and Lexa saw them brimming with emotions that could not be put on display. _That_ scandal would be too much _._

“Yes.” With similar resolution, Clarke took her by the hands and helped her back on her feet. The ritual was completed, they were bonded. She escorted her _houmon—_ how she had longed to be able to call Clarke that—to her throne where her servants had set up a secondary chair for the newly crowned consort.

The stunned silence did not last long, Lexa waited for the inevitable response.

_“Outrageous!”_ That’s one on her list. _“Blasphemous!”_ Clarke had predicted this one. _“Betrayer!”_ Points for the two of them here. _“Heda nou mou.”_ She’d think her ambassadors would’ve learned from the last time these words were uttered. _“This cannot stand.”_ Another one for Clarke. _“She’s an outsider.”_ Score one for her. _“Heda has favored Skaikru!”_ And another for her.

“I have a ‘bingo’.” She whispered to the blonde next to her. She saw the nerves evaporate from her face. Lexa saw her face contort, Clarke tried to contain it. Clarke failed.

And snorted. _Loudly._

_“She thinks it’s a joke!”_

“Enough!” She raised her voice and silenced the room. “Whomever I take as a consort is not up for debate.” The only positive about the conclave was that she was not required to ‘produce an heir’, this gave Commanders a choice in who they wedded without preconceived ideas that they would groom a child of their own as heir. “If you have complaints about my actions as _heda_ then you may raise them, but my relationship with _wanheda_ is non-negotiable.”

As expected, the four ambassadors that were practically fuming at the mouth raised their voices at the same time. “I applaud your enthusiasm, but you’re less understandable than a wolf pack during a full moon.”

Three ambassadors sat down with red faces, only Izzo kom Delfikru was still standing. His short stature was compensated by his booming voice. “It is your relationship with _wanheda_ that is the source of our concern, _heda._ We are of the opinion that she has intervened with your duty to the coalition.”

“Do you have facts to support this statement? I need something more concrete to defend against.”

“We have your own decrees.” He took out a scroll, clearly Izzo had prepared for this moment. “You took an alliance with the Skaikru after they destroyed your army and killed eighteen citizens of Tondc. After our betrayal at Mount Weather, you invited them to the Coalition, knowing that Skaikru would be hostile to us. This left us open for a surprise attack, destroying a second army.”

Shouts rang out in support. Not just the ambassadors were vocal, their leaders as well. “Heda nou mou!” She cast a glance at who shouted that, and promptly silenced him with a glare.

“Continue, Bandrona Izzo.”

“Instead of retaliating, we heard that you listened to _wanheda’s_ pleas and was lenient on her people. We believe that you would never had done that if it was Azgeda, Sankru, or even Yujleda who committed such a heinous act.” He lowered his scroll.

“Is that all?” He nodded, but Tapa kom Louwoda Kliron, ambassador of the Shadow Valley, stood up. Tapa was a petite woman, her hair as dark as her skin. Her small stature should have easily dismissed her as a threat, but she had dozens of assassinations on her name.

“ _Heda_ does not need to defend herself against half of your statements,” Tapa said. “Nia challenged her for her actions prior to Skaikru’s betrayal. Our own rules dictate that one cannot be challenged twice.”

Lexa nodded and Tapa sat down. “I’m sure the Delfi ambassador knew that as well. Izzo did level some new accusations and I will address them quickly before we can continue to more important business.”

“You don’t see the significance of this?”

“Frankly, I don’t.” She twirled the wine in her glass, before taking a sip. The liquid was cool, but left a burning sensation in her mouth—their wine was potent. “Answer me, how many did you lose in the most recent Skaikru attack?”

“The Kongeda—”

“Not the Kongeda, but your clan.”

“—none.”

“Let me spare you from going around. None of you lost any men or women, _except_ for Trikru.” She looked at Indra who nodded back at her. “If Trikru thought that I was too lenient in my decision, then why did Indra kom Trikru spare the life that was hers to take?”

Izzo sputtered, he looked around for help, he even tried to rouse up the Trikru base but those stood firmly by their chief. Defeated, the ambassador relented the stage. “I rescind the notion.”

“Good. I commend you on your due diligence as ambassador, but maybe next time direct it somewhere it is warranted.” She looked across the large room and narrowed her eyes.

“Let one thing be very clear. The last time any clan intervened with my relationship, it resulted in a change of leadership for the clan in question. Consider yourself warned.”

 

 

With a trepid smile Clarke watched Lexa defend their union before the rumors could be used against them in a surprise offensive. They still could, and would, be used against them, at least now they will expect it at every turn. The gathered representatives of the Clans didn’t speak against their union, but against the possibility that Clarke wielded Lexa’s power in the coalition.

King Roan rose to his feet. “First, let me congratulate _heda_ and _wanheda_ with their bonding. What I am to say next is not against your union, but against the fact that Lexa has earned her role as leader by the traditions of Polis.”

He stood up and walked to the center of the floor, gathering momentum to continue his speech. Roan was an intimidating figure. His prowess in the duel against Lexa, even though he had lost, earned him must respect. News had spread from the Ice Nation to the rest of the clans. According to this news, Roan was reforming his society from a warrior tribe to a real administrative monarchy. Rumors had it he was not unopposed, but the proud clan did not ask the Coalition for help.

“Previously, Commanders have had consorts, but their power did not extend beyond the reaches of Polis. We don’t doubt _wanheda_ ’s prowess, but she is not chosen to lead by virtue of herself, but by who bound her.” Roan swept around the room, making contact with every other leader, each nodded to him as he passed them. “In short, Azgeda does not recognize Clarke kom Skaikru as their sovereign.”

Riled up, the leaders joined in with Roans protests. Clarke looked at Lexa, who nodded at her that she could take the lead. She stood up and silenced the room. “My power over the _Kongeda_ is not strengthened by my bonding with _heda._ My power as _wanheda_ is unchanged and I fully support _heda_ in this Coalition and will work with her to my best abilities.”

Rules were set in place, Clarke would not have the same power as Lexa, but she could negotiate in Lexa’s stead, with a promise that whatever deal was agreed would be rectified by the Commander. They did see the advantage of having two focal points, as long as their agreements were secure. The Clans would respect her more, but they assured them that the title of _wanheda_ had been earned.

“The power I have will be fully bestowed by you, I cannot take more than you’re willing to give me. Just know that anything that is said to me, is also said to Lexa.”

There was a warning in the words. They could chose to ignore her entirely, and Lexa would not see it as a diplomatic insult. However, word would reach the commander and it could impact the Clan’s standing in the Coalition.

“Does that satisfy you, King Roan?”

“Not quite.” He turned towards the Skaikru table. “Clarke is Skaikru, Lexa is Trikru. I know my clan feels nervous with our bad standing with both these clans, I must not be the only clan.”

“Lexa is Trikru only in name.”  Clarke responded. “Has Lexa ever favored Trikru these past six years in the Coalition? We know she held Azgeda in low standing, but that relationship went _both_ ways. Other clans, and Azgeda since Roan’s ascension to the throne, are all treated equally.”

“But you are still Skaikru. Could you truly rescind all ties to your people?”

She shook her head, it would be a lie if she said she could. There would always be a tie to her own people. Her mother or her friends, or just their own traditions and beliefs. They would never go away completely. “I cannot. Only one raised as a true _heda_ can be of all clans and no clan at the same time.”

Lexa shifted in her seat, and Clarke gave her the last word on this issue. “Only I am _heda_. For all of you, Clarke kom Skaikru is _wanheda_ first, and my consort second. Treat her based on her own merit as the slayer of the mountain.”

There was a finality in her voice, it was time to drop this subject and continue with the main talks of the day: the trade summit and reforms of the Coalition.  

 

* * *

 

“I really don’t like this.” The horse was unsteady underneath her and she clutched the reigns tightly in her hands. It had been a while she had ridden a horse and before she was never that good at it either. Now she was seated atop of the large animal, and the animal was walking along a ridge. If she looked down—and she was not going to—she would see a ravine with hundreds of trees in the valley. Trees with sharp, pointy branches which would pierce her like a pincushion if the animal slipped.

The brunette on the horse in front of her laughed. She was riding along easily. “You should do this when the cliffs are covered in ice! We always lost a few men every time we needed to cross the mountain passes.”

Raven gulped. _This is not what I signed up for._

Her horse prodded along with no care in the world. The view—if she didn’t look down—was beautiful. The sun was shining up high, dispersing the clouds, but the temperature had dropped significantly these past few weeks. It seemed that during the time she was in surgery and recovery, the seasons had come and gone and suddenly most leaves had fallen. Up here in the mountains she could see traces of snowfall. It was still too warm under the sun for the snow to stay here. Still, the flakes struggled to stay as long as possible.

“You said you wanted a high place for this _‘bacon’_ of yours.” Ontari called back. “This path leads to one of the highest mountains in the area. Very defensible and excellent view.”

The Nightblood had offered to show Raven this place when she had been complaining to Monty that they needed to make many extra beacons because their line of sight was so terrible. So now they were here, in the cold, climbing a steep mountain on a horse Raven could barely control. Luckily, the animal also did not want to die.

“How did you know about this place anyway?” She saw Ontari struggle for a moment before answering.

“Invasion plans. We’d planned to take this mountain if we ever went to war with Trikru again.” They were still in Skaikru territory, just barely though. This mountain range was chosen as a natural border between the Sky People and the Woods Clan.

“Well, at least they are useful for something.” Raven decided not comment on the reason. She could see that it had bothered Ontari to reveal it.

“What are those things good for anyway?” Ontari pointed at the heavy bags that were attached to the nightblood’s horse. Inside them were dismantled solar arrays, an antenna and a battery pack to keep it going if the sun didn’t shine for a few days.

“Can’t tell you.”

Ontari shrugged, not perturbed. “I understand, you don’t trust me.”

Raven lapsed into silence. The past weeks that Ontari had been with them had not indicated that she was deceitful. After Raven’s surgery the girl had been diligent with work all across their settlement. During her recovery, Ontari was really helpful to getting her back onto her feet.

The ride up the mountain took another hour, during which they hardly spoke. Ontari pointed a few things out here and there. Birds, animals, tracks, but otherwise they were silent. Once up the mountain, she set to work to install the beacon, while Ontari fed the horses and prepared a lunch. The setting up took another hour. She pinged the base to test it, receiving a healthy beep back to confirm that a connection was established. “Perfect.”

“Food’s ready too.” Ontari called out from the camp fire she’d made. She was roasting a rabbit-like creature, it was more a cross between a squirrel and a rabbit, which she had caught on their way here. Ontari had outdone herself during the early morning hours, most animals were active in the beginning of the day.

She sat down opposite of the brunette and grabbed a piece of the meat. She savored the tender meat. “’s good.”

Ontari nodded, enjoying her own meal. They ate in a comfortable silence. At the end, they weren’t ready to head back home. The Ice Nation girl hesitated a few times, tripping over what she wanted to say, and ultimately not speaking up. At first, Raven let her struggle, but it quickly became annoying as nothing came.

“Just say it.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you from Polis.”

“You’re not—”

“Don’t belittle me. If it weren’t for me you would be with Chancellor Kane, Doctor Abby, Monty and Harper at the Summit.” Ontari looked apologetic as the interrupted her. Her gaze was fixed on hers, and Raven saw it in her eyes. Ontari was fearing that she was holding Raven back. “You need to watch over me because they don’t trust anyone else. I am a burden to you and your clan.”

Raven could see that Ontari was really struggling with this show of emotions. It was strange to see the seasoned warrior was scared to be admitting the feelings of fear and worry. Ontari had certainly progressed these past few weeks, she even seemed somewhat friendly with the other people at Arkadia. Though she had intimidated quite a few who entered the workshop unannounced. After Raven had started barking whenever Ontari blocked an intruder, so the girl quickly stopped. She didn’t need a guard dog anyway.

Raven scooted over and wrapped an arm around the girl. “You’re not a burden to me. I chose to stay here. You know, Monty offered first to stay behind—you’ve won him over.”

The look of surprise on the trained killer’s face was priceless. Raven closed the gaping girl’s mouth. “You were catching flies.”

Hiding behind her walls being hastily reconstructed, Ontari stood up, though Raven clearly saw a smile grace her features instead of a frown that had previously been there.

“We really should be going back if we want to be home before dark. The cold chases the sun to an early rest.” Raven didn’t want to correct the girl, and she liked the image of the sun hiding from the cold.

They rode back faster than they had this morning. The sun was following them, as they went down the hill, the sun went down in the sky. They reached the base of the mountain when the sky was red in the west, and dark in the east. The first stars were visible if she squinted.

Riding fast when the darkness was encroaching on them was a recipe for tripping or getting a branch in your face, so they slowed down, trotting along the forest path. The horses stepped deftly over the branches. Raven was talking about her deadbeat mother and absent father when suddenly Ontari shushed her.

“Quiet.” The girl drew her bow. Raven was wary. She had seen the girl draw her bow before, but this was different. The nightblood was twitching in her seat, surveying their surroundings. At the same time she was reassuring her steed, who sensed her agitation. Raven did the same, and together their horses did not make a sound. At first, she thought the nightblood had been paranoid, but then she heard it.

She heard the familiar sound of horse hooves as the stepped through the forest floor. Branches snapped underneath the weight of the unfamiliar horses. She didn’t know how many, but Ontari seemed to be counting the individual sets. The brunette on the horse next to her raised five fingers, meaning that there were five people on horses, sneaking in the night without torches.

There was only one reason not to carry a torch: you didn’t want to be seen.

Ontari prowled towards the trees, away from the path, trying to get a closer view on their new companions. Raven followed her quietly. Their horses seemed to understand the necessity for stealth, because they too were silent and set down their hooves carefully. She wondered how they knew these things, she had to give animals more credit. She’s seen a certain dark haired man with less brain cells than these majestic beasts.

“ _… en frag emo op.”_ She heard a woman’s voice. Raven did not speak Trigedasleng besides a handful of words, but Ontari was listening carefully. She didn’t seem to like what she was hearing.

The nightblood nocked an arrow on her string and pulled back the bow.

That was a mistake.

The sound of the bow creaking under the strain made the five riders turn around immediately. A shout, a warning, but the arrow streaked through the sky. With a sickening crunch—she flinched at the sound—the arrow pierced through the throat of the woman that had been speaking. With a gurgle of surprise, the black haired warrior crumbled from the horse and smacked against the hard ground.

“Raven, run!” Ontari said as she shot her second arrow. This one didn’t find its mark, the men stopped the arrow by sacrificing his arm. Raven saw his face contort just before she turned around. She kicked her feet in the horse’s flanks. Startled, the poor animal shot through the trees.

She didn’t look back as the noise of metal hitting against metal reached her. Branches devoid of leaves whipped against her face as she sped through the dark forest. She heard hooves thundering behind her, the sounds of fighting indicated that Ontari was still way back. This could only mean one thing. _She was being chased._

The horse swiveled to the side, narrowly avoiding a rock. An arrow flew passed her, if she had stayed on course it would’ve struck her in her back. She steered the horse in a random pattern—left, right, right, right, left—and a second arrow missed her miraculously. The horse did the work of avoiding the obstacles on the ground.

Her luck ran out eventually. Right as she steered, and arrow flew not to her, but straight into the flanks of the steed that was valiantly trying to save her life. The horse tripped and she was launched from the saddle. Pain shot through her shoulder as the world spun—or was she the one spinning. Dust obscured her vision, she tasted rough sand on her lips. _Shit—I hope this doesn’t cripple me again._

She didn’t realize that being crippled meant nothing if she was to die.

Raven scrambled away from the forest path. She had to get out of her. _Run!_

A flare of pain shot through her stupid leg, all the way up her spine, but she ignored it. Consequences be damned. She spit out the dirt, leaving her just with the rusty taste of blood in her mouth. She heard her pursuer stop next to her fallen horse.

“ _Kom au_.” The little of the language that she knew was sufficient to understand this. _Not going to happen_. “ _Kom au, yu wan op nou laudnes.”_

She heard a weapon slice through leaves not too far away from her. Her heart stammered in her throat as she crawled away from certain death as quickly and quietly as she could. The cold air crept up on her, she felt her extremities freeze and go numb. She bit on her own tongue to keep herself from screaming out every time she set her weight on her blasted leg.

_Wait—it’s the wrong leg._

She looked down and saw it, somehow impossibly red in the dark. From her right thigh was sticking a feathered shaft, straight through all the muscle and the tip had already broken off. It must’ve gone straight through her leg into the horse’s side. Seeing the injury sapped the fight from her and she collapsed against the tree she was hiding behind. It wasn’t good.

Footsteps were coming ever closer, but she become ever number to the world. Her ears were ringing, her breathing slowed, and the panicked drum of her heart became subdued. The footsteps seemed fainter, even though they were closer than before. Her fingers were shaking as she pressed on the slick fabric surrounding the wound. Pain flared up at the pressure.

Suddenly, he was in front of her. A menacing glint was on his ugly-ass face. “ _Osir bilaik tel op der na bilaik nou kok au._ _Yu kof dis raun.”_

He raised his sword, the tip whipped her chin upwards. She felt the cold metal despite her numbness. It was a stark contrast to the searing hot pain she felt in both of her legs, and the scrapes along her arms and face.

Raven closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable.

 

The cold finally stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the end there (don't kille me). 
> 
> So, it's been a while and I don't know when I'll update next. Currently writing on other stories. This is more or less just a reminder that this story is still updating. I've not forgotten about it at all. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


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